


No Heart and All Desire

by malamyszk



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blowjobs, Bottom Ciel Phantomhive, Bottom Sebastian, Ciel is kind of a slut, Dom/sub Undertones, Face-Fucking, Fluff and Smut, Humiliation kink, M/M, Masturbation, Phone Sex, Porn With Plot, Professor Michaelis, Rimming, Student!Ciel, Tinder date, but we love him anyway, lots of blowjobs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-08-19 16:44:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 81,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8217490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malamyszk/pseuds/malamyszk
Summary: Ciel Phantomhive accidentally goes on a Tinder date with his professor before term begins at a Midwest college. What could possibly go wrong?(Inspired by Teacher's Pet. I really loved the idea of Ciel accidentally hooking up with a Professor Michaelis. I do not own any of the characters, but all words are mine.)





	1. In Which We Use Tinder

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still getting used to formatting on this site; and I'm getting my smut gears oiled again. Last time I wrote smut was during a summer porn-a-thon in 2014. So I apologize if it's a bit rusty!

“You’re seriously going to drive an hour and a half to get laid?”

  
Lizzie Midford was hanging upside down on Ciel Phantomhive’s bed, blonde curls cascading nearly to the floor and face quickly turning the same shade of pink as her sweatshirt. Sparkly pink fingers nimbly flicked through Ciel’s open Tinder page. Ciel was rifling through his closet, digging past his conservative clothing to find something more “fuck me” and less “let’s talk about Jesus.”

  
“Lizzie,” he said, finally finding a pair of dark jeans that he immediately began to change into, “I’m not going to fuck anyone in Upland. Even if there were gays in Upland, which there aren’t, I don’t need everyone in town to know where my dick is.”

  
Lizzie stuck her tongue out and adjusted herself so that she was laying fully on the bed, head no longer hanging over the edge. “There are gays in Upland.”

  
“Babe, I think you found the only one.” Ciel found a plain black pullover and stripped out of his navy button-up. Lizzie looked up from the phone long enough to catch a glimpse of the scars on Ciel’s back before the new shirt covered them. She felt a pang deep in her gut, but instead she clucked her tongue. “You’d find your clothes easier if you actually put them away.”

  
“Shut up.” But Ciel was smiling. He climbed onto the bed beside Lizzie, his socked feet immediately finding hers. “Anyway, this guy is really hot.”

  
Lizzie looked at the profile picture, once again taking in the dark hair, pale skin, hard angles, and maroon eyes. This S.M. guy was pretty attractive, she’d give Ciel that.

  
“Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you? What if S.M. stands for sado-masochist?”

  
“Then that’s even better.” Ciel caught her worried look and pulled her close so that they were nose to nose. “Lizzie, I’ll be fine.”

  
Lizzie’s green eyes were glassy, but thankfully she didn’t start crying. She ran her fingers through his slate hair, being careful not to disturb the string of his silk eyepatch.  
“I just worry about you,” she whispered.

  
Ciel brushed blonde curls away from her forehead and gave it a small kiss. “I know. But I’ll be fine. We’re meeting in a public place – I’ll get the creepy vibes before anything starts.” He suddenly squeezed her middle, fingers dancing along her sides while she shrieked and giggled. “Besides, if I don’t get laid I’m gonna go crazy.”

  
“Alright. Alright!” Lizzie gained purchase on a pillow and whacked him with it to get him to stop tickling her. She knew that Ciel’s high anxious energy was because of the school year starting up again. She knew that being constantly surrounded by people made him twitchy and nervous. And it wasn’t the first time he’d snuck off to Indianapolis for a Tinder fuck.

  
“Alright. Let me get a look at you.”

  
Ciel stood and awkwardly modeled himself. His thin 5’6” frame was hugged by each item of clothing, making him look sure and mysterious instead of bony and thin. The green trainers on his feet were a nice touch, a reminder that he was a chill guy, while his small blue studs kept the whole ensemble fun.

  
“Fuckable?”

  
“Totally fuckable. Now let’s get you out of here.”

  
Ciel took Lizzie’s hand and began to lead her downstairs. “Remember, if my aunt calls I’m with you.”

  
Lizzie rolled her eyes, but crossed her heart anyway. “And you answer my calls. Unless you’re fucking. Then send me a text first.”

  
Ciel rolled his eyes, but crossed his heart too. They almost made it out of the house undetected, but a voice stopped them right by the door.

  
“Where are you two off to?” Angelina Dalles was settled into the couch wrapped in a red robe the exact shade of her hair, a pile of medical journals on her lap.

  
“Date,” Lizzie and Ciel said at the same time.

  
Angelina smiled and waved them on. “Have fun, then.”

***

 

Ciel tapped his feet nervously, his bouncing thighs making small obscene noises against the vinyl booth chair that he was sitting in. He wasn’t that early, only ten minutes, enough time for him to swing by the back counter of the small pizza place so that the owner knew he was there.

  
He chose this spot, Mike’s – owned by a large hairy guy from New Jersey, because it was the only place open late that wasn’t a bar or a Denny’s, and Ciel wasn’t quite 21 yet. And since this was his chosen spot, Mike kept his eye open in case anything was fishy about Ciel’s Tinder dates. It was almost embarrassing that all Ciel had to do was wave at Mike for the guy to keep watch. Almost.  
Mike was missing a leg, which was probably why he didn’t mind looking out for Ciel. Broken people tended to gravitate towards one another.

  
Ciel sipped on his coke (with maraschino cherries filling the bottom; he had a bit of a sweet tooth,) and almost choked when the guy walked through the door. He couldn’t not notice him – the guy was huge, easily over six feet. He also wasn’t one of those guys that used a dated profile picture; he looked exactly the same. His outfit mirrored Ciel’s dark ensemble, with black slacks and a much nicer shirt…and dress shoes. Who the fuck wore dress shoes to pizza?

  
“Ciel?” the guy asked as he approached the table, as if there were many grey-haired one-eyed guys in the place.

  
Ciel stood, he didn’t know why but something about the guy begged formality. He flashed a small smile. “Hey, you said it right.”

  
“Is there another way?”

  
“You’d be surprised. I get called Seal a lot.”

  
The guy laughed, something genuine but crackly, like a quick snap of sandpaper. “I’m Sebastian,” he said holding out his hand. Ciel shook it; the guys hands were (unsurprisingly) huge and slightly dry. This was already the weirdest Tinder date he had been on.

  
“So,” Sebastian began, sliding into the booth, “are we here because you’re too young to go anywhere else?”

  
Ciel shrugged. “I don’t like to drink on the first date. That way if I pass out I know it was you.”

  
Sebastian smirked, and Ciel continued: “And how many other places give me cherries soaked in coke?”

  
“Nice evasion,” Sebastian purred. Ciel felt the tips of his ears go red, and he opened his mouth to spit something witty, but his phone went off instead. Ciel groaned; it was already the third time that Lizzie had called.

  
“I’m sorry, I’ve got to take this. Do you mind?”

  
Sebastian shook his head, his face never losing the amused smirk.

  
“CIEEEEL!” Lizzie’s voice could be heard right through the phone. “Did he show? Is he gorge? Are you okay?”

  
Ciel felt the red move from his ears to his cheeks, and Sebastian’s smile widened. “Jesus Lizzie. Yes, he’s here and I’m alive.” He shot a glance at Sebastian, and held it. “I’m not answering the other question.”

  
“Just checking in, ya shit,” Lizzie playfully snapped.

  
“Thanks for that, babe. I’m hanging up now.” He tapped his phone and stuffed it into his pocket, eye contact never breaking with Sebastian.

  
“You take all the precautions, don’t you?” Sebastian asked, but not unkindly. “This isn’t Baltimore or Jersey City.”

  
Ciel sipped his drink. “Yeah, but sometimes the most fucked up shit happens in the Midwest.”

  
Sebastian laughed. “You mean aside from the winters?”

  
Ciel smiled back. “Not from around here?”

  
“Not a bit.”

  
“Even better.”

***

 

  
“Okay,” Ciel began, tearing a glob of cheese off his pizza slice. “Rule one, I don’t do unprotected sex. And if you eat your pizza with a knife and fork, I swear to God I’ll flip.”

Sebastian choked on his drink (a dark beer Ciel couldn’t remember the name of, but he’d tried it and it was bitter and gross.) He coughed a few seconds, the sandpaper laugh cropping up.  
“You don’t beat around the bush, do you?” He smiled, and picked up a slice and took a bite.

  
Ciel rolled his eyes. “C’mon. We met on Tinder, not e-cupid.”

  
“Ok-Cupid,” Sebastian corrected, “and fair enough.”

  
“So, rule one: I don’t do unprotected sex.”

  
“Neither do I.”

  
“Rule two: these,” Ciel pointed to his eye patch and tugged on his shirt, “stay on. And you’re not allowed to feel underneath them.”

  
Sebastian quirked an eyebrow. “May I ask why?”

“No.”

  
“Okay.”

  
“Three: my place is out of the question, and wherever we go we each drive our own -”

  
“Why don’t we just cut to the chase?” Sebastian pushed his half eaten pizza out of the way and leaned over the table like he was about to divulge a huge, and sexy, secret. “I assure you that I have common sense. So, do you top or bottom?”

  
Ciel felt his cheeks get hot, but he refused to look away. He pushed his plate aside and leaned in, close enough to where he could smell pizza, booze, and Sebastian’s after shave.  
“I top.” He expected a laugh, or at least a raised eyebrow. Most people did when he flipped them over, put off because of his height. But Sebastian just nodded.

  
“So do I, but I’m sure we can make that work. Second: are you a moaner or a screamer?”

  
Ciel felt the blush spread to his chest, and his stomach fluttered. He became very aware of how young he felt next to this man asking him questions that he’d never had to think about before.

“A moaner.”

  
Sebastian smiled. He pulled a pen out from his pocket and began writing on an unused napkin. “Good. I’m staying on the second floor of a house.” He pushed the napkin over to Ciel.  
“Third,” Sebastian was now leaning back in the booth, face daring, toying with his pen. “What’s your safe word?”

  
The flutter in Ciel’s stomach turned hot, like molten rock was sloshing in his gut. Damn, this guy was good.

  
“Lizzie,” Ciel said cooly, surprised that he was able to say it without panting.

  
Sebastian laughed. He placed twenty bucks on the table, stood, and tapped the paper napkin with two fingers. Long fingers.

  
“I’ll see you there, then.”

  
Ciel nodded and watched Sebastian walk out the door, giving Mike a wave as he went. Mike looked over to Ciel and gave a thumbs-up, which Ciel returned. He figured he’d give Sebastian a head start, so he spent a moment finishing his cherry soda and breathing.

  
The guy’s profile said he was twenty-six, and that definitely seemed to be true. Ciel didn’t feel weird about it, but he definitely felt a tad insecure, which was not normal for him. He also was from out of town and obviously in a rental – a solid one and done. Just what he needed. He breathed out a sigh, rubbed his eye through the patch, and walked out into the cooling night air.

***

 

Ciel stared up at the white, very suburban, clapboard house, wondering how he was supposed to get to the second floor without going through the front door. Or a window. Maybe he was supposed climb into a window? He shoved his hands in his pockets and began to walk around the house, trying his best to not look like he was trying to burgle the place.

  
“Hey.”

  
Ciel jumped at the voice, fully prepared to make a break for it before he realized that the voice belonged to Sebastian. Said man was standing a few feet above him where there were stairs leading up to a second floor apartment. How the hell had he missed them? Ciel pushed his hair out of his face, gripped the banister, and started up the stairs. Even though he’d had one working eye for half of his life, stairs were still weird on his depth perception.

  
Strong hands grabbed his arms and guided him into the dimly lit room. Ciel took in the sparsely decorated room – two couches, a bookcase, and a desk that was piled high with books and papers. To his left was a kitchenette, something that was obviously added quickly and haphazardly. Straight ahead he could see the bedroom, which probably just had a bed and a dresser.

  
“Nice place,” Ciel stated, suddenly nervous.

  
Sebastian shrugged. “It’s a place. Decent for a short stay. Can I get you something to drink?”

  
Ciel shook his head, and suppressed a jump when cool fingers brushed against his cheek. He looked up into concerned maroon eyes – definitely not fake, there were no contacts in those eyes. And fuck, why the fuck was he so nervous? Angrily, he slapped the hand away and grabbed the collar of Sebastian’s shirt, pulling the man down to his height. He couldn’t be sure who started the kiss, but it was clear that Sebastian hadn’t minded his aggressive outburst. The taller man gripped Ciel’s thighs and lifted him effortlessly, holding him in place so that they were on the same plane as they kissed. Ciel groaned, wrapping his legs around Sebastian’s back while the man gripped his ass.

  
Ciel could feel a small trail of saliva leaking out of his mouth, almost embarrassed, until Sebastian broke the kiss to lick and nibble the trail away from his chin. Ciel gripped black locks while Sebastian’s mouth worked its way to the crook of his neck, biting and sucking the sensitive spots that drove Ciel crazy. He could already feel his erection pressing into his stomach, and they had just gotten started.

  
Ciel’s back collided with the door, and he gasped as Sebastian pressed his full body against him. His skin felt on fire, and he caught himself fruitlessly grinding his hips against Sebastian’s stomach. He felt rather than heard the chuckle in Sebastian’s chest before the man reclaimed Ciel’s mouth, his tongue pressing in immediately causing Ciel to moan against Sebastian’s lips.

  
Ciel froze, eyes wide, not realizing at first that the ringing in his ears was coming from his phone and not from his head bumping the door. “Ugh, fuck. I’m so sorry.”

  
Sebastian laughed as he lowered Ciel down so the younger could pull his phone out of his pocket. Somehow Sebastian’s shirt had ridden up to mid-stomach, and Ciel swallowed heavily at the sight of smooth muscle. His eyes traveled up the man’s body, drinking in the slightly flushed cheeks, and disheveled hair that the man now ran his fingers through. Sebastian raised his eyebrows and pointed to the phone in Ciel’s hands.

  
“Oh, fuck. Yeah. I’m…I’m sorry,” he finished lamely before answering.

  
“CIEEEEEL,” Lizzie’s voice came through the phone again. “How’s your date going? He’s not a creep right? Are you gonna fuck or are you heading ho-” Lizzie trailed off at the sound of Sebastian’s laughter, and Ciel felt his entire body turn red. “Yeah, um. I’m staying out, Liz.”

  
“Ciel, you coulda just sent me a text, jeez. Anyway, be safe driving home. Sorry to be a cockblock.”

  
“Yeah, bye Liz.” Ciel sighed and hung up, taking as long as possible to look back at Sebastian. “Look, I’m really sorry. If that killed it I can-”

  
His words were cut off by Sebastian’s hands gripping both of his wrists. “Is it safe to turn it off now,” the older man whispered behind Ciel’s ear. Ciel felt a jolt of pleasure shoot straight to his dick and he naturally adjusted so that his lips were against Sebastian’s.

  
“Yeah,” he gasped, the powered off phone dropping out of his grip onto the carpet. He felt Sebastian’s lips smile against his, just sharing breath.

  
“Good.” And Ciel was up in the air again, his ankles wrapped around Sebastian’s waist while their tongues battled for dominance. Ciel moaned loudly, gripping the back of Sebastian’s neck while the man carried him down the hall into the bedroom.

  
Ciel flopped onto the bed, not surprised when Sebastian immediately undid his jeans and undressed him so that Ciel was naked from the waist down. Ciel was weird about a lot of things, but thankfully it wasn’t his dick. He had a small body, but his dick was above average and was currently leaking precum around his belly button.

  
Sebastian stared down at him, lust unabashedly apparent on his face. The maroon eyes had turned hazy and dark, nearly black. Ciel smiled lazily and slowly began palming his cock, not bothering to hold in the breathy moan that escaped his lips. He saw Sebastian’s lip twitch before the man ripped off his own shirt and crawled between Ciel’s legs.

  
“None of that,” the man said, pushing Ciel’s hand away from his dick. Sebastian’s voice had gotten deeper, rougher, and Ciel’s cock twitched just having the source of that voice in close proximity. Sebastian began kissing down Ciel’s right thigh, from knee to inner hip, alternating between light nips and teasing licks. Ciel felt his legs shaking, felt his body thrusting up begging to be touched. He could feel Sebastian smile as the man passed over his cock, tickling it with his breath but not touching, before moving on to kissing Ciel’s other thigh.

  
“Uh…God…Sebastian,” Ciel gasped out. “Just touch me.”

  
Ciel felt the vibrations of Sebastions chuckle all the way into his groin. “Not very patient, are you,” Sebastian asked, nuzzling into the crook between Ciel’s leg and hip.

  
Ciel raised himself onto his elbows. “No, I’m not. I want to be fucked.”

  
Sebastian looked up at Ciel through dark lashes while he moved closer to his cock. Ciel could feel his whole body shaking; he was so hard it hurt.

  
“If you breathe on me I swear-” An embarrassing sound finished the sentence as Ciel felt his dick being swallowed into the moist heat of Sebastian’s mouth. His hand immediately tangled in Sebastian’s hair as the man slowly sucked him down. Sebastian still looked up at him while deep throating him, which was even hotter.

  
Keening sounds were coming out of Ciel’s mouth in time to Sebastian’s sucks – the man taking him fully every single time. Ciel would have been amazed if he could think clearly. At the moment he could feel his legs shaking, and the beginning of that familiar tightness in his abdomen.

  
“Ungh, Sebastian…If you…I think…” Fingers pressed into his mouth, and Ciel obediently sucked them, twirling the two with his tongue and hollowing his cheeks to suck them in deeper. Sebastian removed them quickly, mouth still wrapped around Ciel but now moving more slowly. Ciel moaned lowly, but tensed when he felt one of those fingers press against his entrance.  
Sebastian pulled off of his dick with a wet pop, and Ciel almost wanted to cry at the loss of contact. The air seemed too cold for his too sensitive member.

  
“I know you don’t bottom,” Sebastian said, his voice rough. “But if you’re fine with this, just my fingers, I think you’d enjoy it.”

  
“Fine. Just suck me off.”

  
Sebastian laughed, which made Ciel color even more than he already was. The man adjusted Ciel so that he was laying down fully with his legs hooked over Sebastian’s shoulders.

  
“I need you to relax,” the man said, his fingers slowly circling the puckered skin of Ciel’s entrance.

  
“I can relax when you- Ah..” Ciel was cut off by Sebastian’s mouth once again enveloped his dick in wet heat, and a finger quickly pressed into his ass. He didn’t know what to make of it; he meant it when he said he didn’t bottom. He was an ass virgin. But with Sebastian sucking him off, he could almost ignore the weird feeling inside of him.

  
Sebastian pulled almost completely off of Ciel’s dick, and then slid back down at the same pace that a second finger pressed into his ass. Ciel felt his breath catch in his chest. It burned. It felt weird. He would have asked for it to stop, but Sebastian’s mouth was too distracting. The fingers wiggled around inside of him, and suddenly he felt a burst of pleasure that pulled a wanton moan from deep in his chest. He felt Sebastian hum against his dick while the fingers hit that spot again, and Ciel pressed his hips as hard as he could towards Sebastian’s mouth.

  
“Oh God….I…yeah, uh, Sebastian…” he was babbling, hands gripping the sheets and his hips meeting Sebastian’s mouth haphazardly and messy. “I…I…fuck, Sebastian…I’m gonna…”

  
The fingers pressed inside of him as Sebastian took him all the way, and Ciel went over the edge, his ass muscles clenching around the Sebastian’s fingers as waves of pleasure racked his body. His entire body was shaking, and Sebastian was sucking in time with every pulse of Ciel’s orgasm, pulling every drop out until Ciel was left shaking and spent.

  
Sebastian gently pulled his fingers out and lifted his head from Ciel’s groin. He wiped his hand across his mouth and straightened, looking down at Ciel with a smile that was partly comforting and partially predatory.

  
“I told you you’d like it.”

  
Even though Ciel felt like his entire body was made of jello, he refused to let Sebastian get the last word. He crawled onto his knees and attacked the man’s pants, savagely undoing the slacks and pulling them down to reveal the erect, leaking penis underneath. Ciel felt his breath catch in his throat, and he swallowed as his hands wrapped around the man’s cock, slowly pumping. Sebastian was easily ten inches, and the sight of his dick running through Ciel’s hands made his mouth water.

  
Long fingers gripped his hair, and he looked up to see Sebastian’s face completely clouded in lust. The man’s breathing was ragged, and the pupils were blown so wide his eyes were black. Ciel smirked and opened his mouth, allowing Sebastian to guide his dick into his mouth. Ciel couldn’t fit all of him in, but he gripped the base of Sebastian’s dick, pumping in time with the pace that the man set. He hollowed his cheeks, creating a vacuum that seemed to suck Sebastian in deeper. The grip in his hair tightened, and Ciel moaned around the dick in his mouth.

  
Sebastian didn’t make noise, but Ciel could hear the man’s erratic breathing. He peered up through his lashes and saw Sebastian staring down at him, taking in the sight of the smaller man taking him nearly all the way and not gagging. Ciel used his free hand to drag his nails along Sebastian’s damp skin – up his stomach and down his thighs, leaving small red lines in his wake.

  
Sebastian’s thrusts were so fast that there was no longer a pace. Ciel removed his hand from his cock and just gripped the man’s thighs, keeping his mouth loose enough for the older man to fuck as he pleased. Which was hard. And Ciel liked that.

  
Suddenly, the hand gripping Ciel’s hair pulled roughly back, popping Sebastian’s dick out of Ciel’s wanting mouth. He groaned loudly, partially in disappointment from being pulled away, and partially erotic desire from the rough way he was handled.

  
“Open your mouth,” Sebastian growled, and Ciel complied. He opened his mouth wide and stuck out his tongue, keeping his one blue eye locked with Sebastian’s red ones. He was practically bent in half, and Sebastian was roughly pumping his own cock.

  
Ciel saw Sebastian’s eyes flutter closed right before warm spurts coated his mouth, face, and neck. Ciel counted nine, and mentally pat himself on the back. Sebastian slowly opened his eyes and released Ciel’s hair from his grip. Ciel grinned and obscenely licked the cum from his lips, using his thumb to wipe what was on his chin and sucking it into his mouth. Sebastian tasted sweet and smoky; Ciel could have sucked him off forever.

  
“You taste good,” he whispered before Sebastian attacked his mouth. He opened immediately to the man’s tongue pressing in, and allowed himself to be pushed back down onto the bed. Sebastian was so tall that he felt like a warm blanket, and Ciel was perfectly content with making out despite the cooling spunk on his neck.

  
Sebastian’s kisses slowed until they were gently touching lips. Ciel felt Sebastian’s long fingers run through his hair, maneuvering around his eye patch. One cerulean eye focused on one maroon eye, and Ciel bit his lip to keep from smiling.

  
“I have a shower if you want to use it,” Sebastian murmured. “And I have a shirt you can borrow.”  
Ciel nuzzled his nose against the other man’s, post coital mellowness taking over his body. “Just give me a towel, I’ll be fine.”

  
Sebastian released a breathy laugh before he stood and crossed to his dresser. He pulled out a black sweater and held it out to Ciel. “Really, there’s jizz all over your shirt. Bathroom is across the hall.”

  
Ciel groaned, but rolled over and took the sweater. He paused to stand on tiptoe and plant a kiss on Sebastian’s neck before he went into the bathroom. He left the light off, using the excess light from the bedroom to find a towel to wipe himself off. He then slipped out of his dirty shirt and into Sebastian’s sweater which was long enough to cover his ass.

  
“That looks good on you,” Sebastian said, standing against the wall still naked.

  
“Yeah, thanks. It’s really soft.” They stood regarding each other for a moment. “Um, yeah. So I can, like, send this back to you…”

  
“You can stay tonight if you want.”

  
Ciel stood in place as Sebastian pulled the covers back on the bed and climbed in. “Look, it’s one in the morning. I can wash your clothes before you go. I leave this afternoon anyway.”

  
Ciel hesitated a moment more. He didn’t do after sex cuddles. He didn’t stay the night. But Sebastian was hot, and he was tired, and his shit was dirty… Ciel shook his head and padded over to the bed.

  
“Same rules apply,” he said as he climbed under the covers.

  
Sebastian grinned. “I won’t even touch you if you don’t want me to.”

  
Ciel thought about that as the lights went out, and he and Sebastian lay side by side. It felt strangely lonely that way.

  
“Nah, you can touch me.”

  
As soon as an arm wrapped around his chest, Ciel was asleep.


	2. In Which We Meet Professor Michaelis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The welcoming ceremony at Taylor brings some surprise encounters; Sebastian learns a little more about Ciel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, and for leaving kudos/comments! I really appreciate it. Some important notes about this chapter:  
> *Taylor University is an actual University in Upland, Indiana. They do have a Life Together Covenant that prohibits smoking, sexual activity, and immoral dancing.  
> *This chapter has a brief shift in perspective. It should be easy to follow, but if it is at all confusing please let me know!

Ciel woke to insanely bright light assaulting his eyeball. He groaned and rolled over, his eye focusing on grey sheets that weren’t his. His stomach flipped and he jolted up, hand reaching instinctively to touch his eye-patch but feeling bare scarred skin instead. He frantically felt around the bed wanting to simultaneously cry and throw up. Instead he tried to hyperventilate around the tightness in his chest while feeling for black silk.

Said patch was on the pillow, and he tied it into place with shaky fingers. Across the room, Ciel saw his clothes neatly folded on top of the dresser and his breathing finally began to slow. This was why he didn’t do sleepovers. Luckily Sebastian wasn’t in the room. Ciel’s stomach fluttered; hopefully Sebastian hadn’t seen him without his patch.

Ciel slid out of bed, the hardwood floor sending a chill through his bare feet. His phone was on top of his clothes, charged and blinking. He unlocked it and groaned at the notifications.

13 missed calls.

Newest text from Lizzie: _Ciel, if I don’t hear from you in an hour I’m calling the cops._

“Fuck,” Ciel groaned. He hit dial and prayed Lizzie would pick up.

“Where the fuck are you?” Gone was Lizzie’s playful squeal. Her voice was harsh and clipped, and though she tried to hide it Ciel could hear the masked worry underneath.

“I’m still here.” There was a pause, and Ciel knew what was coming next.

“You never stay over. Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

“Lizzie, I’m fine. I just stayed and I guess I slept in -”

“What the fuck Ciel!” Ciel winced and held the phone away from his ear. “Do you know what day it is today? It’s Sunday. And do you remember what you do every Sunday at eight? You go with Madam Red to church. You know who has been calling me nonstop?”

“Lizzie, I’m sorry.”

“Your aunt! You and I have been at breakfast by the way, which is ‘very sweet Lizzie, but we should be with the Lord this morning, you know.’”

“Lizzie –”

“I was worried, Ciel.”

Ciel pinched the bridge of his nose and inwardly cursed himself. Not even Lizzie’s anger could hide the wetness in her voice.

“I was so fucking worried, Ciel. I thought –”

“Lizzie, I’m fine. I promise I’m fine. I’m on my way home now. So don’t worry.”

 He heard Lizzie sniff before mumbling, “You owe me.”

Ciel couldn’t stop the relieved laugh that came out of him. “Yeah, I know. Whatever you want.”

“Anything?”

He would regret this choice later, but he acquiesced. “Yeah, anything.”

“Alright.” Another sniffle. “Get your ass home.”

“Will do.” Ciel hung up and nearly jumped out of his skin when he looked up and saw Sebastian leaning against the door frame.

“Everything okay?” He looked impeccable. His hair was brushed back behind his ears, and maroon eyes were framed by square glasses. He was wearing dark jeans and a deep green long sleeved shirt. Ciel felt very grungy in comparison. He subconsciously touched his eye-patch to make sure it was in place.

“Yeah. I just didn’t check in.”

Sebastian gave a small nod. “Ah, the precautions.”

Ciel was very aware of the man’s eyes on him as he rose and began to put on his jeans, which were still dryer warm.

“Yeah, um, thanks for washing these…” he trailed off, hoping Sebastian would get the hint and leave so that he could change his shirt.

“You can keep that sweater if you want,” the man said instead.

“I – what?”

Sebastian shrugged. “You wear it better than I do. It’s a bit short on me. I won’t mind not seeing it again.” Ciel must have had an odd look on his face because Sebastian laughed. “It won’t hurt my feelings if you don’t keep it,” he said as he walked out of the room.

Ciel could feel his heart pounding in his chest. What the fuck? It was just a sweater; there was no reason for him to get riled up like a little _girl._ And he did like it. It was soft and baggy and comfortable. Ciel grabbed his own shirt and stuffed it under his arm. Fuck it. He’d keep it.

He grabbed his keys off the dresser and padded out into the hall where Sebastian was organizing papers into different folders. Two suitcases were open on the living room floor overflowing with clothes and books. Sebastian glanced up at him and grinned.

“Don’t say anything,” Ciel warned, struggling to keep from grinning himself while he pulled on his trainers.

“I wasn’t going to.” Sebastian crossed over to him, and Ciel felt an ache beginning in the pit of his stomach. He straightened and grabbed the collar of Sebastian’s shirt, pulling the man down into a kiss. He felt Sebastian chuckle, but the man allowed Ciel to slip his tongue between parted lips. Ciel felt large hands cup his face, and it felt warm and comfortable and good and all of the things he was not used to feeling. He broke the kiss roughly, pulling his face out of Sebastian’s hands.

“I don’t normally do that. But, y’know, you gave me a sweater.”

Sebastian laughed. “And you’ll never see me again to give you shit about it.”

Ciel smirked. “Yeah, pretty much.”

“Well, thank you for the nice fuck, Ciel,” Sebastian said holding his hand out.

Ciel laughed and shook it. “Thanks for washing my clothes.”

“Anytime.”

Ciel smiled as Sebastian opened the door for him. He smiled as he passed a woman mowing the lawn near his car, giving him a look that was more than curious. He smiled as he pulled out of the suburban neighborhood. It wasn’t until he was on the highway that he realized he was still grinning and forced it down.

***

Madam Red was preparing tea in the kitchen when Ciel finally walked into the house. It was one o’clock, and tea was another one of their Sunday rituals.

“I’m glad you made it for the tea,” she said as soon as he walked through the door.

Ciel sighed as he threw his keys onto the hall table and joined her in the kitchen.

“I’m sorry,” he said pulling her in for a kiss on the cheek. “We were out late and I lost track of time.”

“I just wish you would have told me. Or called, or something.” His aunt was methodically dunking her teabag into the hot water, but Ciel could still her her shaking hands. “I worry about you.”

Ciel grabbed her hand and turned her so that they faced each other. “You don’t have to worry about me, Madam Red.” The nickname got a small smile from her before the worried frown once again clouded her face.

“That’s a nice sweater. Where did you get it?”

“Lizzie,” he lied. “She found it at Goodwill.”

Madam Red’s lips pursed, and Ciel wasn’t surprised when she reached behind his neck to peer at the tag.

“Cashmere and wool blend. Someone from the city must have donated it. No one around here wears anything this nice.”

“You do,” Ciel pointed out.

His aunt smiled. “Flattery will get you nowhere.”

Ciel smiled back. “Not flattering, just pointing out the obvious. Shall we tea?”

Madam Red sighed and pulled the teabag from her mug. “I see you still possess the art of evasion,” she said pulling another mug from the cabinet.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Ciel flashed an innocent smile and plopped a teabag into the new mug.

“Uh-huh.” Madam Red leaned against the counter, sipping her tea and watching Ciel as he prepared his. Ciel could feel her eyes following him and made a conscious effort to not do any of his nervous ticks, namely touching his eye-patch and rubbing his left shoulder. After a few moments, he heard her sigh and felt her hand rub his shoulder as she moved past him to the breakfast nook. Coast clear.

“Oh, Lizzie mentioned you were going to back to school night.”

Ciel suppressed a groan. Trust Lizzie to throw him a curve ball as punishment; he had to act as if he knew and was okay with going. “Don’t call it that. It makes it sound like we’re in kindergarten. It’s the ‘Welcoming Ceremony.’”

Madam Red smirked. “I didn’t know you liked to do school events.”

“I don’t.” Ciel brought his still seeping tea to the table. “Lizzie wanted to go.”

“Ah, yes. She mentioned something about a visiting professor covering for Karl.”

Ciel raised his eyebrows. “Professor Sundeburg is still not back?”

“The man had a stroke Ciel. A minor stroke, but still a stroke. Even with me as his doctor, a man of his age can only heal so fast. Who knows when he’ll feel ready to resume teaching.”

Ciel shrugged. Sundeberg was the associate head of the Religion department, mainly in charge of mandatory religion classes and guiding mission work.

“Well, you know Lizzie has a thing for older guys,” Ciel tried to joke.

“When are you going to ask that girl to marry you?”

Ciel had begun to sip his tea, and at Madam Red’s words he simultaneously tried to breathe and swallow, resulting in hot liquid burning into his lungs and out of his nose.

“Ah – fu – what?” he sputtered.

Madam Red raised her eyebrow with a smirk. “You think I don’t see how much time you two spend together? And staying out all night? It’s better to get married before you start engaging in sexual activity, Ciel.”

Ciel felt his face turning red, and not from the tea. “We’re not ‘engaging in sexual activity.’”

“If you are, as long as you’re using protection–”

“Madam Red,” Ciel took his aunt’s hand in his own. “We’re not having sex. I swear.”

His aunt squeezed his fingers. “I’m just making sure you stay safe.”

Ciel felt his chest tighten. He gave a small smile and squeezed her hand back. “I know you are. I know.”

***

Ciel stood with Lizzie and the rest of the Upland population in the quad of Taylor University. The air was beginning to cool and a few of the leaves had already begun to turn and coat the browning grass in shades of red and yellow. Ciel hugged his middle, pulling the sweater that Sebastian gave him tighter around his body. Lizzie stood next to him, hair pulled into a loose ponytail and hands tucked into a brown faux-leather jacket, pointedly pretending to listen to whatever speech the President was giving.

Ciel leaned in close to Lizzie’s ear. “Is this payment for freaking you out?”

Lizzie hardly batted an eye. “No. We’re here as involved students of the University. Now shut up, I want to hear what he’s saying.”

Ciel rolled his eye. “You know what he’s saying. ‘Welcome back, blah blah blah. We go forth in Christ, blah blah blah.’”

“We have a new professor, blah blah.” Lizzie shot him a wicked glance. “And you owe me a date to all school functions, by the way.”

“What? That’s multiple somethings. Not fair.”

“Ciel, I almost called the cops on y-oh my God.”

Ciel followed Lizzie’s gaze and felt his stomach plummet out of his ass and onto the ground. Standing by the President’s makeshift podium was Sebastian. His chin length hair hung loosely around his face and his eyes were still framed by square glasses. He wore slacks and a black turtleneck, and Ciel couldn’t help the flutter of desire mingling with his feelings of “what the fuck” and “my life is over.”

“Ciel, is that-”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. My. God. Ciel, you slept with our new professor.”

“Lizzie, Jesus!” Ciel hissed looking around to make sure that no one near them was listening in on their conversation.

“Sorry,” she whispered, her eyes still on Sebastian. “Wow, he’s tall.”

“Yeah, no shit.”

Lizzie gave him a sideways glance. “Is he hung?”

Ciel felt his face burning, and he once again darted looks to the people around them. He heard Lizzie chuckle.

“That’s a yes.”

Ahead of them, the President stepped down from the podium and the crowd began to shift as people followed him out of the quad.

“Evening mass,” Lizzie murmured. “Oh! He’s sticking around so everyone can shake his hand. Don’t you just love this place?”

Ciel rolled his eye. “Yeah, we’re really fucking charming. Let’s go.”

But Lizzie was already following the crowd. “Nah, I want to say hi.”

Ciel hugged himself, trying to stay calm. He debated leaving Lizzie and heading home. Maybe then dropping out and moving to one of the coasts. But when Lizzie turned around and waved him over he followed. Why the hell not? It was either see him now or see him the next day in class. Avoidance would only last so long.

Ciel tugged on Lizzie’s jacket sleeve when he caught up to her. “Let’s at least stay back, okay?”

She grinned and nodded. Ciel felt his body get heavier and his stomach get more fluttery with every step they took. At this rate, it would be a Godsend if he didn’t throw up all over Sebastian’s shoes.

At that moment, said man’s maroon eyes locked onto Ciel’s cerulean one, and Ciel felt his breath catch in his throat. Sebastian’s eyebrows quirked up, but the look of surprise was quickly masked by a smile as he shook the hand of the man in front of him.

“That’s a nice sweater,” Sebastian said when they finally got to him, holding out his hand. Lizzie shook it first and then Ciel did, painfully aware that the fingers on that hand had been inside of him less than twenty-four hours ago.

“Yeah, thanks.” Ciel admired the way his voice came out flat and strong instead of shaky and messy like the way his insides felt. “Isn’t twenty-six a bit young to be a professor?”

Sebastian’s lip curled up into a half smile. The man looked over his shoulder and spoke to the man that was waiting for him a little ways off.

“Claude, you can go ahead. I think I’m going to head home.”

Ciel felt heat begin creeping up his neck. He hadn’t notice that Professor Faustus had been so close by, and now that he had noticed him he realized that the two men looked eerily similar. Professor Faustus had amber eyes and Sebastian’s hair was a bit longer, but other than that they could have been twins.

“Are you sure,” Claude asked, flicking his eyes over Ciel and Lizzie.

“Long drive. I’ll stop by your office in the morning.”

Faustus shrugged and turned to follow the crowd moving to the chapel. Sebastian turned back to Ciel, half smile still on his lips but with no humor in his eyes.

“Aren’t you a bit young to be having causal hook-ups with strangers?”

Ciel felt his face grow hot. “You didn’t ask my age.”

Sebastian chuckled. “Would you have told me, almost twenty-one? And you must be Lizzie.”

The fluttering in Ciel’s stomach had moved up into his chest. He was feeling wildly out of control, one with Sebastian being able to peg him so easily and also with Lizzie gushing over the man like he was a new God.

“Elizabeth Midford,” she smiled. “It’s nice to actually meet you, Mr. Michaelis.”

“You said you weren’t from around here,” Ciel practically spat.

“I’m not. I’m from New Jersey. Shall we walk? I’m parked somewhere on the street.”

Sebastian was already walking towards the edge of campus as he spoke. Ciel couldn’t understand how the man was so calm. He shot a look to Lizzie that said something along the lines of ‘Can you believe this guy?’ Lizzie shot one back saying something like ‘You fucked him, not me.’

“Besides,” Sebastian continued over his shoulder. “You said that you went to the University of Indiana.”

Lizzie’s new look said something like: ‘Now who’s the fucking idiot?’

“Yeah, well I didn’t expect to run into a fucking professor from Taylor. Isn’t it inappropriate for you to have a Tinder in the first place?”

Sebastian sighed and turned to face the two, his hands tucking into the pockets of his slacks as he continued to walk backwards. “I deactivate the account when I teach, if you must know. While traveling, all bets are off. Teachers do have sex lives, as you are well aware.”

Lizzie snorted into her hand. “Not the teachers here,” she mumbled, and Ciel gave her a small shove. They were approaching the street, and Sebastian adjusted his course until they came to a nondescript dark blue Volvo.  Sebastian leaned against the side of the car and pulled a package of cigarettes out of his pocket. He tapped one out and lit it, exhaling once before putting the pack back into his pocket. Ciel noticed that they were officially off campus grounds; Sebastian already knew the rules of the school.

“Look,” he said after taking another drag, “we didn’t have sex during the school year, so you did nothing wrong. What happens before you are even my student is null and void.”

Ciel felt something loosen in his chest and breathing came more easily. Sebastian had a point; as long as they weren’t fucking in class there wasn’t a problem.

“And I won’t tell anyone,” Sebastian continued. “It would be just as detrimental for me as it would be for you.”

“Did you sign the Life Together Covenant?” Lizzie asked.

Sebastian nodded, and Ciel could have sworn his eyes darkened to a deeper shade of maroon. “Which is why I won’t be engaging in any sexual activity while I am here. And why you shouldn’t either,” he pointed at Ciel, “even if you go out of town.”

Sebastian stubbed out his cigarette and tucked it back into the foil package. He gave a small smile. “Don’t look so distraught. I’ll see you in class.”

With that he got into his car, leaving Ciel feeling like his entire being had been twisted and wrung out. Lizzie took his hand into hers, and he squeezed it affectionately.

“He won’t say anything,” she said as they began to walk back to his house. “He’d be out of a job.”

Ciel nodded. Sexual immorality was prohibited at Taylor; homosexuality, premarital sex, and adultery were all punishable offenses. Ciel’s recognition and acceptance of his homosexuality had been something he’d struggled with the last couple of years, but he had been able to hide it by traveling into the city. Now that he had a hook up so close, he felt exposed and dangerous. Especially since he couldn’t get his mind off of Sebastian.

***

Sebastian stepped around his piles of books as he brought two small glasses of wine into the living room. He passed one to Claude before taking a seat on the chair opposite the couch. The apartment he was renting came fully furnished, and while the homely quilted style wasn’t really up his alley it was quaint and clean. Claude raised his glass in a mock toast that Sebastian returned, and both men quietly sipped their wine.

“Thank you again for coming out,” Claude said after a moment.

“Of course.”

“I know it’s not your usual scene.”

Sebastian leaned on the edge of the chair, resting his head in his hand. “What on earth do you mean?”

Claude flashed a small smile. It looked more like a grimace, but Sebastian had known the man long enough to know that it was as close to a smile as he got. “You know what I mean.”

“Give me some credit, Claude. I do have self-control.”

Sebastian had last seen Claude at a religion conference two years prior, and the man still looked elegant in his crisp suit and golden tie. The amber eyes looked slightly tired, but were still alert. Wolf’s eyes, he had always called them.

“I see you met Phantomhive and Midford.”

Sebastian nodded. “Ciel and Lizzie? Yeah, I met them when I first got into town. It’s pretty small around here. Are they a couple? They seem to be joined at the hip.”

Sebastian was playing innocent and he half expected Claude to sniff him out, but the older man was focused on the swirling wine in his glass.

“Listen,” he said at last, placing the glass on the coffee table. “There’s something you should know about Ciel Phantomhive.”

Sebastian’s stomach churned but he kept his face calmly neutral. “What’s there to know?”

Claude fixed Sebastian with his amber stare, and Sebastian willed his stomach to settle. “Mister Phantomhive is something of a celebrity in this town.”

“What for?” Sebastian’s mouth suddenly felt very dry.

“Ciel was orphaned by his grandfather. Phantomhive senior was a Satanist, or he believed he was a Satanist, and led his coven to sacrifice his children. Ciel was used as a ritual item for much of his childhood until his parents were murdered and his grandfather was put away.”

Sebastian  blinked at Claude. That was not what he was expecting to hear. He was almost surprised that Claude had divulged this information in a straightforward monotone, but that was Claude. Sebastian raised his hand to his right eye and Claude nodded.

“Yeah. They branded his eye and ritually cut him. There have also been rumors of molestation.”

“Why are you telling me this? This happened when he was a child, right? Does it at all impact his studies?” Sebastian kept to himself that this background explained a lot about their first interaction.

Claude shook his head. “No, it has never been a problem academically. But it’s the town. They think he’s cursed. Touched by the Devil.”

Sebastian couldn’t help the laugh that barked out of him. “That is utterly ridiculous. Even if his grandfather was offering him up, which he wasn’t actually doing, that wouldn’t implicitly turn Ciel into a demon-carrier.”

Claude gave a small, cold smile. “Come on, Sebastian. You wrote your dissertation on demonology. You know how people think.”

Sebastian bit the inside of his cheek. He knew that Claude was right; he did know how people reacted in highly religious environments. Ciel was branded for life in this town.

“Then why is he here? Wouldn’t it have been better for him to go somewhere else? Start over?”

“His parents set up a trust with this school when he was born. He gets a free education here.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.” Claude stood and straightened his suit. “I just wanted to let you know, in case anything happens in class or on campus while you’re around.”

Sebastian nodded absently.

“Thanks for the wine.”

Sebastian watched as Claude let himself out, then released a tight breath between his teeth. What the hell had he signed up for?


	3. In Which Sex Happens...Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Repeat hookups are never a good idea...or are they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really long, but I wanted to give you smutty goodness. :D Also, this story is going in a totally different direction than I anticipated, but I'm really digging it.
> 
> Thank you all so much for comments and kudos! It means a lot!
> 
> Lastly: Consent is sexy! :)

Ciel was on edge, more so than he usually was on the first day back at school. This was his fourth, and final, year at Taylor and by now he knew the drill. There would be a few new students in one of his classes or discipleship groups, and they would be nice, smile, shake his hand, start conversations. But within the week they would catch snippets about Ciel Phantomhive, and they would grow distant. Or they would constantly try to pray with him until his rude demeanor and atheistic tendencies frightened them off. That scenario took a month.

It didn’t change the fact that the first week was always the hardest; getting that glimpse of what it might be like to be normal. There really wasn’t a point in trying to blend in except that he ached for it. He wanted it so badly he even styled his hair so that it covered his right eye, letting it act as the small spark of hope that this time would be different. Or maybe he just liked the hurt of being disappointed.

Ciel’s third class of the day was with Sebastian: Hebrew Exegesis. His stomach had been knotted all day in anticipation. He knew that Sebastian would probably spend a good portion of the class ignoring him, and he was fine with that. It didn’t mean he couldn’t sit in the back of the class and daydream.

Ciel entered the classroom – a corner class instead of a lecture hall – and chose a seat in the back corner. Not as inconspicuous as he would have liked, but good enough. Other students had begun to filter in, some gently patting his shoulder but most pointedly ignoring him. Which was just fine with Ciel. He honestly preferred the silent treatment to the saccharine looks.

Ciel sat up, as well as all of the girls in the room, when Sebastian walked in. The man wore his usual fitted slacks with a crisp button-up and blazer. He wore fingerless gloves, which somehow still looked professional, and a slim black tie that made Ciel’s stomach flutter. He couldn’t help imagining running his fingers down the silky fabric before tangling it in his fingers and pulling Sebastian down to –

Ciel’s eye locked onto Sebastian’s, and he saw something flash in the older man’s eyes before they flicked away.

“Good afternoon,” Sebastian began, and all of the girls swooned at his dep baritone. “I am Professor Michaelis and I am covering for Professor Sundeburg.” There was a slight catch in his voice, and as he coughed to clear it his eyes flicked over to Ciel again.

Ciel felt as if he had been dunked in ice. The cold started in the pit of his stomach and snaked its way through his chest. The thing that was in Sebastian’s look was sadness. Ciel pressed the heel of his hand in his good eye.

‘Oh,’ he thought. ‘You know about me, don’t you?’

Of course it was bound to happen. No one went to Taylor and didn’t know about Ciel Phantomhive. He had just hoped he could go maybe a week before Sebastian began to think of him as a pity fuck. Ciel’s eye burned, and he angrily swiped at the brimming tears. There was no reason for him to get emotional; it wasn’t the first time his had happened. Even so, Ciel kept his head down and zeroed in on the cover of his notebook.

“Professor Michaelis,” a voice popped up, “rumor has it you studied demonology.”

“Yes I did,” Sebastian answered, “Now if you’ll take a syllabus and pass the rest around.”

“Did you ever witness an exorcism?” Ciel recognized the voice belonging to Finnian, an awkward guy who hung around with Lizzie sometimes.

“I don’t believe in exorcisms. And they honestly don’t happen that often anyway.”

That got Ciel’s attention. He peeked through his bangs and carelessly grabbed the syllabus passed to him.

“How can you not believe in exorcism when you study demons?” That was another senior, a girl who seemed determined to touch Ciel as much as possible.

Sebastian glanced up from the papers he was sorting through. His expression was almost bored, and Ciel felt himself getting lost in the blood red gaze.

“Because demons need an invitation,” he said tonelessly.

“Like vampires,” a guy laughed. Bard, if Ciel caught the voice correctly. The rest of the class nervously tittered along with him, and Sebastian’s lip curled into a smirk.

“Yes, like vampires. In lore, demons prey on the weak. Those who call out to them. They offer what the weak want and create a contract. You don’t get possessed just because, and you don’t break a contract just because a priest throws some holy water on you.”

Ciel felt twenty pairs of eyes on him and his ears burned. He raised his head defiantly and locked eyes with the girl in front of him before hissing at her. She quickly turned back to the front, and the rest followed suit as Ciel’s eyes scanned the room. He wasn’t in the mood to be anyone’s demonic attraction.

“At least,” Sebastian had a smile in his voice, “that is my most humble academic opinion. And in case you hadn’t noticed, this is Hebrew Exegesis. So let’s focus on that, shall we?”

Ciel allowed his mind to wander while Sebastian worked through the syllabus. He watched Sebastian without paying attention to the words. He liked Hebrew and all, but there was something about the way Sebastian moved – the way he was so lithe despite his height. The way his fingers seemed even longer in fingerless gloves; hell, the way he managed to make fingerless gloves look so damn professional.

Ciel was also wearing a button up, a deep navy blue with purple glass buttons. He work long black shorts with matching trainers –a look that still fit the “good boy” dress code but drove his aunt crazy.

“Why can’t you just wear pants? Or a short sleeved shirt,” she would ask every year.

“Because, it’s too cold for short sleeves and too hot for pants.”

Madam Red would smirk and say: “I think you just like to annoy me.”

That was part of it, but he wouldn’t tell.

Ciel jumped as a hand touched his shoulder and saw the procession of students exiting the classroom. He stood and pressed himself against the wall while he gathered his things to avoid any more invasions of his personal space. Like most things, the touching wore off by the end of the week, but it got to him more than the sighs and whispers.

Sebastian was still gathering his things when Ciel walked up to him.

“Who told you,” he asked under his breath. Sebastian’s eyes flicked around the room before settling on Ciel, and Ciel wanted to scream at him for making the pity face. He wanted to tear it off. He wanted to kick and cry and throw a tantrum.

“Would you like to come chat in my office?” Sebastian slung a leather messenger bag over his shoulder, and Ciel was vaguely aware of a few stragglers still in the classroom. Sebastian tried to hold the door for Ciel, but Ciel glared at him until he let it go. Ciel followed the older man in silence down the hallways, glad that they were mostly clear. The five-thirty to eight-thirty block was usually left open for office hours, dinner, or discipleship, which meant most everyone was preoccupied.

Sebastian’s office was Karl’s old office, a sad square at the end of a long hallway. Luckily it had a window to lighten up the cinderblock, but since it belonged to Karl it was cluttered with his personality and belongings. Ciel saw that the desk was bare and there was a pile of papers and frames in a cardboard box on the floor.

“I’m still moving in,” Sebastian said while closing the door behind him.

“Who told you,” Ciel asked again, dumping his backpack into the guest chair. “What have you heard?”

Sebastian sighed as he hung his bag on a wall hook. He gave Ciel a sidelong glance. “I was told about your grandfather. About what he did to your parents. And to you.”

Ciel ran his hands through his hair, an angry hiss whistling between his lips.

“I’m sorry, Ciel.”

“DON’T do that,” Ciel snapped. “Don’t you fucking do that.”

Sebastian held his hands up and leaned against the wall across from Ciel, giving him space. Which pissed him off even more. He felt the hot rage boiling up in his throat, tasted bile.

“I thought it would take some time to get to you,” Ciel croaked, annoyed at how his voice broke. “So you’d see I wasn’t broken first. You’d know I wasn’t a pity fuck.”

“I know you’re not.”

Ciel glared. “Stop talking to me like I need to be soothed. I don’t need to be soothed. Jesus, you don’t even know all of it. Wanna see my eye, too? Let’s add that to the pity parade.”

Ciel felt strong hands grip his before he could get the silk untied. Sebastian was so close that Ciel could smell him, a sweet musk mixed with cinnamon and earth. He looked up into Sebastian’s face, seeing only a small trace of concern.

“I don’t want that,” the man murmured, and Ciel knew it was the truth.

“Then tell me,” Ciel inched closer, using the grip Sebastian had on him as leverage, “what is it that you want?”

Ciel saw Sebastian’s pupils pulse, and his hands were dropped as the man took a step back.

“I want you to do well in my class,” Sebastian said, but Ciel could hear the rough edge in his voice. The hot anger that was in his stomach shifted into something equally hot but not altogether unpleasant.

“Well,” Ciel whispered, not letting Sebastian get away, “I want you to look at me like I’m someone that wants to bend you over this desk and fuck you until you can’t move.”

Sebastian’s lips curled into a small smirk, but his pupils were blown wide. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said softly.

Ciel ran his hand down the black tie, weaving I around his fist and then pulling roughly so that he and Sebastian were nose to nose.

“Can’t you just admit that you want me?” Ciel whispered.

“That would be a breach of a contract,” Sebastian whispered back, and Ciel could hear the fucking smile in the older man’s voice.

“Fuck the contract.” He pulled Sebastian closer and pressed their lips together. Sebastian’s lips were thin but soft, and Ciel loved the way his own chapped lips seemed to melt on contact. Ciel’s tongue licked along Sebastian’s bottom lip, and the man parted his lips and met Ciel’s tongue with his own.

Ciel felt as if a ball of electricity was building within him. Something about Sebastian set his nerves on fire. Gloved hands snaked to the back of his neck and under his chin, the combination of rough wool and cool soft fingers crazily arousing. He pressed his body against Sebastian, smiling when he felt the man’s erection against his stomach.

Sebastian broke the kiss first and rested his forehead against Ciel’s. Ciel opened his eye, a steady blush creeping into his face. Sebastian’s eyes were intense and focused, no pity.

“This isn’t a good idea,” Sebastian said, pulling away and leaving Ciel feeling cold and empty.

“Yeah,” Ciel ran his hand over his eyepatch, and then chuckled to hide his nervous habit. “Probably shouldn’t make out in your office.”

Sebastian laughed, that quick sandpaper laugh that punched right to Ciel’s chest. “Ciel, we shouldn’t be making out at all.”

Sebastian sat in the chair behind the desk and gestured to the opposite one that held Ciel’s bag. Ciel snorted and leaned against the desk instead.

“Don’t you like it?”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “Do you have to ask that?”

Ciel’s throat was suddenly thick with saliva. He touched his right eye. “Is it because–”

“Ciel, no.” Sebastian reached up and took his hand, lightly brushing his knuckles. “Please believe me when I say it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the fact that I am your teacher.”

“A lot of professors wouldn’t complain if one of their students came onto them. They’d be jealous.”

“I am not that kind of professor.”

Ciel snorted. “Liar.” He pulled his hand out of Sebastian’s grip and placed it on the man’s thigh, dropping to his knees so that he was in between the older man’s legs. “What if I need some extra help, Professor?”

“But you don’t.” Ciel could tell Sebastian was struggling to keep his voice steady. “Look, you’re a top student; I’ve seen your grades. Why would you be in my office all of the time?”

Ciel would have pulled away, but Sebastian’s eyes were a deep red with arousal and he could see the man’s erection through his slacks. He nuzzled against Sebastian’s thigh, looking up through his lashes.

“But what if _you_ need help, Professor?”

Sebastian gripped Ciel’s shoulders and gently but firmly pushed him away. “Ciel, please.”

Ciel rolled his eye and stood. “Alright, fine. So your office is off limits. What if we go to yours?”

Sebastian was leaning over the desk with his face pressed into his gloved hands. “Ciel-”

“At least to talk?” Ciel didn’t know why he couldn’t drop it. All he knew is that he wanted Sebastian badly, and he needed the man to want him equally as much. He couldn’t leave feeling like he had made himself look desperate. “I only have Lizzie around. I’d like to be able to have a normal conversation with someone who doesn’t think I’m a freak or who needs extra prayers at bedtime.”

Sebastian gave him a look that made it clear he smelled bullshit.

“Besides,” Ciel added, overtly adjusting himself. “I don’t usually turn things in unfinished.”

Sebastian groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Alright. One time. You want to talk after this we go out for coffee. Deal?”

“Sure.” Ciel slid his phone across the desk. “Give me your number. You can text me your address.”

Sebastian smirked and shook his head. “How about I write it down for you instead?”

“Because I’ll lose it.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes, but tapped a number into Ciel’s phone before sliding it back. Ciel pocketed the phone and grabbed his bag.

“I’ve got discipleship. I’ll see you later.” Sebastian gave a half wave as Ciel walked out of the office, nearly running headlong into Professor Faustus. Inside Ciel felt bubbly and giddy, but he kept his face blank as he left, even giving a wave over his shoulder. Ciel was good at that. He liked the control of being able to look stoic when inside he was a mess. He liked how he could hook Sebastian without giving away that the man made him feel jittery inside. He pulled out his phone and tapped out a quick text.

_“Hi.”_

Halfway through discipleship, he got a text back.

_“Hello yourself.”_

_***_

The house that Sebastian was staying in was located on the outskirts of Upland, which wasn’t saying much since Upland boasted three thousand residents in the off-season. It was a small one story brick cottage with a small lawn and patchy flower beds. Ciel glanced around nervously. The edges of Upland started to give way to farmland so the house was slightly isolated, but Ciel had parked two blocks over just in case.

Ciel rapped on the door quietly, willing his guts to stop quivering and his heartrate to slow down. Lizzie was covering for him, (“Ciel, you slut!” she had squealed), and as long as no other students wanted to make a ten p.m. visit to Sebastian’s, his bases were covered.

Sebastian opened the door and Ciel was drawn into a mouthwatering assortment of smells. Sebastian had rushed back to the kitchen to check something in the oven.

“I’m sorry,” the man said over his shoulder as Ciel closed the door. “Normally I’m more gracious.”

Ciel wandered into the small kitchen, standing on the opposite side of the counter so he could watch Sebastian work. Packets of parchment were cooling on top of the stove, ramekins filled with something mousse-like sat on the counter, and unbaked croissants lined a small baking sheet. It was cramped and beautiful, and Sebastian looked right at home even though he still wore his work clothes. Ciel had changed into what Lizzie called his “comfys”: jeans, a tee, and a hoodie.

“Are you hungry?” Sebastian asked as he began pulling plates.

Ciel hadn’t been hungry; he had anticipated an encounter like their last one: hot, rough, and quick. But the aromas of fish, vegetables, and baked goods made his stomach growl.

“I…I don’t want to impose.”

Sebastian laughed and handed him a plated parchment packet tied with twine.

“I made enough for four people. You’re not imposing at all.”

Ciel took the plate, his fingers brushing against Sebastian’s. “Okay. But this isn’t a date.”

“Of course not. Would you like some wine?”

Ciel brought his plate to the adjoining dining room and chose a place at the small round wooden table.

“I’m underage.”

“Ah, he admits his age.” Sebastian entered the dining room balancing his plate, a bottle, and two wine glasses. “I’m not offering to get you drunk; I’m offering you a digestive.”

“How European,” Ciel smiled. “Yeah, sure.”

Sebastian poured the wine, a deep red – Ciel was never good with wine distinction- only filling a quarter of each before passing one to Ciel. Ciel took it, his eye catching something dark on top of Sebastian’s hand.

“Professor Michaelis, do you have a tattoo?”

Sebastian groaned as he took his seat. “One, don’t call me that in here. And yes, I do.” He held up his left hand, showing a tattoo that took up nearly all of it. Ciel felt his insides go cold at the sight of the encircled pentagram.

“How did I not notice that?”

“Your mind was otherwise occupied the first time we met. And I usually wear gloves.”

“No,” and Ciel hated the crack in his voice, hated the way Sebastian’s eyes snapped into focus. “I would have noticed it.”

“I usually cover it up. It’s off-putting to some people. Is ever-”

“Can I see it?” Ciel held his hand out, mildly surprised when Sebastian placed his hand in Ciel’s palm. The tattoo was faded, old. Ciel traced along the upside down pentagram and the Hebrew lettering between points. Ciel could feel Sebastian’s eyes on him, but the man didn’t pull his hand away.

“The tetragrammaton,” Sebastian said softly. “A variation of it, anyway.”

“Upside down,” Ciel replied, still tracing. “An insult to God.”

“Not necessarily. An invitation to the fallen. To the darkness.”

Ciel felt the cold grip his chest, making his breath catch. He snatched his hand away.

“Who are you?” Sebastian’s concerned face was beginning to blur and Ciel pressed the heel of his hand into his eye. It made him blind and probably made him look crazy, but he didn’t care. “Why do you have that?”

“Ciel,” Sebastian’s voice was soft and kind and right next to him. He could smell the cinnamon and earth, could feel the presence of another body beside him. “What’s wrong?”

“Why do you have it?” Ciel uncovered his eye and faced Sebastian directly, ignoring the wetness trailing down his cheek.

“I got it when I was a kid.”

Ciel laughed, harsh and bitter. “You don’t get tattoos when you’re a kid.”

Sebastian’s gaze didn’t waver. “You do when you are born in a country that still believes in magic.”

Ciel narrowed his eye. “You said you were from New Jersey.”

“That’s where I spent most of my life, yes.”

Ciel’s head was pounding. He felt a deep ache behind his dead eye and a strong itch to run, but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t stop looking at Sebastian’s hand.

“You don’t see that,” Ciel said at last, his voice barely above a whisper. “Not the way you have it. Not the way I…” his voice trailed off. Sebastian sighed and stood, mussing his hair.

“When I was a kid I got very sick. It started out as a headache and a fever, and then I had nosebleeds, and then I hemorrhaged in my eyes.” He pointed to his eye. “In case you were wondering, these used to be brown. Luckily the whites went back to normal, but when they hemorrhaged they were black. And I lived in Okoř, which maybe had a hundred people that lived there on a good day.”

Sebastian paused, contemplated the wine glass, and chose to lean against the wall instead.

“Anyway, I’m sick. Can’t move my head, blood everywhere. My mom goes to get a doctor and I’m with my grandmother. Who knows I am dying. So she makes a deal.”

Ciel felt goosebumps creep along his spine. Deep in his nostrils he could smell the tang of hot iron and the dull acridity of burning flesh. He could taste blood in the back of his throat.

“I don’t remember much of anything, really, but she bargained for my life.” Sebastian held his hand up. “This was done with a pin and ink from pens around the house. At that point I was in a coma, so I’m told. Okoř is right outside of Prague, so my mother took me there. I was hospitalized for a month. Encephalitis brought on by something else, probably a mosquito or tick bite. I had to have physical therapy because I had forgotten how to use my body. Couldn’t walk, couldn’t hold things; my grandmother was convinced she brought back a _golem_.”

Sebastian smirked and shrugged. “Long story short, I healed. My grandmother spent the next two months trying to convince my mother to destroy me before she died. My mother married my nice American doctor, and we moved to New Jersey. And I still have this,” he pointed to the tattoo, “because as much as my mother claims she isn’t superstitious, she’s afraid that if this goes away I will too. And I suppose maybe I believe that as well.”

Ciel reached up and untied the silk from his eye, letting it drop into his lap. A pentagram was burned onto his eyelid, but underneath the same tetragrammaton symbol was drawn into his dead eye. Sebastian didn’t look away. He didn’t look afraid or disgusted.

“You said that demons hear you when you call out…when I – when this…” Ciel gestured limply. “I called out. And I don’t know what answered, but I’m still here.”

Sebastian kneeled in front of Ciel, and Ciel almost grinned at the switch in their positions from earlier in the day. He could feel the man studying the purple markings in his eye, but he didn’t mind.

“It’s just lore,” Sebastian said at last. “It’s not real.”

“But you believe it.”

Sebastian shrugged. “Sometimes.”

Ciel leaned forward and brushed his lips against Sebastian’s ear. “I do too.”

Sebastian turned his head until their lips met, sharing breath. Ciel darted his tongue out tentatively and Sebastian responded in kind, touching and tasting, taking his time. It left Ciel breathless and hot. A breathy moan escaped from somewhere in his throat, and he immediately pulled away red faced and panting.

“I…I’m sorry. Your food is cold.”

Sebastian chuckled. “I like to cook it more than I like to eat it anyway.” The man ran his hand up Ciel’s neck and hooked his hair, pulling him close. Ciel shivered as Sebastian nipped lightly behind his ear. “I’d rather get you out of those clothes and into my bed.”

Ciel’s stomach flip-flopped into his chest. “Isn’t that against the rules, Professor?”

Ciel felt a rush of cold air hit the spot where there had been warmth. Sebastian had pulled away, his pupils blown but his eyes sharp. He gripped Ciel’s shoulders, gaze unwavering.

“We don’t have to do anything. If you are having second thoughts –”

“Oh, no. God, I was…I was making a joke…like, dirty talk…fuck that was stupid-”

Ciel’s rambles cut off when Sebastian’s mouth attacked his. He moaned around the hot tongue battling for dominance in his mouth, wanting Sebastian to envelop him completely. Sebastian hooked his hands around Ciel and lifted him, and Ciel obligingly wrapped his legs around the man’s waist.

Ciel anticipated being shoved up against a wall, so he yelped with surprise when he was tossed roughly onto a bed.

“Jacket off,” Sebastian growled, and Ciel obligingly took off his hoodie. Sebastian undid his tie, his dark eyes never leaving Ciel.

“Safe word?”

Ciel gasped, not realizing he had been holding his breath. He looked at the tie in Sebastian’s hand and a flurry of butterflies erupted in his stomach.

“Help,” he croaked. Sebastian nodded and crawled onto the bed, gently pushing Ciel back so that he was against a wrought iron headboard.

“Do you trust me?”

Ciel ignored the small voice in the back of his head that screamed _no_ and nodded. Sebastian lifted Ciel’s arms and gently began tying his hands to the headboard, giving him room to still lie down. The fabric was cool and soft, but Ciel’s breathing still kicked up to near hyperventilation.

“You are in control,” Sebastian whispered into his ear. “If you say no or stop, I’ll check in with you. If you pull straight down, the tie will release. You can stop anytime.”

Ciel nodded again, a warm relief washing over him. He focused on Sebastian’s mouth kissing around his neck, leaving goosebumps.

“You don’t have to be gentle with me,” Ciel gasped out when Sebastian’s tongue licked a trail from his ear to his shoulder.

Sebastian hummed. “What if I want to?”

“Don’t.”

Sebastian leaned back, and Ciel barely had time to register the look on the older man’s face before his pants were undone and pulled off of his body. Sebastian lightly ran his nails down Ciel’s thighs, and he moaned at the touch, his hips rising into it.

“I think,” Sebastian said right over Ciel’s crotch, “that you are just impatient.” Ciel could feel the hot breath through boxers. He tried to thrust up into Sebastian’s mouth but the man had his hips held down. Ciel glared as best he could, trying not to show that the smirk on the older man’s face was making him even harder.

“That didn’t bother you the last time,” he tried to snap, but the words came out breathy.

“Hmm, very true.” Sebastian nuzzled along the outline of Ciel’s cock, and Ciel held his breath, refusing to make a sound. He felt the man chuckle against his groin before he felt the teasing beginnings of wet heat.

Sebastian sucked the underside of Ciel’s shaft through his boxers, and Ciel couldn’t help the wanton moan that wrenched out of him. He could feel Sebastian’s tongue through the layer of cotton fabric, and the slight scratch of the material drove him crazy. His hips automatically tried to set up a rhythm in time to Sebastian’s pace even though the man still held him down.

“Ng…ah, Sebastian…please,” Ciel groaned. His boxers were soaked and the constant friction coupled with him not being in Sebastian’s mouth was too much.

“Mister Phantomhive, are you begging?”

Ciel’s breathing was erratic, but he put on his best glare. “No. I’m telling you to hurry up.”

Sebastian laughed and Ciel’s stomach flipped as his boxers were carefully pulled off of him. His cock was flushed and leaking, and the sudden cool air sent goosebumps up his entire body.

“Ah, yeah -” he panted as Sebastian once again licked him from base to tip. He groaned as Sebastian gave a quick suck to the head of his cock before licking his way back down the base, making Ciel squirm as he moved even lower, licking and sucking around his balls. It wasn’t something Ciel had ever experienced, and it sent little tremors through his legs.

“Seb – Sebas – what are-” Words wouldn’t come as Sebastian lifted Ciel’s hips and ran his tongue from Ciel’s perineum to the puckered entrance of his ass. All coherent thought left Ciel’s mind at the feeling of Sebastian’s tongue. He wasn’t used to it, and not just because he didn’t bottom. He wasn’t used to being pleasured. He used sex as a necessary release; that was the focus. Going down on Sebastian had been a rarity itself, and Ciel had never expected himself to be shaking and breathing a constant moan with someone’s tongue inside of him.

The noises coming from Sebastian as he flicked his tongue in and out of Ciel’s ass were obscene, but it felt _so_ good that Ciel couldn’t spare any energy to being embarrassed. His cock ached; he pulled weakly at his restraints, arched his back, and squirmed constantly. He simultaneously wanted to pull away and wanted more. His breathing came in ragged pants, and a light sheen of sweat had broken out on his skin.

Ciel’s breath caught in his throat as Sebastian’s finger slowly pressed into him, the man’s tongue still teasing around his entrance. He groaned as Sebastian’s finger gently moved inside of him, pulling out part way before sliding back inside. A second finger joined the first on the next thrust, and Ciel sucked in a tight hiss of breath at the dull sting. The fingers stilled, and Sebastian teasingly licked a trail from Ciel’s ass to his balls until he was once again a panting, trembling mess.

Sebastian’s fingers scissored him gently before slowly picking up a slow rhythm. On the third thrust, Sebastian brushed against something that catapulted Ciel’s heart into his throat.

“Hah – God...”

No other coherent words could come out as Sebastian brushed against that spot again. Sebastian hummed as he moved his mouth up to Ciel’s cock, fingers still slowly thrusting inside of him. A jolt of electricity shot through Ciel’s entire frame as Sebastian once again began to suck the underside of his cock.

Ciel felt about ready to burst. The light tug on his wrists from the tie and Sebastian’s mouth and fingers were becoming overwhelming. All of his senses were being stimulated; his nerves were on fire. The only things coming out of his mouth were harsh moans and the word ‘please’ on repeat. Ciel desperately wanted to be fucked. He wanted to beg Sebastian to fuck him, and that was _not_ okay.

“Hah…Sebastian, please...” he panted. “Please…hah…please stop…I…”

Immediately Sebastian’s mouth was off of him and his fingers pulled out. Ciel bit the inside of his cheek as he tried to get his breathing under control, tried to quell the rising embarrassment and panic welling in his chest. He buried his head in the nook between his arm and shoulder and tried to focus on how good everything felt, but it didn’t help.

“What do you need,” Sebastian asked softly. Ciel felt Sebastian close to him and was mildly aware of the tie being undone. The rush of blood back to his hands made Ciel go dizzy, and the light brush of Sebastian’s clothes against his skin as the man maneuvered around him made him itch for touch even though his insides were still crawling.

“I…I need to feel…” Ciel paused, trying to catch his breath. He raised his head from his arm, blue eye meeting with red. Ciel was originally going to say he needed to go home, but having Sebastian that close made his heart flutter. He lifted his hand, almost going to caress sharp cheekbones and a strong jaw before he stopped himself. Instead he went for Sebastian’s pants, trying to undo the button with shaking hands.

Sebastian gently pushed Ciel’s hands away and crawled off of the bed. The sharp sound of a zipper going down in the quiet room made Ciel’s heart race, and when Sebastian stood at the edge of the bed with cock out and pants still on Ciel eagerly crawled across the bed until he lined up with Sebastian. Long fingers wove into his hair.

“Suck,” the man commanded, and Ciel obliged, taking Sebastian’s hard length as deep as he could. He used one hand for balance and the other to pump Sebastian’s cock as the hand on his head guided his mouth.

This was what Ciel needed. He needed to be taken, used. And somehow Sebastian had known that, had known exactly what Ciel had wanted without him being able to say it.

Ciel looked up, his eye connecting with two dark red ones. Sebastian’s cheeks held a light flush, and the fact that he was watching Ciel made his chest tighten. Ciel widened his mouth more, taking Sebastian to the back of his throat. Sebastian’s eyelids fluttered, but his gaze remained focused on Ciel. He grinned and moaned around the cock in his mouth, keeping his tongue busy teasing the pulsing vein as Sebastian fucked his mouth to an increasing rhythm.

Sebastian’s breathing started to become erratic, and Ciel tried to pump his hand faster to keep time with the man’s thrusts. The salty taste of precum was coating the back of Ciel’s throat, and he ached for Sebastian. He wanted to finish him off; he wanted to feel Sebastian release inside of him.

Long fingers gripped Ciel’s hair and pulled him off of Sebastian’s cock with a wet pop. Ciel barely had time to whine his disappointment before Sebastian’s mouth was on his, tongue thrusting into Ciel’s already open mouth. Ciel’s eyes widened as Sebastian continued to kiss him, their tastes mingling on tongues. Ciel could feel Sebastian shift as the man’s pants slid off, and his whole body stiffened at the sound of a cap being popped open.

Sebastian broke the kiss and stroked the back of Ciel’s neck. He pressed his nose against the younger’s so that eyes were locked. “You are still in control. I won’t penetrate you. I promise.”

Ciel sucked in a tight breath through his nose and nodded, allowing himself to be gently pushed back down onto the bed. He gasped as cold lube coated his erection, but it quickly warmed as Sebastian began to slowly pump him. Ciel closed his eyes and moaned. Sebastian’s slick fist was just tight enough to pull him closer to the edge, and his hips bucked into it, trying to increase the pace.

Then the hand was gone. Ciel’s eyes shot open at the loss of contact, his dick aching and his stomach tight. Sebastian was leaning over him, black hair curtaining their faces. The man pressed a soft kiss to Ciel’s lips as he opened his mouth to complain.

“You can’t just kiss me to make me shut u-ah,” Ciel couldn’t finish as Sebastian’s own slicked cock rubbed against his.

“You were saying,” Sebastian murmured into his neck but Ciel could only moan in response as Sebastian’s hand wrapped around both of them and pumped in time to their thrusts.

Ciel was wound so tight he felt like he could either combust or melt at any moment. His hips thrust up into Sebastian’s and his fingers clawed at the man’s shoulders as incoherent babble poured out of his mouth. He had a brief thought of how intimate it was with Sebastian’s forehead pressed against his own, but it was interrupted by the sudden hot tightness in in gut.

“Sebas…tian…I…I’m gonna…” A low moan reverberated somewhere deep in Ciel’s chest as he released, thrusting erratically as he rode the waves of his orgasm. Ciel felt Sebastian shudder above him as the man hissed a tight breath. Lips connected with his, and Ciel returned the kiss eagerly, tangling his fingers in Sebastian’s hair and pulling the man fully on top of him.

After a few moments their kisses slowed and Ciel became increasingly aware of how sticky he felt. Sebastian seemed to have the same idea because he rolled off of Ciel and gestured to a door on the other side of the room.

“You’re free to shower first.”

Ciel groaned as he sat up and rolled off of the bed. His legs were shaking and he felt strangely self-conscious. He blindly felt for his jeans, nearly jumping out of his skin when Sebastian rested his hand on his shoulder.

“I’ll get them for you,” the older man said softly.

Ciel nodded and padded his way to the bathroom. Once inside with the door locked he flipped on the light, and at the sight of his reflection breath left him in one whoosh. The eyelid of his dead eye was open exposing the marked sclera. Ciel’s hair was matted to his scalp with sweat, and he looked ghostly under the fluorescents. His green shirt was damp and spattered with a mixture of his and Sebastian’s ejaculate.

He took in a shaky breath as he pulled the shirt off, and released as slowly as he could at the sight of his scarred skin. He gingerly touched the white raised skin of his scars, starting with the thin lines around his collar bones. Fingers traced them one by one, pausing at the raised welt on his left shoulder blade.

In his reflection, Ciel’s good eye was wet and his face was devoid of color. He looked pathetic. He felt disgusting.

With a growl he turned away from the mirror and turned on the shower, stepping in before the water had a chance to warm up.

Ciel actually liked the feeling of cold showers, the way the hard, icy droplets felt as they hit his skin. It made the slow transition into hot water even better; Ciel liked the two extremes. He lifted his face to the water, letting the hot spray massage his eyes.

Ciel jumped at a knock on the door, nearly choking on the water that got snorted up his nose.

“I have your clothes,” he heard Sebastian’s muffled voice through the door. “Mind if I put them on the sink?”

Ciel took in the shower curtain: opaque with flowers.

“Yeah,” he said, “but you’re not showering with me.”

A cold draft broke through the steam as the door opened.

“Understood,” Sebastian said, and then the door closed again.

Ciel smiled before he could stop it, and set to actually washing himself. Sebastian had bar soap and shampoo, cinnamon for the body and lemongrass for the hair. Ciel lathered up, enjoying being enveloped by scents he already associated with Sebastian.

It wasn’t until he was dried and getting dressed – jeans sans boxers and hoodie sans shirt – that Ciel realized he was enjoying Sebastian way too much. His stomach lurched unpleasantly at the realization that he slept with the same person in less than forty-eight hours, and that he liked him. He was fawning over the man’s smell like a teenage girl.

Ciel tied his eyepatch into place, pleased that Sebastian had thought to add it to his clothing pile. He then folded his towel and balled up his dirties before walking out of the bathroom without a second glance at the mirror.

Sebastian was in the kitchen putting the uneaten food into containers. The man wore black lounge pants and was shirtless, exposing taught muscles under pale skin. Ciel had to bite his cheek to keep from smiling. He grabbed his keys off of the counter and Sebastian turned at the sound.

“Well,” Ciel started, unsure how to continue. He shrugged. “Thanks again, I guess? I’ll see you in class.”

Sebastian folded his arms and leaned against the opposite counter so that he was facing Ciel.

“You’re welcome,” he said. His face was serious but Ciel could detect the tease in his voice. “Would you like to take home a croissant? Just bake it in the morning.”

Ciel shook his head, unconsciously moving closer to Sebastian. “Would love to, but it would be suspicious. No one in Lizzie’s family cooks and I obviously wouldn’t have made it.”

Sebastian nodded. “Fair enough.”

A silence passed between them, only made awkward by Ciel’s fidgets. Did he just leave? Did they shake hands? The protocol was different for repeat fucks, even more so for repeat fucks that he’d see again.

Sebastian chuckled, and he gave Ciel a quick kiss. “Is that what you were waiting for?”

Ciel felt his ears burn and a flush creeped into his cheeks. “What – no. I just – whatever. I’m going home.”

Sebastian was still chuckling as he walked Ciel to the door, and Ciel was still fuming when he reached up and pulled Sebastian in for a kiss. It only lasted a moment, but the quick swipe of tongues made Ciel breathless. He pulled away before Sebastian could cup his face, gave a slight wave, and left.

The walk back to his car was cool and sobering. The internal emotions of the evening began to die down, and by the time he snuck back into his room, Ciel felt almost normal.

***

Ciel walked into Hebrew Exegesis the next afternoon with all armor up. He would keep his head down and do his work and pass and never look at Sebastian and everything would be fine.

Except that the desk in the back corner of the room had a white paper bag on it with his name written in girly letters.

“Looks like you’ve got an admirer, Phantomhive,” Bard said as he walked in, clapping Ciel on the back.

Ciel peeked inside and felt his face go red and his stomach flip.

Inside were two baked croissants wrapped in plastic.

Ciel sat heavily in his chair and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. He had a crush. He was fucked.


	4. In Which We Play Cat And Mouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A game is afoot, Watson!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading and leaving comments & kudos! I really appreciate it.  
> Also thank you for your patience. I actually accidentally wrote two chapters at once, so this is the beginning of a two-parter. Enjoy!

It had been three weeks since the croissants had appeared on his desk, and in that time Sebastian had only spoken to Ciel in necessary professional moments. Ciel had started to question whether the croissants were actually from him, if maybe they had come from an admirer like Marta or Mey-Rin escalating from touches to baked goods. If the croissants were a coincidence then Sebastian had been done with him as soon he had walked out of the house, and Ciel honestly couldn’t decide which possibility was worse.

He sat in the back of class day after day and watched Sebastian move, watched the way the slacks curved around the man’s ass every time his leg extended to take a step. The way gloved hands would become animated when he talked about a particular topic. The way his black hair framed his angular face, the way his sometimes glasses made his eyes look more normal.

He also watched countless students go into his office. Watched the way the man avoided his gaze. Ciel walked around with a tightness he was not used to feeling. He felt listless and anxious. He was getting jittery and snapped at the slightest provocation. Madam Red even made him stay in bed the weekend prior because she thought he must be coming down with something.

But it wasn’t a sickness. It was the same hyped-up depression that came every year the week before school and the month after it started – the anticipation of being ostracized and the realization that once again he was alone. He had Lizzie, but Lizzie also had her own group, and one friend out of a whole university – out of a whole town, was pretty pathetic.

It was just worse now, this inside-out feeling, because he had hoped for too much. He let himself get carried away and caught up in a person, and now he was paying for it.

Ciel groaned and let his head fall onto his open Bible, getting a laugh from Bard, a hush from Finnian, and a snort from Lizzie. They were in discipleship, and Ciel was not in the mood to talk about modern acts of Christ. Finnian was usually the only one who actually cared. Bard had started to join their group to talk to Lizzie, and Ciel usually just zoned out.

“Honestly Ciel, you’re driving me crazy.” Lizzie pressed pink glossed lips to Ciel’s ear and blew, causing Ciel to groan louder and try to swat her away.

“No word from your secret admirer?” Bard asked.

Ciel glared over his Bible. “Do us a favor, Bard, and don’t pretend to be nice to me.”

“Ciel, really?” Lizzie snapped as Bard chuckled and mussed his short blonde spikes.

“I’m just establishing the rules early,” Ciel muttered. “He’s only interested in you anyway. It’s easier for all of us if he goes back to pretending I don’t exist.’

“Dude, I’m right here,” Bard said waving his hands like Ciel needed a sign that he was, in fact, there.

“Guys, we should really focus,” Finnian said quietly. “We need to decide on a project.”

Ciel groaned again and pushed himself into an upright position as if the weight of gravity was tenfold. “Then why don’t you just pick it,” he snapped. “Haven’t you figured out that we don’t care?”

“That’s it.” Lizzie slammed her hands down on the table, drawing the attention of a few other groups scattered throughout the study hall. “Ciel, we have a date tonight, and you are forbidden to talk for the rest of discipleship.”

Ciel rolled his eyes. Whenever he was in a funk and going into the city wasn’t an option, Lizzie would take him on a date – usually pizza and a cheesy movie.

“Lizzie, I don’t think a chick-flick is going to do anything.”

Green eyes narrowed at him, and purple painted fingers mimed zipping pink lips. “Zip it.”

Ciel stuck his tongue out and buried his head back in his Bible. While he was sparring for a fight, he wasn’t so far gone that he would risk actually fighting with Lizzie. He focused instead on tearing scrap paper into increasingly tinier shreds, and only opened his mouth once to volunteer his aunt’s hospital as an “Acts of Discipleship” opportunity.

The group packed up their things as eight-thirty rolled around; Finnian darting off before anyone could say goodbye, Bard not so discreetly pressing his number into Lizzie’s hand, and Ciel making as much agitated noise as possible.

“Jesus saw that,” he quipped over his shoulder to Bard’s receding form.

“Hush,” Lizzie giggled, her green eyes bright and a blush staining her cheeks. “God, it’s a wonder I get anyone hitting on me with you around.”

Ciel paused. He knew it was a joke, that Lizzie didn’t actually dislike Ciel being around, but it still stung. He took in Lizzie, really looked at her as she pocketed the number and packed her things. She was pretty, Ciel conceded, beautiful even. He’d known her so long that he sometimes forgot that Lizzie was a catch. Her blonde curls were up in ribboned braids, and she wore a long-sleeved maroon dress with white ruffles, white tights, and wine colored boots. Green eyes met one blue with a question, and Ciel shrugged.

“I forget how beautiful you are sometimes,” he admitted, loving the way her cheeks flushed deeper. “I’m sorry for being a cock-block.”

Lizzie laughed and put a finger up to his lips as she glanced around to make sure no one overheard his profanity.

“You don’t have to apologize for keeping guys away from me,” she said softly. “But you do have to apologize for being an asshole.”

Ciel took the hand still against his mouth and kissed the finger tips affectionately. “I’m sorry for being an asshole.”

Lizzie’s eyes flashed dangerously as she took her hand back and swung her bag over her shoulder.

“Not just to me, to Bard and Finny as well.” Ciel groaned and followed her out of the study hall as she continued to talk over her shoulder. “Finny is a sweetheart and you always tease him. And Bard _is_ trying.”

Ciel rolled his eyes, wrapping his jacket more tightly around himself as they stepped into the chill evening air. It was mid-October, and while the days could still be warm, the nights had begun to drop to levels that left frost on windshields.

“So what movie did you have in mind?”

“I was thinking of something different.” Lizzie turned on the sidewalk heading to the opposite side of campus and away from their houses.

“Like what?”

“Coffee,” Lizzie tossed over her shoulder.

Ciel smirked. “Liz, you don’t drink coffee.”

“That’s why I’m getting a hot chocolate.”

“Any particular reason we’re going out for ‘hot chocolate’?”

Lizzie sighed and slowed so she could weave Ciel’s fingers with her own. “You have a major final paper topic to finish and I have a massive French test, and I’d rather we hang out not cooped up in one of our rooms while we work on them.”

Ciel squeezed Lizzie’s hand. “Fair point.”

Lizzie flashed a quick smile. “And you’re buying.”

Ciel couldn’t help the laugh that barked out of him. Lizzie always kept him on his toes. “Of course, m’lady,” he said, bowing deeply and almost dragging her down with him.

Still giggling, the two made their way to THR3E, the almost 24-hour café on the edge of campus. It was a cozy place – never too loud and with decent food and drinks, but Ciel usually avoided it. Which wasn’t saying much, because Ciel avoided most everywhere in town. He especially avoidedTHR3E because all proceeds beyond base expenses went to the church, and Ciel wasn’t usually in the giving mood.

“One hot chocolate and one double con panna with extra whipped cream on both,” Lizzie told the girl at the counter, and Ciel smiled to himself. He was more of a tea person, but on the rare occasion he did drink coffee he preferred straight shots, which was odd because of his raging sweet tooth. When he discovered that he could have shots with whipped cream it was the best of both worlds. Ciel passed a ten dollar bill to Lizzie – generally people didn’t want to have to deal with him, and then followed her as she searched for a seat in the back.

His stomach lurched at the sight of Sebastian sitting at a back corner table with a large round mug and a stack of papers in front of him. Ciel grabbed Lizzie’s elbow, and the girl turned and smirked at him. That was when he knew.

“You planned this, didn’t you,” he hissed.

Lizzie’s eyes widened in mock shock, but she couldn’t hide her devilish smile. “What are you talking about? I just want to say a quick hello.”

Ciel felt his stomach knot even tighter but continued to follow Lizzie to the back. Sebastian looked impeccable in a grey turtleneck and black fingerless gloves. He wore his glasses, and his hair was perfectly imperfect – mussed from having hands run through it one too many times.

The man glanced up as they approached his table, surprise quickly masked by a smile.

“Good evening,” he said. His voice crackled from not being used in a while, creating the same sound as his sandpaper laugh.

“Hey,” Lizzie said brightly, and then nudged Ciel with her elbow when he didn’t respond in kind.

“Ow,” he grumbled. He gave a half-wave to Sebastian. “Hey.”

Before Ciel could drag Lizzie away, she plopped down in the chair across from Sebastian. If the older man minded he didn’t show it.

“Grading?” Lizzie asked, and Ciel fought the urge to forcibly grab her and find another table – preferably on the other side of the café.

“Yes.” Sebastian ran a gloved hand through his hair, disheveling it even more. “I never want to do school work when I’m at home.”

“That’s why we’re here.” Lizzie grinned and nodded at Ciel. “Do you mind if we sit with you?”

“Lizzie, we should really–”

“Of course not.”

Ciel’s words caught in his throat. Sebastian had spoken directly to Ciel, and he didn’t know what to do with that after three weeks of being ignored. Ciel felt a flush creeping up his neck, and he abruptly broke eye-contact while he pulled up a chair next to Lizzie.

“Those croissants were delicious, by the way,” Lizzie said right as Ciel sat, and he was almost positive he would actually spontaneously combust from anger and embarrassment.

“I’m glad you liked them,” Sebastian said quietly. “I figured Ciel would share with you.”

Lizzie shot Ciel a look that said something like: ‘see?’ and Ciel rolled his eyes in return. The fact that they were from Sebastian didn’t change the fact that the man hadn’t spoken to him in three weeks.

Ciel became aware of a gaze on his back and approaching footsteps. Sebastian’s face was carefully blank while he sipped his coffee, and Lizzie busied herself in her backpack.

“Professor Michaelis, I didn’t know you offered late night study sessions.”

Ciel kept his face neutral as Professor Faustus stood by their table. Faustus never showed any emotion, but Ciel felt that the amber eyes were able to read more than he gave them credit for.

“Faustus,” Sebastian acknowledged. “I’ve just been joined by two of my students.”

Faustus’s lip twitched, and Ciel could swear the man was undressing him with his eyes, down into Ciel’s skin, into the bone.

“Ciel has a class with Professor Michaelis,” Lizzie chimed in, “I’m just here with Ciel.”

Faustus’s lip twitched again. “Of course you are.”

“Here are your drinks,” the barista from the front said as she tried to maneuver around Faustus. “Excuse me Professor.” She placed a miniature cup in front of Ciel and a large white mug with a mountain of whipped cream in front of Lizzie. The red-head glanced around at all of them, adjusting her glasses on her nose as she made eye contact with Faustus.

“U-um,” she stammered, “would you like another coffee, Professor Michaelis?”

Ciel looked up at the hitch in the girl’s voice, sighing when he realized that it was Mey-Rin. Her cheeks were a rosy pink and she was looking at Sebastian as if he was going to propose to her instead of just ordering coffee.

To his credit, Sebastian flashed one of his half-smiles, the same one he’d had when he met Ciel a month ago. Ciel felt hot tightness in his throat.

“No, thank you Mey-Rin. You’ve been wonderful.”

The girl’s face turned beet red, and Ciel held his tongue and monitored his facial expressions so that he didn’t spit something nasty. She nodded at Sebastian, smiled at Lizzie, awkwardly pat Ciel on the head, and turned right into Professor Faustus.

“Ah- uh – s-sorry Professor,” she stuttered, tripping around the man. “I – I’m so clumsy.”

Faustus watched her go before turning back to Sebastian, his face unreadable. “My, aren’t you popular?”

Sebastian’s face was equally blank. “Why Claude, you give me too much credit.”

“Quite.” The man regarded the three of them again. He seemed to decide something because his mouth turned into the closest thing to a smile he had. “Don’t stay out too late, Michaelis. We have a faculty meeting in the morning.”

Sebastian toasted the man with his mug. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

As soon as Faustus was out of earshot, the threesome visibly relaxed, Ciel not realizing he had been so tense until he felt all of his muscles release.

“Oof,” Lizzie said, her eyes still following Faustus’s receding form. “I always forget how sour he is.” She turned back to Sebastian and grinned. “But man, Professor, Mey-Rin’s got it bad for you.”

Sebastian hid his face behind his coffee mug as he took a well-timed sip and shrugged.

“You should just tell her you’re not interested,” Ciel said, fighting to keep the nasty edge out of his voice. “It’s not like anything will come of it. It’s rude to string her along.”

Sebastian’s eyebrows raised, and Ciel kept his expression as bored as possible.

“My, my, Ciel,” Sebastian murmured. “You aren’t jealous, are you?” Before Ciel could sputter a reply, Sebastian continued, “Besides, I get free refills.”

“You sly dog,” Lizzie chuckled. “I mean, you sly dog, Professor. Sorry, it’s weird with you. I keep forgetting.”

Ciel rolled his eyes and scooped some of the whipped cream from Lizzie’s mug with two fingers before it could all melt into the hot liquid. This was something that he always did, and the reason why she asked for extra. If he wanted, Ciel could eat an entire mug of just whipped cream. Lizzie squealed and punched his arm; once again forgetting her own strength and making him wince just a little.

“You have your own!” Another part of the ritual.

“Yeah, but yours is different,” Ciel said with a smile as he popped his cream covered fingers into his mouth.

Ciel felt Sebastian’s eyes on him, and he met the man’s gaze head on with sticky fingers in his mouth. The heat in his chest from earlier changed into something defiant and erotic. He knew that Sebastian had only looked at him for a few seconds, barely more than a glance, but to Ciel it stretched on for minutes.

“You know, they make napkins for this sort of thing,” Sebastian said as he reached over and wiped stray whipped cream from the corner of Ciel’s mouth with his thumb.

“I’m going to get a scone,” Lizzie declared abruptly. “You guys want anything?”

Ciel caught the excited glimmer in her eye and felt his already budding blush grow from his chest to his neck.

“I’m fine,” he said thickly.

“As am I,” Sebastian said with his half smile.

Lizzie winked, grabbed her hot chocolate, and walked towards the front, pausing to say hi to a random girl that she recognized. Taking her time, Ciel noted. Playing matchmaker.

He looked back to Sebastian, the man chewing on the end of his pen as he read over a paper in front of him. Ciel sipped at his con panna, the combination of sharp espresso and smooth cream echoing his mood. He felt awkward and fidgety, even more so since Sebastian was calmly ignoring him after that stint of wiping his mouth. Ciel’s eye surreptitiously took in Sebastian’s features, trailing down the man’s torso and pausing over familiar writing on the paper in front of him.

“Wait, are you reading my assignment?”

Sebastian looked up over his glasses with a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“I am indeed.”

Ciel rubbed his bad eye. “Well, that’s embarrassing.”

“How so? The golem is quite an interesting subject, and the basis for a lot of Hebrew linguistics.”

“Yeah, well. You piqued my interest,” Ciel said as blankly as he could.

Sebastian laughed and Ciel felt all the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

“So, did you find any similarities,” the man asked, still smiling. “I’m sure you were looking for them.”

Ciel shrugged. “I don’t really see you as a golem. I’d say you’re more of a dybbuk.”

Sebastian’s eyes flashed, and Ciel felt a tightening in his gut. He couldn’t quite read the expression on Sebastian’s face.

“Do you,” the man asked quietly.

Ciel shrugged again, absentmindedly stirring the whipped cream into his espresso with a tiny spoon.

“I mean, yeah. A dybbuk was originally a ghost, right – at least that’s what ghost used to be in Hebrew. It just clings to a body. So if you were to call out a dybbuk is what would come.”

Sebastian blinked slowly, then chuckled while he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“I’m not saying I actually think you are one,” Ciel said quickly.

“I know.” Sebastian sighed and once again began to chew on the end of his pen. “You just reminded me of Claude for a second.”

“Professor Faustus? How?”

Sebastian gave a tired smile. “You and he have similar thought processes. About the golem and the dybbuk.”

Ciel felt his mouth go dry. “You mean, Professor Faustus knowns…” Ciel trailed off and pointed to his hand.

“Oh yes.”

A flurry of emotions hit Ciel’s gut as he tried to picture the cold head of the religion department being in a position of confidence with Sebastian. Had they been good friends? Lovers?

“I was his thesis,” Sebastian cut into Ciel’s thoughts. “His PhD dissertation. Ancient magic and spiritual practices. I was a firsthand citation – very rare in academic circles.”

Ciel swallowed and fiddled with the string of his eyepatch. He wouldn’t be surprised if people at Taylor had used him or his family as the basis for their papers, but he had certainly never been told about it.

“It’s probably available in the library,” Sebastian continued, his eyes muddy, “if you want to read it.”

Ciel shook his head. “I don’t need to.”

Sebastian looked at him for a few moments, as if he were searching for something hidden in Ciel’s face. Then the man nodded and went back to the paper in front of him while Ciel watched and finished his drink. The silence that passed between them was much less awkward – almost comfortable.

“They didn’t have any scones,” Lizzie proclaimed loudly as she returned to their table. “Just bagels. Well Ciel, you ready to head out?”

Ciel fought the urge to roll his eyes. Lizzie had no problem with it being apparent that her whole goal was to get Ciel and Sebastian talking to each other.”

“Yeah, I –“ Ciel jumped as a foot slid over his own.

“Sorry,” Sebastian said, looking up from the paper. “I get fidgety when I’m grading.

Ciel shrugged and was about to keep talking when he felt a brush against his ankle – and not one that was accidental, a deliberate brushing of a foot along his own. Sebastian was busy marking something on Ciel’s paper, but Ciel could see the slight smirk on his professor’s face. The brushing moved up his calf, and Ciel felt a fluttering begin in his stomach. He fought the urge to bolt, and instead stood up calmly and deliberately.

“Yeah,” he said to Lizzie as he grabbed his backpack, refusing to look at Sebastian. “Let’s go.”

Lizzie grabbed her bag as well and waved at Sebastian. “Goodnight, Professor.”

“Goodnight you two.”

Lizzie nudged Ciel, but he only threw a half-wave over his shoulder as they left THR3E.

“What the heck was that,” Lizzie asked when they were outside. “Did something happen?”

Ciel rubbed his face, as if massaging his jaw muscles could sort the thoughts racing through is mind.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I can’t read him.”

Lizzie smirked. “You can read some of hi-“

“Liz, I think we should drop it.”

Lizzie gave him a sideways glance and arched her eyebrow.

“There’s no point while we’re at Taylor,” Ciel kept babbling, “and I don’t even know if there’s really anything there, so we should just leave it alone.”

Lizzie’s mouth widened into a slow grin that made Ciel uneasy.

“Oh my God. You actually like him, don’t you?”

Ciel tried to fight the rising blush on his neck. “No. I’m just saying that it’s risky to hook up again –“

“Ciel Phantomhive, you have a crush.”

“That’s not it, Lizzie.”

“Uh-huh.”

They walked in silence as they moved through the main campus, Lizzie’s fingers wrapping around Ciel’s. Ciel felt calm and comfortable in that moment – cool darkness and Lizzie’s warm hand. It was familiar; it made it seem like this way any other night at Taylor, any other moment of his life in Upland where it was just him and Lizzie.

They continued to walk in silence until they were in sight of Lizzie’s house. The girl paused at the edge of the street and turned to look at Ciel.

“You remember when you had that crush on Alois in seventh grade, and he called you a demon faggot and you broke his nose?”

Ciel bristled at the memory. He had been expelled for a week and had to give penance by helping Father Jordan clean the sanctuary while the man droned on about sins of the flesh. He’d made himself sick for a week after the expulsion so that he wouldn’t have to go back to school, but eventually Madam Red caught on.

“Yeah…”

Lizzie’s green eyes were large and serious. “Sebastian isn’t that.”

Ciel sighed and rubbed his fingers over Lizzie’s knuckles. She amazed him constantly with her ability to think there were good people in the world – especially in the Midwest. Since they were cousins, Lizzie had also experienced some of the ‘antics’ of Ciel’s grandfather, but Lizzie was much better at being a normal person than Ciel.

“Liz, you don’t know what he is.”

Lizzie shrugged. “Maybe not, but he’s the first person you’ve stayed the night with, and he’s obviously interested in you.”

Ciel didn’t want to bite, but he couldn’t help it. Lizzie knew him too well.

“You think?”

Lizzie’s eyes got even brighter, and a mischievous smile played on her lips.

“Definitely. Just play it cool. Make him want you.”

Ciel sighed to hide the giddiness he felt welling up in his chest. He didn’t do crushes, or dating, or boyfriends. People didn’t _like_ Ciel Phantomhive. He hadn’t felt this way since puberty hit, and it made him excited and nervous at the same time. He pulled Lizzie in for a hug and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

“You haven’t convinced me to do anything, but I’ll think about it.”

Lizzie chuckled. “Of course you will.”

And with that she skipped off to her house where her mother stood waiting on the porch. Ciel gave a wave, and then adjusted his course so that he headed to his aunt’s house, his mind focused on Sebastian. By the time he got home he was hard, and with furious embarrassment he threw himself under the covers fully dressed and tried to force himself to sleep.

***

Ciel walked into Hebrew Exegesis the next day with his face carefully neutral. He hadn’t been able to sleep until he got off, and he chalked that up as a win for Sebastian. That was how he started to think about him – as a game, a competition. So far Sebastian was winning, and that was unacceptable.

Outside the landscape was grey and heavy; a steady mist hung over the grounds making Ciel feel sticky and claustrophobic. He wore Sebastian’s sweater with dark jeans that hugged his legs and grey boots. He rubbed his left shoulder, in part because of nerves, and in part because of the phantom pain in his scar tissue.

Ciel settled in his chair and nearly laughed out loud at the look on Sebastian’s face when the man walked in and spotted him. After that, Sebastian took up his usual task of ignoring Ciel, but whenever his professor did happen to look his way Ciel made sure that he had a bored expression on his face while he sucked on his pen. At one point they locked eyes, and Ciel hollowed out his cheeks, pushing the pen slowly in and out of his mouth and chuckling when Sebastian looked away.

Ciel made sure to leave the classroom before everyone else at the end of the period, keeping his quivering insides well hidden beneath a mask of stoic indifference.

This continued throughout the week, Sebastian quickly catching on to the nature of the game. Ciel would slide his hand over Sebastian’s torso to grab something in the breakfast line, and two days later Sebastian would press his entire body against Ciel’s back as he reached around him for a fork. Theirs was a game of stolen looks, slight touches, and subtle innuendos. And while Ciel’s score was currently higher, he couldn’t help but notice the deep ache in his chest, the strong desire for one of them to end it. For one of them to cave – give in and find an abandoned broom cupboard somewhere.

By the weekend, Ciel felt like he had a perpetual hard-on. He felt prickly and on edge. Lizzie had ditched him for a date with Bard, and Ciel had half a mind to find a one night stand in the city. Instead, he began his slow trudge home, boots crunching on leaves and hands deep in the pockets of his jacket.

“Mind if I walk with you,” Sebastian’s voice came from behind Ciel as the taller man matched Ciel’s stride.

Ciel shrugged, doing his best to feign indifference. They walked in silence down the tree lined sidewalks and clapboard houses, their steps illuminated by the glow from open windows and the occasional street light.

“I’m sure you didn’t park this far,” Ciel said when they were two blocks from his aunt’s house.

“I didn’t,” Sebastian replied.

Ciel smirked. “Are you going to start stalking me, Professor?”

“No.”

They walked in silence for another block before Ciel slipped into a small copse of trees. The tree ring had been a part of the local park since Ciel was a kid – seven trees in a circle that created a secret hideaway. Once enveloped in the darkness, Ciel folded his arms and fixed his best glare on the taller man, one blue eye boring into calm maroon ones. Sebastian wore a long black overcoat that seemed to blend him into the darkening surroundings.

“We’re close to my house. You can’t be walking me home.”

Sebastian mirrored Ciel’s stance and smirked. “Can’t I?”

“No,” Ciel said flatly.

“Ah,” Sebastian said, taking a step closer. “Too obvious?”

Ciel remained quiet, his glare wavering. He could smell Sebastian’s scent, that mixture of cinnamon and lemongrass that drove him crazy.

“It’s an interesting game you’re playing,” Sebastian continued, taking another step closer.

“What are you talking about?” Ciel glanced around, but he knew there was no one on the street. It was dinner time or bath time in the houses, and no one had gone into the tree ring since Ciel was a teenager.

Sebastian’s smirk grew into his lopsided grin, and he closed the gap between them with one stride. He kept their bodies apart, but leaned down and licked the shell of Ciel’s ear.

“I’ll have you know I’m a very competitive person,” Sebastian whispered hotly into Ciel’s ear.

            Ciel bit his lip to hold in the breathy moan that wanted to come out. He was already hard, and a huge part of him wanted to strip and let Sebastian have his way with him. Instead, he turned his head so that his lips ghosted over Sebastian’s.

            “And I don’t lose.” Ciel could feel Sebastian’s lips smile against his own. He tentatively licked along the older man’s lips before pressing a firm kiss to them, pulling away before it could grow. “Professor.”

            Sebastian chuckled and bowed, stepping out of the tress.

            “Have a good weekend Ciel. I’ll see you in class.”

            Alone, Ciel sat heavily on the grass. He didn’t know if he could last that long.


	5. In Which Office Sex Happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Office blowjobs and masturbation. 
> 
> "What do you think about when you get off?"  
> "That's a very forward question."  
> "Well, I'm a very forward person."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thank you again so much for reading. I wanted to get this chapter up before the end of the week because my deadline for the next chapter is next week, so keep your eyes peeled!  
> Two things: 1) Here is the Frankenstein book we reference in this chapter: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17331402-gris-grimly-s-frankenstein
> 
> 2) Ask and you shall receive! Someone said they wanted office sex, and after it was brought up I couldn't help thinking: Hm, you know I do too. So here it is.
> 
> Enjoy

_What do you think about when you get off? - Mouse_

            _That is a very forward question. -Cat_

            _Well I am a very forward person._

_Nothing in particular. How about you?_

_No comment._

_***_

_I think of my cock in your mouth, of you choking on it as you take it all the way. -Cat_

_That’s graphic.-Mouse_

_I also think of getting you hard via text._

_You don’t say._

_Did it work?_

_No comment._

_***_

_Do you think about fucking me? –Mouse_

_Why don’t we talk about course material instead?-Cat_

_Do you think about bending me over your desk and spreading me wide?_

_I hear your senior thesis is on Mary Shelly. I have a few books you can borrow._

_Do you think about sliding your cock in me as you take me from behind? Do you think about cumming inside of me?_

_Perhaps._

_**_

            Ciel could imagine that Lizzie was regretting her attempt at matchmaking. He had been even more fidgety and anxious, his foot always tapping and fingers in a constant state of motion –playing with his eye patch, tearing paper, tapping out a haphazard rhythm on surfaces.

            It was also the second week in November, which meant that light snow dusted the ground in the morning, and Ciel’s small frame was perpetually cold no matter how many layers he wore, which added to his agitation

            He already owed a gift to Finny for making him cry during their volunteer project – where the nun at the food bank informed him that his behavior was un-Christianlike. (He almost snapped that he had an excuse being a sacrifice for Satan, but he held his tongue.) He also had to prepare to take Lizzie to the first home basketball game of the season – a huge deal for Taylor before Silent Night, the last game of the season. It was the first school event he was required to go to with her, and he had to share the experience with Bard.

            He showed up to Lizzie’s house bundled in Sebastian’s sweater over a navy t-shirt and dark blue skinny jeans. He wore two pairs of socks, a pea-coat, and a scarf that covered half of his face. When Lizzie answered the door dressed in a delightful red Lolita-style dress, she burst out laughing.

            “Shut up,” Ciel muttered, stepping into the house. “I’m not in the mood.”

            “Lighten up, grump face.” Lizzie’s eyes lighted at the bundle of flowers Ciel held. “For me?”

            Ciel adjusted his scarf and gave a quick kiss to her cheek. “Finny. You just get my wonderful company for the evening.”

            Lizzie rolled her eyes as she pulled on her coat. “Oh, I can’t wait.”

            “You can always tell me to go home,” Ciel said, a little too desperately.

            “And miss out on making you suffer as much as you’ve been making everyone else suffer? No thank you.”

            Ciel sighed, wrapped his scarf more tightly, and allowed himself to be dragged through the frigid night to the Taylor gym. The basketball court was loud and crowded, and only warm enough for Ciel to unbutton his coat. He passed the flowers off to Finny as soon as he saw the boy and apologized for being an asshole, unsure if the blush that stained the boy’s cheeks was from the flowers or Ciel saying the word “asshole.” Bard and Lizzie sat beside each other, not touching but obviously wanting to, and Ciel’s stomach knotted in frustration.

            The noise in the gym was so loud, and Ciel’s anger buzzing with its own electricity, that he almost didn’t notice the phone vibrating in his pocket.

            _You look like you’re having fun. –Cat_

Ciel bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Lizzie looking over at him. The girl was as perceptive as ever.

            _Yeah, having a blast._

            The phone stayed silent while Taylor scored three points and Bard slowly took Lizzie’s hand. Ciel wondered if he came off sounding too harsh and was about ready to type out another reply when his phone buzzed again.

            _I didn’t peg you as the sports fan type._

Ciel grinned.   _I’m not. Owed Lizzie._

_Even though you’re a third wheel?_

Ciel looked up, but he couldn’t spot Sebastian through the mass of people.

            _Are you creeping on me, Professor?_

_Such dangerous words. What if someone were reading over your shoulder?_

Ciel bit his lip, but the grin spread anyway.

            _The only one who would bother is Lizzie, and she thinks you should give in and ask me out or something._

A silence stretched where Ciel began to panic. He hadn’t planned out his last response, hadn’t meant to make it sound like he wanted to go on a date with the man. He fumbled with typing out different apology or clarification texts when his phone buzzed, making him jump.

            _I don’t know about asking you out, but my office is open if you get tired of the unrelenting testosterone._

            The knots in Ciel’s stomach gave way to warm liquid anticipation. He glanced around the packed gym – the majority of the school was there, but sneaking off to Sebastian’s office was still risky. Taylor scored two more points before Ciel made his decision to go, giving Lizzie a discreet pat on the knee before he slipped out of the gym, using cheering students as his cover from the bleachers to the door.

            Ciel’s boots crunched  along the frost covered ground as he quickly traversed East campus to get from the gym to the religion building. The night air cooled his heated cheeks and calmed the wild fluttering in his chest. By the time he reached Sebastian’s office – the only room with any illumination visible – Ciel’s breathing was steady and his complexion was back to its normal tone.

            He rapped quietly on the door, failing to stop the small grin that pulled at his lips when Sebastian opened the door. The older man’s hair was tucked behind his ears, and his burgundy vest was undone over a white button-up with sleeves rolled up past his elbows. Sebastian mirrored Ciel’s half smile and took off his glasses as he stepped aside so that Ciel could enter.

            The office was warm – Ciel spotted a space heater in the corner of the room under the lit table lamp – and aside from the pile of papers and post-its on the desk it was meticulously organized.

            “The testosterone got to you that quickly?” Sebastian asked as he took the seat behind his desk. “Or were you just excited to see me?”

            Ciel snorted and shrugged out of his coat and scarf, plopping both down on the extra chair before settling into it.

            “You may not have noticed, but I hate people.”       

            Sebastian chuckled. “But you _love_ that sweater.”

            Ciel scowled. “Don’t look so pleased with yourself. It’s comfortable.”

            Sebastian held up his hands in mock surrender, half-grin never leaving his face. “My apologies.”

            Ciel rolled his eyes. “So tell me, Professor, how long were you watching me down there?”

            Sebastian shrugged. “I made my appearance. Stayed for the first point and then left.”

            “That wasn’t my question.”

            “I know.”

            A silence stretched between the two, neither wanting to be the first to break and admit that possibility of actually wanting to see the other.

            “So,” Sebastian said, leaning back in his chair and polishing his glasses. “Senior thesis on Mary Shelly?”

            Ciel gave a quick laugh – the ‘ha’ busting out before he could stop it. Sebastian raised an eyebrow.

            “Really?” Ciel asked. “You want to talk about my capstone project?”

            Sebastian shrugged, the infuriating smirk creeping back onto his lips. “What else would we discuss?”

            Ciel rolled his eyes, stifling a growl of frustration. If that was how Sebastian wanted to play, fine. He could play that. “Fine. Yeah. Mary Shelly.”

            “Why?”

            “Because I love Frankenstein but can’t do my entire Lit thesis on it.”

            “Are you Frankenstein or the Creature?”

            “Which do you think?”

            Sebastian nodded as he stood and crossed over to one of the bookcases. He pulled a few volumes and then placed them on the desk in front of Ciel.

            “I’m sure you have some of these already, but feel free to borrow a couple.”

            Ciel shook his head, but skimmed through the volumes, pausing on a version of Frankenstein he had never seen before. He gingerly pulled it out of the stack and flipped through the pages.

            “A graphic novel?”

            Sebastian grinned. “Illustrated version.”

            Ciel looked through the book, his breath catching in his throat. “It’s beautiful.”

            Ciel could feel Sebastian’s eyes on him as he turned pages, could feel them as they started at his face and moved down his neck. Ciel looked up just as Sebastian’s eyes reached his chest, and the two locked gazes.

            “Do I look that good in this sweater, Professor?”

            Sebastian didn’t even bat an eye. “That sweater looks good on everyone.”

            Ciel placed the book down on the desk and leaned over it, resting his face in his hands.

            “God, you’re so fucking infuriating,” he breathed.

            Sebastian’s lip curled into a smirk. “How so?”

            “You didn’t invite me up here to talk about my major. You want to see if I can break first.”

            The smirk grew. “Maybe.”

            Ciel matched Sebastian’s smile with his own. “I told you, Professor. I don’t lose.”

            Sebastian leaned over the desk so that his mouth brushed against Ciel’s ear.

            “We’ll see,” the man whispered, and Ciel shivered as Sebastian gently nibbled and sucked on the sensitive patch of skin behind his ear.

            “Is this you giving up,” Ciel asked with as little of a moan as he could.

            Sebastian smiled against his skin. “No. This is me helping you give up.”

            Ciel gasped as teeth scraped against his neck. “That’s cheating,” he said, pulling back so that he was once again seated in the guest chair – the desk firmly between him and Sebastian.

            Sebastian leaned back in his chair as well, grin still in place. “So are you going to cover Shelly’s life or just a few of her important works?”

            Ciel’s fists clenched and he growled. “Oh my God, are you serious?”

            Sebastian’s grin widened, and Ciel became aware that the man’s canines were rather large. “I told you, I am a very competitive person.”

            “Fine.” Ciel pushed himself out of the chair and crossed around the desk so that he was standing in front of Sebastian. “I’ll help you give up.”

            Sebastian cocked an eyebrow. “Isn’t that cheating?”

            “Shut up.”

            Ciel rested his knee on the chair in between Sebastian’s legs and gently kissed along the man’s jawline up to his ear.

            “Besides,” Ciel whispered, flicking his tongue against skin. “You’re already hard.”

            Ciel felt rather than heard the low chuckle as Sebastian’s hand brushed against his own erection, making him buck unwillingly into the touch.

            “So are you,” Sebastian growled.

            Ciel continued his trail down Sebastian’s neck, pausing to suck deeply on the crook between neck and shoulder, his knee pressing against Sebastian’s erection. Sebastian’s hands were roaming up his sides under the sweater and over his t-shirt, and Ciel had to hold back the loud moan that threatened to escape him.

            “How about we declare a draw,” Sebastian murmured.

            Ciel thought about it as he kissed the now bruising circle on Sebastian’s shoulder. He wouldn’t admit it, but he wanted the older man so much. He was desperate to be touched, to be fucked so he could wash out his persistent anxiety.

            “Deal,” Ciel agreed and his mouth instantly attacked Sebastian’s. There was no teasing, no foreplay – tongues battled for dominance in wet gasping heat, both men clutching at each other determined to be the one in control. Sebastian’s hands circled Ciel’s waist and back, pulling him so close that Ciel had to sit splayed on Sebastian’s lap – their erections not quite touching.

            Ciel groaned into Sebastian’s mouth, his hands tangling in raven locks. Sebastian was intoxicating; Ciel wanted to devour him, wanted to absorb him, wanted to own him.

            Ciel broke the kiss and pressed his forehead against Sebastian’s, one large cerulean eye taking in two deep maroon ones. Ciel didn’t object when Sebastian’s hand found the string to his eye-patch and gently undid it, letting the silk fall between them and exposing the violet dead eye underneath.

            “I thought your office was off-limits, Professor.”

            Sebastian laughed, his hands lazily wandering over Ciel’s body.

            “It was, but you have a way of convincing me to break the rules.”

            Ciel smirked and pressed a small kiss to the corner of Sebastian’s mouth. “Must be the devil in me, Professor.”

            Sebastian released a tight hiss of air, his hands tightening their grip where they had been resting on Ciel’s hips. Ciel’s grin widened, and he slowly pushed himself off of Sebastian’s lap so that he was standing in front of him.

            “My, my. Do you have a Lolita complex after all, Professor?”

            Sebastian remained silent, but Ciel could see the man’s pupils blown wide. Ciel dropped down to his knees and slowly undid the man’s belt buckle, his eyes never leaving Sebastian’s.

            “Professor, I’m having a hard time with some concepts and need some clarification.”

            _Unbutton._

“I really want to do well in this class.”

            _Unzip._

“Do you think you can help me, sir?”

_Tug._

“Tell me what I need to do, Professor.”

            Ciel ran his fingers through Sebastian’s pubic hair while he nuzzled against the man’s cock, breathing in the deep earthy scent of his arousal. He gave a tentative lick from base to tip, looking up at Sebastian through his lashes, loving the shudders that the man tried to hide.

            “Didn’t you mention something about this, Professor?” Ciel’s hands continued to massage the base of Sebastian’s cock while he ran his tongue teasingly around the head. “Something about…fucking my mouth until I choke on you?”

            Ciel gave a small suck to the tip of Sebastian’s cock as fingers tangled in his hair. He looked up at Sebastian again; the man’s eyes were almost black.

            “Professor, I need some clarification on what you want to do to me.”

            “You don’t want to know what I want to do to you, Ciel,” Sebastian growled.

            Ciel felt his stomach flip in hot anticipation. His own erection seemed to grow impossibly harder and was straining against the zipper of his jeans. He hummed and wrapped his mouth around Sebastian, still looking at him as he slid over halfway down and then all the way back up. He kept the slow pace, swallowing as far as he could before nearly popping off, savouring Sebastian’s taste and the man’s wavering self-control.

            As Ciel gave a shallow suck to just the head of Sebastian’s cock, the fingers in his hair gripped tighter and forced Ciel’s head down, making him nearly gag on the girth pressing into the back of his throat. He hummed appreciatively and loosened his jaw as Sebastian’s hands guided him to a faster pace. He bobbed on Sebastian’s cock, loving how the man seemed to thrust deeper every time, how he could almost fit all of Sebastian in his mouth, how his lips had to stretch wide around the throbbing member, how he could feel every vein and ridge as it slid along his tongue. Ciel’s hand pumped the base of Sebastian’s cock vigorously in time to the man’s thrusts and moaned against the thickness in his mouth.

            Ciel could feel the pace quickening, could feel Sebastian tightening like a bow string around him. Fingers gripped his hair, trying to slow him down and pull him off, but Ciel kept up the ruthless pace. Precum and spit ran down his chin and neck, adding to the wet noises as Sebastian fucked his mouth.

            “Ciel-“

            He could hear the warning in the man’s voice, but the refused to slow down. He wanted Sebastian, wanted to feel him spend in his mouth, wanted to taste all of him. He felt Sebastian’s thighs tense beneath his hand and fingers grip his hair painfully as hot liquid filled his mouth. Ciel choked as he tried to swallow, semen and spit spilling out of the sides of his mouth as Sebastian’s cock continued to throb against his tongue.

            Ciel slid his mouth off of Sebastian, wiping his face with the back of his hand. His lips were swollen and his jaw hurt, but he couldn’t help the self-satisfied smirk at Sebastian’s disheveled look.

            Sebastian grabbed Ciel’s collar and pulled the boy’s neck up as he leaned down to press a soft kiss to tender lips.

            “You are wicked,” Sebastian whispered, and Ciel smirked wider. Lips moved to Ciel’s ear and he sighed as teeth nipped at his earlobe. “Now, get on the desk.”

            Ciel’s eye shot open and he couldn’t help the shudder that rolled through his small frame.

            “What?”

            Rather than answer, Sebastian stood and lifted Ciel onto the edge of the desk. Sebastian tucked himself back into his pants before he undid the zipper of Ciel’s jeans, an involuntary moan escaping form the younger at the sudden release of pressure.

            Sebastian stood back, leaning against the bookcase across from the desk, the small half smile back in place.

            “I want you to get off for me.”

            Ciel felt heat rise from his chest to the tips of his ears. “What? That’s – If I wanted to jerk off I could have stayed home.”

            Sebastian held up a hand. “Trust me.”

            “Trust you with what? You’re not doing anything,” Ciel grumbled as he tried to get a hold of his blush. Despite the fact that Sebastian had seen more than Ciel was currently exposing, he still felt nervous. He could still feel Sebastian’s eyes on him as he palmed his dick through his boxers, releasing a low moan as he did so. Ciel was so hard that if he wanted to he could finish himself in about thirty seconds, but he kept his pace slow and deliberate.

            “You asked me a question,” Sebastian said softly, “that was pretty personal. And I answered.”

            Ciel moved his hand into his shorts, loosely wrapping his fingers around his shaft while maintaining his slow rhythm.

            “So, Ciel. What do you think about when you get off?”

            Ciel’s hand paused as he locked eyes with Sebastian – the new rules of the game quickly settling into place. He set his face to a determined neutral, his hand slowly resuming its previous pace. Sebastian watching him had moved from embarrassing to arousing, and Ciel didn’t want to admit that it was currently the only thing on his mind.

            “Well?” Sebastian asked lazily.

            Ciel pulled himself free of his boxers with a groan and leaned back slightly on the desk. His cock was already leaking and all of his muscles were taut.

            “You. I think about you.”

            Sebastian grinned. “What about me?”

            Ciel adjusted his position so that his legs could spread as much as they could in his jeans, and he looked at Sebastian straight on.

            “I think of your mouth.”

            “Ah.” Sebastian crossed to Ciel and pressed his lips to Ciel’s pulsing jugular, careful to make sure there was no other contact.

            “What about my mouth?”

            “I –“ Ciel couldn’t finish. Sebastian sucked hard on Ciel’s pulse point, and Ciel arched into the man as teeth bruised skin.

            “Do you think of me doing that?” Sebastian whispered.

            “Ah – yes.” Ciel felt the vibration of Sebastian humming against his neck as the man kissed up to his ear, and he whimpered when the tongue slid back down to his collar bone. Ciel was already trembling, the anticipation of the night having riled him up more than he had initially thought.

            “What else do you think about?” Sebastian asked as he trailed kisses up the other side of Ciel’s neck.

            Ciel’s head was a mess of white noise. He bit his lip as he tried to form a coherent sentence, gasping when Sebastian bit down on the sensitive spot behind his ear.

            “Touching – I – I think of you touching me,” he panted out, picking up the pace slightly. His cock was starting to become slick and sticky with precum, and it took almost all of his effort to not just fuck himself into orgasm.

            “Hmm,” Sebastian murmured, nibbling around the stud in Ciel’s ear. “Do you think about me touching you here?” 

            Ciel choked out a high pitched moan as hands reached under his sweater and tweaked his nipples. Since his chest was off-limits he usually disconnected form it, but now it felt like all of his nerves were on fire. With every small twist and rub from Sebastian’s fingers Ciel felt tremors shoot through his body, making his cock twitch in his hands. He was starting to get close, and he was torn between riding out this new pleasure or begging Sebastian to finish him. Except that Ciel didn’t beg.

            “You are so goddamn beautiful,” Sebastian whispered into his neck, and Ciel’s self-deprecating laugh was cut off by another breathy moan.

            “Sebas- ah, Professor. I’m close – I…”

            Not quite a coherent sentence, but it was enough for Sebastian to understand. The man knelt in between Ciel’s legs, long fingers kneading the increasingly tense muscles of the boy’s thighs.

            “What do you want?” Sebastian asked, and if he wasn’t so close Ciel would have been infuriated by the smirk in his voice.

            “Your mouth – hands – I don’t care,” Ciel babbled. Large warm hands stilled his own, and the whine forming in the back of his throat was cut off by a wanton moan as he became enveloped in wet heat. Ciel’s fingers scrambled to gain purchase in Sebastian’s hair as the man sucked him all the way down.

Ciel was embarrassingly close, and Sebastian established a slow pace that had Ciel’s entire body trembling. Because of his position on the desk and the restriction from his jeans Ciel was at the mercy of Sebastian’s torturous mouth. With each gentle suck Ciel felt his stomach tighten even more, felt his cock grow even harder, felt the waves of pleasure hit him like a constant electric shock.

He wanted to cry. He wanted to be fucked. He wanted to hold Sebastian down and fuck his mouth hard. Ciel let out a strangled cry as Sebastian’s tongue slowly slid down his shaft, and gasped for air when the man’s mouth slowly slid back up before the torturing tongue swirled around the head and made its way back down. Ciel’s fingers clenched against Sebastian’s head and the edge of the desk, desperately hanging on as he unraveled.

“Sebastian, please,” Ciel whispered, but the man kept his pace the same.

Sebastian hummed as he slid down Ciel’s cock, and the boy choked out a harsh cry as the waves of his orgasm rolled through his body. Sebastian kept the same pace as he sucked Ciel down, gently bobbing until Ciel was left shaking and crying on the desk.

Sebastian removed his mouth from Ciel with a soft pop, and Ciel felt large hands frame his face. He kept his gaze down, embarrassed at the free flowing tears staining his cheeks. Warm lips pressed against his forehead.

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian whispered, and Ciel’s stomach lurched.

“Don’t,” he choked, hating how wet his voice sounded. What the fuck was wrong with him? “God, please don’t apologize to me.”

Sebastian was silent while Ciel got his breathing under control. The tears finally stopped, but Ciel’s eyes and head hurt, and he felt grossly sticky. He didn’t even have the energy to protest when Sebastian began pressing kisses to his face – first on his jaw, then his cheek, up to his right eyelid, on his nose, over to his dead eye, and down his cheek until warm lips pressed against his own.

Ciel pulled away first, embarrassment getting the better of him and quickly boiling into frustration. He roughly pulled up his shorts and zipped his jeans, his movements jerky and his eyes downcast.

“Ciel,” Sebastian said, gently grabbing one of Ciel’s hands.

“Didn’t I just say don’t?” Ciel snapped, the lid to his left eye flying open. “I don’t need your pity kisses.”

Sebastian didn’t answer; he pressed his lips to Ciel’s again, this time quickly inserting his tongue before Ciel could protest and pull away. An angry groan began in the back of Ciel’s throat, but with Sebastian’s hands on his shoulders and his tongue in his mouth he felt the anger seep out of him and give way to exhausted mellowness – at least, as mellow as Ciel could get.

When Sebastian broke the kiss Ciel was almost disappointed. Almost. The older man sighed, maroon eyes flashing some unreadable emotion.

“You should go,” Sebastian said softly.

Ciel felt the anger erupt again, making it feel like his whole chest was on fire. “That’s more like it,” he snapped bitterly, pushing Sebastian away from him.

“No.” Sebastian ran his hands through his hair. “I mean the game will probably end soon and you’ll want to be back with the rest of the school.” 

Ciel had already slid off of the desk, and he stood  in front of Sebastian  feeling like a moron.

“Y-yeah…” he conceded, shoving hands deep into his pockets. “You’re right.”

Sebastian smiled, the right corner of his lip pulling up. “If anyone asks, we have a shared interested in Mary Shelly.”

Ciel nodded as he slid on his coat. “So do we wait another month before seeing each other again,” he asked, trying to make it sound like he hadn’t been thinking of this question all night.

Sebastian’s grin grew wider. “Oh no. You’ll be seeing me pretty soon I’d expect.”

“Class doesn’t count.”

“I know. Your aunt has invited me over for Thanksgiving.”

Ciel felt his heart stop in his chest. “She did what?”

Sebastian held out Ciel’s silk patch, and the boy grabbed it more aggressively than he’d wanted.

“Since I am new and alone, and this is a small town, I have been invited to the Dalles residence for Thanksgiving.”

“But – how – why – How do you even know her?”

Sebastian smirked. “Physical.”

Ciel shoved the heels of his hands against his eyes. It was getting dangerously close to ‘bringing someone home to meet the parents’ territory, which meant it was getting close to dating territory, and Ciel wasn’t okay with that.

Warm hands rested on Ciel’s shoulders, and the boy dragged his hands down his face so that he could look up at Sebastian.

“Relax. I have been invited as an esteemed member of the faculty.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Ciel grumbled.

Sebastian laughed before pressing a small kiss to Ciel’s forehead. Ciel rolled his eyes and pulled away, snagging his scarf off of the chair before heading to the door. He paused and turned back to face Sebastian, who looked almost beautiful in the warm glow of the table lamp.

“You do realize that you’ll have to resist me for the entire evening,” Ciel quipped.

The corner of Sebastian’s mouth quirked up. “I know.”

 And with that, Ciel let himself out.

***

Later that night after a shower, Ciel paused to look at his reflection (a thing he rarely did) and groaned at the sight of yellow-purple bite marks along his neck. He gingerly traced his fingers over them, counting. Five. Five fucking hickeys.

"Goddamn bastard," he muttered under his breath. He slipped into black lounge pants and a black t-shirt before taking a picture and sending it to Lizzie captioned: "Can you believe this guy?"

_Lol. Wear a scarf you hussy._

Ciel tried to huff in anger, but the small chuckle he had been holding in came out instead. He lay in his bed and stared at his phone, debating on whether he wanted to text Sebastian or not. He didn't feel the same desperation he had been feeling earlier in the week, and he was still a bit pissed about the Thanksgiving plans. He tossed a few moments more before deciding, fuck it, and typed out a message.

_You made my neck look like I have some disease._

_Wear a scarf._

_You're an animal._

_So are you._

And Ciel couldn't help but laugh at the picture Sebastian sent of his long slender neck marked with two round bruises. The man tried to make his face serious and angry, but even in the grainy cell-phone photograph Ciel could see the slight smile and glimmer in his eyes. His fingers traced over the photo unconsciously before he caught himself. He typed out one more quick reply before putting the phone on his nightstand.

_I guess we're even then._

 


	6. In Which Thanksgiving Happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Professor Michaelis is invited over to the Dalles-Phantomhive residence for Thanksgiving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you all for reading and leaving kudos and comments. I write a little more for this every day and I'm glad that people are enjoying it!
> 
> Also, I apologize that the Thanksgiving chapter is coming out the day after Thanksgiving. <3

Ciel never thought much about Thanksgiving. Upland shrunk back down to close to its normal size as students traveled home for the long weekend, and Ciel usually spent most of the break in his room reading or doing school work, only coming down to socialize for the actual meal.

Ciel wasn’t a festive person. He didn’t see the point in the elaborate effort to cook so much food for five people – himself, Madam Red, Lizzie and her parents – especially when Ciel only ever really ate the pies. He also didn’t see the point for a holiday that required him to spend a night with people he already saw all the time.

As school let out for break and Thursday came closer, Ciel felt his nerves tighten into small electric bundles. He was finally able to ditch the scarf – the bruises on his neck had faded to marks that he could only see if he looked for them, but Sebastian’s imminent arrival for dinner bothered Ciel more than he had anticipated. He spent the days leading up to Thursday scowling and wandering the house in a perpetual huff, causing Madam Red to ask him more than once “what on Earth had gotten into him.”

Ciel spent most of Thanksgiving Day in his room with Lizzie, the two trying on ridiculous amounts of clothing, working on homework, or just bullshitting. Madam Red and Lizzie’s mother became complete control freaks on Thanksgiving – never letting another body in the kitchen while they cooked.

Ciel rummaged in his closet, trying to decide between black jeans and a blazer over a sapphire dress shirt, or a more casual look with a royal green V-neck  tee and burgundy vest. Half of the clothes that Ciel owned he only wore for major holidays: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and Church days. Lizzie lay on Ciel’s bed, flicking through his phone, and as he buttoned up the blue shirt a sudden feeling of deja-vu washed over him.

“Can I delete your Tinder?” Lizzie asked. She flicked her eyes up at Ciel. “Wear that.”

Ciel shrugged into the black and grey blazer. “No, you can’t delete it. I might use it. And are you sure this isn’t too formal?”

Lizzie snorted. “Yeah right. You’re not going to use it. And please, I’m practically wearing a wedding dress.”

Lizzie’s white and gold tulle skirt hung on the back of Ciel’s door, and a gauzy white chiffon top was haphazardly thrown over a chair. Lizzie was currently in pink leggings and a chunky grey sweater with an air of never intending to change. She wiggled her eyebrows at him.

“Besides, Sebastian will love you in that.”

Ciel couldn’t stop the hot blush that spread across his cheeks. Lizzie squealed and clapped her hands.

“Oh my God, Ciel. You are so cute!”

Ciel furiously ran his hand through his hair, messing up the brushed back look that he had been going for.

“Whatever,” he grumbled, and sat down beside her. “I don’t like him. He’s just a good lay.”

“Uh-huh.” Lizzie adjusted herself so that he head was in his lap. “And he doesn’t make your heart go pitter-patter at all.”

“No, he doesn’t. I don’t even know anything about him. Except that he was born in Okor and grew up in Jersey and has a thing for Mary Shelly-“

“And your dick,” Lizzie said sweetly. “Please, go on. Tell me more about what you don’t know.”

Ciel clamped his mouth shut, his cheeks burning from humiliation. He was acting like a teenage girl and he knew it.

“Fuck,” he hissed. “What is wrong with me?”

Lizzie sat up and wrapped an arm around Ciel’s shoulders. “You have a crush,” she said simply, then pinched his cheeks into a smile. “And it’s so stinkin’ cute!”

Ciel wrestled her hands away and tickled her sides until they were rolling on the bed, red faced and panting from giggles.

“It would be so much easier if I just liked you,” Ciel grumbled, rolling on his side to face Lizzie.

Lizzie adjusted herself as well so that her nose was practically against Ciel’s and her legs tangled with his.

“No it wouldn’t. We’d hate each other by now.”

Ciel’s lip twitched. “Fair point.”

The two lay there as the sky outside began to turn orange and then purple, taking comfort from each other’s presence. Their fingers intertwined and their foreheads pressed together, and as Ciel lay there taking in Lizzie’s green eyes and the cool mint of her breath, he found his mind wandering to Sebastian. About what it would be like to lay with the man like he was with Lizzie. Would it be warmer? Would Ciel be face to face with him or pressed against his chest? Would they be clothed?

“What are you thinking about,” Lizzie whispered, and Ciel blinked himself slowly back into the world he was actually inhabiting. Lizzie’s face was so close to his that every freckle was blown up. If he focused he could count each mascaraed lash. He could see the small red lines in her eyes betraying her late nights spent studying or talking with him.

Ciel tilted his chin forward and pressed his mouth against Lizzie’s, feeling her sharp intake of breath through her nose before it whooshed back out against his skin. Her lips were soft and slick from gloss- rounder and smoother than Sebastian’s. Ciel ran his fingers along her cheeks, also smooth and round, not angular and rough. Lizzie didn’t push, but she didn’t pull away. She let Ciel explore her mouth, responding with light touches and small puffs of peppermint air.

When Ciel pulled away there was no blush on her cheeks. She looked at him with an odd mixture of curiosity and understanding, and she massaged his scalp with her fingernails.

“What was that for?” she asked softly.

Ciel shrugged, his thumb still brushing her cheek.

She sighed. “Come on, Ciel. You’re too old to be going through your experimental phase.”

Ciel’s thumb hesitated against her cheek as he tried to break down his thought process.

“I love you, Liz.”

There was a brief pause before Lizzie broke out into muted peals of laughter. “Of course you do,” she said, still laughing. “But you can love me and Sebastian without making out with both of us. I don’t need to share you with your boyfriend.”

Embarrassed heat flooded Ciel’s cheeks. “He’s not – no! That’s not what I’m saying. I may like Sebastian –“ he ignored the look she shot him. “I enjoy having sex with him and all. But I love you Lizzie.”

Lizzie sighed and tangled their legs closer together. “I know you do. It’s still okay for you to like Sebastian, Ciel. Stop freaking out about it.”

“I’m not-“ Ciel started to retort, but the faint ring of the doorbell froze the words in his throat. The color drained from his face and Ciel felt vaguely turned on and nauseous at the same time. Lizzie snorted.

“You were saying,” she teased.

“Shut up,” Ciel grumbled, rubbing his dead eye.

Lizzie smirked and nudged Ciel with her feet until she successfully kicked him out of bed. “Go see your man. I still need to get dressed.”

“He’s not my-“ Ciel began to sputter before he realized that Lizzie was riling him on purpose. He straightened his jacket, ran his hand through his hair, and then gave Lizzie the finger before he headed downstairs.

Halfway down Ciel paused, the feeling of being in a Cinderella Disney movie hitting him in the gut, with him stuck on the landing looking down at a handsome man below. Sebastian wore his black turtle neck with fingerless gloves and slacks, and the man’s hair was slicked back. But even though it was an ensemble that Ciel had seen before, Sebastian looked different in it – more refined and slightly older.

Said man adjusted his gaze from Madam Red to Ciel, and Ciel’s fingers instinctively griped the bannister tighter while he kept his face at a bored neutral. He forced his body to continue down the stairs, each step taking more mental effort, until he was in front of Sebastian.

“This is nice,” Madam Red said, running her hand along Ciel’s blazer. The woman wore her favorite ensemble: a bright red skirted suit set that’s design harkened back to the Victorian era.

“You didn’t have to get so dressed up on my account,” Sebastian said, the tease evident in his voice.

Ciel cursed Sebastian in his head. He kept his expression bored while he said: “Not you. Lizzie. She’s wearing ‘practically a wedding dress.’”

Madam Red chuckled. “That girl has so many clothes. I don’t even know where she manages to find them all.”

“Online,” Sebastian and Ciel said at the same time, and Ciel bit his cheek to keep from smiling.

“I suppose. Ciel, why don’t you give Mr. Michaelis a tour of the house while we finish plating?”

Ciel’s stomach lurched. “Shouldn’t I be setting the table,” he asked, careful to keep the plea out of his voice.

“You can do that too,” Madam Red tossed over her shoulder as she left for the kitchen.

Ciel puffed out his cheeks and released the air in a rush. Sebastian still stood in the doorway silently chuckling. Ciel rolled his eyes.

“Shut up and let me show you the house before my aunt has a conniption.”

“Of course,” Sebastian said as he stepped behind Ciel. The smell of cinnamon overpowered the smells coming from the kitchen, and Ciel had to take a moment to collect himself. He walked Sebastian through the house – a typical Midwestern layout with all of the rooms one would expect, in a daze. They passed Lizzie on her way down the stairs, her tulle skirt froufing out even more as she mock-curtsied Sebastian. Upstairs, Ciel pointed in the direction of each door down the two hallways.

“Bathroom, master bedroom, guest room, and my room. Pretty simple. Now let’s go back down.”

Sebastian’s eyed the closed door of Ciel’s bedroom, and Ciel defensively leaned against it.

“No, he said, folding his arms over his chest.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “Why not? You’ve seen mine.”

Ciel felt his cheeks flush, the memories of Sebastian’s bed causing a heat to pool in his gut. “That’s not the point.”

Sebastian stepped forward, long legs making it so the one step brought the man right against Ciel. His scent was overpowering, and Ciel could feel the soft wool of Sebastian’s turtleneck brush against his fingers.

“What is the point?” the man whispered, and Ciel made a great show of rolling his eyes and huffing to hide the tremors he felt underneath his skin.

“Fine.”

Ciel opened the door to his room and turned on the light, revealing a plain wood-framed bed with grey sheets, a wall of bookcases, a nightstand, and a desk piled high with textbooks and Sebastian’s copy of _Frankenstein._ Aside from Lizzie’s pile of clothes on the desk chair it was meticulously organized. No photos or posters hung on the walls; everything had a purpose and everything had a place.

Sebastian was quiet as he stepped into the room, his eye immediately lighting on two framed photos on the small bedside table.

“My parents,” Ciel said as Sebastian inspected them. “And me and Lizzie.”

Sebastian smiled softly, and Ciel felt a deep tug somewhere behind his bellybutton. It made him uncomfortable, seeing Sebastian look so gentle.

“You were cute,” Sebastian said, setting the frame down.

“Still am.” The small tease burst out of his mouth before Ciel could think better of it, his discomfort pushing him to end the conversation quickly.

“Yes,” Sebastian chuckled as he crossed back to Ciel. Long fingers brushed Ciel’s cheek underneath the silk eyepatch. “Still are. Even with one eye.”

Ciel felt his face get hot and a prickle begin behind his eyelids. He pulled away abruptly, colliding with the edge of the door.

“So yeah, the house,” Ciel said quickly, ignoring the sharp pain in his shoulder blade. “We should probably go down now.”

Sebastian looked as if he was about to speak, but then thought better of it and simply nodded while he exited the room. Ciel released a silent groan as he turned off the light and shut the door to the room and his two-eyed memories.

Sebastian parted ways into the kitchen, saying he was willing to risk the wrath of the women if he could help set up, and Ciel met Lizzie in the formal dining room. Places were already laid out for everyone, and Ciel took charge of silverware and napkins.

“Bowls?” Ciel held up the bowl and raised his eyebrows at Lizzie.

“Professor Michaelis brought soup.”

“Interesting.”

“Yeah.” Lizzie held up small silicone birds used to distinguish wine glasses. Madam Red wasn’t so far into the Better Homes and Gardens culture that she would make place markers for guests, but she did have glass markers to distinguish seats.

“Blue,” Ciel said automatically. Lizzie placed the bluebird on the rim of a glass, then grinned devilishly and placed a black bird on the second glass.

“Do you want to sit next to him or across from him?”

“Are you serious?” Ciel didn’t have the energy to be embarrassed or frustrated. Dinner hadn’t even started and Sebastian’s presence had already exhausted him.

“Next to you it is,” Lizzie chirped, placing the two glasses side-by-side.

“Fuck you,” Ciel said, the words coming out tired and hollow.

“Ciel, language,” Madam Red snapped. She placed a soup tureen filled with a pale green liquid on the table. Lizzie’s mother followed with two plates of vegetables. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a severe ponytail and she shot Ciel a warning look.

“Yeah. Right. Sorry, Liz.”

Lizzie smirked and batted her lashes. “I forgive you.”

Sebastian followed the procession with a basket of speckled bread and a dish of boiled potatoes, while Lizzie’s father followed with the turkey.

Lizzie’s parents were both severe looking and uptight people, so much so that sometimes Ciel had a hard time believing they were actually Lizzie’s parents. Lizzie’s father, Alexis, was a retired military officer who still worked with the local police department since he couldn’t sit still. Francis, Lizzie’s mother, had also been in the military until Lizzie was born. They rarely smiled, but Ciel had learned over the years that their constant interrogation was not for lack of caring.

“Let’s eat,” Alexis said gruffly, placing a yellow bird on his glass at the head of the table. Lizzie’s mother brandished the carving knife, pointing to the green bird which Lizzie obediently placed on a glass and set next to her own pink bird. Madam Red took her place at the foot of the table where the red bird already marked her place.

Ciel sighed and pointed to the empty chair beside him. “You’re the blackbird.”

Sebastian smirked. “How fitting.”

Lizzie’s mother carved the turkey quickly, thin slices folding over onto the plate as if she was running it through the deli slicer. Ciel had always been impressed with Francis Midford’s knife skills, but he only saw them three times a year: Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter.

When the bird was sufficiently carved, Francis took her seat by her daughter and took up her hand while Madam Red grabbed Lizzie’s other hand.

“Let us pray,” Madam Red announced.

“We hold hands,” Ciel said under his breath, Alexis’s cold dry hand already squeezing his own.

“I figured,” Sebastian replied, taking Ciel’s hand in his gloved one.

Ciel’s heart sped up, and he bowed his head to hide the small blush he could feel rising up his neck. Sebastian’s hands were nice. Those hands had been all over his body, had pressed inside of him, but there was something about the simple act of having the man’s hand in his own that was comforting. Ciel couldn’t hear the prayer over his heart pounding in his ears, and when Sebastian let his hand go Ciel had to fight the urge to cling to it.

The dinner passed relatively smoothly, Ciel sitting mostly in silence after realizing that he was cutting into Alexis’s interrogation of Sebastian with too much information. He mumbled something about a Q&A at the beginning of the semester, the lie causing Lizzie to fake a sneezing fit to hide her giggles. Ciel picked at his food –Sebastian’s pickle soup and chleb bread was actually quite good – and halfway listened to conversation. He kept waiting for someone to overhear his heartbeat, to catch a look on his face that betrayed his sexual history with Sebastian; but Ciel was a master of stoic indifference and he remained invisible to most at the table.

Ciel jumped at the sound of his name and looked up to see Lizzie standing with a stack of dishes already in hand. He had been so out of it he hadn’t noticed when the conversation had stopped and moved into the living room.

“Right, he said, quickly stacking empty plates on top of his still full one. Sebastian was standing as well collecting wine glasses and balancing them in between his fingers. Ciel rolled his eye and followed Lizzie into the kitchen, careful to scrape his dish before placing it in the sink. He flicked on the hot water and poured in the soap, watching the suds build as steam fogged his vision. Ciel liked doing dishes. He liked the feel of the hot water and the satisfaction that came with watching a sullied thing become clean again. Ciel looked over at Sebastian who looked like he was waiting for instructions.

“If you really want to help, you can dry,” Ciel sighed, nodding to where the towels hung over the oven.

Sebastian’s lip twitched, and he half bowed with his hand over his heart. “Yes, my lord,” he intoned, swiping a dishtowel and standing at attention.

“And don’t do that,” Ciel snapped, ignoring Lizzie’s and Sebastian’s chuckles.

“My apologies.” Sebastian’s lip was curled up in his teasing half grin, and he stood with the towel open and ready for its first dish. Ciel immersed his hands in the sudsy water, the warmth seeping into his bones and making it easy to forget Sebastian. He focused on the task of washing, the world fading around him. He passed dishes off to Sebastian mechanically, the heat and the soap filling his senses.

Ciel nearly jumped out of his skin as hands squeezed his shoulders, and the plate in his hand would have shattered had Sebastian not caught it deftly and placed it back in the sink.

“What the _fuck_ ,” Ciel spat, whirling to face the man.

“You’re tense,” he said, as if that explained everything.

“Yeah, no shit.” Ciel’s heart was jackhammering against his Adam’s apple, but he didn’t pull away when Sebastian’s hands worked his shoulders again.

“If you keep standing with your shoulders up to your ears,” Sebastian continued, working his long fingers into Ciel’s muscles, “you’re going to get a knot.”

Lizzie snorted across the room. “Then you’ll be knotty,” she snickered as she placed another empty dirty dish on the counter.

“No,” Ciel snapped, reluctantly removing Sebastian’s hands. The tops of his ears were burning and he knew they were bright red beneath his hair. “No massages. And no puns.”

Lizzie stuck her tongue out, and Sebastian looked at Ciel with an unreadable expression on his face. Ciel felt the heat moving up his chest and he growled.

“What?”

“I don’t understand why you’re so worked up,” Sebastian said after a pause.

“Are you serious?” Ciel dug the heel of his hand into his dead eye and tried to ignore the ache coming from his shoulder. “I’m sharing Thanksgiving dinner in my aunt’s house with the man I’ve been fucking for the past two months. So yeah, I’m tense.”

“You don’t have to think about it that way.”

“I can’t- what?” A sharp throb surfaced behind Ciel’s eye and a feeling of dead weight washed over him. He was exhausted and confused, and he wanted everyone to leave so he could sleep. “How am I supposed to think about it?”

Sebastian didn’t answer. He watched Ciel for a few moments, Ciel warily eyeing him back while Lizzie bustled about the kitchen pretending to be oblivious. Then Sebastian peeled off one of his gloves and leaned over Ciel, pressing the boy’s back into the counter as he reached into the sink and scraped a handful of foamy soap bubbles. Before Ciel had time to straighten up or open his mouth to complain, the bubbles were on his face, foam resting lightly around his mouth and cheeks.

Ciel stood speechless while Lizzie squealed with laughter and Sebastian stood stoically in front of him. His anger boiled under his skin, and the only thoughts running through his head were “seriously?” and “what the actual fuck?”

Shaking, Ciel swatted the foamy water at Sebastian, showering the man’s turtleneck and face with water and soap. As soon as his hand had hit the water, Ciel knew he had made a mistake, that swatting water at your professor was childish behavior and definitely not acceptable in polite society, but the look of Sebastian with suds on his shirt and face was too much. Instead of an apology laughter burst out of Ciel’s mouth. He clamped a hand over his mouth but the giggles kept coming – genuine laughter, not the sarcastic half laugh he usually had. It made his stomach ache and his lungs tighten to where he couldn’t breathe, but it also felt good. It was as if something had broken inside of him, loosening years of pent-up anxiety and anger. Even Sebastian’s lopsided grin made Ciel chuckle.

“There we go,” the older man murmured, grabbing more suds and blowing them into Ciel’s face.

Ciel scraped the soap beard off of his face and nose and looked at Lizzie as she reached behind him to place another dish in the sink.

“Oh no,” she said, backing away. “Not in this outfit.”

“It’s just soap,” Sebastian said lazily as he wiped his face.

“Dirty soap,” Lizzie retorted, and that made Ciel laugh harder. He leaned against the counter and wiped his hand on his jeans, trying to catch his breath. A dish towel was presented under Ciel’s nose, and he looked up at the tall man in front of him.

“I’m sorry I got you wet,” Ciel said as he took the towel and dried his hands and face.

“That’s okay.”

“You still have soap on your face.”

Sebastian wiped his hand along his cheek, but suds still rested under his left eye. Ciel gave a small smile and beckoned with his fingers.

“Come here, you fucking giant.”

Sebastian snorted, but leaned down anyway and allowed Ciel to wipe his cheek with the towel. Ciel ran his thumb along Sebastian’s cheek; it was sharp and well defined, and he smelled of cinnamon, cloves, and Dawn dish soap. Ciel swallowed, his mouth suddenly watering. He hooked his hand behind Sebastian’s head and pulled down so that he could brush his lips against skin, feeling the beginning prickles of stubble.

Sebastian pushed away before Ciel could press the man’s mouth against his own, and he held up two fingers against Ciel’s open mouth.

“Not now,” he whispered, and the fingers were gone before Ciel could be tempted to suck them into his mouth.

“It sounds like too much fun in here,” Madam Red’s voice came from the doorway, red hair appearing around the frame before the rest of her rouge silhouette. Ciel’s stomach flew into his throat and he quickly busied himself with cleaning dishes.

“It’s just a soap fight,” he said casually over his shoulder.

“Nothing to worry about,” Sebastian added, calmly taking the plate handed to him and drying it.

Madam Red gave a small smile. “Well as long as my kitchen gets clean. Mr. Michaelis, won’t you join us in the living room?”

Ciel’s shoulders stiffened, but he continued the mechanical movements of scrubbing the pot in front of him.

“Of course.” Sebastian placed the plate and towel on the counter without a second look at Ciel and followed Madam Red out of the kitchen. Lizzie sidled next to Ciel and grabbed the towel, taking over the task of drying dishes.

“I haven’t seen you laugh that hard in a long time,” she said softly.

Ciel shrugged. “I don’t think I have.” He shook his head and passed a clean plate into Lizzie’s waiting hands. “It was stupid.”

“No.” Lizzie gave a small smile that Ciel spotted out of the corner of his eye. “No, it wasn’t.”

Ciel sighed and adjusted so that his shoulder pressed against Lizzie’s as they washed and dried in silence.

***

Ciel trudged through the rest of the evening, the effort of ignoring the fact that Sebastian was ignoring him and having to pretend like he was ignoring the man too caused a sharp pain under his breast bone and dragged his mood. He tried to fight through exhaustion, but ended up falling asleep on Lizzie’s shoulder until she got up to leave.

Ciel accompanied the Midfords outside, the cold air crackling in his lungs and instantly waking him up. Ciel opened the back door for Lizzie while Alexis opened the passenger door for his wife, the yearly tradition pulling a half smile out of Ciel. He shook Alexis’s hand, and stood in the snow shivering and waving as their car drove down the street. The snow on the ground seeped into the canvas of his trainers, soaking his socks and chilling his feet.

Ciel shivered again and slipped and slid his way back up the walkway to the house, opening the door to a coated Sebastian on his way out. Ciel bit the inside of his cheek to keep from betraying any emotion on his face. Sebastian wore his long black overcoat that made him look impossibly tall and otherworldly.

“Walk you to your car?” Ciel asked with a mocking half bow.

Sebastian’s mouth twitched. “I parked a bit down the road.”

Ciel smirked and closed the door behind the man, plunging them into darkness only broken by the tinny illumination from the porch light. They walked quietly, Sebastian somehow managing to not slip on any icy patches, until the lights from the house faded into the background. Sebastian’s car sat alone on the dark street, lights flashing an S.O.S. when Sebastian unlocked it.

“Well.” Sebastian leaned against the door of his car and fished his cigarettes out of his coat pocket. He tapped one out, lit it, and took a long drag, exhaling earthy smoke that Ciel found familiar and inviting.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Ciel snorted and crossed his arms. “Please. It stressed you out.”

Sebastian chuckled as he exhaled again. “Guilty as charged.” He took another drag and grinned. “I did manage to resist you the whole night, though.”

Ciel was glad the darkness hid his blush. Sebastian hadn’t said that Ciel was the first to break, but he hadn’t needed to.

“What do you want, a medal?”

“No.” Sebastian snuffed out his cigarette on the asphalt and placed it back into the pack. “I was thinking of something along the lines of you coming over to my place around one or two – after everyone is asleep.”

Ciel’s stomach tightened and he swallowed down the rising butterflies in his chest. Embarrassment from the near kiss in the kitchen dissipated into warm relief that Sebastian was making the first offer for sex.

“Are you serious?”

Sebastian quirked an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Are you sure you can stay up that late?”

Sebastian laughed his quick sandpaper laugh. “Was that an age jab? Maybe you shouldn’t come. Wouldn’t want you to miss your bedtime.”

They paused, regarding each other. Ciel knew that he was being tested, but he didn’t know what for. All he knew was that he wanted Sebastian, and he wasn’t a beggar. He shrugged and turned around, beginning the walk back to his house. A warm hand caught his elbow before he managed to take more than a few steps, and Ciel grinned. He allowed himself to be turned and pulled into Sebastian, allowed the man to wrap him inside of his coat so that Ciel’s frozen fingers pressed against Sebastian’s chest, allowed his face to be tilted up and chapped lips to press against his own.

Ciel groaned as Sebastian’s tongue slid against his own, the blend of cold air and moist heat igniting something deep in his gut. His fingers gripped the soft fabric of Sebastian’s shirt, trying to get closer. One hand pressed into Ciel’s low back and the other went from resting on the back of his head to cupping his cheek. Ciel pulled away, lips instantly freezing in the cold.

Sebastian chuckled and pressed his forehead against Ciel’s. “You should go in. It’s cold.”

“Yeah, no shit.” Ciel inhaled, savouring the smell of cinnamon, ice, and clove cigarettes. “I’ll text you later?”

“Sounds good.”

Ciel pulled away reluctantly, the loss of Sebastian’s heat making his teeth instantly chatter. He threw a wave over his shoulder as he ran back to the house, nearly falling multiple times from sliding on black ice. He practically fell into the house, leaned against the door and blew feeling back into his fingers. He was so focused on his frozen appendages that he didn’t notice Madam Red sitting on the steps until she spoke.

“How long, Ciel?”

Ciel froze, any warmth he had worked back into his body immediately leaking out. “How long what?”

“How long has Professor Michaelis been going after you?”

Ciel felt the desperate urge to throw up. Bile rose in the back of his throat, and he swallowed heavily to keep it down. “What do you mean?”

Madam Red ran a hand through her fiery hair, mussing the perfect bob. “You don’t have to lie to me, Ciel. I see the way he looks at you. I saw what happened in the kitchen.”

Ciel’s heart froze in his chest. He actually thought it stopped before it skipped back into a furious rhythm. Eight fucking years he had played it safe, and this time he had fucked up. He pressed his hand against his eye and slid down the door until he was crumpled on the floor.

“It’s not like that,” he finally managed to croak.

“Then what is it like?”

Ciel was silent, still trying to reign in his racing thoughts. Madam Red stood, and Ciel held in a wince as she began pacing.

“Damnit, Ciel. I promised that I would take care of you. That I would raise you up right.”

“I know.” His words came out hollow, childlike, and he hated it.

Madam Red froze at his tone. “Do you need to take time off?” she asked quietly. “I know that you’ve been hurt, Ciel. What happened to you-“

“Don’t-“

“What happened to you was terrible but it’s not your fault. You don’t have to repeat it. You don’t have to subject yourself to the perversions of older men.”

Ciel buried his face in his knees, forcing himself to breathe slowly through the rising panic in his chest and the sting in his eyes. He felt Madam Red sit next to him, felt her arm wrap around his shoulders, and he tried desperately to not hate her.

“I can speak with the dean –“

“I don’t need time off. This isn’t a sexual identity crisis. I’m fine.”

He felt her sigh beside him, felt the gears in her brain whirring as her fingers rubbed circles into his back.

“Then I want you out of his class. I should report him –“

“Don’t.”

Ciel kept his face hidden while Madam Red stared at him. He focused on his breathing – in, and out. In, and out.

“Alright,” she said slowly. “I won’t. But you’re out of his class. You’re close to the end of term; I can have your grade frozen.”

Ciel wanted to say that it wouldn’t be necessary, he wanted to say something – anything, but he couldn’t get his mouth to work. He kept breathing, forcing air in and out of his lungs until Madam Red kissed his head and left. He sat there until his ass went numb, until he was able to pull himself up and drag himself to his room and onto his bed. He lay there on top of the sheets with his clothes and shoes still on, debating on texting Lizzie but unable to get his fingers to work.

At 1:30 his phone buzzed. _Did you fall asleep?-Cat_

At 1:52 it buzzed again. _Ciel, is everything alright? –Cat_

At 2:10. _I’m assuming you are asleep, but please text me in the morning and let me know you’re alright. –Cat_

Ciel stared into the glow of his cell phone, curling himself into a tight ball. And for the second time that week, he cried.


	7. In Which Ciel Tries a Booty Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ciel attempts another Tinder date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the extreme delay and posting; I have a bad habit of writing three chapters at once. Thank you for your patience, and thank you for your comments & kudos! They are greatly appreciated.
> 
> A note on the name change: I listened to Lately by Shapes and Colors, and it summed up this story pretty perfectly.

Ciel debated skipping school, but he knew that if he did his aunt would read into it and either completely out him or rescind her word and out Sebastian. Ciel dragged himself downstairs after he put in as little effort as possible in getting dressed. He had four missed messages from Sebastian, and he had deleted them without opening them.

            What he needed was routine. The routine of boiling water for tea. The routine of filling the diffuser with just the right amount of Earl Grey tea leaves. The routine of watching the water begin to simmer in the glass kettle. He rested his head on the counter as he watched, letting the cool granite calm his buzzing nerves.

            “You’re up late,” Madam Red’s voice came from the direction of the dining room, and Ciel reluctantly pulled himself to a standing position. He looked at the clock – nearly 12:30.

            “Guess I needed the sleep,” he said dully.

            Angelina walked into the kitchen and leaned against the counter opposite Ciel. He could feel her eyes on him, searching, and he forced himself to meet her gaze. His reactions at Thanksgiving had been a result of temporary weakness; Ciel Phantomhive was an expert at controlling his emotions.

            “You don’t have to protect –“

            “Can we just drop it,” Ciel snapped. The teakettle whistled shrilly and he removed it from the heat, using the action of preparing his tea as cover so he could swallow any rising frustration.

            “Madam Red,” he began again, “please leave it alone. I’m fine. Nothing happened, and I will not be responsible for a man losing his job fr no reason. I will let you know if anything happens, so please, promise me you’ll leave it.”

            She gave him a strange look, but Ciel knew she was considering his words. IT was hard to see him as traumatized when he was eloquent, and Ciel knew that.

            “I still think that –“

            Ciel sighed. “Madam Red, please. I’ve already been ostracized once in this town. Let me at least graduate before we add to it.”

            Ciel could see the pity, shame, and compassion in Angelina’s eyes. He hated to play with her emotions, but he knew the pity card would work to get her to back off.

            “Okay,” she sighed. “I will keep quiet. But if anything happens to you I will report it.”

            Ciel ran a hand through his hair, messing up his bedhead even more.

            “Fair enough.”

            The tinny sound of the doorbell echoed through the kitchen, and Ciel gave a silent thank you to the powers that be for the distraction.

            “That’s Lizzie,” he said, dumping his tea into a travel mug too fast –spilling some on his hand.

            “I already spoke to Professor Faustus,” Angelina said, ignoring his spill. “You have been removed from the class and your current grades are frozen, so you don’t have to worry about any of that.”

            Ciel felt his heart sink, but he hid it with a small smile. He had hoped it would take some time for the avoidance to go into effect, but he supposed it was easier this way. Like ripping off a band-aid. He kissed Angelina on the cheek – he really did love her even if he couldn’t currently feel it, and met Lizzie in the crisp snow laden driveway.

“Wow,” Lizzie said, “you look like shit.”

“Thanks,” Ciel drawled, pulling his coat tighter around himself. He knew it was true; he had caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror before he had decided there was no point in putting any effort into his attire. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy, his skin was more sallow than usual, and his hair was a tangled mess. It was remarkable he managed to get himself into jeans and a sweater – Sebastian’s he realized with a groan.

            Lizzie shot him a look. “What happened to you last night? Did you meet up with Sebastian?”

            Ciel gulped his tea too fast, the hot liquid burning its way down his esophagus and into his stomach.

            “Lizzie,” he said, voice hoarse, “I’m not seeing him anymore.”

            Ciel saw Lizzie roll her eyes and it made his chest ache.

            “Come on Ciel. Haven’t we been over this? It’s okay –“

            “No, Lizzie, it isn’t.”  

             Ciel threaded his bare fingers with Lizzie’s gloved ones and squeezed. He didn’t know why but there was something about telling Lizzie that was terrifying, like his split with Sebastian would be final if he said it aloud.

            “Madam Red knows,” he said quietly. “At least, she suspects. She already pulled me out of his class.”

            He looked up to meet Lizzie’s gaze, the shock and pain there exacerbating his own self-pity.

            “So, no, Lizzie. It’s not okay.”

            A silence passed between them, broken only by the sound of their boots crunching on the snowy ground and the rising voices from students as they got closer to the University.

            “Shit,” Lizzie said at last. She squeezed Ciel’s hand. “You could still see him. I’d cover for you.”

            Ciel shook his head. He had already thought of his options over the long weekend. “I’m not going to risk his job for sex. It’s not like I was exclusively seeing him.”

            Except he had been. Lizzie was nice enough to not mention it.

            “What about if you explained what was going on? Have you talked to him already?”

            Ciel shook his head again. “He’s messaged me but I haven’t looked at them.”

            Ciel kept it to himself that he had been physically unable to open them – that the anger and embarrassment that it was his own fuck up that ruined their arrangement made him feel weak. Lizzie’s scandalized look didn’t help his already mounting feelings of self-loathing.

            “Why not?”

            “It’s best if it’s a clean break,” Ciel lied, and he prayed Lizzie bought it. “If it looks like I’m not interested, he’ll get tired of me. Or hate me. Or both. Then there’s no risk.”

            “That’s stupid.”

            Ciel shot Lizzie a warning look, and she responded with a glare in kind.

            “I’ll support you. You know I will. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s stupid.”

            They stopped in the foyer of the main building and Ciel let go of Lizzie’s hand. He rubbed his hand over his bad eye and sighed.

            “I know,” he said. And he did know. But he had decided, and it was for the best. It had to be.

            The week dragged on slowly, the effort it took to appear unfazed sapping Ciel of all his energy so that by Wednesday he was a mess. Three days out of the week he now had an extra hour and a half between his Lit class and Discipleship, and the minutes ticked by in slow motion. Ciel swore that sometimes time didn’t move at all unless he was curled up underneath a bookcase in the library sleeping.

            Friday saw Ciel resting his head on his Bible in an empty study hall fading in and out of sleep because Sebastian’s religion class had taken over the library. He had done a decent job of avoiding the man prior – Ciel managed to turn down different hallways and duck into empty classrooms before they could bump into each other – and he wasn’t about to ruin it by napping in his usual corner.

            A hand lightly brushed Ciel’s shoulder, and he bolted upright with an undignified squeak, positive that Sebastian had found him. The air rushed out of him in a relieved whoosh when his eyes met not the maroon orbs of Sebastian but the light blue of Finnian’s. The other boy’s face was beet red, and his eyes immediately focused on the ground.

            “Sorry,” he mumbled. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

            Ciel shrugged and tried to give a tired half-smile. It didn’t work. “S’alright. I guess I’m just jumpy.”

            Finnian still stood by Ciel, wringing his hands nervously. Ciel had never really paid attention to Finnian before, but it was almost cute how painfully shy and embarrassed the guy was.

            “What’s up, Fin?”

            The other boy’s shoulders shot up to his ears and Ciel held in his snort of amusement.

            “Are you okay?”

            Ciel raised his eyebrow and watched Finnian flounder as he struggled to find words to expand his question.

            “You just…” Finnian shrugged, his face getting steadily redder, “you just seem kind of sad.”

            Ciel wanted to snort and say something nasty, to deflect, but a bigger part of him worried that the emotions he thought he held so tightly in check were starting to leak out. Not that he was sad. Annoyed maybe, but definitely not sad.

            “It’s not obvious or anything,” Finny babbled. “I just notice.”

            Ciel’s eyebrow quirked again. “You notice?”

            “Yeah. I watch you.”

            Finnian’s face turned an even brighter shade of red. He sunk down into the chair beside Ciel and stammered on.

            “I mean, I don’t watch just you. I’m a watcher. So I watch people. I mean…”

            Ciel snorted and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “Don’t hurt yourself Finny.”

            Finnian’s face still blazed, but Ciel watched, transfixed, as it morphed into something hard and slightly petulant. Ciel hadn’t thought that Finnian had the capability of getting angry or annoyed.

            “Whatever,” Finnian said, and his slight stutter diminished. “I just wanted to see if you were okay.”

            “I’m fine.”

            A tense silence passed between them, punctuated by Finnian’s constant fidgeting checking the door and Ciel’s sighs and he looked at his watch.

            “Where are Lizzie and Bard?” Finnian finally asked.

            “Late.”

            “Do you want to just get started without them?”

            Ciel smirked. “No offense Fin, but no.”

            Another silence stretched, Finnian making it more awkward than the one previous. Ciel stared at him, waiting to see if Finnian could give himself whiplash with how fast he moved his head from Ciel to the door, to the table, and back again. Ciel was half tempted to assure Finnian that he couldn’t catch Satan cooties off of him- that he didn’t bite, when Finnian stopped twitching and spoke again.

            “Can I ask you a question?”

            Ciel eyed Finnian warily and stayed quiet; the urge to smugly state that asking to ask a question was already asking a question ignored because the truth was that Ciel was questioned out. The texts from Sebastian, the looks from Madam Red, the blatant prods from Lizzie – he didn’t need anyone else asking after him. But Finnian either didn’t notice the pointed silence or he just ignored it.

            “Why did you give me flowers? At the game?”

            Ciel blinked slowly, his brain taking a moment to register what Finnian was talking about.

            “I told you. To apologize for making you cry.”

            Finnian’s cheeks were still flushed, but he kept his gaze on Ciel.

            “I know. But you could have just said sorry.”

            “Yeah…?”

            “So why the flowers?”

            Ciel withheld a groan and pressed his hand into his bad eye. Was Finnian questioning his sexuality? Were flowers too gay of an apology? Finnian’s eyes were sharp and Ciel could feel them searching his face. He sighed and shrugged.

            “I don’t know why. I just got them.”

            Finnian stared at Ciel with an expression that he couldn’t make out. Ciel’s eyes flicked to the door, suddenly praying hat Lizzie would walk in and break the awkward tension, but no such luck. He sighed again and raked his fingers through his hair.

            “Look,” he grumbled, “I –”

Ciel was cut off by lips pressing against the corner of his mouth. It was chaste, more of a peck than anything, but Ciel’s mouth was still frozen halfway open in mid-sentence when Finnian pulled away. Neither of them moved, Finnian staring at his hands and Ciel opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water.

The click of the door opening brought everything into sharp focus. Ciel’s mouth finally snapped shut, and Finnian bolted out of his chair so fast Ciel was surprised that it didn’t tip over.

“I’m sorry,” Finnian practically shouted. He turned on his heel and pushed through Lizzie and Bard, face blazing and the door slamming hard behind him.

“What’s up with him?” Bard asked as he sat in Finnian’s now empty chair.

Ciel just shook his head and turned his focus on Lizzie. Her face was pinched, like she had just swallowed something sour and she sat down heavily across from Ciel.

“Are you okay?” he asked. He never saw Lizzie without a smile unless she was furious with him or about to puke. But her expression was more…uneasy, and that made Ciel uneasy.

“Actually Bard, can you grab me a ginger ale or sprite or something?” Even her voice was tight, and Ciel instinctively reached across the table to grasp one of her hands.

Bard looked between the two of them and shrugged. He squeezed Lizzie’s shoulders as he walked past.

“Lizzie,” Ciel began as soon as the door closed, but Lizzie cut him off with a look. She reached into her purse, pulled out an envelope, and slid it across the table to Ciel. He felt his stomach knot at the sight of the long elegant scrawl that used to cover the margins of his papers.

“He asked me to give that to you,” Lizzie said as Ciel gingerly opened the envelope. “He looks like shit, Ciel.”

Ciel shot her an annoyed look, and glanced over the spidery handwriting.

_Ciel,_

_Your aunt came to talk to me. I absolutely respect your decision to drop my class and cut correspondence, but I wanted to apologize for putting you in this situation. I didn’t realize that I was making you uncomfortable, and that is truly unforgivable. Please know that I do value and respect you._

_Best,_

_S.M._

Ciel wanted to cry. He could feel the heat rising in his face and the tightness behind his nose and cheekbones.

“This is so fucking inappropriate,” he muttered, crumpling the paper.

“ _This_ is inappropriate?” Lizzie said, and Ciel could hear the edge in her voice. “How about you two fucking -?”

“All of it,” Ciel snapped. “All of it is fucking inappropriate, okay?”

“He’s confused,” Lizzie cut him off. “Which is understandable, since he didn’t actually do anything wrong.”

Ciel stared at Lizzie, at her blotchy cheeks and her harsh mouth. “Since when did you start caring so much about the people I sleep with?”

“Oh come on.” Lizzie’s hands gripped his, and she pressed her face forward so that he was forced to look her in the eyes. “You’re both miserable.”

“Lizzie, just drop it.”

Lizzie’s face pinched again. “I’m not going to be your go-between while you pretend to ignore each other.”

“I’m not asking you to. Jesus Lizzie, fuck.” Ciel stuffed his Bible into his backpack and stood, fighting his increasing urge to scream and kick.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going home.”

Lizzie crossed her arms, and Ciel had the quick thought that petulant anger was not a look that suited her. “Oh really? That’s helpful.”

“I don’t need you to be fucking helpful, Liz,” Ciel snapped, and he almost felt bad for the hurt look that crossed her face.

“I’m out,” he grumbled, and left the study hall, pretending to not hear Bard when he passed him in the hallway.

Once at home Ciel locked himself in his room, thankful that Madam Red had a mid-shift so he didn’t have to deal with her.

He flopped onto his bed, arms and legs spread wide. He was pissed at Madam Red for talking to Sebastian, and he was pissed at Sebastian for the letter he wrote, and he was pissed at Lizzie for still trying to play matchmaker, and he was pissed at Finnian for choosing _now_ as the time to practically come out of the closet.

He wanted to see Sebastian. No, scratch that. He wanted to get laid, that was all. He pulled out his phone and opened his Tinder page, halfheartedly swiping through guys that were too frat boy or too smiley or too…whatever. He paused on one guy, thirty, with dark hair, pale skin, and brown eyes. His hair was shorter than Sebastian’s, and more brown than raven colored, but… Ciel wasn’t looking for a look-alike. He swiped right, felt a rising bubble of panic, and tossed his phone to the side. He dragged his hands over his face and breathed shallowly through his nose. What was wrong with him? The last time he could remember being so wound up was in high school.

His phone pinged by his hand, and Ciel glanced at the Tinder notification.

**One new message from William S.**

_Hello._

Ciel groaned. He typed a quick message, half expecting the guy to pack up and run.

_Hey. No offense, but I’m just looking for a quick fuck._

A few minutes passed where Ciel chewed on his lip and picked at his cuticles, and debated looking up random porn to get off to. His phone pinged again and he grinned at the response.

_Sounds good. Tonight?_

Ciel glanced at the time on his phone. 6:07. Madam Red was off at two in the morning. If he aimed for nine, planned two hours for sex and an hour to get home, he still had a solid two hour bracket to avoid his aunt.

_Yeah. 9:00 work?_

_Works just fine. Would you like to meet at my place?_

Warning bells went off in Ciel’s mind. He never initially met someone in a private place, but he meant it when he said he wanted a quick fuck. He wasn’t looking for a date, and he wasn’t looking to get fucked in the alley behind a restaurant.

_Sounds good._

The next message was an address and the code to get into the building. Ciel looked up the address – the guy lived in an impressive condo complex downtown, which meant he probably worked finance, which meant he was probably a bit boring in bed, but that was fine.

Ciel debated on telling Lizzie where he was going, but he decided against it. With Madam Red out he didn’t need a cover, and he knew she would try to convince him to not go.

Ciel rolled himself out of bed and padded to the shower, ignoring the two messages that came in from Lizzie.

***

William S.’s complex was nestled in the heart of the financial district, and was the kind of place that was all steel and reflective glass and surrounded by parking lots you had to pay for.

He entered the code for the side gate to the complex and entered the elevator, pushing down his unease. He glanced at his phone for the apartment number, 311, and aimlessly wandered the third floor until he found it. He had a quick thought of turning around and going home, but he shook it off and knocked.

The guy who answered the door was definitely not Sebastian, but he was attractive. He was still taller than Ciel, somewhere around 5’10 or 5’11. His hair was in a standard business crew cut and his five o’clock shadow added to his sallow cheeks. Square glasses emphasized crescent shaped brown eyes, and when he grinned Ciel noticed overlapping front teeth.

“Right on time,” he guy said, holding the door open for Ciel. His voice was deep and brassy, far from Sebastian’s gravelly baritone.

Ciel walked into a room that was furnished entirely by IKEA. From what he could tell, everything was monochromatic. Definitely boring.

“Would you like a drink,” William S. asked.

Ciel shook his head. “I have a couple of rules,” he said as he slipped his shoes off and removed his coat. He looked at the guy and saw that he was watching him intently, and Ciel hardened his gaze in response.

“I don’t do unprotected sex. I don’t take off my shirt. And the eyepatch stays on.”

The guy opened his mouth to speak, but Ciel cut him off.

“And if you ask me to do a pirate role play I’m out.”

William laughed, a low rumble that made Ciel ache for the sandpaper scratch of Sebastian’s voice.

“I was going to ask if you worked around here, not if you were a pirate.”

Ciel felt his shoulders tense. He was the technical proprietor of his family’s business, but its operations were entrusted to an old family friend and Ciel had kept himself distant from formal meetings. However, that didn’t keep his name from popping up in the small business circles. He cursed himself for not thinking ahead.

“No, I don’t work here,” he said, which wasn’t a lie.

“I’ve heard your name before.”

Ciel smirked. “I’ve heard the name William before.”

“But I’m average and boring,” the guy said. “Ciel is uncommon.”

Ciel sighed. “My parents are French. Can we move on?”

The guy smiled. He had a nice smile – full, boyish, and Ciel tried to appreciate his attractiveness. But when William kissed him Ciel missed the roughness of Sebastian and his perpetually cold fingers.

Ciel zoned out and allowed himself to be kissed, led into the bedroom, and backed into a low IKEA bed. As teeth lightly scraped down his neck, he imagined Sebastian doing it – ignoring the fact that he was doing this to _not_ think about the man. He closed his eyes and thrust up into Sebastian’s touches, groaned as Sebastian slid off his pants, as he palmed Ciel’s growing erection. Ciel gripped the shoulders above him, hard and muscular, as his boxers were slid off and a warm mouth enveloped him in tight heat. He squeezed his eyes tighter and thought of Sebastian’s office, thought about his ability to swallow all of Ciel down.

Ciel arched up into a particularly sensitive suckle to the underside of the head, then tensed as something cold and slick slid inside of him.

He had been so distracted that he hadn’t even heard the pop of the lube cap. He lay there rigid as William’s mouth worked on him and the man’s finger moved inside of him – prodding, searching. Every fibre of Ciel’s being shrieked for him to get away, but he couldn’t move. His limbs were detached blocks of wood and his mouth didn’t feel connected to his face. He didn’t even think he could breathe – the effort of dragging air into his lungs felt impossible.

A second finger began to press in, and Ciel felt his skin crawl. Time moved at hyper speed as all sensation flooded back: the tightness, the burn, the disgust, the fear, the pain.

“No,” he choked, trying to pull himself up onto shaky elbows.

The second finger was all the way inside of him, and Ciel wasn’t sure if was going to throw up or pass out. He tried scooting backwards, hating the way he felt hooked from the inside out.

“Please, no. Jesus, please,” he babbled, and his voice came out broken and shaky.

William’s mouth popped off of him and the fingers mercifully slid out. Ciel almost cried with relief; his arms were so shaky he thought he was going to fall back onto the bed.

“What’s wrong?” William asked. “Are you okay?”

Ciel wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the question, but he could only manage a pathetic half-grin.

“Sorry,” he croaked, “but I don’t think this is gonna work out. I can suck you off if you want.”

William’s cheeks flushed, and Ciel was reminded once again of the man’s boyish attractiveness. He _was_ cute.

“That’s – you don’t have to do that.”

Ciel rolled his eyes and used his leg to push William down. He pounced quickly, determination giving him the adrenaline rush needed to pull down William’s pants and boxers in one motion, and get the guy’s dick in his mouth.

Ciel was relentless; he could feel William get harder against his cheeks and tongue.  William’s fingers gripped Ciel’s hair, and Ciel allowed the man to push his head down further and faster until Ciel felt his eyes water.

William came suddenly, the warm bitter taste flooding Ciel’s mouth and making him gag, semen and spit oozing out of the corners of his mouth. He wiped the rest of his face with the back of his hand. William looked blissed out, and Ciel used the man’s recovery time to get back into his shorts and pants.

“You have an insane mouth,” William said as Ciel finished zipping up.

Ciel half smirked, still riding on his waves of adrenaline. “Thanks. I’m gonna head out.”

William was already up and getting dressed. “I’ll walk you out.”

“That’s not necessary.”

“I’m not going to lie around with my dick out and watch you leave,” William said as he pulled up his slacks.

Ciel rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything. William followed him out into the living room and silently waited while Ciel laced up his trainers.

“Would you like me to walk you to your car,” William asked as he handed Ciel his coat.

Ciel could already feel the effects of his adrenaline rush wearing down. His fingers shook as he attempted to do the buttons on his coat.

“That’s _really_ not necessary,” he managed.

William held the door open for Ciel as he walked out. “Maybe we can try again sometime?”

Ciel knew that William meant it as a non-sequitur for polite conversation, but he didn’t have the energy to be polite back.

“Probably not.”

Ciel thought he heard a laugh behind him but he couldn’t be sure. His main focus was to get out of the building before his skin crawled off of him. He bypassed the elevator and took the stairs three at a time, sighing with relief when the cold winter air finally hit his skin and crackled in his lungs.

He made it halfway down the street before his legs gave out. He stumbled onto the sidewalk, scraping his palm against the concrete and tearing through the knees of his jeans. His entire body shook and he wrapped himself into a tight ball, focusing on keeping his breathing under control.

With leaden fingers he pulled his phone out of his pocket and managed to dial Lizzie. He put the phone on speaker and dropped it into his lap.

“Did you call to apologize?” Lizzie’s voice came through the phone crackly and petulant, and a half-laugh half-sob burst out of Ciel’s mouth.

“Yeah. I’m sorry I’m such an asshole.”

There was a pause on the other end, and Ciel did his best to dry his leaking eyes and keep his teeth from chattering.

“Ciel, what’s wrong?”

The softness in her voice was worse than her indignant anger, worse than sitting by himself in the cold. He opened his mouth but choked on his words. The tears came, cold and unbidden, and his body shook more.

“Ciel?”

“I fucked up, Liz,” he managed

“Ciel, where are you?”

Ciel curled himself tighter, his phone practically against his nose. “Outside some condo in the city.”

“Jesus. Are you in your car?”

Ciel shook his head, then remembered that Lizzie couldn’t see him. The silence must have been enough of an answer because her voice came through before he could properly speak,

“Ciel, get in your car.”

“I don’t think I can stand up, Liz.”

“Yes you can.” Her voice was soothing on the line; the same voice she used when would come home from a visit with his grandfather. It stabilized him, like it was the antidote to soothe his wound up nerves. She continued to talk to him as he forced himself to a standing position. She whispered and murmured as he limped his way back to his car and climbed inside.

“I’m in,” he said. The crying had stopped and the shakes had blended in with the shivers from the cold.

“Okay, good. Do you think you can drive, or do you want me to grab Bard and come get you?”

Ciel groaned. He didn’t want to drive, but he didn’t want to see Bard – more specifically, he didn’t want anyone but Lizzie to see him as such a complete mess.

“I’ll drive.”

“Keep me on speaker. I’ll talk to you.”

Ciel half-smiled and situated his phone in his cup holder. It took a couple of tries to get his seatbelt on, and a few more to get the car started, but once the vehicle was moving Ciel was in autopilot. He let Lizzie’s voice surround him as he followed the familiar route home. By the time he pulled into her driveway at 10:40, the shakes had stopped completely. Lizzie stood on her front porch wrapped tightly in a fleece robe, and Ciel let her hug him before pushing her back inside. He clung to her hand as they mounted the stairs to her room, still clung to it when they curled up underneath the covers of the bed.

“Do you want to tell me what happened,” she whispered, rubbing her nose against his.

Ciel sighed. He brushed Lizzie’s knuckles with his thumb and ran his tongue over his teeth, trying to choose words from the fog in his brain.

“He started to finger me and it caught me off guard,” he said at last. His tongue felt heavy and woolen in his mouth.

Lizzie’s brow furrowed. “Who?”

“Some guy.” Ciel sighed again and pressed his forehead against Lizzie’s. “It was fine with Sebastian so I just thought – I don’t know what I thought.”

Even though they were nose to nose Ciel could see Lizzie’s green eyes widen.

“Wait, back up. Sebastian fingered you? And you were okay with that?”

 “Yeah…” Ciel felt a hot blush creeping up his neck and he resisted the urge to detangle himself and rub his eye. He didn’t know how the conversation had turned so quickly from his panic attack to Sebastian – who was the exact person he hadn’t wanted to think about in the first place. Lizzie’s excitement radiated off of her, and it embarrassed him more.

“Ciel, that’s great. That’s huge!”

“Yeah, Liz can we not talk about it? Didn’t you have a date with Bard?”

He knew that she wanted to keep prodding him for more information, but she cuddled closer to him and began to talk about her dinner with Bard, who almost set the house on fire. Ciel closed his eyes and halfway listened to Lizzie explain how she had to use the fire extinguisher on a pizza before he fell asleep.


	8. In Which it is Ciel's Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lizzie surprises Ciel with the best birthday present ever, even if he doesn't want to admit it.
> 
> “We’re going out. I’m not driving home after.”  
> “Fair,” Ciel said slowly, “but why the whole weekend?”  
> Lizzie shrugged again. “Twenty-one is a big deal.”  
> “Lizzie, we ordered pizza and went to the lake on your birthday. For a day.”  
> “We’re making up for all the birthdays you’ve missed.”  
> Ciel knew Lizzie well enough to know that she was lying. He also knew her well enough to know that the stubborn look on her face meant she wasn’t going to budge with her explanation.  
> “Fine,” he sighed, sinking deeper under the covers. “Now go away. I’m tired.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you, thank you, thank you for continuing to keep up with this story - and thank you for all of the comments and kudos. They mean a lot, especially since this beast has been going for a bit. 
> 
> Also, if you have any requests: either with this story or for something new, let me know! I am eager to please ;D

Ciel ended up getting sick after his late night cry in the snow, so he was able to stay home the next week without his aunt breathing down his neck while she looked for signs of molestation. It was easier being alone in the house. He enjoyed the silence, enjoyed the reset from classes and people even though snot seemed to come out of every orifice Ciel had and his throat burned when he swallowed. It was so much better to lie in bed being miserable than trying to constantly avoid Sebastian - and Finnian’s questionable sexuality.

Lizzie came to visit him almost daily, annoying him not with talk about Sebastian, but about his upcoming birthday. Ciel hadn’t had a birthday party in ten years; he preferred to pretend it didn’t exist.

“Lizzie,” Ciel groaned for the umpteenth time in a groggy voice. “I don’t want a party.”

Lizzie just rolled her eyes and continued to scroll through her phone.

“You’re turning twenty-one. You’re getting a party.”

She put her phone down and a mischievous smile bloomed on her face. “Unless you want to have a holy twenty-first like the rest of Upland. We can do one of those platonic dates that Taylor offers. What about bowling. With Finny?”

Ciel groaned again and collapsed back against his pillows. It hadn’t taken long for Lizzie to find out about the “Fin-kiss” as she called it, and she had decided to torture him with that rather than his fuck-up in the city.

“Fine,” he grumbled. “You win.”

“Good,” she cooed. “Now help me pick a place.”

They settled on a gay club called Greg’s and Lizzie booked a simple hotel room for the weekend. When Ciel raised his eyebrows at her, she shrugged and gave him her best “what-do-you-want-I’m-doing-nothing-wrong” look.

“We’re going out. I’m not driving home after.”

“Fair,” Ciel said slowly, “but why the whole weekend?”

Lizzie shrugged again. “Twenty-one is a big deal.”

“Lizzie, we ordered pizza and went to the lake on your birthday. For a day.”

“We’re making up for all the birthdays you’ve missed.”

Ciel knew Lizzie well enough to know that she was lying. He also knew her well enough to know that the stubborn look on her face meant she wasn’t going to budge with her explanation.

“Fine,” he sighed, sinking deeper under the covers. “Now go away. I’m tired.”

Lizzie chuckled, and Ciel felt gloss covered lips smack against his cheek, leaving a sticky residue.

“You have until the end of the week to get better,” she whispered against his ear, and Ciel whined childishly. He almost wished he would get sicker.

Of course, Ciel had no luck. The morning of the fourteenth was crisp and clear, and Ciel’s sinuses were devoid of all mucous. His voice was still a bit rough, but other than that he was completely healthy.

Even so, he still took the day off from school – it was a Friday toward the end of the semester, like anyone cared – to sleep in.

He spent over an hour in the shower, at least appreciative that he no longer had to douse himself in menthol in order to breathe. He lathered himself in rosemary mint soap and stood under the hot stream of water until his fingers were so shriveled that they lacked feeling. He squeezed damp skin into dark jeans and a boxy grey sweater, and packed his backpack with spare clothes and a toothbrush. Denying Lizzie’s want to stay out all weekend was pointless.

He didn’t head downstairs until well past one o’clock, immediately heading to the kitchen for some tea. Madam Red was leaning against the counter reading the paper, a steaming mug on one side of her and a box with croissants on the other. She looked up as he padded into the kitchen and smiled.

“You look a lot better,” she said as she straightened and pulled Ciel into a hug. “Lizzie says you have a big weekend planned.”

Ciel rolled his eye and kissed his aunt on the cheek. “Yeah.”

Ciel could feel her eyes follow him as he prepped his tea, giving him an uneasy feeling of deja-vu.

“Does that mean I can say it this year?”

Ciel gave a soft half-grin. Madam Red had been much more complacent with Ciel’s “no-birthday” rule over the years than Lizzie had.

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t.”

His aunt looked sad for only a moment before she perked back up, nudging the box of croissants toward him.

“Then I got these just because I had a craving for them,” she said too brightly.

Ciel obligingly took an almond croissant out of the box and bit into the sweet pastry. It was good, but the flaky pastry only reminded him of how good Sebastian’s croissants had been; Ciel couldn’t help but wonder how the croissant in his mouth would have tasted if it had come from Sebastian’s oven.

“Thank you,” Ciel said, powdered sugar dusting his lips.

Madam Red gave him a small kiss on the cheek and ran her hand through his hair, a gesture she used to do all of the time when he was a kid.

“I can’t believe it’s been twenty-one years since you were born,” she said. “Be safe, and have fun in the city.”

Ciel nodded in unspoken acknowledgement that she meant no drugs, sex, or alcohol – at least nothing that she could find out about. Ciel watched his aunt leave, watched her car pull out of the icy driveway, then relished the quiet loneliness that encompassed him. He sat down with his tea at the table, watching the light slowly change outside while he thought of nothing in particular until his stomach growled with disapproval at being neglected.

Lizzie arrived at eight, letting herself in and interrupting Ciel as he was nose deep in a book and on his sixth cup of tea. Lizzie’s cheeks were bright pink from the cold, and under her coat she wore a slinky black dress that usually lived in the back of her closet.

“Have you done anything today?” she asked as she eyed the messy couch – pillows haphazardly thrown, a crumpled blanket on the arm rest, Ciel’s dog-eared book, and two mugs of tea on the side table.

Ciel wriggled himself deeper into the couch.

“I quite enjoyed doing absolutely nothing,” he said as snootily as he could.

Lizzie rolled her eyes. “That’s fine, but now it’s time to get up and get dressed.”

Ciel sighed dramatically and stood, modelling his attire.

“I’m already dressed.”

Lizzie laughed. “No, you’re not. Let’s go.”

Ciel reluctantly followed her upstairs. “I like what I’m wearing. It’s comfortable.”

“The point is not to look comfortable. It’s to look hot. Put these on.”

She threw him a pair of black skinny jeans that he had only worn once because they were so tight he had to shimmy to get into them. Ciel raised his eyebrow, more to the pants than to Lizzie.

“Um, why?”

“Because they show off your ass and your dick, shorty.”

Ciel felt his face burn with embarrassment. He opened his mouth to say something snide, but he couldn’t decide if he should argue that he didn’t _want_ to show off his dick or if he should yell at Lizzie for calling him short. He closed his mouth and stripped out of his jeans.

“You’re gonna have to take your boxers off,” Lizzie commented, still rummaging through his closet.

“I’m not gonna sweat my naked balls off in tight denim,” he snapped, shimmying into the first pant leg.

Lizzie threw an indigo V-neck that had shrunk in the watch onto his bed. Ciel finished getting into the pants, resigned to not using the bathroom for the rest of the night. He held up the shirt and sighed.

“Seriously Lizzie, how gay are you trying to make me look?”

Lizzie pulled up his sweater, and he lifted his arms as she took it off of him.

“I’m making you look fuckable,” she said as she dressed him in the tee.

“What if I don’t want to look fuckable?”

“Trust me, you do.” And with that she stood back and surveyed his outfit. Ciel held his arms out awkwardly and spun in a circle.

“Hot,” Lizzie determined. “Put this on.”

Ciel caught the familiar black sweater and his throat tightened. He hadn’t even looked at Sebastian’s sweater in the last two weeks; he had specifically buried it in the back of his closet so he couldn’t accidentally put it on.

“Liz,” he started to argue, but her pout caught him off guard.

“Pwease?”

Ciel sighed and slipped the sweater on, the soft material both comforting him and making him feel tight and suffocated.

“Why do I feel like this is all for you,” Ciel grumbled. Lizzie laced her fingers with his and pecked him on the cheek.

“You’ll thank me later.”

 

Greg’s was a nice place – definitely nicer than Ciel had been expecting. He had anticipated rainbows and fishnets, maybe boys in angel wings dancing on tables. In reality it was a normal club – not too crowded because of the still early hour, but buzzing with eclectic music and hyped energy as people bounced from the bar to the dance floor.

Ciel sat with Lizzie at a small table sipping at his Lemon Drop – her pick for him. It was insanely sweet, sweeter than his sweet tooth could handle. He took a tiny sip and tried to hide the following grimace.

Lizzie laughed and whacked him on the shoulder, making him choke on sugar crystals.

“Don’t make that face. It makes you look young and inexperienced.”

“It’s fucking sweet,” Ciel retorted, swallowing down the rest of his water.

“Then get something dirtier for your next dr-“ Lizzie trailed off as something caught her eye, but she pulled Ciel’s face towards her before he could follow her gaze.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” she stated practically into his mouth. Ciel rolled his eye and pulled his face out of her hands.

“Then go, Jesus.”

She stepped away from the table quickly, and Ciel sighed and pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes. The music was loud, not too loud, but louder than he would have liked, and the sheer effort it took to come out with Lizzie had already left him drained. Ciel was not a people person, which was why his one night stands worked so well.

“Buy you a drink?” a sandpapery voice asked above him, and Ciel felt his breath catch in his throat. He slowly lifted his head from his hands to look up at Sebastian. He must have not hidden his dumbfounded look well because said man laughed, the sharp crackle sending warm vibrations straight to Ciel’s dick.

“How –“ Ciel started, but he already knew why Sebastian was there. Lizzie. “I’ve already got a drink,” he said instead, trying to get a handle on his rising blush.

“Mind if I sit?”

Ciel shook his head and breathed in Sebastian’s earthy smell as the man sat in Lizzie’s old chair. Sebastian’s hair was loose and slightly wavy, as if he had gotten out of the shower and then drove with the windows down, and he wore crisp slacks and a burgundy sweater under a dark blazer. He looked windblown and mysterious and sexy, and Ciel had to resist the urge to lick his lips.

“Did you come straight from work,” he asked when he realized that Sebastian wasn’t going to speak first.

Sebastian chuckled and shook his head. “I just don’t like to change during the day.”

Ciel nodded and fiddled with his glass. He could feel Sebastian’s eyes on him, making his skin prickle with hot anticipation.

“Lizzie invited me.”

“I know.” The blush he had been trying to suppress blazed up his neck and burned the tips of his ears. “I mean, I figured. She disappeared, you show up. And I don’t exactly peg you as the gay bar type, so…”

Sebastian quirked an eyebrow. “Nor I you.”

“As you said: Lizzie.”

Sebastian nodded, and a small silence settled between them as the music shifted to something with a heavy baseline.

“Care to dance?” Sebastian had to lean in close against Ciel’s ear in order to be heard, and Ciel held in small shivers from the man’s lips brushing against his earlobe.

“Yeah, no.”

Sebastian grinned at that, and Ciel found himself drawn to that half- smile, the way he could see one pointed canine, the way Sebastian’s lips were slightly chapped and still perfect.

“How about coming home with me?”

Ciel’s mouth went dry and Sebastian’s grin widened.

“What?”

“Lizzie told me about your aunt.”

“Of course she did.”

“So, I’m inviting you over for sex, if you’re still interested in that.”

Ciel wanted to laugh – of course he was still interested in sex with Sebastian. And the fact that the man was inviting him over in a club on his birthday was so absolutely absurd that it made Ciel feel lightheaded and giddy. Except, he had come to the club with Lizzie, and he couldn’t leave without her. Ciel glanced around the club for Lizzie, but didn’t see her.

“I can’t,” he said, fingering the sugar on the rim of his glass. He caught Sebastian’s eye and hated the words coming out of his mouth. “I’d love to. But Lizzie set up this big weekend in the city and I can’t just bail.”

Sebastian’s gaze shifted – became something light and conspiratorial. The realization dawned on Ciel slowly, and he felt stupid for not catching on.

“Oh,” he said dumbly when it finally clicked that the entire scenario had been planned: the removed meeting place, Lizzie booking a hotel so that there would be no questions, alcohol to loosen Ciel up – she had orchestrated all of it. Ciel cocked his head and locked eyes with Sebastian’s maroon orbs, the realization also dawning on him that Lizzie had booked the hotel for two nights.

“Are you inviting me over for sex or inviting me to spend the weekend with you?”

“Both,” Sebastian answered easily, and Ciel’s stomach flipped. “Or either.”

Ciel licked his lips, catching the way Sebastian watched his mouth with a predatory gaze. Ciel knew the correct answer in this situation was no – it was bad enough that they had almost gotten caught once – but Ciel’s dick was a stronger persuasion than his rational brain, so he nodded instead.

“Which part are you agreeing to,” Sebastian whispered into the skin behind Ciel’s ear, and Ciel no longer tried to fight against his rational mind.

“Both,” Ciel said, trying to sound just as nonchalant as Sebastian. “Or either. I don’t care.”

***

 

Ciel thought that the hour long drive back to Upland would give him time to calm down – that he could breathe and cool off and maybe lose his erection before they got to Sebastian’s house. Lizzie had given his crotch a pointed look before they had left, pulling Ciel into a hug with a smirk while she whispered “you’re welcome” right into his ear. He and Sebastian had hardly spoken on the drive, but Ciel could feel Sebastian’s eyes flick over to him, quick looks at his chest, his mouth, his crotch, and Ciel was sure Sebastian felt it when he looked back.

Ciel was almost surprised when they pulled into Sebastian’s driveway; he had been so distracted that the drive seemed to take no time. The older man turned off the car, plunging them into darkness and silence save for their breathing. Sebastian sighed, and Ciel watched the man pinch the bridge of his nose.

“Look, Ciel, I wanted to apologize –“

Ciel groaned, cutting Sebastian off. He didn’t care about apologies – he hadn’t agreed to a weekend of sex to talk about feelings.

Sebastian quirked an eyebrow. “What? I just want to say -”

Ciel shook his head and pressed his fingers against Sebastian’s lips.

“Don’t you know when to shut up, Professor?”

Ciel felt Sebastian’s lips curve into a smile beneath the pads of his fingertips.

“Obviously not,” Sebastian murmured, and then gently kissed Ciel’s fingers. Ciel sat slack jawed in his seat as Sebastian pressed butterfly kisses into Ciel’s palm, against his wrist, and up his arm. Ciel couldn’t figure out why it was so sexy, why these innocuous – and ticklish – kisses were turning him on so much.

When Sebastian flicked his tongue against the pulse point on the inside of Ciel’s wrist, Ciel snatched his hand away.

Sebastian opened his mouth, presumably to say something apologetic, but Ciel quickly undid his seatbelt and pounced, pressing his mouth against Sebastian’s, tongue easily slipping past parted lips.

An involuntary moan ripped out of Ciel as Sebastian began to kiss back. Ciel had missed it so much – the chapped lips and slick tongue and barely there stubble and long thick hair waiting to be pulled. Ciel sloppily crawled over the center console, keeping his mouth glued to Sebastian until he was uncomfortably crammed into the man’s lap. He whined as long fingers squeezed his ass and teeth scraped against his neck. He bucked his hips in response, but there was too much space in between them to get any friction.

“This idea – suddenly doesn’t seem so great,” Ciel panted out in between fruitless thrusts. “Because you’re a fucking giant.”

Sebastian laughed and released the lever on his seat so that it rolled back, but even with the extra rom it wasn’t enough.

“Take me inside,” Ciel murmured into Sebastian’s neck.

“You’re the one that climbed into my lap,” the man nuzzled back.

Ciel licked the shell of Sebastian’s ear before nipping at the lobe. “It’s my birthday.”

Sebastian chuckled at that, and obligingly opened the door; the frigid air mixing with the humid interior made Ciel’s face feel like it was instantly frozen. He began to wriggle his way out of Sebastian’s lap, but Sebastian stepped out of the car in one smooth motion with Ciel still attached to his chest like a spider monkey.

“I can walk you know,” Ciel said with a fake pout.

Sebastian smirked and bit at the underside of Ciel’s jaw. “It’s your birthday.”

Ciel swallowed his moan and allowed himself to be carried inside the warm house, unsurprised when he was dropped onto the bed.

“Clothes off,” Sebastian nearly growled.

Ciel leaned back against the pillows with a smug grin and spread his legs wide. “Why don’t you undress me, Professor?”

Sebastian blinked, and in that quick moment Ciel saw his pupils dilate. It ignited something deep within his belly, and caused him to moan before Sebastian had even done anything. Ciel’s clothes felt too tight – his skin felt too tight, and all he could think about was the need to have Sebastian on top of him, all over him, inside of him.

Ciel sat up and hooked his fingers into Sebastian’s belt loops, pulling him forward. Ciel went to work on the button of Sebastian’s slacks, and whined when the man grabbed his wrists and pinned him back down before he could even get Sebastian unzipped.

“You’re feisty tonight,” Sebastian whispered into Ciel’s neck. Ciel shivered at the contact of hot breath on his skin, and he hooked one leg over Sebastian’s waist and pulled until their hips collided. Ciel felt Sebastian’s sharp intake of breath against his neck, and it somehow made him harder.

“Fuck, Sebastian. I want you,” he moaned, cheeks burning when he realized what he said. Sebastian pressed open mouthed kisses against Ciel’s throat and above his collar bones, either not hearing Ciel or being kind and ignoring his slip up. Ciel’s leg was still wrapped around Sebastian’s waist, holding the man in place as he ground his hips up, each thrust pulling a noisy gasp from somewhere in the back of his throat.

Sebastian’s long fingers rubbed circles against Ciel’s hipbone and on the sensitive spot in the crook of his neck, and Ciel felt the familiar tight heat intensifying in his groin.

“Hah- Sebastian – s – stop.”

Sebastian lifted his hips slightly and rested his forehead against Ciel’s own, concern showing through lust-filled eyes.

“Is everything alright?”

Ciel took a shaky breath as he adjusted himself beneath Sebastian and nodded.

“Yeah. I- I’m fine. It’s just…” Ciel trailed off, his face heating up as he tried to think of a less embarrassing way to say he was already close to cumming in his pants. “It’s just been a while.”

Sebastian let out a breathy laugh and Ciel rolled his eyes.

“Oh shut up,” he grumbled.

Sebastian hummed against Ciel’s neck as he slowly began to trail his way down.

“Do I turn you on that much,” Sebastian whispered through the fabric of Ciel’s shirt – the sweater pushed up to his armpits, “that you would cum for me without even touching you?”

Sebastian deftly undid the button of Ciel’s jeans, then leaned over the boy’s crotch and gripped the zipper with his teeth. Ciel groaned as Sebastian unzipped him – there needed to be a law against the man being so incredibly hot; and then gasped and bucked up as slight damp penetrated his boxers.

“Want me to suck your cock?”

Ciel huffed and thrust his hips forward, but Sebastian hovered just out of reach. Ciel threw his head back against the pillow and glared down at the smirking man between his legs.

“Do you even have to ask,” Ciel growled.

Sebastian arched an eyebrow and leaned forward again, tracing the opening of Ciel’s jeans with his nose.

“Obviously not,” he murmured, looking up at Ciel through his lashes. “Doesn’t change the fact that I want to hear you say it.”

Ciel’s cheeks flamed and he shifted uncomfortably, pressing himself up onto his elbows as he stuttered a response.

“Wh- what? Why?”

Sebastian chuckled, the vibrations traveling up Ciel’s groin and making him moan.

“I want to know what you want.”

Ciel gave an exasperated sigh, sexual frustration starting to actually piss him off. “You know what I want.”

Sebastian slowly began pulling down Ciel’s jeans, kissing the inches of exposed skin as he worked the tight material. Ciel could feel his smirk against his thigh.

“No,” he mouthed against Ciel’s leg. “I know what I want.”

“I want what you want.”

Sebastian finished pulling off Ciel’s jeans, and he tossed them over his shoulder onto the floor. He sat in between Ciel’s legs, leaning forward on his elbow with his chin resting in his hand.

“I want to see all of you. Without the shirt,” he said gently. “Do you want that?”

Ciel felt the hot burn of embarrassment at Sebastian’s gentle tone, and the rush of anger that he couldn’t bring himself to snap something back, couldn’t match Sebastian because the man knew he was right. Ciel wanted to prove Sebastian wrong but couldn’t, and the uncomfortable silence that settled as he warred with himself was rapidly killing his boner.

“So,” Sebastian said, running his free hand up Ciel’s leg and interrupting his self-deprecating thoughts. “What do you want for your birthday?”

Ciel bit his lip, worrying a piece of chapped skin. Even though Ciel was pretty vocal in bed, he wasn’t a talker – never had been. Usually he just fucked and ran- no questions asked, but Sebastian had changed all of his rules – made him worry about fucking up.

“I –“ Ciel breathed out and stared at the speckled white ceiling. “I want you to suck me off.”

“Say again,” Sebastian cooed sweetly, and Ciel felt the strong urge to hit him because he knew that he had heard him just fine.

“I want your mouth on my dick and I want you to suck it,” he snapped.

Sebastian flashed his lopsided grin, and before Ciel could bitch at him he was gasping as Sebastian slowly took him into his mouth. Ciel’s mind buzzed with static as he felt Sebastian’s tongue work against him as he slid in and out of the man’s mouth. Sebastian kept his jaw loose; Ciel could feel the slightest move of Sebastian’s tongue, could feel the spit welling up in the man’s mouth, could feel the softness of the inside of his lips. Sebastian slid his mouth up Ciel’s cock, pausing at the top to roll his tongue over the head before dipping into the slit.

“Ah- fuck,” Ciel groaned. Sebastian hummed and repeated the motion, and Ciel couldn’t get anything out of his mouth besides ‘ah,’ ‘yes,’ and ‘so good.’

Sebastian held the base of Ciel’s cock and popped off of it with a smirk.

“How good,” he asked, and if Ciel wasn’t already fucked out, Sebastian’s blowjob induced rasp would have definitely done it. Ciel growled and pushed Sebastian’s head back down, gripping thick raven hair to keep the man in place.

“Just – just don’t _fucking_ stop,” Ciel panted out. He roughly held Sebastian’s head in place as he thrust up into it, building up a steady rhythm that Sebastian allowed him to control.

Too soon Ciel felt his gut tightening. He loosened his grip on Sebastian’s hair and slowed his haphazard rhythm, trying to get his breathing under control. Sebastian hollowed his cheeks and sucked hard, dragging a long moan from deep within Ciel’s lungs.

“Sebastian I – I’m close. I’m so fucking close.”

Sebastian sucked harder and Ciel gripped the sheets beneath him as he panted through the tight waves that were beginning to wash over him.

“No, really – Sebastian. I’m so – if you – I’m gonna –“

Ciel could have sworn that Sebastian nodded before he gripped the base of Ciel’s cock and began to suck at a furious pace that made Ciel writhe. Ciel desperately tried to breathe, tried to last, but Sebastian’s mouth was hot and messy, and so, so fast, that Ciel came with an embarrassing whine, his hand once again gripping Sebastian’s hair as he rode his orgasm.

Sebastian lazily suckled Ciel’s cock as he came down, tongue gently swirling around his sensitive member. Ciel’s entire body tremored and he mewled as Sebastian continued to work him.

“Sebastian,” he groaned, pulling on the man’s hair. Sebastian looked up at Ciel through long lashes, maroon eyes cloudy and cock still in his mouth. The sight was simultaneously hot and endearing, and a small smile tugged at the corner of Ciel’s mouth.

“C’mere,” he beckoned, and gasped when Sebastian slid his mouth off of him and lay on his side, lopsided grin offsetting the pure lust in his eyes. Ciel rolled so that they were almost flush and gently pressed his lips to Sebastian’s. The kiss was slow and sweet, Ciel oddly turned on by the taste of himself on Sebastian’s tongue.

“I missed you,” Ciel sighed against Sebastian’s mouth. He saw Sebastian’s eyebrows raise a fraction, and Ciel felt his entire body blushing. “This. I mean I missed this.”

Sebastian’s expression didn’t change, and the way he traced small circles on Ciel’s chest over the shirt made him feel hot and tingly. The butterflies in his stomach hit full force, and he had a wild thought that Sebastian was beautiful. Not just incredibly sexy or plain fuckable – he was beautiful. And with Sebastian’s eyes soft and dark and questioning, his still clothed erection rubbing up against Ciel’s thigh, Ciel felt a burst of want that he had only come to associate with Sebastian.

“I want you to fuck me.”

Sebastian’s eyebrows rose higher on his forehead, and his fingers stopped moving.

“I’m sorry, what?”

Ciel rolled his eyes. “You heard me. I want you to fuck me.”

Sebastian propped himself up on one elbow, the concerned look on his face starting to kill Ciel’s mood.

“You’re too drunk to be asking me this.”

Ciel snorted. “I had one drink.”

“Then I’m too drunk to be doing this.”

“You had no drinks.”

“Ciel – “ Sebastian sighed and sat up. The way he looked at Ciel while fully clothed, running a hand through his hair, made Ciel feel oddly self-conscious. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”

Ciel matched Sebastian’s position, pulling his shirt lower so that it covered his crotch.

“Yes, I think I do. I would like to engage in sexual intercourse with you. I would like you to take your cock –“

“Woah, woah, okay.” Sebastian held his hands out with a slight chuckle. “That’s not what I mean.”

Ciel ran his hands through his hair, fingers catching on his eyepatch. “Then what do you mean?” he growled as he pulled the patch off and tossed it.

Sebastian sighed. He brushed his thumb along Ciel’s cheekbone and it was almost endearing. Almost.

“Lizzie told me about your date the other week.”

Anger erupted quickly, and Ciel could feel his face flaming. He slapped Sebastian’s hand away and scooted to a far corner of the bed.

“Jesus Christ. Is there anything you guys don’t talk about behind my back?” Sebastian opened his mouth, but Ciel didn’t actually want to hear anything he had to say. “Fuck it, I’m going home.” He began redressing himself quickly and messily, anger making his fingers shake.

“Ciel-“

“Don’t,” Ciel growled.

Sebastian still sat on the edge of the bed, like a puppy that knows it’s done wrong, and that made Ciel angrier. “Ciel, let me explain-“

“No.” Ciel abandoned his jean button and rounded on Sebastian. “Let me explain, _Professor_. When someone you’ve been wanting to fuck says ‘let’s fuck,’ you fuck them. And if you feel sorry for them or pity them or _whatever_ , you sure as hell don’t tell them.”

Sebastian grabbed Ciel’s wrist before he could go back to his jeans. “Haven’t we been over this? I don’t think of you as a pity fuck.”

Ciel raised his eyebrows. “Oh no? So where was that whole conversation going?”

Sebastian sighed and ran his free hand through Ciel’s hair. “Look, you can’t even take your shirt off in front of me. Bottoming isn’t something you have to conquer or prove – I don’t want you to do it because you feel you have to. I want it –“

“You want it to what?” And Ciel hated the sneer in his voice, the following scoff. To have meaning? I’m sorry to break this to you, _Professor_ , but there is no meaning to this. It’s just sex.”

Sebastian gave Ciel a strange look that made him feel exposed and vulnerable. His eye searched the floor for the patch that he tossed.

“Is it?”

“Is it what,” Ciel asked carefully, slowly lifting his eyes from the floor.

“Is it just sex?” Sebastian was calm and focused, and Ciel did his best to match the man’s demeanor.

“Yes.”

Sebastian quirked an eyebrow and Ciel threw up his hands with an exasperated sigh.

“Are you trying to ask me if I love you or some shit? If I have feelings? Because I don’t. I don’t _have_ fucking feelings.”

“Then why do you want to have sex now?” Sebastian’s calm voice was infuriating. Ciel wanted to punch him – to beat the shit out of him and leave.

But his big mouth had other plans. “Because I saw you lying there and I wanted you inside me.”

Sebastian gave him a look before sighing and rubbing his hand over his face, and Ciel hated how the man was still so fucking attractive even when he was mad at him. Hated how Sebastian’s tired concern made him want to hug the man as well as punch him.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Sebastian said after a moment – and somehow that statement hurt Ciel more than the man’s original denial of his request.

“What if I want you to?”

Sebastian gave a stretched half-smile. “Then I’m not the person you should be asking to have sex with.”

They regarded each other, the silence penetrating into Ciel’s bones and making him fidgety. Sebastian looked almost hurt, and Ciel played through scenarios in his mind like he was in the middle of a test and one option would irrevocably fuck things up for good. The longer Sebastian watched him, the more uncomfortable Ciel felt - more sad than angry, more defeated.

“Fine,” Ciel said coolly, surprised at how calm his voice sounded when he felt like all of his insides were crawling. He felt shaky and couldn’t decide whether he wanted to scream or puke.

“Do you want me to drive you home,” Sebastian asked quietly, holding out Ciel’s eyepatch.

Ciel snorted as he took it, trying to ignore how much that question had hurt too.

“Trying to get rid of me now?”

“Ciel, you know that’s not –“

“Look,” Ciel cut him off, patch hanging loose in his fist. “I get off on you. You’re hot and good in bed and I have to sneak around to see you and I get off on that. And that is not love.”

“I know –“

“Shut up.”

Ciel lifted his shirt, exposing the scars and burns that marked his abdomen and torso. The skin was extraordinarily pale and uneven, and through sheer will Ciel kept his shirt lifted.

“Do you get off on this, Professor?”

Sebastian opened his mouth like he was going to protest, but then closed it and stood. He lifted Ciel’s shirt off the rest of the way and gently traced his fingers along the thin lines against Ciel’s clavicle, and Ciel tried to not wince as long fingers brushed against the hook-shaped indentation in his shoulder.

“If you start kissing them and saying how beautiful they are then I’m fucking out,” Ciel said through gritted teeth. “And if you think they’re too gross let me know now so that I can go home.”

Sebastian gave a breathy chuckle, fingers gently massaging down Ciel’s back until they moved to cup Ciel’s face, large hands practically covering all of it. “What are _you_ thinking about?”

Ciel sighed. He didn’t do this. He didn’t do feelings or cuddles or “sweet.” He couldn’t even justify to himself why he had shown Sebastian his chest in the first place. The cool air tickled his bare skin and he shivered.

“I’m thinking that you do get off on this, and that’s fucking weird.”

The look in Sebastian’s maroon eyes was too intense, and it made Ciel’s stomach flip-flop uncomfortably. He kept his eyes open as warm lips pressed against his, and he did his best to not tense against the long fingers kneading the knots in his shoulders. Ciel gasped at a sharp pain in his lip, and he felt Sebastian smirk against his mouth.

“Don’t think.”

Ciel gripped the lapels of Sebastian’s jacket as Sebastian chuckled into Ciel’s neck and gently bit his way down. When Ciel felt a warm tongue trace along his collar bone, nervous flutters erupted in his stomach.

“Sebastian?”

The mouth moved lower and Ciel’s entire body tensed. He was now in completely uncharted territory and he was beginning to question his sanity. He could have gone home, left it at that and gone back to the way things were. Why hadn’t he done that?

Ciel yelped at a sharp pain above his left nipple and a hard prod to his spine. He glared down at Sebastian’s still smirking face.

“I told you to stop thinking.”

Ciel released a shaky breath and tried to glare. “You’re a sadistic fuck, you know that?”

Sebastian laughed softly against Ciel’s skin, and he gasped as the man’s tongue flicked over his nipple.

“I want to make you feel good,” Sebastian murmured.

Ciel tried to resist squirming at the new sensation. “I felt good when my dick was in your mouth – ow!”

Sebastian lessened the pressure but continued to bite down on Ciel’s nipple while long fingers pinched the other one. It was an odd sensation of pain and an underwhelming tingling pleasure that he couldn’t decide if he like or not. Ciel felt his lids get heavy as he closed his eyes against Sebastian’s ministrations, the combination of trying to force his tense body to relax and the newfound sensations (some muted, and some not so much), beginning to lull Ciel into a sleepy daze that he tried desperately to fight off.

“’Bastian,” he mumbled, running his fingers through the man’s hair. “I want to get you off.”

Sebastian looked up at Ciel and laughed, the rough sandpaper sound breaking the quiet mood that had settled. “No you don’t. You want to go to bed.”

One corner of Ciel’s mouth turned up. “True,” he said, grabbing Sebastian’s belt loops, “but I can still get you off.”

Strong hands kept Ciel from unbuttoning Sebastian’s pants, and Ciel whined.

“Tomorrow,” Sebastian whispered into Ciel’s ear, and he couldn’t decide if he was annoyed or thankful. “Right now, take off your pants and get into bed.”

Ciel felt his stomach warm at the command, and he half debated fighting against the imposed bedtime. Instead he shrugged and slipped out of his pants.

“Fine,” he tossed over his shoulder. “Your loss.” He slipped his shirt back on, the comfort of again being covered adding another foggy layer of sleepiness to his brain, and he ignored the small part of himself that internally thanked Sebastian for stopping. He slipped under the soft white sheets and watched Sebastian as he undressed, puttering around the room in his boxers putting certain clothes in the laundry bin and folding others on top of the dresser.

“No cuddling,” Ciel warned as the lights went out and he felt Sebastian’s warm body under the covers. He squeaked as an arm wrapped around him and pulled so that his back was flush against Sebastian’s chest.

“Of course,” the man deadpanned, and Ciel gave an annoyed huff to hide the small smile that tugged at his lips.


	9. In Which They Finally Have Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Alright,” Sebastian said, and Ciel almost jumped at the suddenness of his gravelly voice.
> 
> “Alright what?” Ciel asked, his gaze firmly focused on Sebastian’s shoulder.
> 
> Ciel felt Sebastian press a small kiss before moving to kiss under his eye and down to the corner of Ciel’s mouth, forcing him to look up.
> 
> “We can fuck if you want,” Sebastian said bluntly, and Ciel’s cheeks flamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took a bit longer than a week. Sorry about that. Just got done closing Rocky Horror and time has been non existent. However, there is like, 7k of straight smut, so hopefully you forgive me!
> 
> Also, for some reason AO3 has a thing with keeping half of my originally formatting, so I'm sorry for the indentations that only happen the last half of the fic.
> 
> As always, thank you for the kudos/comments. I'm so happy that people are reading and enjoying this fic!

Ciel awoke to the chipper sound of his ringtone going off across the room. He groggily climbed out of bed, thankful that Sebastian was already up and out of the room. Waking up alone allowed Ciel the option to deny that any cuddling had happened the night before. He checked the caller I.D. on the phone, unsurprised to see Lizzie’s name.

“What’s up,” he said, voice still raspy with sleep, as he fell back onto the bed.

“Good morning! I am having a delicious Holiday Inn Express style Belgian Waffle before I go for a dip in the hot tub.”

Ciel rolled his eyes with a small smile. “Okay…?”

“I’m telling you this in case we have to match our stories. So that when your aunt asks ‘what did you have for breakfast’ you won’t say ‘my professor’s engorged penis.’”

Ciel coughed as he choked on his spit, face reddening as his eyes darted around the room to make sure Sebastian was out of earshot.

“Anyway,” Lizzie continued, amusement clear in her voice. “How did last night go?”

“Liz, why did you tell him about my last hookup?”

There was a pause on the line where Ciel heard the slurping of liquid.

“Because I wanted him to know to be gentle with you.”

Ciel groaned. “I’m not a kid, Liz I don’t need people to be gentle with me.”

“Yeah, you do.”

“How do you figure?” Ciel couldn’t help the slight snap in his tone, but he was tired of people pussyfooting around him – especially Lizzie.

“Ciel, you’ve never had a boyfriend before –“

“He’s not my boyfriend. He’s just a teacher that I happen to be having sex with.”

Ciel heard Lizzie’s sigh. “Whatever. Point is, I don’t want you to get hurt. I love you, you twat.”

Ciel rubbed his hand over his face, his stomach flipping when his fingers brushed over scarred skin instead of silk before he remembered that he had left the eyepatch off the night before.

“Well thanks, Liz. I’m not hurt. Unhurt and unfucked.”

“You mean you had to stop and talk about your feelings?”

“No.”

Whatever Lizzie said next was completely lost on Ciel. Sebastian stood in the doorway wearing the same black lounge pants he had worn the first time Ciel had been there. His torso was bare and smooth, and Ciel had to bite his lip to keep from returning the smile on Sebastian’s face.

“Hey, Liz, I gotta go.”

Lizzie sighed on the other end but Ciel could hear the smile in her voice when she spoke.

“Whatever. Talk to you later.”

Ciel hung up and let his phone drop onto the bed as he propped himself up on his elbows.

“I have breakfast ready if you’re hungry,” Sebastian said, combing long fingers through his messy hair.

The corner of Ciel’s lip twitched. “I’m hungry for you.”

Sebastian chuckled. “I’ve never heard that one before.”

Ciel smirk turned into a lazy half smile. “Really? That worked on me all the time in middle school.”

Sebastian shook his head and straightened off of the doorframe. “Pants in the bottom drawer,” he said as he turned to walk down the hallway.

Ciel sat up all the way. “I meant it though. About the sex.”

“After breakfast.”

Ciel sighed and rolled his eyes. It wasn’t that he was particularly turned on, but he did feel bad that he hadn’t gotten Sebastian off the night before. Ciel had never been the type to only pleasure himself, and the fact that he had done so made him feel guilty.

Ciel slipped on a pair of soft black lounge pants that were much too long and shuffled into the kitchen. Similarly to the first time Ciel had been over, Sebastian was bustling around the kitchen as if it was the most natural place for him to be. A steaming coffee cake rested on a platter, dishes were drying on the small dish rack, and Ciel briefly wondered what time Sebastian had woken up to get everything done. Sebastian smiled at Ciel as he leaned against the counter and gestured to the coffee pot and two mugs by the stove.

“Coffee? Tea? Chocolate milk?”

Ciel rolled his eye. “Earl Grey?”

“Done. It’s cheap bag shit though.”

Sebastian gave an apologetic shrug and Ciel watched as he busied himself with preparing the tea, a strange feeling of contentment washing over him. It was weird to think that he was having fun – that he had enjoyed waking up in the quaint house to Sebastian being domestic in the white country-style kitchen. It made Ciel feel settled – which was unsettling.

Ciel crossed to Sebastian and waited until the hot water was placed back on the stove before he wrapped his arms around the man’s waist, fingers gently rubbing the skin of his stomach.

“Is this a hug?” And Ciel could hear the smile in his voice.

“No.”

“Then wha – oh.”

Ciel smirked against Sebastian’s skin as his fingers lightly brushed against the small trail of hair leading into the man’s pants. Ciel toyed with the waistband, scraping his nails across pale skin before gently brushing with feather light touches.

“I’m hungry now, Professor,” Ciel murmured, hand dipping below the waistband to rub gently through Sebastian’s pubic hair.

Sebastian sucked in a tight breath, his hands bracing on the counter.

“I made breakfast.”

Ciel’s grin grew wider. Sebastian’s voice was controlled, but Ciel caught the slight waver. He slipped his second hand below the waistband and scraped his nails along the tops of Sebastian’s thighs.

“I’m in the mood for something else.”

“Ci-el,” Sebastian’s voice hitched as Ciel wrapped cool fingers around his hardening cock.

“Yes, Professor?”

“You don’t have to do this.”

“I know,” Ciel murmured into Sebastian’s spine as his fingers kept working him, keeping a steady pace until his arm was tired and he could hear Sebastian’s breathing turn quick and tight.

“I want to suck you off,” Ciel said, pressing lazy kisses along Sebastian’s back. He could feel his muscles tense and relax almost in time to Ciel’s strokes.

“Do I have a say in the matter,” Sebastian asked, and Ciel loved how breathless he sounded.

“Unless you say, ‘yes Ciel, I want to put my dick in your mouth’ – no.”

Sebastian chuckled but otherwise stayed silent, and Ciel paused his ministrations. He pressed a small kiss to Sebastian’s shoulder blade and stepped back so that he could turn the man around.

A small flush had blossomed over Sebastian’s chest, and that combined with the man’s slightly disheveled hair and dark eyes made Ciel’s heart pound against his ribcage. He reached up, ran his fingers through Sebastian’s thick hair, then gripped and pulled until the man’s mouth pressed against his own. Large hands rested on Ciel’s back radiating heat up his spine while the man’s erection pressed against his hipbone.

Ciel broke the kiss first, his fingers once again fiddling with the waistband of Sebastian’s pants. The man chuckled and pressed a quick kiss to the corner of Ciel’s mouth.

“You said my aunt came to see you, in your letter.” Ciel felt Sebastian’s hands tense slightly on his back, but he couldn’t help asking. Being here with Sebastian felt surreal, and his questions of ‘why’ had been lurking in the back of Ciel’s mind since Sebastian had showed up at Greg’s.

“Yes…” Sebastian said slowly.

“What did she say to you?”

Ciel looked up as Sebastian sighed. The man leaned back against the counter and moved Ciel’s hands so that their fingers were entwined. Ciel ignored the flutter in his stomach, the tight squeeze he gave conveying that he wasn’t pleased but he would let the small intimacy pass.

“She said that you had been hurt enough without the advances of a teacher, and that she should have reported me but you had asked her not to.”

Ciel felt his cheeks color and his stomach lurched unpleasantly.

“And?” he prodded softly when it was clear Sebastian had no intention of continuing.

“Weren’t you going to give me a blowjob?” Sebastian asked lightly, giving Ciel’s hands a small squeeze.

Ciel huffed, blowing his bangs off of his forehead with the brief burst of hot air. “Sebastian –“

Sebastian sighed again and spread his arms so that Ciel lost his balance and fell against his chest. He released his grip on Ciel’s hands and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling Ciel into a tight hug that made him blush.

“Does it matter?” Sebastian murmured into his hair.

Ciel huffed. “Yes.”

“And – she said she would make sure my career was destroyed if I ever laid a finger on you.” Sebastian chuckled tightly. “I wonder how that works? I have ten fingers on you. Or what would happen when I have a finger inside of you –“

Ciel’s stomach flipped and he struggled to pull back enough to glare at Sebastian.

“That’s not something to joke about,” he snapped. Sebastian looked at him with an odd expression – like he wanted to grin but was also sad, and it made Ciel uncomfortable.

Sebastian released his grip on Ciel and rested his hands on the counter behind him, and Ciel felt cold without the extra warmth from Sebastian’s touch.

“Why do you ask?”

Ciel pressed the heel of his hand into his eye. “I just – why are you doing this?”

“Why am I doing what?” Sebastian asked back with a raised eyebrow.

Ciel ran his hand through his hair and then gestured in a circle to take in the whole house. “This. Me.”

Sebastian shrugged. “Because I want to.”

Sebastian stopped at that – his entire mind on hold as he tried to grasp the implications of that sentence.

“Stupid,” he said instead, and Sebastian’s lip twitched.

“Well.” Sebastian straightened and folded his arms across his chest. “Why are you letting me?”

Ciel opened his mouth and then immediately snapped it shut. It had been a question he had asked himself since the day the croissants had appeared on his desk, and he couldn’t bring himself to even acknowledge the words “crush” or “like.”

“Because I’m selfish and I enjoy having sex with you.”

Sebastian smirked. “Stupid yourself.”

Ciel felt the tips of his ears burn. He hated how Sebastian made him feel so infuriatingly young even though _he_ was the one being a complete fucking idiot.

“Look Sebastian,” Ciel tried again. “I don’t want to be the reason –“

“You won’t.”

“But what if –“

Ciel’s next words were swallowed into Sebastian’s mouth as the man pounced, tongue immediately finding Ciel’s while hands pulled him flush against Sebastian’s chest. Ciel whined into the kiss, his tongue battling Sebastian’s and losing, his fingers gripping Sebastian’s shoulders. When Sebastian pulled away Ciel was panting, dizzy, and half hard.

“Don’t you know when to shut up,” Sebastian whispered against the corner of Ciel’s mouth, echoing his words from the night before.

Ciel caught Sebastian’s lower lip between his teeth and bit down hard, earning a small groan from Sebastian that went straight to Ciel’s dick.

“Fine,” Ciel murmured, locking one blue eye with Sebastian’s maroon gaze. “That’s the last time I worry about your well-being.”

Ciel could feel Sebastian’s smile against his mouth.

“That’s more like it.”

And then a tongue was in his mouth and hands were down his pants and Ciel had a brief moment where he managed to quip ‘weren’t we supposed to have breakfast first’ before he completely unraveled.

They did manage to eat breakfast – cold slices of coffee cake with warm omelets – before Ciel got distracted and jerked Sebastian off at the dining room table. Much of the day progressed in this way – bursts of sex in between long moments of eating, or reading, or discussing class topics that Ciel had still kept up with. Ciel ignored the way they constantly touched each other – a foot resting on a thigh, a hand brushing on the back of a neck – as if they were making up for lost time. He ignored the complacent feeling that crept up when they sat on Sebastian’s too soft sofa and the man casually massaged his foot while they talked. And he almost ignored the flutter in his chest when he realized that the sun had set and he had to go home the next morning. Almost.

“So…” Ciel began, breaking the silence that had settled while Sebastian read over assignments.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow, gaze flicking over to Ciel briefly before going back to the papers in his lap. “So?”

“I go home tomorrow,” he said, and then swallowed a groan because that was definitely not what he had meant to say.

Sebastian looked up from his papers again, this time keeping his gaze focused on Ciel. “Yes.”

Ciel worried his lip with his teeth until he tasted the copper tang of blood. How was he supposed to say that the day had been nice but he wanted more? That he seemed to have this insatiable craving deep inside of him? How was he supposed to ask what they were supposed to do when he left? Or ask if they could hook up again? Or what Ciel was supposed to do about the gnawing in his stomach if they decided to cut everything off?

Instead of trying to verbalize, Ciel moved the stack of papers off of Sebastian’s lap and straddled him, the man’s hands instantly gripping his hips as if they were meant to be there. There was the briefest of pauses before Ciel grabbed Sebastian’s face and pressed a rough kiss against his mouth. Ciel’s lips tingled from the impact of teeth on tender skin, and he used Sebastian’s small hiss of pain as an opportunity to shove his tongue into the man’s mouth. He kissed hard, gripping Sebastian’s hair so that he could be in control, so that he could try to convey with every swipe of his tongue that he wanted this. Every quick inhale – I need this. Every quiet whimper – I’m scared. Every choked off moan – fucking mortified.

He kissed until he drooled out of the corner of his mouth, until his jaw ached, until his fingers cramped from their tight grip on Sebastian’s hair. When he pulled away he was red-faced and panting, and his knuckles cracked when he slid his hands down to wrap around Sebastian’s neck. Sebastian’s mouth was red and looked slightly swollen, and Ciel blushed and ducked his head in embarrassment.

Sebastian’s fingers lazily danced up and down Ciel’s spine, setting his skin on fire with every soft touch.

“Alright,” Sebastian said, and Ciel almost jumped at the suddenness of his gravelly voice.

“Alright what?” Ciel asked, his gaze firmly focused on Sebastian’s shoulder.

Ciel felt Sebastian press a small kiss before moving to kiss under his eye and down to the corner of Ciel’s mouth, forcing him to look up.

“We can fuck if you want,” Sebastian said bluntly, and Ciel’s cheeks flamed.

“If you want,” Sebastian repeated, and Ciel pressed his mouth against his because he didn’t trust his voice to confirm that he wanted it – God, he wanted it.

Ciel could feel Sebastian grin against his mouth, teeth messily mashing into lips. Ciel tangled his fingers in Sebastian’s hair, but that didn’t stop the man from pulling away and pressing a finger to Ciel’s protesting mouth.

“I have some rules,” Sebastian said, lopsided grin still on his face.

Ciel resisted rolling his eyes. “Fine,” he said against Sebastian’s finger, the action surprisingly erotic.

“If we do this –“

“If?” Ciel interrupted, not bothering to move his mouth away. He stuck his tongue out teasingly before wetting his lips around the digit – moving his head slightly so that Sebastian began tracing the outline of Ciel’s lips.

“Ciel,” Sebastian whispered, and Ciel smirked at the slight hitch in the man’s breathing. Sebastian ran his hand down Ciel’s jaw before rubbing gentle circles into the back of his neck.

“If we do this, we do it my way.”

Ciel stiffened and eyed Sebastian warily, his excitement churning into anxiety.

“What does that mean?”

Long fingers continued to work at the knots in his neck as Sebastian scrutinized his face.

“It means,” Sebastian said lowly, “that if I think it’s too much for you and you’re not stopping I reserve the right to stop you.”

Ciel felt heat rise up the back of his neck and his jaw clenched.

“And how do you judge what is _too much_ for _me_?” Ciel couldn’t help the shaky anger in his voice but Sebastian didn’t flinch. His maroon gaze remained infuriatingly steady.

“Do you accept these terms and conditions?”

Ciel snorted. “You make me sound like a call boy,” he tried to joke, but the slight tremor in his voice betrayed his nervous anticipation and residual frustration. “Is this our contract?”

Sebastian gave the smallest of smiles, his fingers now tracing lazy patterns down Ciel’s back.

“Yes,” he whispered, and heat pooled in Ciel’s abdomen. He suddenly felt tight and hot – like his skin was too small and was being consumed by his burning muscles from the inside out He grinded down on Sebastian’s lap, the feeling of Sebastian’s erection against his own driving Ciel crazy with want.

“I accept.”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth Sebastian was on him, kissing a trail from Ciel’s jaw down his neck. Ciel yelped as hot hands slid under his shirt and he bit down on the soft skin at the base of Sebastian’s neck as he breathed through his initial discomfort. He was not going to give up sex because of his embarrassment over his chest.

Sebastian seemed to sense this; his fingers trailed gently over Ciel’s skin, running over scars but not tracing them. Ciel shivered as warm hands brushed over his stomach and gasped out a small moan when Sebastian tweaked a nipple at the same time that he bit down and sucked hard on Ciel’s pulse point.

“I’m going to have to cover that,” Ciel panted into Sebastian’s neck, and he could feel Sebastian’s smirk against his skin.

“Oops,” he murmured, and Ciel’s retort was choked off by a messy gasp when Sebastian’s fingers continued to massage and tweak his nipples.

Ciel gripped Sebastian’s hair and pulled until the man looked up and Ciel could catch his mouth in a bruising kiss. It was too much teeth and too much tongue, but Ciel was already incredibly hard and with every twist from Sebastian’s fingers pathetic whimpers poured from Ciel’s mouth into Sebastian’s.

Ciel stiffened only briefly when Sebastian began to pull his shirt off. With the thin material gone Ciel felt exposed, and his fingers unconsciously clenched and released Sebastian’s hair in a distracted rhythm.

“Relax,” Sebastian whispered, and before Ciel could retort that he was fucking working on it the man was thrusting his hips up to grind hard against him while teeth latched onto Ciel’s neck, and all he could manage was an embarrassing groan as his hips immediately ground back.

They continued like that for a while, the frenzied energy seeming to reflect the knowledge that this was their last chance to do this. They kissed messily and hungrily, knocking teeth and missing mouths. Fingers gripped hard enough to bruise, hair was pulled, and the friction again Ciel’s dick was becoming unbearable.

Ciel moaned as Sebastian firmly squeezed his ass, the sound rising to a pitchy squeak when Ciel was lifted off of the couch. He gripped Sebastian’s waist with his legs and pulled back enough to fix him with a pathetically weak glare.

“What is it with you carrying me around? I have legs.”

“Because as much as I’d love to fuck you into the couch,” he said, voice low and raspy, “it’s a bit of a tight fit. And if I let you walk to the bedroom I’d get distracted.”

Ciel felt his back press up against the wall and he arched into Sebastian as the man nibbled at his clavicle.

“It looks like you’re already distracted,” he said.

Ciel felt Sebastian chuckle against his chest before he was pulled away from the wall and again carried towards the bedroom.

“Touché,” Sebastian murmured, and even though he had been expecting it Ciel still let out a surprised gasp when he was dropped onto the bed. Sebastian crawled over him with a predatory look that made Ciel’s dick twitch.

When he leaned in, Ciel expected a feral kiss, something that reflected Sebastian’s hungry look and rough handling, but Sebastian’s lips brushed over his lightly – a barely there touch before the man began to trail gentle kisses down his neck. And while Ciel wanted Sebastian to be rough with him, wanted the sharp pain of bites and scratches, Sebastian’s tongue lightly flicking around his nipple had Ciel arching up off of the bed. He felt his cheeks get hot, embarrassed at how desperate he sounded.

Teeth scraped across his nipple before Sebastian bit down, and Ciel choked out a high pitched whine – one hand gripping Sebastian’s hair and the other covering his eyes.

Sebastian lifted his mouth and gently pushed Ciel’s hand away from his face.

“We can stop,” he whispered, and Ciel felt his face get even hotter.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” he hissed, and Sebastian chuckled as he lowered back down, thankfully leaving Ciel’s nipples alone and instead pressing open mouthed kisses to Ciel’s chest and stomach.

“Lube’s in the drawer by your head,” he said into Ciel’s hip before biting down and sucking, and Ciel had a brief moment where his mind couldn’t comprehend the words that came out of Sebastian’s mouth. His skin was covered in goosebumps and the only word that he could focus on was ‘lube.’

            The feeling quickly passed and Ciel awkwardly tried to maneuver himself so that he could reach the nightstand with Sebastian latched onto and sucking a hickey into his hip. He flailed his arm, whacking it into the corner of the nightstand with a muttered ‘fuckin a.’ The second reach he knocked the small alarm clock to the floor, and Sebastian openly laughed into his hipbone as Ciel finally got the drawer open and closed his fingers around the only bottle shaped item in there.

            “Shut up,’ Ciel said lightly as he chucked the bottle at Sebastian’s arm.

            “My apologies,” Sebastian murmured, still chuckling. He nuzzled along the waistband of Ciel’s pants and Ciel’s stomach fluttered. His breath came in short sharp pants, partly from the ticklish scratch of Sebastian’s stubble against his skin and partly from anticipation. It occurred to Ciel that he was about to be completely naked – something he had never done – and Sebastian was still fully clothed.

            His hand shot down and gripped the shoulder seam of Sebastian’s shirt. The man looked up at him with a raised brow, and Ciel tried to hide his sudden panic with airy indifference.

            “Off,” he said. “You have too much clothing on.”

            If Sebastian noticed the slight shake in Ciel’s voice he didn’t acknowledge it. He sat back on his knees and stripped off his loose black shirt in one smooth motion, muscles rippling beneath his skin. Ciel didn’t realize he had moaned out loud until he noticed Sebastian’s self-satisfied smirk.

            Ciel felt his face flush, but he refused to look away from Sebastian’s heavy lidded eyes.

            “Don’t look so smug,” he rasped, and Sebastian’s smirk grew wider as he leaned down once again, his lips brushing against the skin of Ciel’s low abdomen. Fingers hooked in the waistband of Ciel’s pants and boxers, and the clothing was yanked down – Ciel’s cock bouncing against his stomach. He groaned as Sebastian kissed the crook between Ciel’s pelvis and thigh – the pop of the lube cap causing Ciel’s muscles to automatically tense beneath Sebastian’s lips.

            “You’re so fucking gorgeous,” Sebastian whispered into his skin, and Ciel gasped as cold slickness circled his entrance. Sebastian kissed down towards Ciel’s cock as his first finger pressed in, and Ciel hissed and bucked up towards Sebastian’s mouth.

            “So hard for me,” Sebastian continued to murmur, his hot breath making Ciel’s cock ache, making him moan. “So tight.”

            A broken sound poured from Ciel’s lips as Sebastian’s mouth wrapped around the head of his cock while his finger began to slide in and out of Ciel at a slow pace. Ciel gripped Sebastian’s hair as a second finger began to press in, the dull burn offset by the languid pace of Sebastian’s mouth on his dick. Ciel’s fingers clenched and unclenched in Sebastian’s hair as his body adjusted – Sebastian completely still save for his bobbing. Ciel breathed shallowly through his nose, his heart jack hammering against his ribs until his chest hurt.

            When Sebastian began to wiggle his fingers Ciel’s breath exited his lungs in one whoosh, and he had a brief moment of panic where he forgot how to breathe back in. Then Sebastian’s fingers curled inside of him and pressed against something that had Ciel choking as air rushed back into his lungs.

            Sebastian chuckled as he released Ciel’s cock, Ciel whining when it slapped wetly against his stomach. The spit was already starting to dry, making Ciel’s skin break out in goosebumps. Sebastian’s fingers continued to gently rub against that spot that made Ciel’s legs twitch and he nuzzled around Ciel’s dick, pressing soft kisses everywhere but where Ciel wanted it most.

            “You’re doing so well,” Sebastian said softly against Ciel’s pelvis, and while normally Ciel would balk at being coddled, the praise ignited a warm fire in his gut.

            Ciel let out a sharp sound as Sebastian began to press a third finger into his entrance, the loud ‘ah’ causing Sebastian to pause and press kisses up Ciel’s flushed skin until he was licking into Ciel’s mouth.

            “Relax,” Sebastian whispered after Ciel was shaking and whimpering, Sebastian’s third finger still only knuckle deep. Every muscle in Ciel’s body felt tight and he couldn’t stop trembling. His fingers were still clenched in Sebastian’s hair, and he tried to slow down his near hyperventilating.

            “Ciel.”

            Ciel focused his eyes on Sebastian, the man’s heavy lidded gaze helping to tether him. He took in a shaky breath, and then another. Sebastian pressed an open kiss to his lips, sharing breath – before Ciel tentatively licked their joined lips. When Sebastian’s tongue met his Ciel felt electric even though they had kissed countless times before, and the slow glide of Sebastian’s tongue over his slowed Ciel’s frantic breathing.

            “F-fuck,” he groaned as Sebastian’s third finger slid the rest of the way inside of him. The burn was more than a little uncomfortable, and Ciel could feel himself throbbing around Sebastian’s fingers. His back arched off of the bed when Sebastian slowly wiggled them, his eyes clenched shut against the intrusive pain. He kept them shut as Sebastian kissed along his jaw and licked the shell of his ear.

            “We can stop,” Sebastian whispered, and Ciel wanted to cry from the pain and the frustration that Sebastian kept offering to stop – as if Ciel couldn’t take it.

            “I’m fine,” Ciel grit out.

            “Ciel, look at me.”

            Ciel shook his head, but his eyes shot open accompanied by a strangled gasp when Sebastian bit hard on his collar bone. Ciel glared down at the man, but Sebastian just smiled his lazy grin.

            “Keep your eyes on me,” the man said as he peppered kisses down Ciel’s abdomen. “Focus on these feelings and breathe.”

            Ciel had no trouble with that as Sebastian’s mouth once again wrapped around his dick. Ciel kept his eyes on Sebastian, on the way his lips stretched around his cock, at the way his cheeks hollowed when he sucked him down – making his cheekbones even more prominent, at the way his nearly black eyes watched Ciel with open hunger.

            Ciel gasped as the fingers began moving inside of him again – the dull burn still there but not as strong. Ciel focused on the wetness of Sebastian’s mouth, the tight heat around his aching member, and when Sebastian’s fingers curled and rubbed ruthlessly against Ciel’s prostate he no longer needed to focus on anything but the sensations coursing through his body.

            “God, you’re so hot,” Sebastian said after releasing Ciel’s dick from his mouth, “all spread out for me. You look so fucked, Ciel.”

            Ciel groaned and covered his face with his arm, his hips bucking up to meet a particularly rough thrust of Sebastian’s fingers.

            “Don’t be embarrassed,” Sebastian continued, whispering against Ciel’s hip. “I want to see you.”

            Ciel peaked out from underneath his arm, and the feral look Sebastian gave him made his ears turn a brighter shade of red. He groaned as Sebastian slid his fingers out of him, leaving his walls clenching around emptiness.

            “You should turn over,” Sebastian said softly.

            “No.” And Ciel sounded so wrecked. His cheeks flushed a deeper shade of red at Sebastian’s quirked brow. “Like this.”

            “It will be easier the other way.”

            Ciel tried to control the shivers wracking his body and failed. “I can’t,” he said, and his voice sounded pathetically like a whimper. “Like this. Please.”

            Sebastian leaned over him, almost flush as he kissed Ciel softly. Ciel could hear the rustle of clothing, could feel Sebastian shift his weight above him as the man slid off his pants, and Ciel panted into Sebastian’s mouth as his tremors became more intense.

            He watched as Sebastian rolled a condom on, his cheeks coloring with the realization that Sebastian was a lot bigger than his fingers. Although he said he could take it, he wondered if he actually could.

            “Toss me a pillow,” Sebastian said as he ran his fingers down Ciel’s thighs. Ciel reached a shaky arm back for a pillow, tossing it a little too hard when he finally got a hold of it.

            “Sorry,” Ciel tried to say nonchalantly as the pillow smacked Sebastian square in the chest. Sebastian chuckled and placed the pillow under Ciel’s ass, lifting him, and Ciel’s stomach fluttered nervously with anticipation. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Sebastian lubing up his cock, the way it completely filled his hand as he pumped once, twice.

            “Remember to breathe,” Sebastian whispered as he lined up with Ciel’s entrance, and Ciel released a rush of air he didn’t realize he had been holding, only to suck it back in with a sharp gasp as Sebastian began to push into him.

            Ciel’s back arched so high off of the bed that it hurt, and his fingers scrambled for anything to grip as a high keening sound wrenched out of his mouth. He felt fire licking up his low back and he had to bite his lip to keep from crying.

            Sebastian paused, his hands rubbing soothing circles into Ciel’s hips as he murmured under his breath. “Just keep breathing baby. You’re doing so well for me; just keep breathing.”

            Ciel nodded and clenched his jaw as Sebastian began to slowly press in - his breath hissing in and out between his teeth. It seemed to drag on forever before Sebastian was fully inside of him and leaning over Ciel pressing light kisses to the corner of his mouth.

            “Just tell me if it’s too much,” he whispered, and Ciel groaned.

            “You’re so fuckin’ big,” he wheezed, and Sebastian chuckled, the small shake of his body sending another burn of pain up Ciel’s spine.

            “Normally that’s a good thing,” Sebastian murmured, and before Ciel had time to retort Sebastian was kissing him. Ciel moaned as Sebastian licked into his mouth, and his fingers abandoned gripping the sheets for digging half-moon crescents into Sebastian’s shoulders. With every glide of Sebastian’s tongue against his Ciel felt himself relax, and when Sebastian finally rolled his hips gently it sent only a small flare of pain.

            “I’m fine,” Ciel panted. He winced as he wrapped his legs around Sebastian’s low back, pulling the man in deeper. “Seriously. Move.”

            “Eyes on me,” Sebastian rasped, and Ciel had no choice but to focus on Sebastian as the man pulled out halfway before slowly gliding back in. Ciel’s whole body trembled and he pressed his head back into the mattress. It was no longer too painful but it wasn’t quite pleasurable, and Ciel was starting to get the acrid taste of copper in his mouth.

            “Ciel.” Sebastian sounded far away and Ciel struggled to focus on him. Sebastian peppered kisses along Ciel’s jaw and murmured into his ear. “Talk to me.”

            Ciel groaned, trying to gather his thoughts and speak around the intensifying taste of blood in his mouth.

            “What do you want me to say,” he choked out.

            “Anything that will keep you here.”

            Ciel bit his lip as he tried to unpack that sentence – his brain not comprehending how he couldn’t _not_ be here. He was about to say so when a particular roll of Sebastian’s hips had him gasping.

            “Oh my god,” he moaned, and he would’ve gotten mad at Sebastian’s chuckle but the man rolled his hips again and Ciel was left arching his back and making embarrassing noises that he would later deny.

            Sebastian’s arm curled underneath the arch of Ciel’s back, helping to support the position that had Ciel keening from the back of his throat. Ciel forgot about the tang in his mouth, forgot the ashy smell stuck in his nostrils, and focused on the pleasure that radiated from deep within his gut.

            “Sebastian,” Ciel panted, “I’m not made of glass.”

            Sebastian’s hips stuttered a moment before he snapped them forward – harder than previously but still softer than Ciel would have liked.

            “I know.” Sebastian’s cheeks were flushed but his breathing was even as he kept his languid pace.

            “So you can fuck me properly.”

            Sebastian laughed, and Ciel gripped the man’s shoulders and met the next snap of Sebastian’s hips with a rough thrust that had them both moaning into each other’s mouths.

            “Like that,” Ciel whispered hotly into Sebastian’s still open mouth.

            Ciel caught the brief glimpse of a curved eyebrow before Sebastian pulled out, leaving Ciel feeling utterly empty.

            “See, this is why your rules suck,” he snapped, then yelped as he was flipped over onto Sebastian’s chest.

            “I actually thought we could change things up a bit,” Sebastian said with a knowing smirk. “But we can stop too.”

            Ciel sat up so that he was straddling Sebastian’s chest. “You want me to ride you?”

            Sebastian’s fingers gripped Ciel’s thighs, and Ciel could swear that his eyes grew impossibly darker.

            “Yes,” Sebastian said, his voice heavy with need and want.

            Ciel felt much more exposed above Sebastian and his chest flushed in embarrassment. His ass felt tender, and wet, and stretched, and so, so empty, that he felt weird just sitting above Sebastian. He shifted his position slightly, fingertips automatically running over Sebastian’s chest.

            “I don’t know,” he said at last. “I’ve never done it. From either side.”

            “I know.” Sebastian’s grip loosened on Ciel’s thighs and he slowly began to knead the tense muscles. “I’ll guide you. But you get to be in control. You set the pace, the intensity –“

            Ciel laughed and rubbed at his dead eye, nerves overtaking him. “You sound like you’re advertising an exercise machine.”

            Sebastian’s hand ran up Ciel’s chest until fingertips lightly brushed underneath Ciel’s jaw. “Trust me.”

            Ciel swallowed down the bubble of uncertainty and nodded, not so gracefully scooting back so that he straddled Sebastian’s thighs.

            “You may want to add more lube,” Sebastian said, and though it was stated matter-of-factly, the words felt incredibly dirty coming from Sebastian’s mouth and Ciel found himself blushing.

            Ciel found the bottle of lube and poured a generous amount into his hand, warming it in his palms before wrapping his hand around Sebastian’s cock. The man hissed at the contact, hips jerking up into Ciel’s fist. The sight made Ciel’s mouth water and he pumped Sebastian slowly, his wrist flicking ever so slightly to draw out the aroused pants from Sebastian.

            “Ah – as much as I love you jerking me off,” Sebastian said as Ciel’s pace picked up, “I’d much rather be inside of you.”

            Ciel smirked, his nervous blush hidden by his already flushed skin tone. HE gave one more flick of his wrist just to hear the older man gasp before positioning himself over Sebastian so that their hips were aligned. It felt a bit awkward reaching back and trying to blinding guide Sebastian back inside of him, and Ciel paused when he felt the tip of Sebastian’s dick pressing against his hole. Sebastian had one hand on Ciel’s hip, thumb rubbing gently over the protruding bone, and the other wrapped around his own length as Ciel began to press down onto him.

            Even though he had already been prepared, the first breach into Ciel’s first ring of muscle had him gasping as low flames of pain flared up his spine. Sebastian groaned quietly beneath him, thumb stuttering in its strokes against his hip.

            “Fuck, you’re so tight.”

            Ciel tried to smirk, but his mouth was set into a silent ‘o’ as he continued to slide down until he was fully seated on Sebastian. He rested his hands on Sebastian’s stomach and let his head flop forward as he settled his breathing. Sebastian resumed rubbing circles against Ciel’s hip and Ciel could feel the man’s eyes on him; it made his skin hot, made his hair stand on end.

            Slowly Ciel lifted his hips and rolled them back down, his head still lowered so that his gaze focused on Sebastian’s stomach. Sebastian’s grip tightened on his hips, and Ciel took that as permission to make the same move. Ciel’s whole body felt like it was on fire and his cock was achingly hard. Low waves of pleasure rolled through him as he continued his languid movements on top of Sebastian; he could hear the man’s stuttered breathing with each circle of his hips.

            “Ciel,” Sebastian groaned quietly, and Ciel peeked at him through his bangs. Sebastian looked wild; his skin was flushed with a light sheen of sweat and his eyes were completely blown. He was pulsing with need, and Ciel nodded at the silent question he knew Sebastian wouldn’t ask.

            Sebastian gripped above Ciel’s hips and snapped his own hips up, forcing himself deeper into Ciel. Ciel gasped and fell forward, hands gripping Sebastian’s shoulders and his face hovering dangerously close to the older man’s.

            “Too much?” Sebastian asked, breathless, and Ciel’s stomach fluttered at how utterly fucked out he sounded.

            Ciel shook his head and rolled his hips as a silent urge for Sebastian to continue, not trusting his voice. Sebastian took the hint and snapped up again – quickly developing a quick, deep rhythm.

            “F-fuck, fuck” Ciel panted in between whimpers and moans, his voice thick in the back of his throat. He was unable to pull any other words to describe the incredible fullness he felt, the subtle pressure building a tight heat in his groin. Instead he allowed his head to fall against Sebastian’s shoulder and he set to work biting and sucking at the exposed skin.

            “Ciel,” Sebastian murmured, “I did this –“ Ciel moaned as Sebastian held his ass cheeks apart and thrust even deeper – “so that you could be in control.”

            Ciel sat up quickly, biting his lip hard enough to bruise in order to withhold his moan from suddenly sitting fully on Sebastian’s cock. He glared down at the man, teeth still scraping against his lip.

            “Oh, really,” he said, cracking voice undermining his narrowed eyes.

            “Not that I’m complaining.” Sebastian’s lip quirked, and Ciel felt a hot rush of anger that quickly turned into arousal.

            “Yes you are,” he snapped. With Sebastian’s hands still spreading him Ciel lifted his hips and snapped back down, forcing a groan from Sebastian and a breathy ‘hah’ from himself.

            “Maybe…I was,” Sebastian grunted, his hips thrusting up to meet Ciel’s on his next slam down.

            Ciel moaned tightly and tugged on Sebastian’s arm. Sebastian raised an eyebrow, but on the second insistent tug from Ciel he caught on and shifted until he was sitting up with Ciel still seated on him – the minute movements making Ciel whimper.

            “Are you okay?” Sebastian asked – far too sober for Ciel’s liking.

            “Shut. Up.” Ciel growled and roughly jerked his hips, choking on his words at the overwhelming sensation of being so full. He let his head fall forward again so that it rested against Sebastian’s shoulder. Large hands pressed against his low back as he began to develop a rhythm, Sebastian meeting him thrust for thrust.

            Ciel bit into the crook of Sebastian’s neck, trying to stifle the constant babble of noises pouring from his mouth. Sebastian felt impossibly deep, like he was on the verge of splitting Ciel open.      

            “Oh god Sebastian,” Ciel groaned. His thighs were shaking from the effort of holding himself up as he bobbed on Sebastian’s cock. He could feel the coil of pleasure tightening in his groin; his chest felt tight and he simultaneously wanted to laugh and cry.

            “Please touch me,” he begged, not caring how desperate he sounded. “Please, please touch me.”  

            Sebastian’s hand immediately wrapped around Ciel’s dick and began to pump him, alerting Ciel that Sebastian was close to his own release. Ciel gripped Sebastian’s shoulders, desperately trying to meet his erratic thrusts. His breath came in ragged pants and he could feel himself beginning to come undone; tingles that began in his toes travelled up his calves. He felt white hot and his skin felt so, so tight and –

            Ciel’s hips stuttered, his back arched, and he fucking _keened_ as hot ropes of cum spurted over Sebastian’s hand and onto his chest. He let his head fall against Sebastian’s shoulder as his body shook through the waves of his orgasm, his breath catching as Sebastian gripped his hips and pounded into him harder.

            “Sebastian,” Ciel groaned as he came down, his hole starting to ache as the man kept going.

            Sebastian kissed Ciel’s ear, nuzzling into the crook of his neck.

            “Can I come inside of you, baby,” Sebastian gasped into Ciel’s neck, and Ciel choked out a broken moan. Sebastian sounded wrecked; his voice was breathless and raspy, and even though Ciel was starting to cross into painful overstimulation he wanted to give Sebastian what he wanted.

            “Or I can pull out,” he continued, and Ciel shook his head.

            “N-no. I’m fine.”

            Ceil bit down on Sebastian’s shoulder as he continued to thrust into him deep and hard. Tears sprang into his eyes, and just when he thought he wouldn’t be able to take any more Sebastian’s whole body tensed and the man groaned into Ciel’s neck.

            Sebastian nuzzled Ciel’s neck and Ciel detached his mouth from Sebastian’s shoulder to meet his mouth in a slow kiss. Ciel’s jaw hurt and he could still feel his ass throbbing around Sebastian’s softening cock, but Sebastian’s mouth felt so soft and warm that he didn’t want to move.

            Sebastian gently lifted Ciel’s hips – Ciel catching on and supporting himself while Sebastian pulled out, and Ciel gasped and groaned into Sebastian’s mouth as fresh tears flowed down his cheeks. Sebastian gently laid Ciel down on his side as he rose to remove the condom, and a huge wave of emptiness washed over him. His ass still throbbed around a dick that wasn’t there, and lying naked in Sebastian’s bed left Ciel feeling incredibly cold and alone. He curled himself into a ball as shivers overtook him, and he willed himself not to cry.

            Warm cloth rubbed across his cheeks, and Ciel cracked an eyelid to see Sebastian gently wiping him down with a damp washcloth. The look of contentment – and something more that Ciel didn’t want to name – made him blush, more so than Sebastian carefully wiping along his ass. When he was done Sebastian placed the washcloth on the nightstand – neatly folded, of course he would fold a cum-stained cloth – and laid next to Ciel, wrapping his arms around his waist and pressing gentle kisses to his brow.

            “Did I hurt you,” Sebastian whispered, and Ciel shook his head, face once again buried in the sheets.

            “I’m fine,” he mumbled.

            Sebastian nosed under Ciel’s cheek, and Ciel felt his face flush as his own watery eyes met Sebastian’s clear gaze.

            “I’m fine,” he repeated.

            Sebastian pressed a soft kiss to Ciel’s lips, and Ciel sighed into it – tongue gently gliding over Sebastian’s and his heart rate calming.

            “We should shower,” Sebastian murmured when they broke apart, and Ciel groaned.

            “Can we not?”

            Sebastian laughed and Ciel maneuvered himself closer to Sebastian’s chest.

            “At least, can we nap first?”

            Ceil felt Sebastian move away, and his brief panic ebbed when he felt soft sheets cover him.

            “Of course,” Sebastian whispered, wrapping his arms around Ciel, and Ciel’s mind drifted into sleep before he could begin to consider the ramifications of their actions.


	10. In Which Ciel Catches Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ciel sort of admits that he catches feelings after sex. Smut, angst, and fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys,
> 
> This chapter was a bitch to get up, so thank you for your patience. I hope you enjoy it; it's a bit angsty but necessary! Also, there is now an endgame in sight. Three more chapters and this baby will be finished. Thanks to all of you who have stuck with me since the beginning, and thanks to those just joining. Almost three thousand reads is truly unbelievable. 
> 
> As always, comments and kudos appreciated. Enjoy. :)

Ciel was choking. A wet rag was stuffed deep in his mouth, making him choke on his own spit and rising bile. He was going to throw up, he knew he was going to – and when he did the gag would make him breathe it in. Maybe then he would actually die, but he knew they wouldn’t let him. Searing heat spread across his shoulder, his body freezing in shock at the white pain, at the acrid smell of burning meat. Ciel had time to think _Oh God, I’m cooking_ before his mind went blank and all he could do was scream.

            Hands gripped his shoulders and he flailed wildly, heart jackhammering in his throat. He could hear someone calling his name, and he cried.

            _This is it,_ he thought. _This is the end._

            “Ciel.”

            Ciel let his body go lax, sobs still shaking him. There was no point fighting it. At least they wouldn’t have anything left to hurt when he was dead.

            “Ciel.”

            In the haze of Ciel’s foggy mind he found it odd that the angel of death sounded familiar, raspy like sandpaper and gravel. The pain in his shoulder left him and he felt soft touches brush his skin – feathers.

            “Ciel, can you hear me?”

            The voice was clearer. Too clear. His eyes jerked open and at first all he could see was blackness. _My eye. They’ve taken my other eye._

            But then the darkness began to make muddy shapes. He could see a dome light on the ceiling, the outline of a door, a dresser. Fingers brushed against Ciel’s chest and his heart rose in this throat as he jerked away and sat up, the action sending hot pain up his spine.

            “Fuck!” he cursed, gripping at the sheets.

            “Hey.” And the voice was that same familiar sandpaper. “Hey. It’s just me.”

            Ciel’s eye adjusted but it still took him a few moments to wade through his panic enough to comprehend Sebastian sitting across from him. Ciel’s limbs felt like jelly and he collapsed back onto the bed, groaning as another wave of pain hit him.

            “Are you awake now,” Sebastian asked, tentatively brushing his fingers along Ciel’s hairline.

            “Yeah,” Ciel croaked. His mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton, his tongue felt thick and heavy, and his body still shook with residual adrenaline. His eye flicked over Sebastian, took in the disheveled hair, the worried eyes, the split lip.

            “Oh shit,” Ciel whispered. “Did I do that?”

            Sebastian grinned softly, the split tugging open a little wider.

            “I’ve gotten worse,” he said, and Ciel groaned and covered his face with his hands.

            “Fuck. I’m sorry.”

            Ciel flinched as long fingers carded through his hair. His skin felt hyper-sensitive and the pain radiating from his ass was getting more persistent.

            “How are you doing,” Sebastian asked quietly.

            “Hurt,” Ciel admitted, his voice muffled through his hands.

            “Advil and a shower?” Sebastian offered.

            Ciel nodded, feeling Sebastian’s fingers rake through his hair again before the man rolled out of bed. Ciel watched his naked form cross to the doorway, watched him become more encased in shadow, and his anxiety grew with each step.

            “Um, can you –“ he started, and he could see Sebastian turn to face him. “The light?” he finished, an embarrassed flush rising up his cheeks.

            “Shield your eye,” Sebastian said softly, and Ciel closed his eye as the overhead light flicked on. By the time Ciel had cracked his eye back open Sebastian had already disappeared down the hallway.

            Ciel carefully sat up, wincing at the flares of pain that ran up his spine and down his legs, until he rested against the headboard. He took in his surroundings as he took careful breathes through his nose, grounding himself. He hadn’t had a nightmare that bad in a long time – not even after his encounter with William. Ciel’s stomach churned with embarrassment and guilt; it was hard enough to get Sebastian to fuck him before he had a mental breakdown and practically beat the shit out of the guy in his sleep. Maybe Sebastian had been right – maybe Ciel hadn’t been ready. Maybe he had just felt he had to prove that he was over everything, that he was strong enough to handle being fucked and then move on. Which, apparently, he wasn’t.

            Ciel slowly pulled his knees into his chest and groaned as he rested his forehead on top of them. He was dealing with more emotions tonight than he had in practically all of his adult life, and a small part of him – that ten year old that never quite died, wanted to run to Lizzie. Wanted his mother. Wanted someone to smooth his hair back and whisper that everything was going to be alright. And he wanted to be able to believe it.

            Ciel jumped as long fingers ran from the back of his head to the base of his neck; he hadn’t even heard Sebastian come back in and his cheeks flushed as he slowly raised his eyes. Sebastian held out a napkin with a small slice of coffee cake from the previous morning. Ciel raised his eyebrow. He wasn’t hungry; in fact, he was the opposite. The idea of eating made his stomach lurch unpleasantly.

            “You can’t take this medicine on an empty stomach,” Sebastian explained, and Ciel grudgingly took the coffee cake.

            “I’m really sorry about your lip,” he mumbled as he tore the slice into smaller pieces.

            “Don’t worry about it,” Sebastian said as he sat beside Ciel, and Ciel’s stomach clenched. Sebastian’s calm demeanor was infuriating – and definitely not because Ciel couldn’t seem to stop worrying about him, or get his heartrate to slow back to normal when the man’s bare shoulder touched his own.

            “Seriously,” Ciel began again through small bites. “How are you going to explain that to your class?”

            Sebastian shrugged. “I’ll think of something.” Ciel caught the beginning of a mischievous grin out of the corner of his eye. “How are you going to explain your limp?”

            Ciel sputtered; he could feel his entire face get hot and he couldn’t decide between ‘shut the fuck up, I’m fine,’ and ‘it’s your fucking fault gigantor.’ Neither of these statements actually made it out of his mouth.

            “I’ll think of something,” he snapped, then crumpled the empty napkin and held out his hand. “Drugs please.”

            Sebastian chuckled and passed Ciel a huge pill and a glass of water.

            “I didn’t realize Advil came in this size,” he said dryly before downing the medication.

            “Hospital grade ibuprofen,” Sebastian explained. “Leftover from an ER trip a while back.”          

            Ciel nodded. He wanted to ask what the visit was for, but he knew from Sebastian’s expression that the man wouldn’t tell him.

            “Hey,” Sebastian whispered, and Ciel looked over in time to catch large hands cupping his face before Sebastian’s mouth was on his. Ciel let his eyes flutter closed and lightly returned Sebastian’s kiss – painfully aware of the slight swell of the split pressing against his mouth. Sebastian ran his fingers through Ciel’s hair, one hand still cupping his jaw, as they shared light chaste kisses – Ciel resisting the urge to hum or sigh or do something equally girly. Sebastian’s tongue softly traced the outline of Ciel’s lips, and when Ciel tentatively parted them so that his tongue could glide against Sebastian’s, his stomach fluttered and his chest tightened.

            It was too sweet – this slow pace, the languid slide of tongues in between soft pecks. It wasn’t the hot rough mess that Ciel was used to, the erotic chaos that left room for little else but arousal. This was – this was too much.

            Ciel broke the kiss suddenly, embarrassingly aware of the red flush staining his cheeks. Sebastian looked at him curiously but didn’t say anything, didn’t stop running his fingers through Ciel’s hair or stroking gently along his jaw. Ciel felt a tightening in his throat like too many words had gotten stuck and if he opened his mouth they would vomit everywhere. He took a shaky breath as his eye met Sebastian’s.

            “Sebastian,” he whispered, and then his cheeks colored deeper because he didn’t have anything else to say. He opened his mouth again, and then closed it when nothing else would come, lips pressing into a hard line.

            Something changed almost imperceptibly in Sebastian’s face, but before Ciel could put his finger on it Sebastian’s lips were pressed against his again. Ciel’s eyes closed, and he was vaguely aware of Sebastian’s hands moving, of the mattress shifting around him. He let out a startled squeak as an arm hooked under his knees and he was lifted bridal style off of the bed. Ciel buried his face in Sebastian’s chest as his arms instinctively wrapped around the man’s neck.

            “Seriously, what the fuck,” he grumbled. “I have legs.”

            Sebastian chuckled. “I doubt the medicine kicked in yet, which means walking may still be a bit painful.”

            Ciel felt his cheeks color. He knew Sebastian was right but didn’t want to admit that he was currently in a fragile state. Or that being carried around like this, especially while very naked, set off that annoying flurry of butterflies in his gut.

            “I’m beginning to think that you just like picking me up.”

            Ciel felt the low rumble in Sebastian’s chest and the small pressure of lips pressing against the top of his head.

            “Guilty as charged,” Sebastian murmured, and Ciel’s face colored more.

            “Whatever,” he huffed, and Sebastian laughed as he flicked on the light in the bathroom with his elbow. Ciel wasn’t surprised when Sebastian carried him into the shower, but he rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically anyway. Sebastian raised an eyebrow and lowered Ciel so that he could turn on the water; Ciel felt the mist of cold water from around Sebastian’s shoulders before the water warmed up enough for the man to adjust so that the hot spray hit both of them.

            Ciel moaned out loud as the water hit him – the heat immediately calmed his nerves and began to help relax his tense muscles. The pain from his back had begun to dull into a low ache, and Ciel closed his eyes and lifted his face to the spray. He felt soapy hands run over his shoulders and down his back, and he leaned back into Sebastian as the first kiss was pressed behind his ear, not surprised to feel Sebastian’s erection pressing into his hip. He sighed as the heat washed over him, as Sebastian’s hands made soapy trails down his chest, as he bit little marks into Ciel’s neck. It brought back that giddy tightness in Ciel’s chest, made him ache with want.

            He stopped Sebastian’s hand before it could snake towards his own erection, and Ciel smirked when the man moved his mouth from Ciel’s neck in obvious confusion. Ciel turned and used his grip on Sebastian’s arm to guide the man back until he was leaning against the tiled wall.

            The look of confused intrigue stayed on Sebastian’s face until Ciel lowered to his knees, and whatever protests Sebastian was about to give was swallowed by a gasp as Ciel slowly licked around the head of his cock.

            Ciel peered up at Sebastian through his lashes as he opened his mouth and slowly swallowed the man down. Sebastian’s hand immediately fisted Ciel’s hair and Ciel hummed, loving the quiet groan it pulled out of Sebastian. He wrapped his fist around the base of Sebastian’s cock to hold it steady as he flattened his tongue against the vein and slowly dragged his mouth up. He continued the slow tease, loving how Sebastian’s breathing was becoming heavier, how his cock got even harder in Ciel’s mouth.

            Water was getting into Ciel’s eye but he kept it open, watching Sebastian’s chest stutter as Ciel sucked harder at the tip, watching the way Sebastian bit his bottom lip whenever a sound escaped him. It turned Ciel on to no end, watching Sebastian fall apart because of him. Ciel’s own erection was achingly hard and bobbed against his navel. He used his free hand to grip his dick as he swallowed quickly on Sebastian, the action eliciting a moan from them both.

            Ciel began to pick up his pace, still keeping his languid slide but taking Sebastian in deep enough to make him gag. He sank lower, feeling Sebastian’s dick throb in the back of his throat as he swallowed around him once, twice. The fingers tightened in his hair and Ciel moaned, his hand giving a quick tug to his own erection.

            “Fuck,” Sebastian groaned, and Ciel loved the thickness of his voice, the deep sandpaper rasp that made Ciel’s stomach flip and his hand tighten around his cock as he stroked it. Blowjobs were never something he usually did, but for some reason going down on Sebastian was an exception. He loved the feel of Sebastian in his mouth, loved the noises he pulled from him, loved the way he could make him fall apart with the way his tongue rolled around the crown of his dick before he sucked hard and deep.

            “Ah, I’m – I’m close,” Sebastian gasped out, and the corner of Ciel’s lip pulled up, stretching his mouth further. He increased the pace a little more, using his fee hand to pump the base of Sebastian’s dick in time with the slide of his mouth. Water was getting into his mouth and up his nose, but it was worth it for how ragged Sebastian’s breathing was becoming. It was worth it for the little noises that the man tried to hold back but couldn’t. It was worth it for the way Sebastian tightened his grip in Ciel’s hair as he came, for the raspy ‘hah’ that pulled from his mouth as if his orgasm had taken him by surprise.

            Ciel choked, the combination of water and semen too much as he coughed around Sebastian’s cock. He carefully removed his mouth, but kept his hand moving, dragging out Sebastian’s orgasm until he could feel the man’s muscles begin to tremble and the fingers tightened in his hair.

            Ciel wiped the back of his hand across his mouth even though the water had washed away what had spilled down his chin and grinned up at Sebastian. The man’s hair fell in his face and a red flush stained his chest and neck. Ciel opened his mouth, ready to say something cocky, but hands gripped his forearms and instead he yelped as he was lifted and pressed against the tile wall. The tiles were cool against his heated skin and he shivered, the action exacerbated as Sebastian dragged his teeth down Ciel’s neck. Ciel groaned as Sebastian’s thigh pressed in between his legs and he lifted Ciel’s arms over his head with a strong grip around his wrists. Ciel wasn’t normally one for being bound, but something about Sebastian pressing against him, using all of his body to keep Ciel against the wall, made Ciel’s dick twitch and his breath come in short sharp spurts.

            Ciel turned his head to where Sebastian was currently sucking a light mark into his neck and nuzzled Sebastian’s forehead until the man covered Ciel’s mouth with his own. Ciel let out an embarrassing whine as Sebastian’s tongue ran over his, and his hips automatically ground into Sebastian’s thigh. Ciel’s back arched as his tongue fought with Sebastian’s – the fact that he was losing the fight for dominance doing nothing to dismiss the exciting pleasure of the fight itself. Ciel pressed back against Sebastian’s grip on his wrists, he nipped at Sebastian’s lips and tongue, and he ground against him with such frenzied energy that the coil of heat in Ciel’s gut began to tighten.

            Sebastian seemed to sense this as well and he adjusted his body so that Ciel remained pinned but with no pressure on his lower body. Ciel whined again into Sebastian’s mouth as his hips jerked up into nothing. His dick was achingly hard and smacked against his stomach, and Ciel could feel Sebastian smirk against his mouth. Ciel resisted the urge to bite down on Sebastian’s cut lip, and instead pressed his mouth harder into the kiss. Sebastian pulled away as Ciel’s hips thrust forward again and looked at Ciel with a combination of lust and predatory amusement that almost made Ciel moan out loud.

            “Want something?” Sebastian asked, the smirk he was wearing infusing his words.

            “Obviously,” Ciel retorted.

            Sebastian tutted and let his lips ghost over Ciel’s ear. “You only get it if you ask nicely.”

            Ciel pressed his lips together in a harsh line to keep the embarrassing noises in his mouth. Even so, he knew Sebastian didn’t miss the goosebumps that erupted over his skin.

            “You want me to beg?” Ciel asked when he was sure his voice was steady.

            Sebastian looked at him with such open hunger that it made Ciel blush. “Yes.”

            Ciel leaned his torso forward so that he stood nose to nose with Sebastian and smirked. “Make me,” he whispered, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth.

            Sebastian’s grip on his wrists tightened and the man practically growled as he attacked Ciel’s mouth. Ciel’s arms were beginning to burn with the effort of being held up and he swallowed a groan as Sebastian pressed his arms higher. He let his head roll back against the tiles while Sebastian worked his neck, choking on steam as long fingers pinched one nipple. He squirmed beneath Sebastian’s grip, the sensations riling Ciel up almost the point of pain before the man moved his ministrations to the other nipple.

Ciel bucked his hips forward reflexively, but there was nothing for him to grind against. He let out a low whine as Sebastian’s hand began to trail lower, ghosting over damp skin until his fingers brushed the head of Ciel’s cock. Ciel gasped and thrust forward, but Sebastian had already brought his hand back against Ciel’s stomach. This continued a few more times, Ciel’s breathing getting more frantic and Sebastian calmly smirking into his neck as he teased relentlessly.

“You,” Ciel began as Sebastian lightly ran a finger up his shaft. “Ah – fuck.”

The finger kept trailing upwards over Ciel’s stomach, past his chest, and up his arm until Sebastian was guiding one of his arms down. It immediately tingled as blood began to flow back into it, and when Sebastian kissed from wrist to palm Ciel realized he was shaking. Sebastian locked nearly black eyes with his before he licked up Ciel’s index finger and sucked it into his mouth.

Ciel made a sound in the back of his throat that sounded embarrassingly like a whimper. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Sebastian, couldn’t shut out the tight wet heat enveloping his finger as Sebastian slowly bobbed his head. He swirled his tongue around the top of the digit before deftly sucking in Ciel’s middle finger as well, and Ciel let his head fall back against the wall with a groan. He was way too turned on by all of this; the ministrations of Sebastian’s mouth on his fingers made Ciel’s cock bead up precum in anticipation. His chest felt tight and his hips unconsciously thrust forward in time with Sebastian’s bobs on his fingers. Ciel felt like he was going to snap – the heat from the shower and the gathering steam made it hard to breathe.  Ciel moaned at a particularly hard suck and pressed against Sebastian’s restraining grip.

“Sebastian,” he croaked. Sebastian looked at him but still kept his mouth working Ciel’s fingers. “Sebastian, please.”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow and Ciel dimly registered that his voice was cracking dangerously close to a sob. “Oh God, please.”

Thankfully Sebastian didn’t ask him to elaborate on what exactly he was pleading for. The man removed Ciel’s fingers from his mouth with a lewd slurp and sank to his knees, trailing his mouth and hands over Ciel’s already sensitive skin. Ciel watched, panting, as Sebastian gave a tentative lick from base to tip, and he felt a sharp prickle behind his left eye.

“Please,” he tried again, his voice barely above a whisper.

Sebastian looked up at him with hooded eyes before parting his lips and guiding all of Ciel into his mouth. Ciel moaned too loud, and he felt his knees buckle – Sebastian’s firm grip on his hips the only thing keeping him up until Ciel could regain his balance.

Ciel had known he was close, but he hadn’t realized how close. Sebastian worked him with quick intensity, and with each slide of his cock against Sebastian’s tongue Ciel felt the coil in his gut spring tighter. His limbs felt shaky and the heat and steam inhibited his breathing; the sensations were overwhelming and he was either going to come or pass out.

He came without giving a warning, the pleasure wracking his body as he choked out a low groan. His whole body tensed in an arch and his head hit the tiles a bit too hard. Sebastian milked him through it, removing his mouth only when it was clear Ciel was on the verge of collapse. He helped Ciel slump down against the tiles until he was resting on the shower floor.

“You okay?” Sebastian asked, worry clear on his face.

Ciel’s lip tugged up in a smile and he pulled Sebastian forward until the man’s mouth met his. His breathing was still irregular and his body was still shaky, but he sighed contentedly as Sebastian’s tongue lightly slid against his own - their tastes mingling.

“It’s a bit steamy,” Ciel said quietly when Sebastian pulled away, and instead of laughing the man pressed a soft kiss to his cheek that made Ciel blush.

Sebastian reached up to grab his bar of shampoo, and Ciel groaned in protest when he started to lather his hair, but he didn’t stop him. As much as Ciel didn’t want to admit it, it felt kind of nice. He shut his eyes and let Sebastian’s fingers massage his scalp before he ran sudsy hands down Ciel’s chest.

His eyes shot open when he felt Sebastian lifting and turning him so that he sat with his back pressed against the man’s chest.

“What –“ he started, but Sebastian cut him off.

“Close your eye.”

Ciel huffed but did as he was told as Sebastian eased them back until the spray from the shower was directly over Ciel’s head. Ciel bit his lip to prevent the smile creeping up; with his eye closed it was almost like being under a hot waterfall. He ignored how cheesily romantic it was and let the heat wash over him.

Sebastian pressed a small kiss to the shell of Ciel’s ear and gently lifted him so that they were standing, Ciel groaning and huffing in protest but doing nothing to actually get away. Sebastian turned off the water and guided Ciel out of the shower, Ciel rolling his eyes with an exasperated sigh.

“I’m fine. I’m not gonna fall over.”

Sebastian’s hand stayed around his waist. “Could have fooled me.”

Ciel grabbed a towel off of the rack and swatted Sebastian with it as he pulled away. He fluffed the towel over his hair, setting all of his masks and walls back into place while his face was hidden. “It was the steam. I’m fine.”

Ciel saw Sebastian grab the second towel, assuming that the man wore a raised eyebrow even as he dried his hair and wrapped the towel around his waist. Ciel peered out from under his towel to catch Sebastian eyeing him with dark eyes, and he felt his whole body blush.

“What,” he asked, voice surprisingly low and thick despite the fluttering that started in his chest.

Sebastian shook his head as if clearing it. “You’re so – so very sexy.”

Ciel felt his face get even redder. “Shut the fuck up,” he said quickly as he ran the towel aggressively over his damp skin.

Ciel saw Sebastian step forward and he backed away until he was pressed against the wall with Sebastian’s body caging him. The man pressed his mouth against the sensitive spot behind Ciel’s ear, and Ciel’s breath caught in his throat.

“I want to bend you over the counter and fuck you until you really can’t walk,” Sebastian growled, and a breathy moan slipped out of Ciel before he had time to stop it. The flurry of butterflies in his stomach intensified to the point where they threatened to make him throw up.

“As much as I would like to,” he began with a shaky voice, but Sebastian cut him off with a kiss.

“Next time,” he said. “I’m supposed to bring you back into the city.”

Ciel pressed down his excitement over the promise of a ‘next time’ and nodded before kissing Sebastian back.

They spent the rest of the morning slowly getting ready – Ciel gathering all of his belonging while Sebastian prepared some sort of fluffy egg pancake. They kept the conversation light, neither bringing up the technicalities of arranging to see each other when they couldn’t be seen together. Theirs was a morning of easy conversation and Earl Grey kisses, and though Ciel loved Lizzie and wanted to see her, he couldn’t help but be a little disappointed when it was time to leave.

The beginning of the ride passed mostly in silence, Sebastian’s hand resting on Ciel’s thigh and Ciel slipping in and out of sleep – always coming back to daydreams of Sebastian fucking him – which made his ass throb and his dick twitch with interest.

Ciel shifted in his seat after he caught himself slipping into one of those dreams. Sebastian’s hand lifted until Ciel grabbed it and placed it back on his thigh. He could feel Sebastian glance over at him, but he stared firmly out the window and tried to ignore his hard-on.

“Have you ever bottomed,” Ciel asked after the silence had stretched for too long, speaking more to the window than to Sebastian.

Sebastian’s fingers, which had been tapping lightly on Ciel’s leg, stilled.

“Why? Do you want to try it?” Sebastian’s eyes flicked over to Ciel and a small half-smile tugged at the man’s mouth. “I’d be willing to.”

Ciel blushed and he pointedly ignored how intimate that statement had felt.

“That’s not what I asked.”

Sebastian sighed. “Yes. I have.”

“Multiple people or just one?”

Sebastian’s eyebrows furrowed. “Why?”

Ciel leaned back in his seat so that he was angled toward Sebastian. Honestly, he didn’t know why he wanted to know so badly, but he couldn’t say that. “I’m just asking.”

“Just one,” Sebastian said after a pause.

“Who was he?” Ciel asked, and when Sebastian didn’t answer his stomach flipped. His mind furiously fit the puzzle pieces together; he already knew the answer, perhaps had known before he had asked.

“Holy shit. Are you serious?”

Sebastian took his hand off of Ciel’s thigh and placed it on the steering wheel. “I didn’t say anything,” Sebastian said dryly.

“You didn’t have to.” Ciel watched Sebastian’s grip tighten on the wheel, and some nasty indescribable emotion welled in the pit of Ciel’s stomach. “Are you guys still a thing? Is that how you got this job?”

Sebastian let out a huff of laughter, a quick snap that didn’t hide his irritation.

“We were never a ‘thing.’ And I got this job because I’m a competent teacher and Claude threw my name out as a colleague. I don’t use sex to _get_ something.” Sebastian shot a pointed look across to Ciel, and Ciel felt vaguely sick.

“And I do?”

Sebastian ran a hand over his face and sighed. “Ciel, I didn’t say that.”

“But you thought it, didn’t you? At least once?”

Sebastian glanced over at him warily, and Ciel knew what he was going to say before he even opened his mouth.

“Yes,” Sebastian said quietly. “At first.”

Even though Ciel couldn’t reasonably blame Sebastian for assuming that he had been sleeping with him for some ulterior purpose, the admission still stung. Ciel bit his lip and looked out the window, trying to clear the heavy disappointment in his chest and the unwanted images of Sebastian and Professor Faustus in explicit positions.

“So why did you agree to it,” Ciel asked the window. “To hook up again. If you thought I was trying to use you.”

A silence stretched between them, Ciel half expecting Sebastian to not answer and for them to sit in awkward silence for the rest of the drive.

“Because,” Sebastian began, and Ciel had to pull his focus from the frozen view outside. “I find you immensely attractive.”

Ciel snorted and shook his head. “That is such bullshit.”

“It’s true.”

“Yeah, whatever you say Professor.”

Sebastian sighed. “Look. I don’t know where this is coming from. I don’t go asking how many sexual partners you’ve had –“

“I couldn’t tell you,” Ciel said bluntly, and the admission made him feel small and dirty.

“And I don’t really care,” Sebastian continued. “Who you’ve fucked is your business just like who I’ve fucked is my business, so there’s no need for you to get huffy over a guy I slept with five years ago, or to get caught up on intentions that may or may not have been because those things have already happened. They won’t change.”

Ciel felt his cheeks burn. He pressed his forehead against the glass of the window and let the cool soothe his burning skin. He knew that Sebastian was right – he was acting like a child and he knew it – he could feel the age gap between them more so now than at any other point. He didn’t know why, but he felt possessive and clingy and he wasn’t sure what to do with those feelings aside from getting angry about them.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Sebastian gave him a small lopsided grin. “You don’t have to apologize.”

“Do you think he suspects? Professor Faustus?”

Sebastian chuckled. “I highly doubt he cares. But we should probably avoid fucking in my office.”

Ciel felt a warmth bloom in his chest at the underlying invitation to meet up again.

“So, you want to keep doing this,” Ciel asked slowly.

Sebastian’s grin grew to where Ciel could see teeth. “If you would like to.”

“Only if you give me an ‘A’,” Ciel deadpanned.

“Hah.” But Ciel could see the smirk on Sebastian’s face, the fire in his eyes when they flicked over him. A silence settled in the car again, and Ciel saw the landscape begin to change from barren snowy farmland to the outskirts of suburbia. Sebastian’s hand settled on Ciel’s knee, and Ciel bit his lip and focused on the increasingly urban scenery.

“I can’t talk to you,” Sebastian said quietly, his eyes still on the road. “At Taylor. We really can’t meet in my office. For anything.”

Ciel pressed the heel of his hand against his dead eye. “I know.”

“But you’re welcome over.” Sebastian stopped at a red light and looked over at Ciel, his eyes too bright, too intense. “If you’d like.”

Ciel felt the tips of his ears burn, and he was surprised how easily the words tumbled out of his mouth; “Yeah, I would.”

He wanted to keep talking. Now that he had started he wanted to ask if they were a ‘thing,’ or what Sebastian’s definition of a ‘thing’ was. Were they seeing each other exclusively? Were they allowed to fuck other people? Did Sebastian even care?

But these questions suggested more than anything Ciel had ever experienced before, so he shoved them to the back of his mind and made some innocuous comment about the weather.

 

Lizzie was waiting inside of the lobby of the Holiday Inn Express – Ciel could see her chatting with the guy at the front desk through the lobby doors. They had agreed that Ciel should enter on his own, but sitting in Sebastian’s car in the parking lot filled Ciel with awkward hesitation. Once again he was the one leaving and thus tasked with goodbye. With people around it was easy, a half wave over his shoulder and boom, done. But in the car, alone, Ciel questioned their protocol. He fidgeted with the hem of his hoodie until Sebastian’s hand covered his own and stilled his twitching fingers.

“You should probably wait a week or two,” Sebastian said, glancing over at Ciel. “Before you come by again.”

Ciel met Sebastian’s gaze and was struck with the overwhelming urge to grab the man’s collar and kiss him. His eyes were clear, but Sebastian looked at him with such quiet intensity that it lodged Ciel’s heart in his throat. What the fuck was wrong with him? When did he get so caught up in Sebastian’s _eyes?_

“Yeah,” he said, thankful that his voice came out clear and controlled.

Sebastian laughed and leaned forward until his lips brushed Ciel’s in a chaste kiss, and Ciel was struck, not for the first time, by Sebastian’s seeming ability to read his mind. Ciel tangled his fingers in Sebastian’s hair as the man cupped his cheek and pulled him closer. Their tongues met easily, instantly developing a slow, wet glide that left Ciel blushing and breathless.

“Uh, yeah,” Ciel said when they separated, fumbling to grab his backpack from the back seat. “I’ll see you around.”

Sebastian had a bemused smile, but he simply nodded and waved as Ciel stepped out of the car. Ciel threw a wave over his shoulder, not wanting to chance another look at Sebastian, especially with his red cheeks and slight limp.

Lizzie’s face brightened when she saw him enter, and she bounded over, curls bouncing and coat flying open like some fantastical flying animal as she tackled him. He grimaced at the extra weight but returned her hug.

“I fell,” he said, and she pulled away with a look of concern on her face.

“What?”

“In case we need to corroborate our stories. We went ice skating and I fell.”

Lizzie opened her mouth, probably to ask if had actually fallen, before Ciel could see her connecting the dots in her head.

“Oh. My. God,” she said, and her face was too bright and her smile too sly.

“It was just ice skating,” Ciel grumbled.

Lizzie rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand, practically dragging him outside. “I don’t care if it was _just_ ice skating. You’re telling me all about it.”

Which was how Ciel found himself in Lizzie’s car giving a complete play-by-play of his entire weekend while trying to ignore her knowing looks and squeals of delight.

“Liz, calm down, Jesus,” Ciel said as he pressed the heel of his hand into his dead eye.

“I’m sorry,” she squealed, then caught herself and lowered her voice. “I’m sorry. It’s just really exciting. Can I call him your boyfriend yet?”

“ _No.”_ Ciel groaned and leaned his head back against the headrest. “We’re not a thing.”

The words felt heavy as they left Ciel’s mouth, and they left a sticky residue behind. He hadn’t told Lizzie about Sebastian and Professor Faustus, and the realization that he had used the exact words the man had used to describe his relationship with Faustus to describe theirs left him feeling hollow and self-conscious. If Lizzie noticed his sour silence, she didn’t comment on it.

“Okay, fine. You’re not boyfriends. But you need to start living in the real world and admit that you are _some_ thing. I mean, I can count the number of guys you’ve slept with more than once on one hand.”

“Thanks Liz,” Ciel drawled dryly.

Lizzie rolled her eyes. “I’m not judging you, I’m stating a fact. You’ve also never hooked up with a guy more than twice.”

“Maybe hooking up with Sebastian is just convenient.”

“Dodging an entire town to see one guy is convenient?”

Ciel pressed farther back into his seat and crossed his arms. “I save on gas.”

Lizzie gave an exasperated sigh. “You are so fucking stubborn. Why can’t you just admit that you like him?”

“Because I can’t,” Ciel snapped, hating the break in his voice. He breathed in sharply through his nose and averted his gaze when Lizzie shot him a concerned look. He didn’t know if it was brought on by the nightmare or the dull pain in his back, but Ciel felt simultaneously wrung out and high strung – like his nerves were on fire and he didn’t have the energy to do anything about it. It made him feel weepy and exposed and he didn’t like it.

“You know,” Lizzie said softly, “I’m sure if you told Madam Red, like actually told her, she would be okay with it. I mean it would take time –“

“Oh God,” Ciel groaned and buried his face in his hands. “I’m just going to pretend you didn’t say that.”

“Well why not?”

“Because how would that go over? Hey Madam Red, I know you’ve been trying to bring me up well, but I’ve spent most of my high school and college career sneaking into the city and fucking countless guys, literally more than I can count, one of whom happens to be my Professor. Who I initiated contact with. Surprise.” Ciel’s sarcasm was thick but only thinly veiled the self-deprecating tone underneath.

Lizzie reached over and grabbed Ciel’s hand, and Ciel resisted the urge to snatch it away. “It wouldn’t be like that,” she said, her sure tone getting under Ciel’s skin. “Besides, Sebastian is more than just a fuck –“

“Jesus Liz, has it ever occurred to you that this might just be a fling,” Ciel snapped. He took his hand back and pressed it against his eye, trying to calm his breathing. “Look, thanks for the birthday hookup. It was great. But I’m six years younger than this guy. He’s not from around here, and he’s not gonna stick around. And I’m sure wherever he goes he’s not going to want his ex-student following him – which I wouldn’t do anyway. So just fucking drop it.”

A tense silence filled the car and Ciel pressed his forehead against the window. He was beginning to think that he needed to avoid car trips with other people if they kept dissolving into conversations like this. He heard Lizzie sigh, but he didn’t turn to face her.

“Ciel,” she said, her tone alarmingly gentle. “It’s okay to allow yourself to love someone.”

Outside the scenery of Upland was beginning to come into view. Ciel pulled his head away from the window and eyed Lizzie warily.

“Stop with the ‘L’ words, Liz.”

Another silence passed as Lizzie navigated the streets to Ciel’s aunt’s house. When she parked in the driveway she grabbed Ciel’s hand and fixed him with such an intense stare that Ciel automatically swallowed.

“You are worthy,” she said, and Ciel furrowed his brows. “You know that right? People love you, and you do deserve it.”

Ciel resisted rolling his eyes and brought Lizzie’s hand to his lips.

“Yeah, sure,’ he said into her knuckles.

She sighed in exasperation, breaking the somber mood. “You don’t believe it at all.”

Ciel’s lips twitched into a small smirk. “No. Not really. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Ciel pecked Lizzie on the cheek before grabbing his backpack and limping his way into the house where his aunt was already waiting for him. She was situated on the couch with a book in hand, but Ciel could see that it was upside down.

“How was it,” she asked as soon as he walked in.

“Good,” he replied as he dropped his bag and made his way over to her. Madam Red’s eyes immediately lighted on his limp.

“What happened?”

“Ice skating,” Ciel lied easily, holding in a cringe as he fell onto the couch to prove that he was fine. “Fell right on my ass. Think I bruised my tailbone.”

Madam Red’s lips pursed, but he caught the small tug of a smile. “Did you take lots of pictures? I want to see.”

Ciel’s stomach flipped. That was a part of the plan that he and Lizzie hadn’t thought through. “Um, no. I guess we got so caught up that we forgot to take any.”

Madam Red looked more disappointed than suspicious and Ciel felt some of the tension ease out of his shoulders.

“Well, you’ll have to tell me all about it,” she said with finality, before her eyes lit up. “Oh, I almost forgot. Karl has been cleared for work, so he will be coming back after J-term.”

Ciel tried to return Madam Red’s bright smile, the smile that obviously said _and Sebastian will no longer be needed_. “That’s great,” he forced, the smile hurting his cheeks. He was glad that Professor Sundeburg had recovered, he wasn’t heartless, but he almost wished the man would just take time off until summer.

“Um, hey,” Ciel said before Madam Red could divulge any more information or ask him about his trip, “I have some homework that I need to get done. Full details of the trip at dinner?”

“Of course.” Madam Red leaned over and ruffled his hair before squishing his face so she could press a wet kiss to his cheek. He good naturedly batted her away and ran up to his room, taking the stairs two at a time despite the sharp pain it sent up his spine. Once in his room with the door closed he sank onto his bed and pulled out his phone.

**[Mouse]:** _Were you aware that Professor Sundeburg was coming back?_

**[Cat]:** _Yes. I was informed earlier this weekend._

Ciel huffed and ran his hands over his face. He stared at the ceiling, a low boil of anger thrumming through his veins.

**[Mouse]:** _And you didn’t think to tell me?_

**[Cat]:** _I figured you would hear about it eventually._

**[Mouse]:** _That’s not the point._

**[Cat]:** _What is the point?_

Ciel stared at his phone, fingers poised over the keys. What was the point? That he thought he meant more to Sebastian and expected the man to talk to him about these things? That they really knew nothing about each other? That Ciel may have, _may have_ , caught some feelings and he thought Sebastian would have caught some as well? Ciel ignored the question and texted Lizzie.

**[Ciel]:** _Sebastian’s leaving after J-term._

**[Lizzie]:** _What?_

**[Ciel]:** _Karl is coming back, so Sebastian’s leaving. I found out from Madam Red._

**[Lizzie]:** _I’m surprised he didn’t say anything._

**[Ciel]:** _Yeah. I’m an idiot._

**[Lizzie]:** _?_

Lizzie being surprised that Sebastian hadn’t mentioned his inevitable departure made Ciel feel a little better, but didn’t change the fact that he cared too much. He was too caught up and it was making him confused and…teary. Ciel curled into a ball and angrily swiped the couple of tears that had rolled down his cheeks. He wanted…he didn’t know what he wanted. Actually he did, he wanted to stop feeling. He hated feeling vulnerable and needy and wanting. Not for the first time he thought about how much easier things would be if he actually did just drop Sebastian.

**[Cat]:** _I’m still here for a month._

Ciel pushed away the thought that crept into his head, the tiny voice that said ‘that’s not long enough.’

**[Mouse]:** _Yeah. How many times do you think we can fuck in that time? I’m betting 10._

**[Cat]:** _You underestimate me._

**[Mouse]:** _One a day?_

**[Cat]:** _That might be a bit much. I am an old man._

Ciel laughed despite himself.

**[Mouse]:** _~~Maybe we could go on a date.~~ _

**[Mouse]:** _Gotta keep up. I’m young and have needs._

**[Cat]:** _I’m sure you can find someone to satisfy those._

Ciel bit his lip. He knew that Sebastian was joking; at least, he was pretty sure Sebastian was joking, but the text still stung. He resisted typing out _but I want you_ and tossed his phone on the bed. He grabbed his literature homework and set to work, ignoring his phone when it buzzed again at his side.


	11. In Which All The Shit Goes Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings, sex, and feelings - the usual gambit when you're fucking your professor.
> 
> [Cat]: I may be free next weekend.  
>  Ciel hid his phone behind his stack of books while he texted back, ignoring Lizzie’s dramatic eye roll.  
>  “You’re so obvious,” she chided and Ciel shot her a weak glare.  
>  [Mouse]: May be?  
>  [Cat]: Most likely will be.  
>  [Cat]: It depends on the writing abilities of my students.  
>  [Mouse]: I guess I’ll see you after break then, Professor.  
>  [Cat]: Ah well, I tried to be optimistic.  
>  [Cat]: Maybe I’ll just give everyone a B.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for those of you continuing to read this. Please know that while this took so long to get up, this 10k chapter was a labor of love and I would not have been able to do it if I didn't know I had people waiting to read it. So thank you so much. Also, please note that some tags have changed.
> 
> As per, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. 
> 
> There wasn't supposed to be sex in this chapter. Just plot. But then the boys were like, we're gonna fuck now, and I went with it.

The weather continued to be absolutely abysmal – a steady flurry of snow that had started the Sunday after Ciel’s birthday and hadn’t let up.  Ciel bundled himself in so many layers that he ceased to look human – instead he looked like a grey-black blob constantly at risk for falling over. The reluctance to move from one place to another blanketed Upland in a quiet that made it clear everyone would rather be hibernating.

Surprisingly, or maybe not so surprisingly, settling back into the rhythm of school was relatively painless. Dead Week had settled over campus, simultaneously drowning Taylor in silence and buzzing electricity from all of the stressed and too caffeinated students trying to cram before exams. Ciel threw himself into finishing his final term papers and counting down the days until break – the knowledge that he had the opportunity to hook up with Sebastian made avoiding the man easier and made Ciel unexplainably giddy.

            Three days before exams saw Ciel and Lizzie sitting in the campus library, Ciel still bundled in two sweaters and a blanket scarf while Lizzie laughed at him dressed in nothing but a pink turtleneck sweater and white fuzzy tights.

            “How the fuck are you not cold,” Ciel hissed as his long sweater sleeve once again got caught on his papers when he reached across the table.

            Lizzie smirked, at least having the decency to not cackle like she had done the first two times Ciel’s papers ended up scattered on the floor.

            “Because I am a warm, kind hearted person. And you are a cold little shit,” she said, her smirk widening into a toothy grin.

            Ciel rolled his eyes and straightened his papers. “Ha ha. You’re a regular comedian.”

            Lizzie bowed her head to the left and right and Ciel chucked a crumpled paper at her, laughing at her affronted gasp. Lizzie hefted up her French textbook looking ready to whack Ciel upside the head with it, but her grin gave away her lack of murderous intent. They both collapsed into a fit of giggles, interrupted not by the dirty glares of the other students but by Ciel’s phone buzzing on the table. Ciel unlocked it and bit his cheek to keep from smiling.

            [ **Cat]:** I may be free next weekend.

            Ciel hid his phone behind his stack of books while he texted back, ignoring Lizzie’s dramatic eye roll.

            “You’re so obvious,” she chided and Ciel shot her a weak glare.

            **[Mouse]:** May be?

            **[Cat]:** Most likely will be.

            **[Cat]:** It depends on the writing abilities of my students.

            **[Mouse]:** I guess I’ll see you after break then, Professor.

            **[Cat]:** Ah well, I tried to be optimistic.

            **[Cat]:** Maybe I’ll just give everyone a B.

Ciel snorted and Lizzie crossed around so that she was peering over his shoulder. Ciel shielded the phone defensively and Lizzie prodded his back with a long fingernail.

            “Ow,” he hissed, smacking her hand away.

            “Oh come on, you’re going to tell me everything anyway. Let me see.”

            “What if we were exchanging nudes,” Ciel whispered conspiratorially. “Or sexting?”

            Lizzie rolled her eyes. “First of all, no one says ‘exchanging nudes.’ And second of all, if that’s happening I definitely want to see.” She wiggled her eyebrows and Ciel laughed, a sharp ‘hah’ that earned him a ‘shush’ from another table.

            “You’re fucking perverted,” he whispered, grin still on his face.

            His phone buzzed and they both perked up, but instead of a text the phone kept buzzing as  call tried to come through. Ciel felt his stomach drop at the sight of the number – Tanaka.

            “You should answer it,” Lizzie said softly, and Ciel groaned. He flicked his thumb across his phone and held it to his ear.

            “Hey Tanaka,” he said, getting up and making his way out of the library. Tanaka was Ciel’s business partner of sorts – when Ciel’s parents died they left him their business, a mildly successful toy company in the city. Tanaka, who had been partnered with Ciel’s father agreed to run the business until Ciel was of age, and then until he graduated college.

            “Ciel.” The man’s voice came over the line crackly and warm with a slight old man warble. “How are you?”

            “Fine,” Ciel answered bluntly. Tanaka was a good man, but he and Ciel almost never talked. Tanaka would email him business reports and Ciel would Skype into meetings where his voice was a necessity, but Tanaka only ever called with substantial news, not to exchange pleasantries.

            “Good, good,” Tanaka murmured absently, and the call lapsed into silence.

            Ciel sighed, anxiety digging its claws into his stomach. “What’s up, Tanaka?”

            Ciel heard a heavy sigh on the other end. “Does the name William Spears mean anything to you?”

            Ciel’s brow furrowed. That was not what he had been expecting. “No. Should I?”

            There was a pause before Tanaka answered. “I would hope so.”

            Ciel leaned against the cold wall and ran a hand through his hair. “Okay. I’ll bite. Who is William Spears?”

            “Well, he’s our financial advisor,” Tanaka said slowly, and Ciel bit back the ‘so?’ forming in his mouth. “And… someone you apparently had sexual relations with.”

            “What?” Ciel snapped. Tanaka sounded genuinely pained, and Ciel’s entire body felt too hot.

            “If it didn’t happen then this is a whole other matter entirely.”

            “I don’t -“ Ciel started, but then the realization hit him. William S. “ _Oh.”_

            “Oh?”

            Ciel went from being too hot to feeling like he had been dunked in ice. He wanted to hang up and curl into a ball – to hide under the blankets and not face the fact that he had just outed himself by sleeping with someone in his company.

            “I –“ Ciel tried, but his mouth was dry and the words caught in his throat.

            “You what?” Tanaka asked gently, and Ciel resisted the overwhelming urge to cry.

            “Yeah. I  did. Fuck, Tanaka, I’m so sorry. Fuck, I –“

            “Ciel, my dear boy, calm down.” Tanaka’s voice was soft and kind and it left Ciel feeling uneasy. “William came to me worrying that he was a potential conflict of interest – but he made it sound like a one-time thing.”

            Ciel felt his entire body blush and he sank to the floor.

            “Yeah,” he mumbled.

            “Alright,” Tanaka said, and Ciel visualized him pacing in his office with green tea in hand while he thought. “Alright.”

            The library doors opened and Lizzie quirked her eyebrow at him. He tried to wave her off, but something akin to distress must have been apparent on his face because her brows knit together and she sat beside him, her hands immediately finding his free one.

            “Ciel, you know you must be careful, right?”

            Ciel let out a tight hiss of air, shame welling in his chest. “I know. I’m sorry.”

            “You don’t need to apologize. You are not the first person to have an inter-office relationship.” Tanaka’s voice dropped low again. “But you are known, Ciel. As much as you would prefer anonymity it is not a luxury you have. So please be careful.”

            Tanaka didn’t say watch where you stick your dick because you could destroy this company, but he didn’t need to.

            “I know. I mean – yeah. I will.”

            “Does Madam Red know?”

            Ciel almost asked _what?_ Did she know that he was gay? Did she know that he snuck off to fuck random guys? Did she know that he had fucked his company’s financial advisor? But the specifics didn’t actually matter since she wasn’t aware of any of it.

            “No,” Ciel said quietly, and he suddenly felt very heavy. He squeezed Lizzie’s hand and she squeezed it back. A silence passed over the line, and it became apparent to Ciel that Tanaka was unsure how to proceed with the subject matter of their conversation.

            “Please don’t tell her,” Ciel said at last.

            “Of course not,” and Ciel grinned at how genuinely offended Tanaka sounded. “I admit I was a bit surprised but - well, anyway. The company gala is coming up on the twentieth and I need to know that you will be able to handle being in the same room as William.”

            Ciel felt his cheeks redden again. “Yeah. It’ll be fine.”

            “Because if you want to pursue a relationship with this man –“

            “I really don’t.”

            “It’s not that I disapprove, mind. He’s a nice enough fellow –“

            “Tanaka, it was just a one-time thing. I only do one time things.”

            A heavy silence settled over the phone and Ciel wished he could rewind and stuff those embarrassing words back into his mouth. He could feel Lizzie’s gaze on him and he focused his attention on his shoes. Tanaka finally cleared his throat and Ciel let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

            “Well, gala on the twentieth. Six p.m. You need to prepare a welcoming and closing speech. And you need to mingle.”

            Ciel shut his eye and groaned, leaning his head back against the wall.

            “Ciel, you graduate in five months. It’s time for people to see the face of the company.”

            “I know,” Ciel grumbled. “Twentieth, six p.m., speeches, play nice. I got it.”

            Tanaka chuckled. “Good. Take care.”

            “Yeah.” Ciel hung up and dropped the phone into his lap. “Fuck,” he hissed under his breath, dragging out the ‘u’ with his exhalation. He felt a sting behind his eye that he was, unfortunately, well acquainted with but he refused to cry. Ciel leaned against Lizzie’s shoulder as she massaged his hand. He knew she wanted details of the phone call but she didn’t ask, and Ciel was appreciative of that.

            “Thanks,” he murmured, and she nodded, still working the pressure point between his thumb and palm. He let his gaze wander and belatedly noticed the lack of bags, books, and coats with Lizzie.

            “Did you just leave our things in the library?”          

            “Yeah. But it’s fine.”

            “Someone’s could steal our shit,” Ciel said, but he nuzzled further into the crook between Lizzie’s neck and shoulder.

            “Yeah right. Jesus would actually come after them. Or me dressed as Jesus. Either way.”

            Ciel snorted and breathed in Lizzie’s scent of spun sugar and lilac, letting the familiarity calm his nerves. “Fair enough.” He paused, biting his lower lip before speaking again. “Want to be my date to the gala?”

            “No,” Lizzie said, a small smile playing at her lips. “But I will anyway.”

            “Bitch,” he said lightly. His phone buzzed again in his lap, and Lizzie grabbed it when became apparent that Ciel wasn’t going to check his message.

            “Oh man,” she said, nudging Ciel’s face with her shoulder. “He has the worst timing sometimes.” She turned the phone so that he could read it.

            **[Cat]:** How about next Saturday? I should at least have the preliminary reads done.

            Ciel buried his face back into Lizzie’s neck and she sighed.

            “Want me to answer?”

            “Fine,” Ciel said, his voice muffled by her skin.

            He zoned out to the sound of her typing and his phone buzzing before she nudged him again. “Have you not told him about Funtom?”

            Ciel groaned as he ran a hand over his face. “Well obviously not.”

            Lizzie looked incredulous. “Why not?”

            “It just never came up, alright?”

            He grabbed his phone and glanced over the messages as Lizzie gave out an exasperated sigh.

            **[Mouse]:** Can’t Saturday. I’ve got my company gala that night.

            **[Cat]:** Your company gala?

**[Mouse]:** Yeah. I own this toy company and we do this big gala that I have to show my face at.

**[Mouse]:** And Mme Red will want to hear all the details after so

            **[Mouse]:** No Saturday.

**[Cat]:** You own a company?

            **[Mouse]:** Yeah. Family business.

            **[Cat]:** And you never thought to mention that?

            “What the fuck,” Ciel growled. Lizzie read over his shoulder and raised her eyebrows, ‘I told you’ clear on her face. Ciel didn’t get why it was a big deal. They weren’t a couple – he didn’t have to divulge his whole life story.

            **[Cat]:** You realize that makes what we’re doing even riskier, right?

            **[Mouse]:** No, really? I hadn’t grasped that at all.

            **[Cat]:** If we’re caught it’s not just my job or your reputation on the line, it’s the a whole company’s

            **[Cat]:** That’s a pretty big deal for a fuck.

            **[Mouse]:** The company has been through worse for a fuck.

            **[Mouse]:** I mean, my grandfather fucked me and it survived that.

            **[Mouse]:** I think it can weather me sleeping with my professor.

            There was a pause where no texts came through. Ciel’s stomach was in knots and he could feel the acid licking the back of his throat. Lizzie read over his shoulder and sighed.

            “That wasn’t necessary,” she said softly and Ciel shrugged his shoulders jerkily. “You know that’s not what he meant, right?”

            “Liz, I don’t really care.” Ciel’s voice sounded hollow and tinny in his ear. She fixed him with a look, that look that said ‘I know what you’re actually doing and you can’t hide it from me’ that made him feel too exposed.  “Can you grab our stuff?”  

            There was a moment where Ciel thought she was going to refuse before she got up and went back into the library. Ciel’s phone buzzed again and he hesitated before opening the text.

            **[Cat]:** I’m sorry. That’s not what I was trying to say.

            **[Cat]:** This isn’t a good conversation to have via text.

            **[Mouse]:** This isn’t a good conversation to have at all.

            **[Mouse]:** I’m more than aware of the implications of seeing you.

            **[Mouse]:** If you still want me to see you.

            **[Cat]:** Of course.

            **[Cat]:** Just not Saturday.

            **[Cat]:** Monday?

            Ciel let out a shaky breath as Lizzie re-emerged weighted down by their over-filled backpacks and heavy coats. Ciel typed out a quick response of ‘sounds good’ before taking his share of the pile off of Lizzie. She intertwined their fingers as they walked outside and shoved their joined hands in her pocket. They had both forgotten gloves, and within minutes Ciel’s fingers were numb even when buried in the fleece lining of his pocket.

            “Jesus fuck, it’s cold,” he muttered, and Lizzie laughed. Snow was sticking to her hair and eyelashes, and Ciel would have thought she looked angelic if he wasn’t so jealous of the fact that she didn’t seem cold at all.

            “So, uh,” Ciel said after a few moments of trudging through the snow. “The guy I hooked up with in the city is Funtom’s financial advisor.”

            Lizzie looked at him with comically wide eyes. “Well, shit.”

            “Yeah.”

            And Ciel loved that that was all that needed to be said. Lizzie didn’t press for details or clarification, and Ciel didn’t need anything more than her blunt response and light reassuring squeeze from her hand. They trudged the rest of the way home in silence, broken only by Lizzie laughing at Ciel’s chattering teeth.

 

            Ciel had prayed – literally folded his hands and prayed to get sick enough to not go to the gala. He couldn’t quite bring himself to shed all of his layers, but he did take longer routes home and stay up too late re-editing papers that were already ready for submission. Friday night saw him lying in bed not with relief that the semester was over, but with disappointment that despite his efforts he didn’t even have a sniffle.

            He grumbled through the day on Saturday, leaving half-full cups of tea around the house as he paced from one room to the next. He would open a book, scan a few lines, then decide he was never actually interested in reading and toss it on the nearest surface.

            When Lizzie arrived – Madam Red clearly glad to have someone else in the house – Ciel was still in sweats and was making yet another cup of tea.

            “Wow,” Lizzie said with a smirk. She leaned against the counter while Ciel glared at her and angrily dunked his tea bag. “You look great.”

            “Shut up,” Ciel growled, rubbing at his shoulder. Lizzie wore her old prom dress, a deep blue cap-sleeved gown that faded into a gold glitter fabric by her feet. Her curls were lose and cascaded over his shoulders, and a light dusting of makeup accentuated her soft features. Ciel took a large gulp of his tea, burning the roof of his mouth and refusing to wince.

            “I saw that,” Lizzie said dryly with an eye roll. She took the cup out of Ciel’s hands and pointed upstairs. “Go get dressed and brush your hair.”

            Ciel groaned. “I think I’m sick.”

            “You’re not.” Lizzie’s eyes softened and she squeezed his shoulder. “It’ll be fine.”

            Ciel nodded half-heartedly and trudged upstairs, putting as little effort as humanly possible into getting dressed and running a brush through his hair. He chanced a glimpse of himself in the mirror and almost laughed. He looked like a doll – cold, detached, and glassy eyed in a navy crushed velvet suit. He looked intimidating – such a contrast to his haywire nerves. He straightened his tie and made his way back downstairs, pausing for a photo with Lizzie that Madam Red just had to have.

            “It’s basically our prom photo,” Ciel grumbled.

            “Yes,” Madam Red said, snapping yet another picture. “But this is your first major business event. It’s a big deal.”

            “Yeah,” Lizzie teased. “It’s a big deal.”

            Ciel rolled his eyes. “Come on, we really need to go.”

            He helped Lizzie get into her coat before bundling into his own grey parka – no point trying to get sick when he was going to the gala anyway – and he guided her outside with a small wave over his shoulder to Madam Red.

            “Why don’t we just go out to dinner,” Ciel suggested as he started up the car. “Someplace really fancy. My treat.”

            Lizzie reached over and squeezed his hand. “It’s gonna be fine. You’re with me. No one will be paying attention to your sexual tension with the financial advisor.

            Ciel knew that she was right, but it didn’t dissipate the jittery anxiousness that had settled in his chest. He drove in silence, Lizzie reading over his speeches and making quiet comments on his word choices. By the time they pulled into the parking garage for the hotel the gala was being hosted in he was a fidgeting mess. He put the car into park and leaned his head against the steering wheel, breathing shallowly through his nose.

            “Hey,” Lizzie said gently. “You’ll be fine. It’s not like you’ve never met these people.”

            “But I haven’t,” Ciel grumbled into the steering wheel. “I’ve Skyped into meetings. No video. Never face to face. So I could do other things – roll my eyes, flick off the screen, not be interested, you know?”

            There was a pause before Lizzie spoke up again. “Want me to give you a hand job?”

            Ciel’s head snapped up. “What?”

            “Do you want me to give you a hand job,” Lizzie repeated.

            Ciel ran his hands through his hair and left them on top of his head. “No, I got that. Just –why?”

            Lizzie shrugged. “Sex helps you calm down.”

            “That doesn’t mean -” Ciel’s hands slid down to cover his face. “Jesus, Liz. No. I don’t want you to give me a hand job.”

            “Okay.” And though he couldn’t see her, he knew that Lizzie had just shrugged it off as if he had said ‘no, I don’t want pasta for dinner’ instead of rejecting a sexual favor.

            “You ready to go, then?”

            Ciel begrudgingly followed Lizzie out of the car and into the elevator, nearly jumping out of his skin when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

            **[Cat]:** Don’t be nervous. You’ll do fine.

            Ciel groaned. “Not helpful Lizzie.”

            Lizzie shrugged but avoided Ciel’s gaze. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

            **[Mouse]:** I’m not nervous.

            **[Cat]:** You don’t have to lie. Just breathe.

            Ciel bit his lip and took a long breath through his nose.

            **[Mouse]:** Yeah. Thanks.

            Sebastian’s last message came through as the elevator doors opened onto an opulent floor crowded with opulent people.

            **[Cat]:** Any time.

            Ciel managed to give his opening speech without tripping over his words, and by staying next to Lizzie people didn’t catch on that she did most of the talking. Ciel smiled and shook hands and thanked buyers and partners for their continued business. The night dragged on, and aside from Ciel feeling completely drained – the smile on his face getting harder to maintain, it was relatively painless. Relatively.

            “Did you think you could avoid me all night?”

            Ciel’s grip tightened on his champagne glass as he turned to face William – bored smile still in place.

            “Funnily enough, I did.”

            William looked handsome in his pressed grey suit and slicked back hair. His hands were tucked into his pockets and he had a bemused smile that made Ciel uneasy.

            “I thought your name was familiar.”

            Ciel took a too big gulp of his champagne, the bubbles burning down his throat. “Yeah. No idea how you didn’t figure out you were fucking your boss.”

            William chuckled. “Same way you didn’t figure out you were fucking the guy that manages your stocks.”           

            Ciel shrugged. “I’m not required to know everyone that works for us.”

            “Touché.”

            Ciel flicked his eyes over to William who was now leaning against the wall, eyes on the crowd and hands still in his pockets.

            “Thanks for outing me to my business partner by the way,” Ciel said dryly.

            William laughed softly. “I’m sorry. I thought he knew.”

            “You didn’t. You wanted him to know.”

            William didn’t meet Ciel’s gaze, but his bemused smile faded.

            “Come on,” Ciel continued. “I own a business. I’m not stupid.”

            William’s eyes flicked over to Ciel. “You inherited a business. That doesn’t require anything but luck.”

            Ciel felt a lick of anger in the pit of his stomach. “Petulance isn’t a good look on you, Mr. Spears,” he said slowly. “Tread carefully.”

            William’s cheeks colored slightly and he sighed. “Look, I know you’re young –“

            “I’m not a child.”

            William turned, looking at Ciel fully for the first time since their conversation began. “Are you aware of what your image means to this company?”

            Ciel blinked. “Excuse me?”

            “Your image,” William repeated. “Where you go to school, who you date, how you treat people – you are aware that people pay attention to those things. That it impacts the image of your business.”

            “Yes, I am aware,” Ciel said coldly.

            “Then you’re also aware of the danger of having your explicit sexual history available to the public. Especially of a homosexual nature.”

            Ciel shrugged to keep his expression bored, to keep his hands from balling into fists. “I don’t think you’re in a position to lecture me on my ‘homosexual nature.’”

            “I am not the one who owns a business that has already been at the center of a sexual scandal.”

            Ciel’s sudden burst of anger was icy; a coolness that enveloped his heated skin and made his words clipped and sharp.

            “That ‘sexual scandal’ involved my being tortured and molested, so I’ll politely ask you to back the fuck off.”

            William had the decency to look sheepish. He sighed, his rigid posture loosening so that he leaned more comfortably against the wall.

            “I just wanted to make you aware of the potential consequences from being too careless.”

            Ciel chuckled, a cold detached laugh that didn’t match his amused expression. “It’s not your place to decide how to teach me a lesson, Mr. Spears. Remember, I am the one who writes your checks.”

            William’s cheeks colored and Ciel drained the rest of his champagne. “Excuse me.”

            Ciel easily picked out Tanaka from the crowd of people. His grey hair was slicked back and he held a steaming mug of green tea in both hands – how he managed to get it when there was only champagne, wine and a pitcher of water Ciel didn’t know, but Tanaka had never been without his green tea for as long as Ciel had known him.

            Ciel dropped his empty glass off on a tray and sidled next to Tanaka so that he could whisper in the man’s ear.

            “I want him fired,” Ciel growled.

            Tanaka followed Ciel’s gaze and sighed. “Ciel, you said that it was fine.”  

            “Yeah. That was before I discovered he’s an asshole.”

            Tanaka sighed again and fixed Ciel with his watery brown gaze. Ciel’s stomach dropped when Tanaka smiled at him – the type of smile reserved for petulant children when one tries to appease them.

            “Ciel, he’s been with the company a long time –“

            “I don’t care.”

            “And he’s the best financier out there. So the answer is no.”           

            “I wasn’t asking.”      

            Tanaka placed his hand on Ciel’s shoulder and Ciel resisted the urge to pull away.

            “No. But you are thinking irrationally. Therefore I veto your decision.”

            Ciel locked his gaze with Tanaka’s unwavering stare. Ciel knew that Tanaka loved him, knew that he was probably right, knew that the man was looking out for his best interests, but the intense feelings of anger and _disappointment_ roiled in his gut.

            “Well, as one who can veto executive decisions, surely you can be the one to give the closing speech.”

            Tanaka pursed his lips, clearly debating whether to tell Ciel off and order him to finish out the gala or to just let him go. He removed his hand from Ciel’s shoulder and went back to cupping his tea, his gaze still unwavering.

            “I can,” Tanaka said slowly. “If- “

            “If?”

            “If you apologize for speaking to me as if I was beneath you.”

            Ciel felt his cheeks burn with guilt and he dropped his gaze to his shoes. When he looked back up, Tanaka was looking at him expectantly. Not angry, just – patient.

            “I’m sorry,” Ciel said, voice completely exhausted and genuine. “That was uncalled for.”

            Tanaka nodded with a small smile. “Yes it was,” he said softly. “Remember Ciel, business is just a giant game of chess. You’re going to make a great leader as long as you don’t get caught up in the pawns.”

            Ciel nodded, half smile pulling at his lips at the sentiment his dad had used to describe the company. He allowed himself to be pulled into a hug before Tanaka clapped him on the back and gave him a small push.

            “Alright, go.”

            Ciel whispered a quick ‘thanks’ before he scanned the outskirts of the crowd for Lizzie. When he spotted her animatedly talking to an older couple that looked too important for their own good, he subtly waved her over. He saw her brows knit in confusion, but he turned and crossed to the coat check so that she would pick up that it was time to leave. He pulled out his phone while he waited and typed a message to Sebastian.

            **[Mouse]:** You still free tonight?

            **[Cat]:** Just me and 150 term papers.

            **[Mouse]:** Does the invitation still stand to come over?

            **[Cat]:** Of course

            **[Cat]:** Is everything alright?

            Ciel bit his lip. He typed out ‘no’ and then deleted it, typing a different message as Lizzie finally made her way over to him.

            **[Mouse]:** Yeah. Everything’s great. Just horny.

            “What’s up,” Lizzie asked as she slipped her coat on. “I thought you had to stay for the closing speech.”

            “Tanaka’s got it,” Ciel said simply, ushering Lizzie into the elevator. “Hey, are you cool to say I’m over your house tonight?”

            Lizzie gave him a concerned look that made Ciel’s stomach flip. “What happened?”

            Ciel hated how easily Lizzie could read him sometimes. “Nothing happened. Just want to know if you can cover for me.”

            “Of course I can. But I still want to know what’s wrong.”

            “Nothing’s wrong.” Ciel looked over at Lizzie and forced a smile. “I’m fine.”

            Lizzie rolled her eyes, snatching the keys from Ciel as she walked out of the elevator. “I hate it when you lie to my face.”

            Ciel followed behind her, hands deep in his pockets.

            “I’m sorry,” he said once they were finally on the highway, but he didn’t elaborate and Lizzie didn’t press. She sighed and grabbed his hand, returning the squeeze when he applied light pressure to her fingers.

            “It’s okay.”

 

            Ciel allowed Lizzie to drop him off at Sebastian’s. “It’ll look weird if you drop me off and then come back,” she reasoned. “Besides, my mom will see your car and just assume you’re in my room somewhere. Just call me when I need to pick you up.”

            Ciel agreed, giving Lizzie a quick peck on the cheek before running up Sebastian’s driveway – the suit doing nothing to protect from the icy wind that had picked up, and knocked on Sebastian’s door.

            Sebastian answered in a v-neck and his standard long black lounge pants, hair mussed and glasses framing his dark eyes. He ushered Ciel in with a raised eyebrow, and Ciel immediately shed his jacket, feeling embarrassingly overdressed.

            “Nice suit,” Sebastian said as he grabbed the tossed jacket and moved to hang it up.

            “Un-insulated suit.” Ciel rubbed his hands over his arms, trying to work heat back into his body. “I think I’ve only worn it twice and it’s always in winter.”

            Ciel crossed over to Sebastian as he spoke, pressing his mouth against the man’s collar bone as soon as he turned away from the closet. Large hands rested on Ciel’s hips and he hummed.

            “I miss you wearing a tie,” Ciel whispered against Sebastian’s exposed skin. “Makes it easier to pull you down to kiss.”

            Ciel felt Sebastian chuckle, a low rumble that reverberated against his cheek.

            “I guess you’ll just have to ask nicely, then.”

            Ciel rolled his eyes, but he looked up at Sebastian through his lashes as he ran his tongue over the man’s clavicle.

            “Please?” he whispered, and groaned as long fingers gripped his jaw and slotted his mouth against Sebastian’s. Ciel tangled his fingers in Sebastian’s hair, gripping hard as his tongue slid messily into the man’s mouth. It was rough; too much teeth and tongue, and Ciel distantly realized that he may have bitten Sebastian’s lip too hard as their kisses turned coppery.

            Sebastian pulled away first, his lips swollen and smeared with blood. Ciel licked his own lips, resisting the urge to swipe the red stain off of Sebastian’s mouth.

            “What happened?” Sebastian asked, running his thumb along Ciel’s cheekbone.

            Ciel’s mind was hazy and it took him a moment to comprehend what Sebastian was saying. “Nothing happened. Can’t we just fuck?”

            There was a pause where Ciel thought Sebastian was going to say no before the man grinned softly. “Sure.”

            Ciel attacked Sebastian’s mouth again, tongue thrusting inside without pretense and only pausing when Ciel lifted Sebastian’s shirt and tossed it to the ground. Sebastian met Ciel’s intensity with gentleness, a slow glide and lax mouth that offset the brutal pace Ciel was setting. Ciel whined when Sebastian moved his hands away from undoing the buttons on his shirt. He looked away as Sebastian stepped back and surveyed him, shirt untucked and halfway buttoned, hair a mess, eyes wet, fingers gripping too hard at the hands that held them captive – Ciel knew he looked wrecked and he flushed.

            Ciel nearly jumped when he felt warm lips against his neck. Sebastian wrapped his arms around Ciel’s waist with Ciel’s hands still in his own so that Ciel’s arms were bound behind his back. Ciel let his head fall to the side as Sebastian kissed down his neck, punctuating the slow trail of kisses with gentle bites and one deep suck to Ciel’s pulse point.

            “No marks,” he panted even while his body pressed closer. “I don’t have anything to cover it.”

            Sebastian always seemed to drag this part out of Ciel – his contradictory side that said slow but ground faster, that thought ‘I shouldn’t’ but pressed closer and nuzzled into Sebastian’s ear, breathing in the man’s scent and nipping at his earlobe.

            Sebastian removed his arms from around Ciel’s waist to finish the haphazard unbuttoning job, and even though nothing was technically holding them in place Ciel kept his arms behind his back. He sighed as Sebastian’s fingers traced down the expanse of his chest – not even caring that his scarred torso was exposed. He didn’t understand how Sebastian seemed to make him forget his self-consciousness, made him greedy, made him crave more.

            Warm fingers danced below Ciel’s navel as open mouth kisses were pressed beneath his jaw, and Ciel felt his stomach coil with anticipation.

            Ciel moaned as he felt the button of his slacks undone, and he turned his head so that he could capture Sebastian’s mouth with his own, shoving his tongue in with no finesse as Sebastian’s hand slid into his pants. Ciel whined as Sebastian began to palm him through his boxers, biting the man’s lip hard when he chuckled. Sebastian hissed and pulled away, hand still working Ciel.

            “Someone is eager,” Sebastian said, his voice already lower.

            Ciel wasn’t in the mindset to be embarrassed. He huffed and rolled his eyes. “Yeah. _Someone_ left me hanging for two wee- ah!”

            Ciel’s words were cut off by a startled moan as Sebastian gripped him and began slowly pumping his length – the fabric of his boxers creating an irritating friction that made Ciel’s hair stand on end, made his mind blank save for filthy expletives.

            “I did, didn’t I,” Sebastian mused, and Ciel would have hated the smug tone if Sebastian’s voice didn’t send a jolt of pleasure straight to his dick.

            “Yeah,” Ciel gasped out, bucking into Sebastian’s hand.

            “How rude of me.” Sebastian licked the sensitive spot behind Ciel’s ear and hummed. “Do you want me to tie you up?”

            Ciel blushed as he realized his hands were still clutched behind his back. He shook his head.

            “Want you to hold me down.”

            Ciel felt Sebastian’s breath hitch against his skin and it made him smirk knowing that he could pull these reactions out of the older man.

            “I think that can be arranged.”

            And lips were on his lips and hands were on his hips and Ciel was being pushed back until his knees hit the edge of the couch and he fell backwards unceremoniously. Sebastian chuckled above him and Ciel put on his best glare.

            “Not funny.”

            “Agree to disagree.” Sebastian smirked as he pushed Ciel back into the couch with one hand and pulled off his trousers with the other. Ciel obligingly lifted his hips and helped to kick the pants off, whining with calloused fingers ran teasingly up his legs but still far from his leaking dick.

            “You’re soaking through your shorts,” Sebastian whispered against his ear, and Ciel groaned as the man’s hand brushed lightly over his clothed erection before trailing back down his thigh.

            Ciel’s face burned with embarrassment, but that didn’t stop him from turning his face into Sebastian’s neck to whisper against his skin.

            “I guess you should lick me up then, Professor.”

            Sebastian pulled back and regarded Ciel with a raised eyebrow, Ciel keeping eye contact even while his blush deepened.

            “Should I,” Sebastian asked, his gravelly voice causing Ciel to unconsciously buck his hips.

            “Yeah,” Ciel panted out. “You should.”

            “Hmm.” Sebastian kept his hand firmly against Ciel’s chest as he trailed his mouth down, slowly pressing wet kisses and light bites to Ciel’s chest and abdomen. Ciel clutched at the cushions beneath him, trying desperately to resist the urge to tangle his fingers in Sebastian’s hair and push the man’s head down to where he wanted it.

            Sebastian’s breath ghosted over the elastic band of Ciel’s boxers, and Ciel whined loudly. He tried to thrust his hips up, but with one hand firmly on his hip and the other on his chest Sebastian had him successfully pinned down – which turned Ciel on way more than he would have liked to admit.

            Ciel keened- a broken sound that ripped from his throat as Sebastian began to mouth around his cock. Ciel arched his neck against the edge of the couch and stared at a spot on the ceiling, trying not to focus on the unbearable friction caused by Sebastian sucking him off through his boxers.

            “Hey,” and Ciel felt the vibrations straight through his groin, straight into the bones of his pelvis. “If I’m going to ‘lick you up’ your eyes need to be on me.”

            Ciel released a tight breath and forced his gaze down until he locked eyes with Sebastian, not caring if the man was mocking him. Sebastian’s eyes were dark – nearly black in his arousal, and his predatory smirk made Ciel bite his lip.

            “Much better,” he cooed before pulling Ciel’s boxers down just low enough for Ciel’s dick to spring free and smack against his stomach.

            Sebastian’s tongue flicked lightly against the head of Ciel’s cock before trailing down, tracing the vein to Ciel’s balls and giving a gentle nip before trailing back up. Ciel’s breaths came in labored pants, unable to make a sound as Sebastian traced Ciel with his tongue again.

            Watching Sebastian go down on him may have been the single most erotic thing that Ciel had ever witnessed, and the pressure from Sebastian’s hands still holding him down combined with the restriction caused from Ciel’s boxers around his thighs made Ciel giddy with arousal.

            Sebastian locked eyes with Ciel as he suckled around the head of his cock, tongue swirling in a way that was positively sinful and eyebrow raised like the action took no effort at all.

            “You okay,” Sebastian asked, hand lightly stroking Ciel as he spoke. “You’re awfully quiet.”

            Ciel nodded emphatically, his voice still caught somewhere in his chest. Sebastian regarded him for a few moments, eyebrow still raised, before he leaned back down and slowly swallowed Ciel until he was completely engulfed in wet heat. Ciel’s back arched, a strangled ‘oh’ the only sound aside from his ragged breathing.

            Sebastian’s mouth popped off of him with a lewd squelch and Ciel whined loudly.

            “Eyes on me,” Sebastian said, and Ciel shivered as warm breath ghosted over his wet dick. He forced his eyes back on Sebastian, a broken moan escaping through his bitten lips as Sebastian smirked and sank back down on him again.

            Ciel clutched at the cushions beneath his hands, the heat in the pit of his stomach spreading throughout his body embarrassingly quickly. Sebastian’s eyes stayed open and Ciel choked on his spit when he looked up from the sight of his dick disappearing into Sebastian’s mouth to Sebastian’s blown eyes boring into him.

            “F-fuck, Sebastian.”

            Ciel’s arms were falling asleep from being pinned beneath him, and his neck was starting to ache from its position on the edge of the couch, but all of the sensations seemed only to fuel the intensity of his approaching orgasm.

            “Sebastian – I’m gonna come if you don’t stop.”

            Sebastian slid all the way down Ciel’s cock and swallowed, humming at the strangled gasp elicited from him.

            “Fuck Seb – Fuck, fucking fuck me please.”

            Sebastian’s eyes locked with his and Ciel felt his face flush. He squeezed his eyes shut as Sebastian slowly slid his mouth off of him. He felt warm breath ghost up his abdomen and chest before lips pressed gently against his neck.

            “We should move to the bedroom,” Sebastian whispered, and Ciel whined, turning so that his nose rubbed against Sebastian’s.

            “No. Don’t stop.”      

            Sebastian chuckled and Ciel ground his hips up in retaliation, smirking at the gasp it earned him. 

            “Well that’s where the lube is.”

            Ciel whined again, trying to grind the response he wanted out of Sebastian, but the man anticipated him and lifted out of the way.

            “You can just use spit,” Ciel said as his hips fell back against the cushions.

            Sebastian laughed. “You’ve bottomed what, once? I’m not using spit as a lubricant.”

            Ciel arched his back, his hands digging into his spine. “Please,” he whimpered with his best pout.

            Sebastian bit his protruding lower lip and Ciel couldn’t help his small moan. “No. We either grab the lube or I’m sucking you off.”

            Ciel groaned as Sebastian sucked lightly on his bottom lip, his mind short circuiting on his two options because neither of them were what he currently wanted.

            “Or,” Sebastian continued, and Ciel could swear the deep gravel of his voice dropped an octave lower. “I could eat you out.”

            Ciel felt his whole body flush. “No, that’s gross.”

            Sebastian nipped at the skin around Ciel’s Adam’s apple as he chuckled. “I didn’t hear you complaining the last time I did it.”

            “That’s because you didn’t ask me first, you just did it.”

            Sebastian raised his eyebrow and Ciel resisted burying his face into the cushions to hide his flaming cheeks from Sebastian’s knowing smirk.

            “Alright,” Sebastian murmured, trailing his lips down Ciel’s throat. “No eating you out.”

            “I don’t mean, like, never.” The words slipped out of his mouth before his brain processed what they were, and he flushed a deeper shade of red. “Just, not right now.”

            Sebastian didn’t say anything – even managed to keep his smirking to a minimum as he kissed his way back up to Ciel’s ear. He flicked his tongue behind Ciel’s earlobe and Ciel bit his lip to keep from making noise.

            “So what do you want right now?”

            Ciel wanted to grumble that he had already said what he wanted, but his brain to mouth filter continued to malfunction as need babble poured out of his mouth.

            “I want you. Wanna feel you. Want you inside me.”

            Sebastian groaned and bit down on Ciel’s neck, and Ciel’s words got caught in his throat. Long fingers cupped his face and Ciel felt the rough pad of Sebastian’s thumb trace the bottom of his lip while the man still worked his neck. Ciel flicked his tongue out, his breath hitching when the finger paused and then gently pushed into his mouth. Ciel could taste salt and ink and he hollowed his cheeks to suck the digit in further, whining when Sebastian resisted and pulled his hand away.

            Ciel squirmed as Sebastian sat up, idly tracing patterns on Ciel’s chest. Sebastian looked at him with dark heavy-lidded eyes and Ciel felt the beginnings of a blush on his face.

            “What,” he asked, his voice coming out hoarse and breathless.

            Sebastian’s mouth stretched into a lazy grin. “You’re so beautiful.”

            Ciel groaned and rolled his eyes. “Shut up. I’m not a teenage girl.”

            Sebastian chuckled, his fingers trailing down to Ciel’s hips. “Fine. You turn me on. Better?”

            Ciel thrust his hips up so that he ground against Sebastian’s ass. “Much. But I kind of figure that out.”

            Sebastian chuckled again, this one a low growl from somewhere in the back of his throat that made Ciel’s skin break out in goosebumps. Sebastian repositioned himself between Ciel’s legs, his mouth quickly sinking back down onto Ciel’s cock as two fingers pressed into his open mouth. Ciel groaned around the digits and bucked his hips, but Sebastian held him firm with his other hand.

            Ciel greedily sucked on the man’s fingers, matching his movements to what he felt Sebastian doing to him. Ciel swirled his tongue around the digits, not caring about the line of drool running out of his mouth and down his chin as Sebastian sunk all the way down on his cock. Ciel moaned, the muffled sound making his dick pulse just as much as it hitting the back of Sebastian’s throat.

            Sebastian swallowed around Ciel, the increase in pressure almost tipping him over the edge. Ciel bit down slightly on Sebastian’s fingers before sucking them deeper into his mouth, hoping the man would get the hint of what he was trying to ask for.

            Sebastian raised his eyebrows before slowly sliding his mouth up until he was just swirling his tongue around the head of Ciel’s cock, dipping into the slit until Ciel was shaking with uncontrollable tremors. Noises that sounded suspiciously like pleas poured out of his mouth and he vaguely realized that his cheeks were wet.

            “Basian,” Ciel groaned, his words coming out garbled and hoarse – and he would have been embarrassed at how much his gagged voice turned him on if he had any presence of mind to feel shame. “Pease.”

            Sebastian popped his mouth off of Ciel in favor of lazily stroking him. A whine formed in the back of Ciel’s throat, but was choked off at the sight of Sebastian’s teasing smirk and the hard glint in the man’s eyes.

            “Say that again,” Sebastian commanded, and even though it was phrased as a question the rough edge to Sebastian’s voice made it clear that it wasn’t.

            “Pwease,” Ciel tried again.

            “Please what?” Sebastian’s fingers were pressing hard against his tongue – his lip caught in between fingers and teeth almost to the point of being painful.

            “Pease uck ee uf.”

            Sebastian nuzzled into the crook between Ciel’s thigh and hip. “Sorry, I didn’t catch that,” he murmured.

            Ciel could feel tears steadily flowing down his cheeks. Sebastian’s breath was teasing against his skin and Ciel felt humiliated – which was scarily turning him on. He saw Sebastian’s gaze soften and Ciel shook his head as best as he could to signal that he was okay.

            “Pease. Oor ouf. Unna cuh.”

            “You want to come,” Sebastian whispered, still watching Ciel closely.

            Ciel nodded and did his best to swallow around the fingers in his mouth. “Us. Pwease Basian. Pwease oor ouf.”

            “Well since you asked so nicely.”

            But instead of taking Ciel back into his mouth he flicked his tongue out and lapped at the pre-cum beading at the tip of Ciel’s cock. He alternated between long strokes and kittenish licks, never going more than halfway down and never fully enveloping Ciel in his mouth.

            Ciel’s hips bucked uncontrollably and his thighs trembled to the point where he felt boneless. He sucked hard on the fingers in his mouth, choking on his buildup of spit and strangled sobs. He was vaguely aware of sounds coming out of his mouth – a constant babble of slurred pleas that would have made Ciel blush if he wasn’t so desperate for the teasing to stop. Sebastian wrapped his lips loosely around the head of Ciel’s cock and Ciel whined loudly.

            “Pease Basian. Cand. Uh cand pease.”

            Sebastian kept up his slow tease while Ciel writhed before suddenly sinking down hard and fast, setting up a furious pace that made Ciel sob. He helplessly went lax, unable to do anything but pant around the fingers in his mouth, drool pooling unattractively under his neck. His orgasm hit him hot and quick – a flare of heat that surged through his entire being before he released with a cry. Sebastian slowed as he worked Ciel through it, recognizing when Ciel quickly passed into oversensitivity and pulling off before it became painful.

            The fingers slid out of his mouth and Ciel lazily worked his jaw as Sebastian gently pulled his arms out from under his back – the return of blood causing a painful tingle that made him wince. Wet lips pressed against his own and Ciel hummed against the chaste kiss.

            “Not what I meant when I said I wanted you inside me,” he croaked.

            Sebastian laughed and sat up, his thumbs softly wiping away tears and spit from Ciel’s cheeks.

            “I know. I’m going to grab a washcloth, okay?”

            Ciel wrapped his legs around Sebastian’s waist, keeping the man in place.

            “What about you?”

            Sebastian stroked Ciel’s cheekbone and Ciel most definitely did not lean into the touch like a cat. “I’m fine.”

            Ciel’s legs squeezed tighter, trembling from the effort.

            “You could fuck my mouth,” he said quietly, eyes focused on Sebastian’s collar bone.

            Ciel heard a sigh. “Ciel –“

            He squeezed tighter and locked his gaze with Sebastian. “I want you to. Fuck my mouth.”

            Sebastian’s thumb continued to stroke Ciel’s cheek, hesitation still clear in his expression. “I’m fine, really.”

            “Sebastian,” Ciel’s voice came out surprisingly firm and clear aside from the slight rasp that had settled over his vocal chords. “Ruin me. Please.”

            Ciel could see the moment Sebastian caved – his eyes grew impossibly darker and a sharp expression of arousal overtook his soft features. Ciel’s stomach fluttered at the sound of the man’s pants being pulled down, and the awkward way Sebastian had to move up the couch hardly phased Ciel when his dick was in his face, red and leaking and so, so perfect.

            He let Sebastian trace his mouth, smearing pre-cum over his lips before Ciel parted them enough to poke his tongue out. Sebastian groaned as Ciel lapped at the tip, letting Ciel have control for only a few moments before he was pushing into Ciel’s mouth. Ciel kept his mouth lax and focused on stroking Sebastian with his tongue every time Sebastian slid his hips forward. He started slow, only pushing in part way before pulling out completely, a wet pop echoing throughout the room that made arousal pool in Ciel’s gut.

            He was getting so used to the relaxed pace that he gagged when Sebastian’s hips suddenly snapped forward. Sebastian pulled back slightly for Ciel to adjust, and then snapped forward again. Ciel tried to keep his throat relaxed and his jaw loose as Sebastian fucked into his mouth, but he couldn’t help but gag when Sebastian hit the back of his throat. Ciel’s lips felt bruised and his eyes were sticky with tears, snot ran from his nose and spit now covered almost all of his face and neck. It was wet and messy and Ciel loved it. He loved the feral look on Sebastian’s face, the red flush that bloomed across his chest. He loved the burn as Sebastian hit his throat over and over, loved when he choked on the well of spit building up in his mouth.

            “Going to come on your face,’ Sebastian grit out, and Ciel moaned involuntarily. Sebastian quickly pulled out and pumped himself hard, Ciel open mouthed and panting. Fingers gripped his hair and pulled his head back, and Ciel groaned as hot wet painted his face and neck.

            It was silent for a few moments save for their labored breathing. The grip in Ciel’s hair loosened, the hand slowly tracing down the back of Ciel’s neck.

            “Fuck,” Sebastian whispered, and Ciel smirked, his tongue darting out to lick the cum that had landed around his mouth.

            “Fuck,” Sebastian said again before leaning forward and catching Ciel’s mouth with his own. It was strangely sweet despite the cooling spunk on Ciel’s face and their two flavors mixing as tongues swirled lazily around each other.

            “Now I’m going to get a washcloth, okay?”

            Ciel smiled despite himself and nodded. He lay still even when Sebastian was off of him – the effort of even thinking to move already proving too much. He closed his eyes and let Sebastian coddle him. The warm washcloth was soft and soothing on his face and neck, and Ciel blearily watched with unfocused eyes as Sebastian re-buttoned his shirt. He crinkled his nose at the damp fabric, but managed to croak out a thank you anyway.

            “So,” Sebastian said as he settled on the other side of the sofa so that their legs were interlocked. “Want to tell me what happened?”

            Ciel rolled his eyes. It was a good tactic, waiting until Ciel’s brain was fuzzy post-coitus before asking the earlier avoided question. Ciel was almost impressed.

            “Just shit at my company.”

            Sebastian’s eyebrow quirked. “What kind of shit?”

            Ciel sighed. He wanted to press his hand into his eye but his arm still felt leaden so he opted for focusing on the ceiling instead.

            “I may or may not have slept with my company’s financial advisor. And he may or may not have slept with me for the sole purpose of outing me to my business partner. Who may or may not have vetoed my decision to fire the guy.”

            “That is shit,” Sebastian murmured.

            “Yeah. I got that, thanks.” Ciel attempted to adjust himself, managing only to lift slightly so that his head leaned against the back of the couch and he could look at Sebastian. “I’m just tired of people breathing down my neck about who I sleep with. Like my homosexuality is a danger to the company. Or is just a traumatic kink from incest –“  Ciel trailed off, his face pink. “Sorry. This is why I didn’t want to talk about it.”

            “Well they have a point,” Sebastian said, quickly plowing forward at the incredulous look that crossed Ciel’s face. “You’re young, but as the head of a company you can’t get away with what young people can normally do. That’s all I’m saying.”

            Ciel’s look of incredulity turned into a glare and Sebastian laughed.

            “Don’t glare at me. You know I’m right.”

            Ciel rolled his eyes but he didn’t pull away when Sebastian began to lightly massage his foot.

            “I just hate it,” Ciel whispered, slipping into a dangerous sense of drowsy security.

            “Then why do you do it?”

            Ciel shrugged, a jerky movement almost like he had forgotten how his limbs worked. “It’s expected.”

            “You’re a human being Ciel,” Sebastian said softly. “You’re not obligated to do anything. Not even take over the family business.”

            Ciel stayed silent and Sebastian’s hand moved so that he was gently rubbing Ciel’s ankle.

            “What’s curious to me is why a guy who’s going to run a toy company is getting a degree in publishing.”

            Ciel’s eyes snapped to Sebastian’s pensive face. “Stalking me, Professor?”

            Sebastian shrugged. “It’s common knowledge. I know all of my student’s majors. Well?”

            Ciel shrugged back. “A guy can dream, right?”

            “A guy can also act.”

            Ciel groaned. “Stop. It’s after school hours and you’re not my advisor.”

            “I’m not talking as an advisor. I’m talking as your friend.”

            Ciel paused at that. He had never stopped to consider what his relationship with Sebastian was. Were they friends? Ciel tried it out in his mind but couldn’t judge what he thought about it.

            “That’s sweet,” he said at last. But I don’t need you to.”

            “Maybe not,” Sebastian conceded, “but I want to.”

            Ciel threw a half-hearted glare but didn’t respond.  A small silence passed between them before Sebastian spoke again.

            “So what do you plan on doing with your life?”

            Ciel gave a dry chuckle. “Seriously? I’ll probably stay here, run a fucking toy company and die old and alone.”

            Sebastian looked odd, an expression that wasn’t quite pity and wasn’t quite sadness on his face and making Ciel uneasy. “That’s sad,” he said at last.

            Ciel felt his face flush and he pushed himself off of the couch, pulling up his boxers as he did so and eyeing the floor for his pants. “I need to go,” he mumbled.

            “What do you want,” Sebastian asked quietly, and Ciel hated how the man passed over his pants while asking. “Because it’s not noble to suffer for the sake of suffering.”

            Ciel snatched his pants from Sebastian’s hands. “What?” he snapped.

            “I’m just saying that you have a choice,” Sebastian said calmly, only egging Ciel’s anger on further as he aggressively pulled on his pants with shaky hands. “You don’t have to suffer because it’s expected.”

            “Well excuse me, but what I do with my life is none of your fucking business.” That odd expression passed over Sebastian’s face again and Ciel chose to look away in favor of grabbing his jacket out of the closet.

            “You’re right,” Sebastian said quietly, and Ciel shakily typed out a text to Lizzie while he tried to ignore the sudden softness in the man’s voice. “It’s not.”

            “Besides,” Ciel snapped as he turned back to face Sebastian. “You’re leaving in a fucking month anyway.”

            Sebastian looked confused and Ciel tried to swallow down his anger – anger at Sebastian for still being so calm and anger at himself for being so angry in the first place.

            “Is that what this is about,” Sebastian asked.

            “This isn’t about anything,” Ciel said. He shoved his feet into his shoes without untying them, and even though he knew the next words coming out his mouth were going to be ones he regretted he couldn’t stop them. “This is about you over stepping your fucking bounds.”

            Hurt flashed in Sebastian’s face, and Ciel felt simultaneously accomplished and ashamed. “What?”

            “You’re not my boyfriend. Fuck, you’re not even my Professor. So just stop.”

            “Ciel –“

            “Just. Stop. I don’t need this. I don’t need your friendship, and I don’t need your sympathy, and I don’t need you so back the fuck off.”

            Sebastian looked like he was going to say something back, but then his lips pressed into a tight line. His eyes were dull and his face was blank, and Ciel felt ugly and scared and pathetic. “Fine,” Sebastian said quietly.

            They stood regarding each other until the shame welling in the pit of Ciel’s stomach threatened to make him throw up all over Sebastian’s floor. “I need to go,” he mumbled opening the door to head outside.

            “Lizzie isn’t here yet,” Sebastian said, but Ciel ignored him and walked outside anyway, closing the door behind him. He felt foolish just standing on the porch in the cold so he began walking, clutching his jacket tightly around himself and pretending the sting in his eyes was from the wind. He looked back only once, shoving down the disappointment he felt because Sebastian hadn’t come after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as this sex scene was unfolding my boyfriend comes over and asks: "What's going on?"   
> Me: "It's really smutty."  
> BF: That's fine.  
> Me: My boys have some dom/sub undertones going on and -  
> BF: Wait, you weren't aware of that?  
> Me: No?   
> BF: Dude, it's totally obvious that they have the makings of a dom/sub relationship. How did you not see that?
> 
> That moment when your boyfriend knows your boys better than you do...Ah well.


	12. In Which There is Textual Intercourse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's winter break and Ciel has to deal with the fact that he fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry this took so long to post. I got caught up with another project (If you like Yoonseok you should check it out), and overall this was the hardest chapter to get out. It also is very text/phone call heavy, so sorry about that.
> 
> But anyway, I hope you enjoy it and thank you for sticking with me on this wild and crazy ride.
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated.
> 
> (P.S. I think there is going to be an epilogue to this.)

Ciel had woken up the next morning with a raging headache and the desperate urge to throw up. He groaned and nuzzled into the warm body next to him, smelling spun sugar and lilac instead of lemon grass and cinnamon. He cracked his eye open and blearily took in Lizzie’s green eyes staring back at him.

“How are you feeling,” she asked, not bothering to keep her voice down. Ciel winced and ran his tongue over dry lips.

            “Like shit,” he croaked. He briefly recalled his blow up with Sebastian the night before and indulging in too much hot chocolate spiked with peppermint schnapps, or peppermint schnapps spiked with hot chocolate judging by the way he felt.

            “Good,” she said, getting out of bed with as much movement and noise as she could possibly create.

            “Liz, what the fuck,” Ciel groaned, throwing his arm over his eye.

            “In case you didn’t notice, I’m mad at you.” Lizzie’s voice was in a decibel range that made Ciel’s head pound and he tried to will himself to sink into the bed – become one with the mattress.

            “You should text Sebastian. Let him know your dumbass didn’t die of hypothermia.”

            The events of the night before hit Ciel in a wave, and he breathed shallowly through his nose to keep the nausea at bay. He vaguely remembered walking down the darkened street, still expecting Sebastian to come after him even after five minutes had passed and he practically ran into Lizzie’s headlights.

            “Not unless he texted first,” Ciel whispered. He heard a sigh next to him before there was a solid weight on his gut. His arm moved away from his eye to reveal Lizzie sitting above him, hands on his shoulders pinning him down.

            “You are such an idiot,” she said, still too loud for comfort. “I love you. But you are _such_ a _fucking_ idiot.”

            Ciel felt his cheeks flush. “Aren’t you supposed to be on my side?”

            “Only when you’re not being an idiot,” she snapped back, and Ciel couldn’t help the sudden wetness in his eyes – the argument so reminiscent of ones he had had with his mother as a kid. Lizzie sighed and leaned forward so that their noses were touching. “Hey, I’m still here, aren’t I?”

            “Yeah,” Ciel whispered. “Thank you.”

            “You really should text him though. Let him know you’re okay.”

            Ciel gave a dry laugh that made his throat hurt and his head ache.

            “I don’t think that’s what he wants to hear.”

            Lizzie’s eyes flashed with something too soft, too sincere. “Ciel –“

            “Besides if I died in the snow everyone would know by now.”

            Lizzie gave a small chuckle before pressing a light kiss to his cheek and resting her head on his shoulder.

            “I don’t get you sometimes,” she murmured. “I just don’t.”

            Ciel couldn’t respond because, in all honesty, he didn’t get himself most of the time either.

 

            Winter break passed slowly and miserably – the temperature consistently sitting below freezing and the sky remaining bleak and grey. Ciel spent most all of his time in his room, turning down Lizzie when she wanted him to join her and Bard on random outings. He lay under the covers like he had done when he was a kid and he would read in bed – the secret flashlight replaced with the dull light of his phone.

            He would open Tinder, close it, check his texts, start typing a message to Sebastian, delete it, and then open Tinder again in a mindless circle that only fueled his depressive mood.

            Christmas came with a flurry of excitement from Madam Red and Lizzie, both of whom dragged Ciel out of his room to join in the tradition of decorating the tree while listening to the holiday radio station. Ciel knew that he had been driving them crazy with his moping, and the familiarity of tradition did lighten his mood somewhat, but he couldn’t bring himself to actually return the two women’s bright smiles.

            He almost didn’t notice the silence of his phone as presents were exchanged (a crisp new suit from Madam Red so that he wouldn’t have to wear his prom suit for business meetings, and a collection of exotic teas from Lizzie). He almost didn’t notice it as they ate dinner with Lizzie’s parents, or as they sipped on eggnog, or as they got ready for midnight mass.

            “I swear to God if you look at your phone one more time I’m going to flip,” Lizzie whispered into Ciel’s ear as he buttoned up his coat.

            “What?”

            Lizzie rolled her eyes and pushed him out of the door behind Madam Red and her parents. “You’ve been checking your phone literally every five minutes.”

            Ciel felt his cheeks flush. His phone felt heavy in his pocket, but he didn’t remember checking it at all since after they had exchanged gifts.

            “No I haven’t,” he whispered back.

            Lizzie stared at him hard. “Literally. Every. Five. Minutes.”

            Ciel flushed deeper and he rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

            Lizzie took his hand in hers and kissed his knuckles affectionately. “Just text him, ya dumbass.”

            Ciel resisted the urge to pull his hand back. Despite what Lizzie thought he had almost texted Sebastian on numerous occasions, but he had always blanked out on what to say. ‘Sorry I’m an asshole, I really shouldn’t care what you think because you’re leaving?’ ‘Can we please have sex with no feelings?’

            He shook his head. “No.”

            Lizzie sighed. “Hopeless,” she murmured, and Ciel pretended that it didn’t hurt.

            The church was cold despite the entirety of Upland being crammed inside of it, and Ciel fidgeted in the hard pew trying to keep his teeth chattering to a minimum. Lizzie wrapped his hands in hers and he sunk deeper into his scarf, letting his eyes and mind wander as the hymns began. Ciel hated mass on the best of days, but he especially hated it when it was done at midnight in the cold and was ninety percent singing.

            Ciel caught a glimpse of Bard – who was obviously looking at Lizzie because he wasted no time waving at Ciel when they locked eyes. Ciel nudged Lizzie with his shoulder.

            “Your boyfriend wants your attention,” he grumbled, more into his scarf than to Lizzie, and she looked at him with a raised eyebrow before following his gaze to the blond haired man sitting a few pews over. It was almost cute the way her cheeks flushed a pretty pink and Bard quickly pretended he was looking anywhere else.

            Lizzie nudged his arm and leaned in so that her lips brushed against his ear.

            “Your boyfriend is checking you out,” she whispered.

            “He’s not my boyfriend,” Ciel hissed, but he whipped his head around until his eye locked with Sebastian’s. Unlike Bard, Sebastian seemed to have no problem being caught shamelessly staring. Ciel was glad for his oversized scarf and its ability to hide his blush. Ciel raised an eyebrow and Sebastian mirrored the action – their relationship reverting back to the stubborn game of who was going to break first.

Ciel rolled his eye and faced back to the front, but he couldn’t resist sneaking looks at Sebastian; whenever the priest’s voice began to lull him to sleep, or whenever they had to go from kneeling to sitting to standing, Ciel would shoot a quick glance over his shoulder. Sebastian’s gaze was usually focused elsewhere, but on the occasions their eyes would meet Ciel’s cheeks would flush and a coil of arousal would tighten in his gut. He knew it was stupid and childish, but this watered down game of cat and mouse made Ciel feel grounded – gave him the familiarity in his and Sebastian’s relationship that he could cling to. The part that was a competition – a game, not the parts that had anger and jealousy and loneliness and embarrassment and shame.

Ciel tossed another look over his shoulder as they stood for some hymn, and instead caught the startled look of a woman holding a baby. He glanced around the church, catching maroon eyes and dark hair hovering by the doorway before Sebastian slipped through.

Ciel nudged Lizzie and leaned in to whisper in her ear.

“I’ll be right back.”

She nodded without looking at him, and Ciel got the impression that she knew why he was leaving. He slipped into the empty church foyer, taking a chance and entering the bathroom rather than checking outside.

Sebastian leaned against the sink with an expectant look and Ciel froze in the doorway. His mouth went dry and his mind was surprisingly blank, all of his planned speeches gone with just one look from Sebastian.

“Hey,” he managed to croak. Sebastian lifted an eyebrow but remained silent, and Ciel leaned his back against the door, fighting the flush he felt blooming across his chest.

“Okay, I guess I deserved that.”

Sebastian sighed and folded his arms across his chest. “Ciel –“

“I’m sorry.” Sebastian’s eyes snapped up and locked with Ciel’s. “I said – I know you were trying to be nice and I was a dick and I’m sorry.”

“I wasn’t trying to be nice,” Sebastian said softly. “I was trying to be a friend.”

“I know, it’s just – please don’t?” Ciel ran his hand through his hair and averted his gaze from Sebastian’s exasperated expression. “Look, you’re leaving soon. I’ve lived in this town my whole life. I know it; I know how it works, and you can’t come in and list options like it’s that easy. I just – I can’t – “

“Okay.”

Ciel raised his eyes from where they had been focused on the tiled floor. Sebastian’s expression had softened and a not-quite-smile pulled at his lips.

“Thanks.” And Ciel meant it; hoped Sebastian could hear it in his voice.

“Yeah.”

“Can’t we just fuck until you leave?”

Sebastian laughed at that, the dry sandpaper crackle making warmth bloom in Ciel’s chest.

“We’ll see.”

Ciel swallowed his rising disappointment and forced a half-smile.

“Fair.”

A silence passed over them, the muffled sound of the organ echoing through the rafters.

“You should go back,” Sebastian said quietly. “And stop checking me out. It’s pretty obvious.”

Ciel rolled his eye; the slight lilt in Sebastian’s voice made it clear that the man was half-joking. “Yeah, whatever. I’ll see you around Professor.”

Ciel slipped back into the sanctuary right as everyone was moving from standing to kneeling. He shrugged at Madam Red’s questioning look and kneeled down by Lizzie.

“So?” she asked under her breath.

“So what?”

Lizzie waited for the priest to resume speaking. “Did you talk?”

Ciel nodded.

“And?”

“I don’t know.”

Lizzie didn’t try to speak to him for the rest of the service, but she held his hand on the walk back to their houses, squeezing it reassuringly when they finally had to part ways.

Once settled in bed, Ciel tapped out an exhaustion induced text and sent it before he could second guess himself.

 **[Mouse]:** Merry Christmas.

 **[Cat]:** Thanks.

And then his phone was silent. Ciel pushed down his disappointment for the second time that night and tried to force himself to sleep. Just as his eyelid started to get heavy his phone vibrated.

 **[Cat]:** Merry Christmas.

 **[Cat]:** Go to bed.

 **[Cat]:** I’m an old man.

Ciel was glad no one was around to see his grin or flushed cheeks. He clutched the phone to his chest and allowed his eyes to close; slipping into the most restful sleep he had had since before he met Sebastian.

 

Despite their conversation, or perhaps because of it, Ciel’s phone remained silent in the following days. Ciel’s mood steadily soured as no new messages from Sebastian came in, and Lizzie once again got pissed at him for checking his phone ‘every five goddamn minutes.’

Ciel was so antsy that he didn’t even think to check his caller ID when his phone went off the day before New Year’s. He aimlessly grabbed it without looking up from the book he was reading and answered on the second ring.

“Hello?”

There was a pause on the other end before a voice that was definitely not Sebastian, or Lizzie, or Tanaka came through.

“Oh, um, hi. I didn’t expect you to pick up.”

Ciel resisted groaning, opting for running his hand over his face instead.

“Oh. Hey, Fin. How did you get my number?”

There was a nervous chuckle and Ciel was almost positive that Lizzie’s ears were ringing down the road from all the hostile energy he was sending her way.

“We exchanged numbers at the beginning of term. For the food bank. Remember? I’ve called you before –“

“You have?”

“Uh, yeah. You just never pick up. Which was why I wasn’t expecting you to – you know – pick up.”

“Oh,” Ciel said, only contributing to the awkwardness of the call. An uncomfortably long silence stretched between them before Ciel finally found his voice.

“So, what’s up?”

“Oh!” Finnian sounded startled, like he had forgotten he was even on the phone. “I uh – I was wondering if you have plans for tomorrow night.”

Ciel adjusted himself so that he was lying on his back and huddled beneath his comforter.

“Nah. Maybe Lizzie’ll come by. We don’t do much.”

“Oh.” Ciel tried not to think about how dejected Finnian sounded. “So you wouldn’t want to hang out or anything?”

“What?”

“Well, they do fireworks downtown and I figured – y’know, if you didn’t have plans…”

“Wait, Fin. Are you asking me out?”

Ciel pressed the heel of his hand into his dead eye while Finnian sputtered on the line.

“N-no, it doesn’t have to be like that. Lizzie and Bard could come too – I just-“

“Look, I, uh – I’ll think about it, okay?”

There was a hesitation before Finnian responded, and Ciel knew he was masking his disappointment with a smile, could hear it in his voice.

“Yeah, sure.”

The conversation fell apart after that, neither of them having much to say. Ciel finally pretended he had to have lunch with his aunt in order to hang up, and then he quickly dialed Lizzie.

“What’s u-“

“Liz, I’m pretty positive Fin just asked me out on a date.”

There was a silence over the line and Ciel could practically see Lizzie blinking as she tried to process what he had just assaulted her with.

“Wait, he what? Our Finny?”

“Yeah.”

“Why? You’re a dick.”

Ciel rolled his eye and scooted deeper under the covers.

“Thanks, Liz,” he said, not bothering to hide his pout.

“Oh come on, don’t be offended. It’s not like you’re nice to him.”

“I’m not nice to anyone.”

Lizzie sighed and he could hear the scrape of hangers as they slid on a metal bar – Lizzie was out shopping.

“I know. I’m just saying I didn’t peg Finny as the ‘bad boy’ or ‘douchebag’ type. No offense.”

“None taken,” Ciel grumbled.

“So, what’s the date?”

“Fireworks downtown tomorrow night.”

Lizzie hummed. “That’s what Bard and I are doing.”

“Mind if you guys have company?” The words felt thick on his tongue and left behind a bitter residue that made him feel nauseous.

“Are you seriously going to say yes?”

Ciel shrugged even though he knew Lizzie couldn’t see it.

“Got nothing better to do.”

“I thought you were gonna try to meet up with Sebastian.”

Ciel’s stomach clenched and he was glad Lizzie wasn’t there to see him, because he didn’t normally have physical reactions of pain whenever the man was brought up. He curled in on himself and rubbed at his stomach.

“He hasn’t said anything since I apologized. I’m done making the first move,” he said when he realized the silence had stretched a bit too long.

There was a small sigh, and Ciel distantly heard ‘five items’ before Lizzie’s voice came back full force.

“Alright, we can double date. But don’t get grossed out when I kiss Bard at midnight.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure to get between you two. I’ll be the physical representation of ‘leaving room for Jesus.’”

Lizzie laughed. “Be careful. Bard might still kiss you. Oh, on second thought, that’s hot. Go for it.”

They talked for a little while longer, Lizzie promising to send Ciel pictures of the outfits she tried on and Ciel promising to be on his best behavior when they went out. He hung up, and then stared at his phone for what felt like hours before he sent out a message.

 **[Mouse]:** I think I got asked out on a date for tomorrow night.

 **[Cat]:** Was that meant for Lizzie?

 **[Mouse]:** No.

 **[Cat]:** Well have fun.

Ciel groaned in frustration, resisting the urge to throw his phone across the room.

 **[Mouse]:** It’s more of a friend thing.

 **[Mouse]:** I thought maybe if you didn’t have plans we could hang out.

 **[Cat]:** I’m actually spending the evening with Claude. We need to sort out material for J-term.

 **[Cat]:** But thanks.

Ciel swiped angrily at his eyes before the stinging could result in actual tears. He didn’t know what he had been expecting exactly, but he hadn’t expected a text to hit him in a place so deep that his bones felt cold. He numbly typed out his next message, fingers moving more out of habit than with intention.

 **[Ciel]:** Liz and Bard are already doing the fireworks. So we can go.

 **[Fin]:** Really? Great! I’ll see you tomorrow night. :)

Ciel groaned, giving into the urge and chucking his phone to the floor. He pulled the covers over his head, and even though the sky was just beginning to purple into dusk he forced himself to go to sleep.

 

“Stop fidgeting, you’re freaking me out.”

Ciel scowled, but he shoved his hands into his pockets and stilled his restless limbs. They were on the outskirts of the crowd that had gathered to watch the fireworks, Lizzie and Bard being disgustingly cute and Ciel being cold and grumpy. He was once again bundled to the point where he looked like a shapeless grey blob, but the chill wind still cut through his layers.

He was also in a foul mood because they had been standing outside for thirty minutes and Finnian still hadn’t shown up. It was ten minutes to midnight and Ciel was beginning to wonder if he had been stood up. Not that he really minded – he wasn’t in the mood for an actual date – but if Finnian had chickened out he would have stayed home.

“Oh, Finny!” he heard Lizzie shout, and he turned just in time to see a mop of blond hair weaving through the crowd. Finnian wore a simple down jacket and his cheeks were pink from the cold. HE looked cute, small but proportional (unlike Ciel, who was small and lumpy). There were two red cups in Finnian’s hands, one of which was thrust at Ciel.

Ciel blinked at it for an awkward couple of seconds before he realized that he was supposed to take it. The cup was warm against his frozen fingers, and he tried toignore Lizze’s raised eyebrow and Finnian’s blush.

“It’s hot chocolate,” Finnian mumbled. “I thought you would be cold.”

An uncomfortable feeling ran through Ciel’s body – a feeling he could only define as weirdness. He wanted to throw the cup down and go home, but instead he forced a half smile.

“Yeah. Uh, thanks.”

“So Finny, how was Christmas?”

Ciel zoned out as they talked around him, feeling very much like he was in discipleship, except he was colder. He sipped on his hot chocolate – bittersweet, and he couldn’t help the small smile from the comforting taste.

“How is it?”

Ciel nearly jumped at Finnian’s voice whispering unexpectedly close to his ear.

“It’s good,” Ciel admitted, a light flush tinting the tips of his ears.

Finnian gave a small smile. “I figured you were more of a dark chocolate person.”

“You ‘figure’ a lot of things, don’t you?”

Finnian blushed and Ciel bit back a grin; it was kind of cute the way his pale skin turned pink just around his nose, making his freckles stand out even more.

“It’s not like – I don’t –“

“Don’t listen to him Finny,” Lizzie said soothingly, wrapping an arm around Finnian’s shoulders. “He’s just being an ass.”

Ciel rolled his eye but didn’t say anything back, once again letting Lizzie lead the conversation but actually paying attention. He listened to what each of them had planned for the rest of break, giving a non-committal shrug when asked about his plans. He listened to Lizzie bitch about having to take a J-term class and Finnian shrug that he didn’t mind because it was something to do. He listened to Finnian talk about his attempts to start a container garden in his dorm room, and even laughed at Bard’s latest attempt to burn down the dorms – this one involving popcorn.

“The whole building actually still reeks,” Finnian said, crinkling his nose. “It’s disgusting.”

Ciel chuckled. “You’re going to get yourself kicked out of the dorms, Bard.”

Bard looked genuinely worried until Lizzie reassured him that it was a joke. Ciel was about to say that he was, in fact, serious when he was cut off by a booming ‘ten!’ roaring over the crowd.

“It’s starting,” Lizzie squealed as the countdown continued.

Ciel rolled his eyes. When he was younger he and Lizzie used to do New Year’s together. They would curl up on the sofa with sparkling cider and party hats and watch the broadcast of the ball dropping in New York. Then they would make out at midnight and crash somewhere around two in the morning when the sugar from the cider wore off. By senior year in high school Lizzie went out with her group of girlfriends while Ciel crashed early, and he hadn’t stayed up to midnight since.

A resounding ‘one!’ echoed throughout the square, followed by the booming sounds of distant fireworks. Ciel felt a light brush of lips against his cheek and he turned in time to see Finnian looking away, a deep blush on his entire face. Lizzie and Bard were still lip-locked, and Ciel opted for giving them shit rather than embarrassing Finnian further.

“Guys, quit being gross, we’re right here.”

Lizzie pulled away with a laugh before lightly punching Ciel in the shoulder, but the next five minutes were kiss free as they watched the fireworks. In reality they were kind of lame – only ordinary orbs of individual color popping over a distant field. Ciel quietly wondered who’s farmland they used for it this year – knowing that it rotated each year so the risk of accidentally setting your snow-covered land on fire was equally shared.

Ciel lightly brushed Finnian’s arm as the show reached it’s finale, holding in a laugh when he jumped.

“Want me to walk you back?”

Finnian glanced over at Bard, clearly ready to protest and leave with him and Lizzie, but then his cheeks flushed and he nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

“Hey,” Ciel nudged Lizzie’s shoulder. “We’re gonna head back.”

Lizzie raised her eyebrows in question, but nodded. Ciel knew he would get asked about it later and he gave a small shrug.

“We could give you a ride,” Bard said, clearly not catching on to Lizzie’s choice to remain quiet, and Ciel rolled his eye.

“You can deal with the mini traffic jam. I’m going to walk.” Ciel adjusted his gaze from Bard to Finnian. “You can ride with them if you want.”

He didn’t wait for Finnian to decide on an answer before he turned and began his walk back towards the campus, not surprised but slightly pleased when he heard footsteps crunching through the snow beside him. They didn’t speak as they left the bright lights of downtown Upland and trudged through the intermittently lit sidewalks. Ciel kept his hands deep in his pockets, questioning what he was doing every few steps.

“So, uh, thanks for coming,” Finnian said, his voice ringing too loud in the snowy silence. They were nearing the outskirts of campus, and though Ciel had been content walking in silence, he shrugged his shoulders.

“It was good for me to get out of the house, I guess.”

They fell silent again, the tension only broken as they passed through the alley leading to the senior dorms.

“Yeah,” Ciel mumbled, trying to shove his fists deeper into his pockets. “Thanks for inviting me out.”

“Of course.” Ciel could hear the smile in Finnian’s voice and he looked over in time to catch a wide grin and pink cheeks. And it was cute. Finnian was cute and sweet and short and everything Sebastian wasn’t, and before his rational mind could take over his fingers were in Finnian’s hair and their mouths were pressed together in a kiss that was soft and endearing. Ciel traced the part of Finnian’s lips with his tongue, not hesitating when they cautiously parted. Finnian was small and warm and sweet and he made these cute little whimpers from the back of his throat and Ciel could be okay with that, he could like that –

Small hands gently pressed against his chest and Ciel pulled back, grinning softly at Finnian’s dazed expression and flushed face.

“Cute,” he murmured, running his thumb down Finnian’s jaw, and that made him flush deeper.

“Ciel –“ his voice cracked, and Ciel’s half-smile widened. “I know you don’t like me.”

Ciel’s smile faltered and his thumb paused its aimless wandering.

“What?”

Finnian sighed and pulled his cheek away from Ciel’s touch. “This is nice. Really nice. But we shouldn’t do it. And not just because we’re on school grounds, but because you _don’t_ like me, Ciel. And I know that.”

Ciel bit his bottom lip and shoved his hands back into his pocket. He felt slightly ashamed of himself and embarrassed, two things he wasn’t used to feeling.

“You’re right,” he said quietly.

“I know I am.” Finnian grinned, and Ciel almost hated him for being so fucking cute and so fucking happy.

“Look, in a couple of months we graduate and we won’t have to deal with this place anymore, r-right? So go after what you want. Don’t go for me just because I’m the only other fag here.”

Ciel winced, the harsh word coming from Finnian’s soft features catching him off guard. “Fin, don’t say that.”

Finnian’s cheeks darkened slightly, but he shrugged. “I’m serious though. I – I like you. So I’d like to be your friend. You know – if you want.”

Ciel huffed out a laugh. “It’s like I’m in the fucking twilight zone,” he muttered, ignoring Finnian’s confused expression. It was – it felt like he had been dropped in an alternate dimension where Finnian could casually drop the word ‘fag’ and then go back to being cute and shy. A weird place where everyone and their goddamn mother were offering him their friendship.

Finnian was watching him expectantly and Ciel chuckled, ruffling Finnian’s hair. “Yeah, sure.”

Finnian’s face lit up into a megawatt smile, and he pecked Ciel on the cheek before heading toward the side door of the dorms. “Cool,” he said over his shoulder, leaving Ciel alone to trudge his way back home.

When he finally made it inside the house, Ciel’s socks were soaked through and his fingers were numb. He dropped his shoes and coat in the hallway before bounding upstairs, stripping out of all of his clothes, and wrapping himself beneath his fleece blanket. He checked his phone with wooden fingers – mostly messages from Lizzie asking if he had made it home okay and one message from Sebastian sent earlier in the night.

 **[Cat]:** I hope you had fun on your date. Happy New Year.

Ciel quickly typed a response, stiff fingers making it take longer than he wanted.

 **[Mouse]:** Not a date. But still fun I guess.

Ciel glanced at the time – nearly one in the morning. Sleep tugged at his eyelid, and he was halfway to shutting his phone off when it buzzed in his hand.

 **[Cat]:** I’m glad.

 **[Mouse]:** Glad it wasn’t a date or glad I had fun.

 **[Cat]:** What do you think?

Ciel bit his lip and grinned. Feeling was starting to come back into his fingers and toes, and the rising heat from the blanket was causing more heat to pool in his gut.

 **[Mouse]:** Is Prof Faustus still around?

 **[Cat]:** No? He left a while ago.

 **[Mouse]:** Cool

 **[Mouse]:** So…what are you up to?

 **[Cat]:** Are you seriously doing this right now?

 **[Mouse]:** Doing what?

 **[Cat]:** This.

 **[Cat]:** It’s as obvious as asking what I’m wearing.

Ciel chuckled at that, his thumbs flying over the small keyboard.

 **[Mouse]:** Well, what are you wearing?

 **[Cat]:** Ciel.

 **[Mouse]:** Sebastian.

 **[Mouse]:** Let me guess. PJ pants and a vneck?

 **[Cat]:** What do you want, a prize?

 **[Mouse]:**  I want you to take the vneck off.

 **[Cat]:** We’re not doing this.

 **[Mouse]:** Doing what?

 **[Cat]:** Sexting.

Ciel let out a gruff laugh. He didn’t know if it was Sebastian using the word ‘sexting’ or the fact that he _was_ half hard that caused him to get the giggles.

 **[Mouse]:** You were into it before.

 **[Cat]:** Didn’t you explicitly state that you wanted me to back off?

Ciel groaned and ran his hand over his face. He toyed with different responses: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, that’s why sexting is perfect – but he settled for something blunt instead. No emotions, just fact. Or at least, something he hoped was fact.

 **[Mouse]:** You’re hard.

 **[Cat]:** What?

 **[Cat]:** Doesn’t matter.

 **[Mouse]:** And I’m hard.

 **[Cat]:** So?

 **[Cat]:** Go watch porn like a normal person.

Ciel rolled his eyes. He technically could – there was no reason to keep antagonizing Sebastian into having textual intercourse with him. Except that he wanted it. He wanted Sebastian to whisper dirty words into his ear, wanted to feel the man on top of him, wanted to open his mouth and –

“Fuck,” Ciel mumbled, now all too aware of his erection tenting the fleece blanket he was cuddled under.

 **[Mouse]:** Want you.

 **[Mouse]:** Come on Professor

 **[Mouse]:** What would you do to me if I was there?

There was silence on the other end, and Ciel groaned, flopping onto his back with a huff.

 **[Mouse]:** Fine. I’ll start

 **[Mouse]:** I kind of miss going down on you

 **[Mouse]:** I miss the way you fill up my mouth

 **[Mouse]:** And how I gag on you.

 **[Mouse]:** And how I have to use my hands and mouth to get you off

Ciel re-read his messages after he sent them and a hot flush rose up his chest in embarrassment. He began to type out an apology when his phone buzzed in his hand, making him up and drop the device onto his stomach.

 **[Cat]:** Fuck.

 **[Cat]:** You go right for it, don’t you?

Ciel grinned – the last text so close to what Sebastian had said to him during their first hookup that Ciel felt slightly giddy.

 **[Cat]:** I wish I could fuck that pertinent mouth of yours.

Ciel groaned in the back of his throat, his left hand immediately reaching down between his legs and loosely fisting his dick.

 **[Mouse]:** I’d let you.

 **[Mouse]:** It felt so good last time

 **[Mouse]:** With you holding me down and fucking into me like that

 **[Cat]:** Yeah.

 **[Cat]:** Love the sight of you choking on me

 **[Cat]:** Want to hold you by your hair so I can see your pretty face.

Ciel whimpered, his hand moving at an embarrassingly fast pace.

 **[Mouse]:** Fuck Sebastian I want you to fuck me so bad.

 **[Mouse]:** It’s like an ache

 **[Mouse]:** I want you to fill me up.

Ciel hit send before he had time to think about how embarrassing those statements were even though they were true. He could feel his ass pulse in time to the throbbing of his erection.

 **[Cat]:** Jesus

 **[Mouse]:** Can I call you?

 **[Mouse]:** Please?

 **[Cat]:** That’s not a good idea.

Ciel growled. Fuck Sebastian and his ideas of what was good or bad. Ciel punched the green phone button and tried to steady his breathing despite his hand not slowing down.

“Jesus, you don’t ever listen, do you?”

Sebastian’s voice was gravelly and rough, and it made Ciel’s dick twitch in his hand. He felt pre-cum beading at the tip and he spread it around the head, holding in a whine.

“Nope.”

“What am I going to do with you?”

“Punish me.”

The words were out before Ciel could think about them, and Sebastian groaned on the other end of the line.

“Fuck. You drive me crazy, you know that?”

Ciel gasped as a small tremor shot through his body, and he gripped the base of his dick hard to keep from coming.

“Y-yeah?”

“Yeah.” And Sebastian was growling and it was so, so hot. “I’m pissed at you. You fucking pissed me off –“

“I’m sorry,” Ciel whimpered, and he heard Sebastian hiss on the other end.

“Don’t – ah, fuck. I should hang up. I should just leave you high and dry and –“

Ciel heard Sebastian gasp and it made his own breath catch in his throat. “God you drive me fucking insane. And you don’t even know it.”

“Please –“ Ciel couldn’t get his voice above a shaky whisper. “So close.”

A pause. A tight release of air. And then Sebastian’s voice, low and commanding.

“What do you want?”

“I want you to fuck me. Ah – God – I want you to fuck me open with your fingers.”

“Yeah? You like that? When I get them nice and wet so they slide right inside your tight hole?”

Ciel groaned, his back arching off of the bed and his hand working at an impossible speed. His arm burned and his cock was red and shiny with pre-cum.

“What about when I put my tongue in your ass? My fingers spreading you open so that I can lick inside?”

Ciel moaned a bit too loudly at that, and he bit his lip, his cheeks flushing crimson. He heard Sebastian chuckle on the line.

“I thought so. You like how filthy it is when I eat you out. Love when I lick around your rim as my fingers fuck you loose.”

“Oh God –“

“You have such a pretty ass, Ciel. It clenches around my tongue when it’s inside of you –“

“Ah, fuckfuckfuckfuck-“

“And when I pull out your hole flutters – just begging to be filled again. My tongue, my fingers, my cock – I’m sure we could find you a fat dildo to sit on to satisfy that greedy ass of yours.”

“Jesus – I –“  Ciel’s entire body was shaking. The phone was loosely propped against his ear and his breathing came in short, sharp pants.

“You gonna come for me?”

“Y-yeah – I  -“

“Go ahead. I want to hear you.”

Ciel snapped at that, a guttural moan pulling from somewhere in his chest as hot ropes of cum shot out onto his chest and blanket. Through the fog in his brain he could hear Sebastian’s breath catch before stuttering out, and he knew the man had come as well. Ciel’s hips still thrust into his hand as he rode out the waves of pleasure into oversensitivity, only stopping when he felt like he would break down and sob.

“Fuck,” Sebastian whispered.

“Yeah,” Ciel croaked. “That was hot. Thank you.”

Sebastian chuckled lowly and Ciel’s stomach flipped.

“No problem. Now go to sleep.”

“Uh, Sebastian?”

There was a long pause, and Ciel had to check his phone to make sure that the older man hadn’t hung up.

“Yeah?”

“I – uh. I’m sorry.”

That low chuckle was back, and Ciel wanted nothing more than to cuddle into that voice.

“Ciel.”

“Yeah?”

“Go the fuck to sleep.”

Ciel grinned and rolled his eye. “Yeah. Whatever, old man.”

There was a huff, but Ciel could hear the small smile in Sebastian’s voice. “That’s right. Now goodnight.”

Ciel didn’t bother actually hanging up his phone. He used his already soiled blanket to wipe himself down before tossing it onto the floor and curling into a ball beneath his comforter. He imagined that Sebastian was still on the line, listening, and he fell asleep to the sound of Sebastian’s breathing.


	13. In Which Sebastian Bottoms...and Moves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's back!
> 
> "Days passed into weeks, weeks to months. Ciel readjusted to his routine, prepped for midterms, tried to be nicer to Finnian and Lizzie and Bard. Tried to be happy when he once again pulled out all A’s. Tried to be excited when he got accepted to every internship he had applied for. Tried to forget Sebastian"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, promise, promise it won't take me two months to post the last chapter (which is really more of an epilogue.)
> 
> Thank you for those of you who stuck with this fic, it means so much. And for those of you that are just joining, thank you for reading through 81k of pure filth with some plot to get here.
> 
> Much love to all of you. Comments, kudos, and love are all greatly appreciated.

“You do realize that most internship applications have closed, right?”

 Ciel sat across from his advisor, a rail thin woman with a severe bun but kind eyes. Ciel nodded, absently fiddling with the fringe on his scarf.

 “I’m a bit surprised,” she continued. “Why the change?”

 Ciel shrugged, not aware of his foot tapping a million miles a minute until she glared at it. He stilled, trying to gather his jumbled thoughts.

The day after New Year’s Tanaka had called to discuss planning for the upcoming year – Ciel only half-heartedly listening, only tuning in when he heard Tanaka’s disappointed sigh.

            _“Ciel,” he had said, “I need you to focus.”_

_“I’m sorry, Tanaka. I’m just – distracted.”_

_“Ciel, may I ask you something?”_

_“I guess?”_

_“What do you want?”_

 And there was that fucking question again, and just like the other three times it had been posed to him Ciel was stuck. He didn’t know what he wanted. From thirteen – the time when he finally started to talk again – to now he had simply gone through the motions. He had hardened himself so that he couldn’t get hurt – not just from outside people but from the possibilities of disappointment and overbearing worry he inevitably put on those he cared about. He hadn’t questioned getting the business passed onto him, hadn’t questioned where he was going to college, hadn’t questioned when everyone assumed he and Lizzie were dating.

 During the three years he didn’t speak, the two phrases he had heard the most were ‘I only want what’s best for you,’ and ‘do you know how worried I was,’ and he hated how guilty he always felt. Madam Red’s skin had looked like translucent paper that got more see-through every day she said good morning and he said nothing back. Lizzie got thinner, her complexion sallow, her voice scratchy from her constant one-sided conversations.

 When he finally spoke, the relief on both of their faces outweighed the physical pain it caused him to open his mouth. When he agreed to go back to school, the excited flush on Lizzie’s face outweighed his anxiety and unshakable fear. And so it went – Ciel taking what was given to him and never actually thinking about what he wanted because it didn’t matter in the grand scheme of alleviating the pain of those around him.

 “Ciel?”

 Ciel’s focus snapped back to his advisor who was still watching him with folded hands and narrowed eyes.

 “I – I’m thinking about what I want, I guess.”

 A ghost of a smile flitted across her face as she began scribbling in an open notebook.

“I’m glad,” she said quietly, sweetly, before she was once again all business. “So you do some research, I’ll do some research, and we’ll meet up again next week same time?”

Ciel nodded, slightly dumbfounded at how painless the meeting had been. It had taken him two weeks to set up the meeting with his advisor. Two weeks of churning anxiety and half-helpful jack-off sessions. Two weeks of Sebastian not asking why Ciel wanted phone sex nearly every day. Two weeks of him snapping at everyone – luckily only making Finny cry once before he caught on that Ciel’s outbursts weren’t personal attacks.

He felt silly that he had been so stressed over something so simple, was embarrassed at how jelly-like his legs felt from relief. He wrapped his coat and scarf tightly around himself as he walked out of the main building and bee-lined to THR3E, his foggy brain in desperate need of a jolt of caffeine and sugar.

THR3E wasn’t crowded, but it buzzed with an intense caffeinated energy that was infectious. Not everyone had to take a J-term class, usually just freshman and those who decided on double majors, but the condensed classes put those who did take it into a frenzy. There was something to be said for cramming a whole semester’s worth of material into a month; THR3E for one saw a spike in business as stressed students poured in at a rate normally reserved for finals week.

 Ciel ordered a black coffee with three sugars and searched for a place to sit; his eye catching broad shoulders clad in a white shirt and embroidered vest. Ciel crossed to the other side of the table Sebastian was sitting at, his mouth quirking up at the man’s startled expression.

 “How are you, Professor?”

 Sebastian’s eyebrow rose as he glanced around the café. His hair was loose and his reading glasses were perched on the bridge of his nose – he looked a little rumpled but still made Ciel’s stomach flip. “This is a bit risky, isn’t it?”

 Ciel shrugged. “No one is around. It’s not like my aunt comes here, and Professor Faustus has a class until five-thirty, so I think we’re good.”

 Sebastian grinned at that, quickly hiding it with a well-timed sip of his coffee.

“So, how are you,” Ciel asked again.

“I’m teaching New Testament 101,” Sebastian deadpanned, and Ciel laughed. 101 classes during J-term were a pain in general; Ciel could only imagine what a first-year New Testament class would be like at a Christian University.

 “Have they convinced you you’re not the teacher yet?” Ciel had been in enough religion classes at Taylor to know that there were always students who thought they knew more than the professor.

 Sebastian shook his head, a small smile on his lips. “I’ve actually had quite a few students drop. And I made someone cry today. I think my ‘rate your professor’ score is going to go down.”

Ciel laughed, a loud guffaw that startled the girl bringing his coffee to the point where half of it ended up on the floor.

“I – I’m so sorry,” she squawked, tears already forming behind round glasses. “I’m just – Ciel never – and I-”

 Ciel watched with a bored expression while Sebastian did his best to calm down the girl with pink hair.

 “It’s alright Mey-Rin,” he said calmly, wiping what coffee had spilled on the table. “Ciel laughing is rather terrifying.”

“Fuck you,” Ciel said without any bite. Mey-Rin’s head nearly snapped off of her neck with how fast she turned to stare at him.

Sebastian quirked an eyebrow, a small smirk playing on his lips. “See,” he murmured. “Terrifying.”

 Mey-Rin looked between the two of them before her focus came back to the coffee on the floor. “I’ll clean this up right away,” she practically yelled, and then ran into the next table as she turned to leave.

Ciel bit his lip as Sebastian chuckled. The man regarded him with watchful eyes and a bemused expression.

“You’re bold today,” Sebastian murmured.

Ciel shrugged and took a sip from his half-full mug. “I’m not used to being out in public.”

Sebastian watched him as he cradled the warm mug in his hands. “I guess I’ll have to train you better,” he said lowly, and Ciel felt his blush all the way to the tips of his ears.

A girl who wasn’t Mey-Rin came with a mop, apologizing profusely for the other girl’s clumsiness as she cleaned the mess. Ciel and Sebastian remained quiet while she worked, Sebastian marking the papers in front of him and Ciel sipping at the coffee he had left.     

“Be careful getting up,” the girl said with a smile. “And I can get you another coffee if you want Mr. Phantomhive.”

Ciel made a face at the name – it always bothered him when people used his last name to pretend they didn’t know his first.

“Nah, I’m good. Thanks.”

The girl nodded and left and Ciel watched Sebastian write something on the already marked up page in front of him.

“So, I  uh- I’m looking into some internships,” Ciel said after a moment, sipping from his drink to feign nonchalance and burning the roof of his mouth. Sebastian looked at him from over his glasses.

“Oh?”

 “Yeah.” Ciel resisted the urge to squirm. “I mean, most applications are probably closed, but I’m – I’m looking.”

 Sebastian’s wide grin made Ciel uneasy – not in a bad way, but in an ‘I’m feeling too many feelings’ kind of way.

“That’s great,” Sebastian said softly. “Have you told anyone else?”

 Ciel sighed and rubbed his shoulder. “I figured I would if I found anything I actually want to apply for.”

 Sebastian nodded, his eye catching something on the paper in front of him and making a bold x. Ciel shifted in his chair, his fingers digging more firmly into his shoulder.

 “I was wondering if you wanted to do dinner sometime,” Ciel blurted under his breath. Sebastian looked at him with a raised brow and amused expression that Ciel didn’t like. “Or lunch. Or something. Y’know, since you’re leaving.”

“Ciel Phantomhive, are you asking me out on a date?”

 Ciel swallowed, hating the way the tips of his ears burned with embarrassment.

 “No. I mean – I called you a lot so I figured I owe you, I guess.”

 Sebastian laughed, the sandpaper snap a little too loud for the small space.

“You know what, forget it,” Ciel mumbled, standing and slipping on his coat. “I’m gonna head out.”

Sebastian gave a small wave, still chuckling, and Ciel quickly flicked him off before he snatched up his mug.

“Goodnight Mister Phantomhive,” the man smirked, and Ciel couldn’t help the corner of his mouth twitching.

“Fuck off,” he murmured, rolling his eye, but he gave a half wave before he exited the café – a small warmth spreading in him when Sebastian waved back.

 Halfway home Ciel’s phone buzzed in his pocket.

 **[Cat]:** I’d love to go on a date with you.

 Ciel blushed and his fingers flew over the keyboard.

  **[Mouse]:** Not a date. Perfectly platonic meal.

  **[Cat]:** Nothing we do his platonic.

  **[Mouse]:** Platonic except for the sex.

 

 

 The problem with cramming a whole semester into a month is that it is (un)surprisingly time consuming. Between Sebastian’s constant lesson planning (and grading) and Ciel’s own capstone project, a week had passed before Ciel realized that he hadn’t given any thought to his proposed ‘date.’

 Dead week was upon the campus yet again, and Ciel’s stomach was in constant knots as the end of term came closer. His anxiety hit with the same intensity as when he geared up to see his advisor – to the point where Finnian _and_  Bard sought him out to gift him random mochas in between study sessions.

 “What the flying fuck has your panties in a bunch?” Lizzie asked from the edge of Ciel’s bed, and Ciel looked up from his book as he stilled his leg which had been tapping to the point where it was shaking the bed.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, adjusting so that he sat on his feet.

“No, no, no,” Lizzie laughed, throwing herself across the bed so that she could lie in his lap. “You don’t get to pull that card with me. C’mon, what’s up?”

 “I asked Sebastian on a date.”

 Lizzie blinked, and Ciel blinked back at her. That sentence was definitely not what he had planned to say. He had an entire speech about why he was fine and nothing was wrong prepared in his mind – but he couldn’t seem to remember it any more.

 “You did what?” Lizzie’s voice was rising to unnatural levels. “When?”

 Ciel shrugged jerkily. “Like, a week ago?”

That was a lie – it had been ten days, almost a week and a half. He winced as Lizzie landed a punch on is shoulder.

“What the fuck? You’re telling me this _now_? Have you gone yet? Well, obviously not. What are you doing?”

Ciel could feel his cheeks heat up and he resisted covering his face with his hands.

 “We haven’t – I mean, I asked but –“

 Lizzie’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t tell me. You haven’t talked about it.”

 Ciel nodded and she rolled her eyes. “I swear you two are so emotionally constipated I’m about ready to just give up on you.”

“We are not emotionally constipated,” Ciel grumbled as he leaned back against his headboard.

“You’re right. That’s you. He’s just stubborn.”

 She kicked his shin and he poked her back with his foot.

“So, when do you plan on actually taking him out?”

 Ciel desperately wished he had kept his mouth shut. He didn’t know what had compelled him to ask the professor out – something like that was taboo on a normal campus, let alone for the two of them at Taylor. He didn’t want to admit that part of him wanted to just ignore the invitation until it was too late for him to act on it.

“I mean, he hasn’t talked to me about it either.”

Lizzie threw her hands up in the air with a sound akin to a car revving, and Ciel had to hold back his sudden urge to laugh.

“I swear, you are fucking ridiculous,” she said, feeling around the bed until she found his phone. She unlocked the screen and tapped with surprising speed before Ciel could even think to respond.

“Lizzie, what the fuck?”  But the ping of a notification cut him off, and he couldn’t resist the urge to read over Lizzie’s shoulder.

 **[Mouse]:** So about that date.

 **[Cat]:** I was starting to think that you had forgotten.

 **[Mouse]:** No. I’m just an emotionally incompetent asshole who can’t plan for shit.

Ciel rolled his eye. “Gee, thanks.”

Lizzie shrugged. “Just speaking the truth.”

 **[Cat]:** Ah. Hello Lizzie.

 **[Cat]:** Tell Ciel that I could cook if he wanted.

Ciel’s face flushed. “That’s not how dates work,” he grumbled, a look of mortification crossing his features as Lizzie began typing again.

 **[Mouse]:** Ciel says that’s not how dates work.

“Jesus Lizzie,” Ciel growled and grabbed the phone out of her hand, quickly dialing before Sebastian could have a chance to reply back.

“You know, a date really just implies two people enjoying each other’s company,” Sebastian said by way of greeting, and Ciel groaned.

“Can you please just ignore everything she sa- ow!”

Lizzie stuck out her tongue defiantly and tossed another pillow, Ciel ducking to avoid another whack to the head.

“I was just relaying your own words, asshole.”

Sebastian chuckled on the line, and Ciel was glad the man wasn’t there to see the blush Ciel felt rising in his cheeks.

“But in all seriousness,” the man continued, “I’m happy to cook if you still want to do dinner.”

Ciel felt a flutter deep in his chest and he turned away from the knowing eyes of Lizzie.

“Yeah. That would be great.”

Sebastian gave a small hum, and Ciel could picture him flipping through his little pocket calendar.

“How about Friday after finals?”

“That’s –” Ciel had too much spit in his mouth and he paused to swallow. “That’s your last weekend.”

A pause. “It is.”

Ciel shoved down whatever bitter emotion that was trying to claw its way hotly up his esophagus, forcing his voice to sound cool. Uncaring. Natural.

“Yeah, sounds great.”

Another pause. “Alright then. I’ll see you Friday evening.”

Ciel hung up without saying goodbye, and when he looked up to see Lizzie’s concerned expression he ducked his head back down.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly – too soft, too sweet.

Ciel nodded. “It’s just sex,” he said, but his voice cracked on the last word and he felt a sting behind his eye. He pressed the heel of his hand against it as he flopped back onto the bed with a groan.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?”

“You’re in love,” Lizzie said simply, and Ciel felt a cold wave of fear wash over him.

“I am not,” he growled, and Lizzie didn’t say anything more on the subject, only continued to rub soothing circles against his forearms until they decided to officially give up their half-assed studying in favor of watching crap movies on Netflix.

Ciel didn’t speak to Sebastian again until finals week hit full force; one hurried text exchange.

 **[Cat]:** I forgot to ask. Is there anything you don’t eat?

 **[Mouse]:** Cilantro

 **[Cat]:** Ah, one of those. Does it taste like soap to you?

 **[Mouse]:** No. It’s just fuckin gross.

Since Ciel’s J-term class revolved around writing, his final was done when he turned in his essay and he spent the last four hours of his time block finishing internship applications while Lizzie finished her French final.

He itched to check the phone in his pocket even though he knew there was no way Sebastian would have texted him with his own finals going on.

Ciel pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and took a deep breath. What was _wrong_ with him? His arrangement with Sebastian wasn’t that unusual – they had had dinner the first time they met and the first time Ciel had been over his house – shit, they ate during his birthday weekend. So why was he freaking out so much over this stupid date?

Date.

There it was. This was a stated _date._ A date – which implied a level of seriousness, a level that they couldn’t have because Sebastian would be gone by the weekend. And that hurt – it made Ciel ache somewhere so deep it was nearly impossible to ignore.

“I’m a fucking idiot,” he grumbled.

“No surprise there.”

Ciel looked up to see Lizzie standing in front of him, hair falling out of her messy bun and eyes bloodshot. Even in pink sweats and a chunky scarf she was beautiful.

“Thanks,” he drawled, packing his laptop away. “How did it go?”

She shrugged. “Fine. But finals should never happen in the afternoon. As soon as it started getting dark I was ready for bed. And I’m starving.”

“Let’s get you something to eat then.”

Lizzie narrowed her eyes at his outstretched hand. “Don’t you have a date to be getting to?”

Ciel shrugged, willing his blush down to no avail. “We never set a time, so…”

Lizzie rolled her eyes. “It’s almost six. That’s dinner time.”

Ciel huffed. Even though Lizzie could read him like an open book, he didn’t want to admit that he was nervous.

“Let me drive you home at least.”

Lizzie gave an exasperated sigh, but there was a smile on her face. “Fine. You look good by the way.”

Ciel tugged his coat over a royal blue button up that was only partially hidden by Sebastian’s oversized sweater, and tried his best not to blush. He caught Lizzie staring appreciatively at his ass, and was glad that she kept her mouth shut about the too-tight skinny jeans he was wearing. They walked into the parking lot arm in arm, ducking their heads against the frigid wind. Ciel opened the door for Lizzie and crossed to the other side, completely forgetting what he had left in the front seat until Lizzie cooed at him.

“What nice flowers,” she said with a smirk, holding the bouquet gingerly in her lap.

Ciel rolled his eyes as he started the car, face blazing. “Shut the fuck up.”

Lizzie didn’t say anything else, but Ciel could feel her eyes on him during the short drive to her house, and her constant scrutiny made him blush harder.

“Have fun,” she sing-songed as he leaned over to peck his flaming cheek.

“I hate you,” he grumbled.

“Love you too.” She slammed the door shut and Ciel watcher run into her house before beginning the drive to Sebastian’s. Once again he parked down the street so as not to draw attention, and he found himself standing in front of the door with teeth clattering and desperately wishing he had left the small white bouquet in his car. He had chosen white because it was the least garish of all the options – Sebastian didn’t seem like a bright colors kind of guy and no way in hell was Ciel going to give him red roses. But looking at the bouquet in his hands all Ciel could think was that it looked like a fucking bridal bouquet. What had he been thinking?

The door opened and Ciel resisted tossing the bouquet over his shoulder. Instead he held it out stiffly and prayed the blush didn’t show on his face.

“These are for you.”

Sebastian chuckled and took the bouquet out of his hands before he ushered Ciel inside.

“They’re lovely,” Sebastian said, half grin still in place.

Ciel rolled his eyes. “Don’t even start. They’re just a thank you. You know, since you cook –”

His last word was cut off as Sebastian’s mouth pressed against his. Sebastian’s tongue swiped over Ciel’s bottom lip and the parted as if on instinct, Ciel’s tongue brushing over Sebastian’s in a languid slide that made Ciel’s dick twitch, made his chest ache.

“Thank you,” Sebastian whispered into his mouth. “I love them.”

Ciel tried to capture Sebastian’s lips with his own and whined when Sebastian hovered just out of reach.

“Can we just skip dinner and continue with this?”

Sebastian hummed and pressed a chaste kiss against the corner of Ciel’s mouth before crossing back into the kitchen, leaving Ciel blushing and fumbling to get out of his coat.

“Tempting. But what I made really should be eaten immediately.”

Ciel watched as Sebastian pulled two small sandwiches out of the oven before ladling red soup into bowls. He snorted, unable to hold in the small chuckle.

“You made grilled cheese and tomato soup?”

Sebastian put on his best offended expression, but his mouth quirked in a small smile.

“This isn’t any grilled cheese and tomato soup,” he said as he placed the plates on opposite ends of the dining room table. “This is made with a freshly baked brioche and gruyere cheese, and this tomato soup was made with fresh tomatoes and local heavy cream. All from scratch. And –” Sebastian held up a bottle. “All pair well with white wine.”

Ciel raised his eyebrows. “Color me impressed.”

Dinner passed smoothly – the food unsurprisingly delicious and the conversation surprisingly free-flowing. Ciel had forgotten how easy Sebastian was to talk to, and the realization brought back the deep ache that he immediately tried to tamp back down. He tried to push it down as they cleared the table, as they washed the dishes and as Sebastian pressed his back against the sink and claimed his mouth; tried to push it down as he tangled soapy hands in Sebastian’s hair as the man lifted him and moved them into the bedroom.

He tried to push it down while Sebastian kissed down his neck, while long fingers undid each button of his shirt, while hot wetness traced around the sensitive bud of his nipple. He arched his back into the man’s touches; everywhere Sebastian touched him burned, and he felt close to bursting – either into tears or into flames, he wasn’t sure.

Sebastian lifted his head from Ciel’s stomach, fingers sill idly rolling one of Ciel’s nipples as he regarded the younger with hooded eyes.

“What’s up?”

Ciel chewed on his bottom lip. “What do you mean?”

Sebastian smiled a lazy half-smile before he pressed butterfly kisses against Ciel’s abdomen, making him suck in a harsh breath.

“I mean I know when you’ve got something on your mind, Ciel.” Kiss. “So…” Kiss, squirm. “What’s up?”

Ciel reached for the collar of Sebastian’s shirt and used it to pull him up into a bruising kiss. Sebastian let Ciel take control, responding with light touches and soft sighs. Ciel pulled back slightly, running his fingers over Sebastian’s prominent cheekbones.

“I want to fuck you,” Ciel said barely above a whisper.

He didn’t say ‘I want to fuck you because you’re leaving me.’ He didn’t say ‘I want to dominate you.’ He didn’t say ‘I want to make sure you don’t forget me.’ Those were things he couldn’t say out loud – couldn’t even get past his throat into his mouth, but were still tied up in that one phrase.

“Okay,” Sebastian whispered – and Ciel had a feeling that the man already knew everything he hadn’t been able to say.

Ciel blinked. He knew better than to ask if Sebastian was serious. He pushed up onto his elbows and pressed soft kisses over Sebastian’s face – eyes, nose, lips, cheeks, jaw. Sebastian chuckled, and Ciel used the opportunity to hook his leg over Sebastian’s waist and flip their positions, a muffled ‘oomph’ from Sebastian causing Ciel to lean forward and continue his barrage of kisses.

“Sorry, sorry,” he mumbled, trailing his mouth down Sebastian’s neck.

“Why are you apologizing,” Sebastian whispered, and Ciel could hear the amusement in his voice.

Ciel didn’t really have an answer other than that he knew it had been a while for Sebastian and he wanted to be gentle. But that was another thing he couldn’t say out loud, so he settled for the next best thing.

“Shut the fuck up.”

Ciel undid the buttons of Sebastian’s shirt without much finesse – his mouth eager to suck bruising marks into the man’s pale skin. His tongue traced over barely-there muscles until he reached the waistband of Sebastian’s slacks – not missing the audible hitch in Sebastian’s breathing. He smirked as he slowly undid the button and lowered the zipper, his eye never leaving Sebastian’s dark hooded ones. Ciel could see the bulge against Sebastian’s boxers, and he ducked his head to mouth along the man’s clothed erection, humming when Sebastian sucked in a sharp breath.

“Eager Professor?” Ciel teased, looking up from between his lashes.

Sebastian rolled his eyes and fisted his hand in Ciel’s hair. “I don’t know if you noticed, but phone sex is still masturbation. So it’s been a while.”

Ciel huffed out a laugh, still mouthing at the opening of Sebastian’s pants. He hooked his fingers into the belt loops of the slacks and tugged gently, smirking when the action of Sebastian lifting his hips brought his dick closer to Ciel’s mouth.

“You’re a tease tonight,” Sebastian murmured, and Ciel ran his tongue over his clothed erection as a response.

“Payback.” Ciel’s smirk widened as he continued to mouth up and down Sebastian’s shaft until his boxers were sufficiently damp enough that it started to irritate Ciel’s tongue. He folded the top of Sebastian’s boxers down so that just the flushed head was exposed and he dipped his tongue into the slit, tasting the salty tang of cum and something that was uniquely Sebastian – a sweet musk that made his mouth water.

“Missed this,” Ciel murmured as he removed Sebastian’s boxers completely. His lips immediately wrapped around the head of Sebastian’s cock and he sunk down slowly until his lips were stretched to cracking and he felt the urge to gag. He wrapped his fingers around the remaining length that he couldn’t fit into his mouth and tried to relax his throat as he swallowed a couple of times – groaning when Sebastian’s fingers gripped his hair.

“Ciel,” Sebastian groaned, and Ciel looked up at him through tear clumped lashes. “I’m not going to last.”

That lit a fire deep in Ciel’s gut and he moaned around Sebastian. He gave another deep suck before he popped off and nuzzled against Sebastian’s thigh.

“Lube?”

Sebastian reached over and pulled the small bottle and a foil packet from the nightstand drawer. Ciel grinned as they were pressed into his hand – hot anticipation coursing through his veins.

“How do you want it,” he asked, voice hardly above a whisper.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “Why Ciel, are you being sweet on me?”

Ciel lightly smacked Sebastian’s knee. “I’m not being sweet. I’m just not being an asshole.”

Sebastian chuckled, a low rumble of gravel that had Ciel biting his lip. He pulled Ciel forward until they were flush and pressed light kisses against Ciel’s jaw.

“I don’t really care,” Sebastian murmured, breath ghosting over Ciel’s lips. “It’s just…been a while.”

Ciel pressed a gentle kiss against chapped lips, tongue swiping over the rough surface but not dipping inside.

“Roll over then, Professor.”

“Phantomhive,” Sebastian growled, and Ciel sucked in a sharp breath – partly because of this teacher-student dynamic that turned Ciel on maybe a bit too much, and partly because despite the warning tone in his voice Sebastian did as he was told and rolled over onto his stomach.

Ciel sat between Sebastian’s legs and allowed himself a moment to just look. Sebastian had long legs, but Ciel had never really noticed his equally long torso. Sebastian’s back stretched out in front of Ciel in a long expanse of pale skin and taut muscles. He ran his fingers carefully down Sebastian’s spine, bumping over each vertebra like they were individual mountains to be mapped out. He dragged his fingernails over the round curve of Sebastian’s ass, drinking in the tight hiss of air from the older man, watching with a dry mouth as the red lines darkened.

“Gonna miss you,” Ciel whispered as he pressed heated kisses over Sebastian’s low back, over the curve of his ass. “Gonna miss this.”

And Ciel thought he heard a whispered ‘me too’, but he wasn’t sure and he didn’t want to ask.

He coated his fingers in lube with shaky hands, and he gently traced his index finger around Sebastian’s entrance.

“Let me know if it’s too much,” he murmured, and Sebastian let out a low chuckle beneath him.

“I said it’s been a while, not that I’m a virgin.”

Ciel rolled his eye and slid his finger in, biting his lip to keep from groaning at the pulse of tight heat. Sebastian clenched around him, and Ciel ran his free hand up and down the bumps of his spine as he set a slow thrusting pace.

“I’m good,” Sebastian mumbled after a few minutes. “You can do another.”

Ciel added more lube and started to press a second finger in, his lips murmuring soothing words across Sebastian’s skin when he felt the older man clench around him. He moved, slowly, carefully, more carefully than he had done with any other partner. He was normally quick and rough – like what their first encounter had been: heady and desperate and eager to just _fuck_. But as he scissored his fingers, heard Sebastian stutter when they brushed against that tight bundle of nerves, he wanted to slow down. He wanted to move like molasses, wanted the night to stretch forever.

“C-Ciel, I’m not delicate. You can a-add another.”

Ciel nipped at the skin above the curve of Sebastian’s ass. “Wanna take care of you,” he mumbled as his ring finger brushed against Sebastian’s rim.

The chuckle Sebastian let out was simultaneously out of place and endearing. “Says the guy who won’t let _me_ do that.”

Ciel bit hard at the flesh beneath his lips as he quickly thrust his third finger inside, Sebastian stuttering beneath him. He soothed the bite with small kitten licks.

“It’s different,” he said, spreading his fingers and wiggling them to stretch Sebastian further.

“How so?” And Sebastian’s voice was strained and breathy and Ciel wanted a recording of it that he could jerk off to when Sebastian was gone. Ciel shrugged, smirking when his fingers brushed against Sebastian’s prostate and made the older man gasp.

“Just is,” he said, drizzling more lube onto his fingers and setting up a lax, squelching pace.

“I wish – you would let…” Sebastian’s words faltered as Ciel picked up the pace, brutally thrusting his fingers against the man’s prostate.

“New rule,” Ciel said with a chuckle, though his throat felt tight and his voice sounded a little hollow. “This topic is now off limits.”

Sebastian’s small laugh was breathy and strained, and Ciel gently removed his fingers and watched as Sebastian’s hole fluttered around the now empty space.

“Are you going to fuck me or just look,” Sebastian growled, shooting Ciel a look from older his shoulder.

“Someone’s impatient,” Ciel snorted as he slipped the condom over his own erection and slicked himself up with more lube.

“Someone is about to switch these positi _\- oh fuck_.”

Ciel gave a reassuring squeeze to Sebastian’s hips as he continued to slowly press forward.

“Better?”

“Will be when you move.” But Sebastian’s voice was tight and Ciel could hear the hiss of air as Sebastian breathed through his nose. Ciel pulled out halfway before slowly pressing back in, getting used to the tight heat in as much as he was allowing Sebastian time to get used to the stretch.

“Fuck Sebastian,” Ciel groaned, resting his forehead against Sebastian’s low back. He could feel Sebastian clenching around him and Ciel didn’t know if it was because he hadn’t actually fucked anyone in a while or if it was because Sebastian was unreasonably tight, or if it was because of some unnamed feelings that Ciel didn’t want to acknowledge, but he already felt so close.

“I-I don’t think I’m going to last,” Ciel continued as he set up a stuttering pace.

“That’s okay,” Sebastian whispered, and Ciel choked as the man pressed back to meet his thrusts. “Could never come from penetration. Want to fuck your mouth.”

Ciel groaned, his hips snapping forward and sending a jolt of pleasure down his spine. Sebastian was the only person he knew that could say something like: “I can’t come from penetration” during sex and still keep Ciel hard.

He felt Sebastian tense around him after a particular thrust and he angled himself to hit that same spot – nearly losing his mind when Sebastian let out a low groan instead of his normal tight hiss of air.

“Jesus, Ciel,” Sebastian grit out, and Ciel allowed his fingers to splay over the man’s stomach as he increased his speed.

“You good?”

“What _– ah_ – do you think?”

Ciel smirked as another well aimed thrust caused Sebastian to groan and arch underneath him. Ciel could feel a bead of sweat roll down the side of his neck, but he ignored it in favor of adjusting his grip on Sebastian so that he could lazily fist the man’s cock as he continued to grind inside of him.

“Fuck Sebastian,” Ciel whispered, and if Sebastian caught how awestruck he sounded he didn’t say anything. “I’m gonna miss this. Fuck, gonna miss this so much.”

Sebastian was trembling beneath him – Ciel could feel his muscles spasm against his cheek as he pressed kisses against damp skin.

“Me too, kid,” Sebastian gasped out, and Ciel groaned. He bit harshly into the skin right above Sebastian’s ass and grumbled.

“Don’t call me kid while my dick is literally in your ass. It’s fuckin weird.”

Sebastian wheezed out a laugh – the action causing him to tighten around Ciel in a way that made heat coil in his gut.

 _“Ah – Jesus_ , Sebastian. ‘M close.”

And if Ciel thought he couldn’t press any deeper into Sebastian he was quickly proven wrong. Sebastian arched against him and Ciel bit his lip to the point of bleeding – the hot coil in his gut winding even tighter.

“It’s okay baby,” Ciel could hear Sebastian murmuring underneath him, and Ciel didn’t know why the nickname didn’t bother him. “You can let go.”

Ciel choked out a low moan, his hips stuttering as he spilled into the condom, the sounds muffled by his pressing bloody kisses against Sebastian’s skin. He rested his forehead against Sebastian’s hip while he caught his breath, his fingers tracing arcane patterns over pale skin and trembling muscles.

Sebastian gasped as Ciel pulled out, and Ciel gently pat his hip. “Turn over,” he instructed, and he placed himself in between Sebastian’s legs before the man had even finished rolling onto his back.

Ciel ignored the uncomfortable feeling of the condom still on his softening cock, ignored the growing headache behind his left eye, ignored the way Sebastian’s flushed cheeks made his heart flutter in his chest – all in favor of focusing on the stretch of his lips as he wrapped his mouth around Sebastian.

He gripped the base of Sebastian’s cock lightly as he sunk down as far as he could, tongue pressing against the prominent vein. Sebastian’s fingers tangled in his hair, gently guiding Ciel’s mouth into a rhythm that had Sebastian panting.

“Ciel – Oh my god – fuck.”

And Ciel didn’t know where this vocal side of Sebastian was coming from, but he certainly wasn’t complaining. He hollowed his cheeks and sank down until he felt his throat tighten and tears prickle his eyes.

“You – you don’t –“ Sebastian began, but stuttered when Ciel swallowed around him once, twice. “ _Fuck_ , Ciel – close.”

Sebastian gave a sharp tug on his hair and Ciel obediently pulled up so that he was suckling the crown of Sebastian’s cock, tongue swirling around the head in the way that he knew drove Sebastian crazy.

“Gonna come,” Sebastian panted. “Don’t swallow.”

Ciel barely had time to moan his assent, let alone begin to question the request before Sebastian was spilling into his mouth – the combination of semen and spit too much and dribbling out of the corners of Ciel’s mouth. He pulled off of Sebastian with a soft ‘pop’, doing his best to not grimace at the bitter taste coating his tongue. Sebastian sat up and gripped Ciel’s chin with long fingers.

“Show me,” he said lowly, his voice deep and scratchy and eyes nearly black, and Ciel stuck out his tongue, ignoring the feeling of cum dripping down his chin. Sebastian growled and sucked Ciel’s tongue into his mouth, semen and spit passed back and forth between them. And while in theory Ciel would have found the action completely gross, in practice he couldn’t get enough of the way Sebastian attacked his mouth.

When they pulled apart Sebastian was smiling lazily and Ciel was very much aware of his clammy skin and drying cum and the soiled condom still on him.

“I’m disgusting,” he stated bluntly, and Sebastian chuckled as he pressed a chaste kiss to Ciel’s bruised lips.

“I think you’re sexy.”

Ciel snorted and rolled his eye. “That’s nice. I’m still gonna shower.”

Sebastian captured his lips in another sweet kiss, and Ciel resisted the urge to moan. “You know where the towels are,” Sebastian said softly, and for some reason that statement made Ciel’s chest ache. He nodded and padded his way to the bathroom, grimacing as he finally removed the condom and tossed it into the trash. He avoided his reflection in the mirror as he turned own the shower and stepped into the sharp sting of cold water. He sighed as the water assaulted his closed eyelids, the cold pounding slightly soothing the steadily growing ache. He washed quickly and methodically, shoving thoughts of Sebastian and his coming move into the white noise in the back of his mind.

He stepped out into the chill air and dried himself off, realizing too late that he had forgotten to bring clothes with him into the bathroom. He contemplated the towel before he hung it back up – fuck it; it wasn’t like Sebastian hadn’t seen him naked.

He quickly shuffled back into the bedroom, goosebumps breaking out over his skin and involuntary shivers wracking his small frame. Sebastian raised an eyebrow as Ciel dove under the covers and curled his naked form into Sebastian’s clothed one.

“You know I have extra clothes, right?”

Ciel hummed and burrowed further into Sebastian’s side.

“No need. You’re a fucking furnace,” Ciel grumbled, and Sebastian laughed. He wrapped an arm around Ciel’s shoulder and pulled him in tight –Ciel not even bothering to deny that he kind of liked it as he finally drifted off to sleep.

 

Ciel awoke to Sebastian pressing soft kisses against his temple. And eyelids. And cheeks. Ciel groaned and swatted at Sebastian’s face – the man’s sharp laughter combined with the bright sunlight pouring through the windows effectively waking him up.

“What do you want,” Ciel grumbled as he pulled the comforter up to his chin.

Sebastian’s fingers brushed lightly over Ciel’s shoulder blades. “I planned on hitting the road by noon,” Sebastian murmured, and Ciel felt his stomach sink. He wanted to ask if that timeline was really necessary – if Sebastian could potentially leave later. Maybe Monday, when classes restarted and Ciel would be distracted. But Ciel didn’t beg, especially not for someone that he didn’t have feelings for – because Ciel _didn’t_ get feelings.

He slowly untangled himself from the blankets. “Let me get dressed then,” he mumbled before yelping as Sebastian pulled him back down.

“It’s still early,” Sebastian whispered, and Ciel tried hard to not think about the fact that with the sun hitting Sebastian’s pale skin the man was ethereally beautiful.

“So? Don’t you need to pack?”

A strange look passed over Sebastian’s features before the man hummed and nuzzled Ciel’s neck. “Yeah, but I was thinking…” and he nipped at Ciel’s pulse point before sucking the skin between his teeth, making Ciel groan and arch into the touch. Ciel was suddenly hyper aware of the press of Sebastian’s erection against his thigh, and he felt his mouth go dry. Sebastian slowly rolled on top of him, his hands gently taking Ciel’s wrists and pressing them into the pillow above his head.

“If you want,” Sebastian whispered, pulling away slightly so that Ciel could see hooded eyes and moist lips. Ciel nodded, words crammed somewhere in the back of his throat.

Sebastian leaned forward and captured Ciel’s lips in a soft kiss, his tongue slowly licking inside Ciel’s mouth – making him breathless, making him moan. Sebastian trailed wet kisses along Ciel’s jaw until he was licking the sensitive space behind Ciel’s ear.

“Can I fuck you today?” Sebastian asked softly, and Ciel bit his lips to keep himself from whining.

“Please,” he whispered.

Sebastian made a noise somewhere between a growl and a moan as he rolled his hips against Ciel’s and bit harshly on his neck. Ciel arched into the touch, a strangled sound getting lost in the back of his throat.

Sebastian released his hold on Ciel’s wrists and ran his hands down his arms and torso, burning red hot trails along his skin. Ciel didn’t know if it was residual from the night before or of he was just overly sensitive from the anticipation, but everywhere Sebastian touched him made Ciel feel like he was burning.

Sebastian pressed open mouthed kisses down Ciel’s chest, and Ciel had a moment where he realized that he actually liked the feeling; it no longer made him uncomfortable. He arched against Sebastian’s mouth, fingers tangling in dark hair to keep the man in place. He felt a huff of air against his skin as Sebastian chuckled, but the feeling was quickly replaced with a sharp bite as Sebastian sucked a bruise into his skin right beside his navel. Ciel let out a strangled groan, releasing Sebastian’s hair in favor of covering his eyes and fisting the bedsheets.

The warm wet of Sebastian’s mouth continued to trail down Ciel’s abdomen, pausing to suck bruising marks above Ciel’s hipbones and reducing Ciel to a panting blubbering mess.

The first press of Sebastian’s slicked up finger was overshadowed by the man wrapping his lips around the tip of Ciel’s cock. Ciel bucked his hips and groaned – a long drawn out sound that seemed to emanate from his breastbone. Sebastian continued to lightly suck the head of his cock – gentle swipes of his tongue punctuated by lewd slurps while he slowly worked Ciel open. By the time his second finger pressed in Ciel was so wound up that he barely noticed the burn. The stretch from Sebastian scissoring his fingers felt like too much and not enough at the same time, and Ciel didn’t even notice the way his hips rocked to fuck himself on Sebastian’s fingers until said man held his hips down.

“Eager, aren’t we,” Sebastian murmured, releasing Ciel’s dick in favor of nuzzling into the crook between Ciel’s pelvis and thigh. Sebastian had a light dusting of stubble on his cheeks, and Ciel jolted at the rough sensation against his overly sensitive skin.

“’M not eager, you’re just slow,” Ciel panted out. Sebastian arched an eyebrow and Ciel’s mouth dropped open as he felt the stretch of a third finger pressing past his rim.

“Oh fuck,” he whispered, eye squeezing shut.

“You alright?”

Ciel nodded but he kept his eye closed. He breathed through his nose and worried his bottom lip with his teeth – resisting the urge to thrust down onto Sebastian’s fingers. He felt needy and sensitive and full – but not full enough. A jolt of pleasure ran up his spine as Sebastian’s fingers brushed inside of him and he whimpered.

“Please Sebastian.” And if it had been any other time Ciel would have been embarrassed with the way his voice cracked. “Want you.”

“I’m not done prepping you,” Sebastian said softly, and the spread of his fingers almost had Ciel openly weeping.

“I’m good, I’m good. Just – please. Please.  I need it – need you.”

Ciel could feel Sebastian hesitate before he removed his fingers, and the resulting emptiness made Ciel cry out – a broken groan punctuated by a few tears he wasn’t able to hold in. He felt long fingers cup his jaw, and he cracked his eye open to look into Sebastian’s worried gaze.

“You alright?” Sebastian asked again, and Ciel nuzzled into his hand, desperate to feel connected – to fill the overwhelming emptiness he felt.

“I’m fine. Just…don’t stop.”

Sebastian leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss against the corner of Ciel’s mouth. “I’ve got to grab a condom.”

Ciel whined and wrapped both arms around Sebastian’s neck. “Don’t want it. Wanna feel you.”

The weight of his words didn’t hit Ciel until the silence between then stretched to the point of being mildly uncomfortable. He felt his cheeks flush and he averted his gaze – fingers playing nervously with the hair on the back of Sebastian’s neck.

“I mean – you don’t have to – I just…it’s –“

“No, that’s fine.” Sebastian’s voice sounded reedy, stretched, but before Ciel could think too much about it Sebastian’s lips were on his – insistent and eager. Ciel parted his lips almost immediately, gasping at the sensation of Sebastian’s tongue sliding over his own, bitter with the taste of his cum.

He could vaguely hear the pop of the lube cap – the faraway squelch of Sebastian slicking himself up. Ciel sucked in a harsh breath through his nose at the first breech of Sebastian inside of him, and Sebastian paused – kissed Ciel harder, distracted him with little licks and bites until he was relaxed enough for Sebastian to slide in a little more.

Ciel whimpered with each movement. His mouth was lax against Sebastian’s ministrations and he raised his legs until they were wrapped around Sebastian’s back. It felt endless – the slow push-pause of Sebastian sliding inside of him, so that when Sebastian finally did bottom out Ciel choked on a groan. His thighs trembled and his fingers clenched and unclenched against Sebastian’s shoulders, fingernails digging half-moon crescents into his skin.

“You okay?” Sebastian whispered against Ciel’s mouth, and Ciel thrust his hips forward in response.

“Golden,” he rasped. “You can fuck me now.”

Sebastian made a noise somewhere between a laugh and a moan as he slid out part way and then slowly thrusted back in. Ciel choked and wrapped his legs tighter around Sebastian; the slow drag on his walls drove him crazy with want, and he squeezed his legs, trying to push Sebastian in further.

“You feel so good,” Sebastian murmured into the crook of Ciel’s neck. “You open up so well for me.”

Ciel felt his cheeks flush as an involuntary whine poured out of his mouth. He buried his face into Sebastian’s neck as the man chuckled. Sebastian rocked into him with slow measured thrusts, undulating his hips so that he fucked Ciel hard and deep.

Ciel arched his back as a particular thrust brushed against his prostate – the wave of pleasure sudden and overwhelming. Sebastian bit down on the crook between Ciel’s neck and shoulder and angled himself to keep hitting the same spot – rolling his hips in such a way that Ciel’s prostate was constantly stimulated.

Ciel arched and clutched – he trembled and made garbled attempts at words, the only consistent sound being a string of quiet ‘ah’s’ and ‘oh’s’ in time to Sebastian’s thrusts. Their bodies were so close that every thrust of Sebastian’s hips had Ciel’s cock rubbing in between their bodies, and he felt his orgasm building hot and fast; a searing heat that started in the pit of his gut and spread to his groin.

“Fuck,” he whispered, unable to get his voice to work. “ _Fuck_ , Sebastian, I’m gonna come.”

Sebastian pressed gentle kisses along Ciel’s jaw until they were panting into each other’s mouths. “That’s okay. You can let go. I’ve got you.”

And it was too nice. It was too nice, and too soft, and too _much,_ and Ciel’s toes curled before he came – a silent cry caught on his lips as he arched and he clutched and he shook. He could feel Sebastian pick up the pace slightly in the haze of his after-glow, the rhythm bordering on just this side of painful before Sebastian’s hips stuttered and Ciel felt pulsing heat fill him.

Fuck. What had he been thinking? It was too intimate, too intense, and Ciel felt so full that tears sprung into his eyes. He groaned as Sebastian pulled out, his cheeks flaming when he felt Sebastian’s ejaculate leak out of him.

Ciel clutched at Sebastian as the man started to get up – the intense feeling of emptiness returning and making Ciel feel like he was going to break down any second.

“I was going to grab a washcloth,” Sebastian murmured as he pressed kisses against Ciel’s sweaty forehead. Ciel shook his head and clutched harder.

“Please,” he croaked, and whether Sebastian could read his mind or was just so in tune with Ciel’s needy side he didn’t know, but Sebastian scooped him up and carried him into the bathroom without question. They showered in near scalding water, the heat soothing Ciel’s tense muscles and helping to relax him when Sebastian’s fingers slid back inside of him to clean out the cum and lube.

Ciel let Sebastian wash and dry him, let Sebastian help him get dressed, let Sebastian kiss him into the sofa until their alarms went off. He let Sebastian feed him tea and scones, let Sebastian press his copy of Frankenstein into Ciel’s hand, let Sebastian kiss him in the doorway as he tried to leave. Ciel let Sebastian murmur promises of keeping in touch, let Sebastian hold his hand on the way to the car; let Sebastian lean in to give a final kiss goodbye.

Ciel smiled. He kissed back. He wished Sebastian well. And then he got into his car and drove home without looking in the rearview mirror.

And Ciel was fine. He was fine when he sat down to have dinner with Madam Red and he was fine when he spent the night with Lizzie and he was fine when he walked to school on Monday. He was fine until he saw Professor Sundeburgh standing outside of his office – outside of Sebastian’s office – and a wave of intense emptiness washed over him. He made it to the bathroom just in time to vomit unceremoniously into the sink.

 

Days passed into weeks, weeks to months. Ciel readjusted to his routine, prepped for midterms, tried to be nicer to Finnian and Lizzie and Bard. Tried to be happy when he once again pulled out all A’s. Tried to be excited when he got accepted to every internship he had applied for. Tried to forget Sebastian.

He started at the acceptance emails on his phone – tuned out of the conversation buzzing around him until Lizzie pinched him hard.

“What,” he snapped, rubbing the bruising spot on his arm.

“Text him about it,” she said, and Ciel realized that Finny and Bard’s eyes were on him too. “I’m sure he would want to know.”

Ciel felt his stomach flip unpleasantly and he rubbed his hand over his face.

“Lizzie,” he grumbled under his breath. “I haven’t spoken to him since – since he left.”

Lizzie gave him an incredulous look. “Why the fuck not?”

Ciel shrugged. “No point.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Liz-“ Ciel hissed, his eyes darting to Bard and Finny.

“Ciel, if it’s about Professor Michaelis we already know,” Finny said with a wave of his hand.

Ciel felt his face flush – the red hue deepening when Bard looked between Finny and Ciel with confusion.

“We do?”

Finny rolled his eyes in a way that made Ciel think he had been spending too much time with Lizzie. “Yeah, we do. And Ciel, I think he would be really excited to hear about your internships.”

Lizzie’s face was smug. “See, so you should just –“

“Alright! I’ll text him. Jesus, shut up about it,” Ciel snapped, but Lizzie and Finny just snickered. Ciel stuck out his tongue and unlocked his phone before he typed out a simple message.

 **[Mouse]:** I got the internship. Ships. All of them

Ciel had barely locked his phone and snapped out a ‘happy?’ to Lizzie and Finny before his phone buzzed.

 **[Cat]:**  Congratulations. I’m happy for you.

Lizzie rested her head on Ciel’s shoulder, not bothering to try to hide the fact that she was reading his texts. “Ask him how he’s doing,” she insisted with the sharp prod of a pointed nail.

 **[Mouse]:** How’s Jersey? Lizzie wants to know.

 **[Cat]:** Hello Lizzie.

 **[Cat]:** It’s Jersey. Would be better if you were here.

 **[Mouse]:** Agreed.

Lizzie snorted beside him and sat up. “Oh my God. He’s not even here and you two are still gross.”

 **[Cat]:** I was making a joke. Don’t be so smug.

But Ciel knew that Sebastian had meant it, and he couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips.

 **[Mouse]** : I miss you too.

 **[Cat]:** Wow.

 **[Cat]:** Maybe we shouldn’t wait two months to speak to each other then.

 **[Mouse]:** You never texted either.

 **[Cat]:** I know.

 **[Cat]:** Mea Culpa.

 **[Cat]:** Call me later?

Ciel felt a blush rise up his neck and he rested his forehead against the cool table while Lizzie, Finny and Bard made up their own crude responses to Ciel’s texts.

 **[Mouse]:** Yeah. I’d like that.

 _I like you._ But like so many other things, Ciel thought Sebastian already knew.


End file.
